


Will Prank For Food

by Taliax



Series: Will Prank For Food [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Ship Tease, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 152,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another member has joined the Organization, and Xigbar, Axel, and Demyx won't make it easy on her. She can either have her food stolen and other unpleasant things, or she can prank other members with them. Xaldin is picked for her first target.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Initiation

“Welcome to the Organization, Xenan.  So, are you ready for your initiation?”

I stared at Axel blankly.  I’d been introduced to everyone, learned about my job in the Organization, and discovered my element was metal, but I hadn’t heard anything about an initiation.  Me, Axel, Demyx, Xigbar, and Roxas were all in Axel’s room, supposedly for a ‘secret meeting.’  From the eager looks on their faces, they all seemed to know why we were here.

“What initiation?”  I asked, sitting stiffly on the edge of Axel’s bed. 

“The initiation for everyone who wants to be awesome!”  Demyx answered.  Like that helped any.  At least I could guess that it wasn’t official.  “We decided you might be okay enough to join our group.  Why’s your hair so lame, though?”

“Huh?”  My hair was plain brown, shoulder length, and wasn’t neon, spiky, or gravity-defying in any way.  …Come to think of it, I guess that _did_ stand out here.

“Your hair.  It’s weird.”  Demyx stared at it, mesmerized.  I stared back awkwardly.

“Err…”  I mumbled, scooting farther down the bed.  If anything was weird, it was them.

“ _Anyway_.”  Axel rolled his eyes and whacked Demyx upside the head.  “Being initiated means Demyx won’t make you do all his work, we won’t prank you, and we’ll save you a spot in line for the bathroom,” Axel explained.  “You’d think with a castle this big there would be more than two bathrooms… Oh, and we won’t steal your food if you’re late to meals.  Got it memorized?”

I nodded.  With all the work I’d heard I’d be doing tomorrow, and not to mention every day after that, I’d hate to be hungry.  I’d already had my dinner stolen by Xigbar today, and he’d teleported away too fast for me to hit him with my mace.  I supposed I could do that now, while he was hanging from the ceiling behind Axel, but that would probably ruin my chances of getting ‘initiated’ and protecting my food for the future.

“People stole my food for days before I got an initiation,” Roxas said, somewhat sulkily.  “And Demyx left me all alone on our mission.”

Demyx smiled sheepishly.  If he was so useless, why was he even in the Organization?  I mean, he hadn’t seemed very tough when I knocked him unconscious earlier today – long story short, he and Axel were the ones who found me after I woke up as a Nobody.  How was I supposed to know their Dancers and Assassins were different from the Heartless?

“What about you?”  Axel asked.  “Before we decide for sure on your initiation, we need to know if you’ll be useful to have in our group.”

I paused for a minute, wondering what counted as ‘useful,’ but I wasn’t too worried since they let Demyx in.  Maybe he had some secret strengths and his… Demyx-ness was just a cover-up.  “Well, I don’t mind extra work.  I’m used to working a lot,” I remembered the days when I had to work all day with Dad in the forge to make more weapons to fight off the Heartless.  We hadn’t even had time to eat, which reminded me…  “But I’d have to get extra food.”  I looked over at Demyx, who had a grin like a kid who’d just been told he didn’t have to do his chores.  Which, in a way, he kind of was.

“Yeah, let’s let her join!”  He cheered

“We could always steal Vexen’s food to give ‘er.  Not like the old geezer needs it,” Xigbar said.

“Takes one to know one, Xiggy,” Demyx joked.  Xigbar punched him in the gut.

“Actions speak louder than words.”  Xigbar grinned evilly.  Demyx groaned.  That would be another lesson to take to heart – Uh, wrong choice of words.  Take to memory, whatever.

“Save it for the Heartless,” Axel rolled his eyes, then turned to face me.  “Since we’ve decided to let you join, we’ll need to decide on your initiation.”

“Mine was to poke Zexion’s lexicon without getting killed,” Demyx said, still a little winded but perky as ever.  “I ended up stuck in that thing for _days_!”

“We would’ve gotten him out of there sooner, but we thought he was just skipping work somewhere.  Then we found out the candy stockpile in his room was still full.” Axel laughed.

“What was it like in there?”  I asked, curious to know about another member’s weapon.

Demyx shuddered, eyes widening.  “Like death.  Lots and lots of death.” 

Okay, maybe I didn’t want to know.  I’d seen lots of death already. 

Axel motioned for everyone but me to huddle in a corner of the room.  They whispered for a little while –  well, Xigbar, Axel, and Demyx mostly, Roxas just kind of sat there and listened.  He was a pretty nice kid from what I could tell.  He sure didn’t seem as crazy as most of the Organization, even if his hair was just as gravity-defying.

Eventually they finished talking and looked at me.

“Your initiation is to shave Xaldin’s sideburns. Without getting your head chopped off, of course,” Xigbar said, smirking.

“While he’s sleeping,” Demyx clarified, then rambled on, “otherwise you wouldn’t have a chance.  I mean, you still don’t have a whole lot of a chance, it’s _Xaldin._ I tried to get them to let you do Luxord,but hey, they don’t listen to me.”

“Xa-Xaldin?!”  I stammered.  He and Larxene were the only two I was really scared of- well, and Xion, maybe, since I had no idea what she was like under her hood.  But Xaldin?  I could tell from his face he could kill me without a second glance, and he controlled wind.  That probably made him faster than I’d expect.  Plus he had _six_ spears.  That would be five more to kill me with!  Not to mention he and Zexion were the cooks.  What if they starved me to death?  …Then again, Xigbar had stolen my food today, so I’d better hear him out.

I realized my blank stare had been boring into Xigbar’s eyepatch.  Of course, the thoughts in my head didn’t translate into emotions.

“What?  Something else happen to my face?”  Xigbar joked. 

“Are you in or not?”  Axel asked seriously.  Guess there was no reason to waste his sleeping time if I gave up that easily.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, my voice emotionless.  Being a Nobody, it wasn’t a problem – I was just remembering fear.

“Great,” Axel’s expression was creepy- he looked like he was going to watch an enemy get sacrificed to the Heartless.  He grabbed a weird metallic box out of his coat pocket.  “Here.  I nicked this camera from Vexen’s lab.  You’d think he’d get some better security after everything I’ve taken.  His ice traps have nothing on my hotness.”  He smirked arrogantly.  Reminded me of my brother… no, not going there.  “Record yourself shaving Xaldin’s sideburns with the night vision setting.”

“Camera?”  I asked, confused.  What in the worlds was a camera?  Maybe I was overly paranoid or too used to weapon-making, but it sounded dangerous.

“You don’t know what a camera is?  Where did you live before, under a rock?”  Demyx laughed. 

…Well, yeah.  Me and dad had lived partially underground in one of the only dens in town that had decent ventilation, so that the smoke from the forge didn’t smother us.  Our world would’ve been doomed much sooner if it had.

“You turn it on with this button.”  Demyx took the camera from Axel and pressed a button marked POWER.  I flinched, but a light just appeared on the back side of the camera, which then showed Demyx’s boots through the strange, bright window.   A cylinder extended about an inch out of the front of the camera, too, like a short telescope.  That must be where light went into the window, but it didn’t magnify anything.  What was the point of that?

“What does it do?”

“Takes pictures,” Demyx said.  “Videos, too.”  Like I knew what a video was.  He turned a dial at the top of the camera, making the image through the window clearer, with a slight greenish tint.  I looked at the space behind it, but it looked normal.  “There.  Now you just press this button to record.  It’ll save the image of whatever you point it at, so you can see it again later.” 

“Like… being able to watch a memory?”  Well, this world did have magic, after all.  Maybe this camera device was normal.

“Yeah, I guess so.  Just record your initiation as proof-“

“Won’t Xaldin on a rampage be enough proof?”  I interrupted, bouncing slightly on the bed in an attempt to mimic nervousness.  Heart or no heart, I should at least be allowed to look worried about getting stabbed to death.

“-But mostly so we can laugh at it later.  Don’t mess with the dial or any buttons except the record and power buttons.  It’s easy.”

“Who knew our friendly castle idiot could explain technology?”  Xigbar laughed.

“Don’t worry, Xiggy, we all know they didn’t have cameras back in your day,” Demyx replied cheekily.  I figured if I knew not to joke about Xigbar’s age by now, he should know.  I mean, Xigbar _was_ old, probably around forty – the same age my dad had been – but he was strong enough to back it up.  Also like Dad.

At least this time Xigbar didn’t punch him.  “Not too old to pin you to the ground and feed you vegetables.”

Demyx hid behind Axel.  “Not vegetables!”  He squeaked like my five-year-old sister.  How was she holding up without me?  I had to stop thinking about my family; I didn’t know how to navigate the dark corridors to get back to them.  And most of them were beyond the reach of corridors, anyway.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Axel said.  “Sheesh, you’re making me feel like a babysitter.  I already had to go through that once, right, Roxas?”  Axel nudged him in the side with his elbow, and they both laughed. 

It seemed like the four of them laughed a lot for not having hearts.  They were probably trying too hard to fake it, like me...  Don’t think about that; better to think about things that would be helpful, like all the Heartless I’d get to kill tomorrow, and making sure I got enough food to stay alive.

“So, sneak into Xaldin’s room, shave his sideburns, record it, and don’t get caught.  Or killed.  Got it memorized?”

I nodded.  Not getting killed sounded important, if redundant.

“Xaldin’s room has the number III above it.  It’s in the last hallway to the left from the Grey Area, across the hall from my room,” Xigbar said.  My room was in the opposite direction; from what I saw earlier they were split up into numbers II-VI, VII-XIII, and XIV-XV.  Clearly they didn’t completely plan out their numbering system, since Xion and I were shoved into a hall that looked like it wasn’t meant for bedrooms.  “Good luck.  You’ll need it.”  He opened a portal and disappeared.

“Get it done tonight if you don’t wanna starve tomorrow,” Demyx said, handing me the camera.

“And you’ll still want to get there early if you want bacon.  Some things are too delicious to share.”  Axel leaned back on his bed, since it was his room and he didn’t need to go anywhere else.

Roxas just looked at me like I was condemned.  I’d seen that look on the healer’s face when my mom had been brought in after a rough fight with the Heartless.

I left the room after Roxas, wishing I was home.

XXX

The hallway was almost silent that night.  Technically, everyone was supposed to be asleep by now (curfew was at eleven), but that didn’t stop Demyx from singing and blasting music out of his room.  The sound carried all the way from the opposite hall.  I had no idea how he played that loud or what instrument he used, but at least it was harder to hear my footsteps.

It felt like a long walk, trailing my fingers across the walls so I didn’t get lost, but I found the door with the letters III above it and turned the knob.  Locked.

I summoned my mace.  It was fancier than the one I’d had as a Somebody, and lighter, too.  Lexaeus had forged it today.  Normally it took me a good week to smith a decent weapon, let alone something with such intricate, nobody sigil-shaped spikes.  However amazing it was, it still felt odd to hold a weapon I hadn’t made myself.

I concentrated on the metal, imagining it melting, forming a moldable clay-like substance.  I directed it into the lock, letting it mold to the mechanism inside.  It took a few tries to perfect, but soon I had a spiny key.  I turned it inside the lock and took the camera out of my pocket, pressing the power and record buttons.  Hopefully the glowing light from the device’s window wouldn’t wake Xaldin.

I opened the door and took out my mace-key.  It would be best to get this over with fast.

The room was impossibly clean compared to Axel’s room.  In fact, even mine was dirtier, and I hadn’t been here for a full day.  When I crept inside, I noticed the gleam of weapons hanging from the walls.  Most looked like different kinds of spears, but I saw a few swords and even a metal bow.  Had I been a Somebody I might have felt scared, and memories of fear were trying to surface, but my main thought was how many Heartless I could kill with all of them.

Finally, I dared to inspect the bed.  Xaldin looked creepily peaceful asleep, his long dreadlocks – another weird hairstyle, and a word I had learned from Demyx – falling over his pillow.  Thank goodness he didn’t sleep on his stomach, or getting to his face would’ve been a nightmare.  Not that this whole ‘prank’ wasn’t already.

I concentrated on my mace again, and one of the spikes flattened out into a thin, sharp blade.  I pointed the camera at Xaldin’s face with one hand and held my mace in the other.

I also held my breath, delicately pressing the sharp metal against his cheek.  When Xaldin’s neck twitched, I nearly dropped everything and ran.  The fight-or-flight response wouldn’t help me now.  Carefully, I finished shaving the left sideburn and moved on to the right.  It was too quiet now; I couldn’t hear Demyx’s music.  Someone must’ve finally made him quit playing.  The silence made me feel more paranoid, and I found myself wishing Xaldin snored to mask my breathing.

After a few smooth strokes, Xaldin’s right sideburn was gone, too.  My mace melted back into its original shape, but I didn’t put it away.  I pointed the camera at my face and gave a thumbs up and a nervous smile.  Now I only had to get back to my room, and-

A sudden loud noise startled me, and both the camera and my mace thudded to the ground.  Did Demyx have to start up his ear-piercingly loud music again _now?_

I barely had time to think.  Xaldin grunted and started to sit up, rubbing his face.  I melted the camera to erase the evidence and bolted out the door, summoning my mace when I reached the hallway.  I sprinted the whole way back to my room and didn’t look back.

XXX

“Hey, Xenan!  Do you have the camera?  Did you pass the initiation?”  Demyx asked me the next morning on the way to breakfast.

“Err, well…”  I didn’t want to tell him about how I’d panicked last night.  It was partially his fault, anyway.   We walked into the Dining Hall of Non-Existence (what was with the stupid names in this place?), and I stopped in my tracks.  Xaldin was leaning against a wall, arms folded across his chest and glaring at Axel, who was sitting with his feet propped up on the dining table.  Demyx immediately burst out laughing at the sight of Xaldin without his sideburns, who in the light reminded me of a lion with a shaved mane.  Xaldin turned his attention at us, and Demyx coughed to cover his laugher, failing miserably.  He quickly found his seat and scooped out a heap of scrambled eggs.  Xaldin then glared at me, and he must have heard my squeak of sheer terror – I thought I wasn’t supposed to feel that, what gives? – because he stalked towards me.  I backed up and bolted out the door.  I ran like my life depended on it (which it did), glancing over my shoulder, until I slammed into Xigbar.

“Nice work.  Thought you’d be dead by now.”  Xigbar smirked.  He grabbed my arm and opened a dark corridor, dragging me through and away from Xaldin, who had just summoned his spears.

XXX

“Where are we?”  I asked, swallowing my nausea from the corridor.  We had stepped out in a dim room with boxes stacked to the ceiling.  Reading the labels, I saw _SPARE COATS_ , _MICROWAVE REPAIR KIT_ , and _TWISTER MATS_.  The stench of rats and underwear that had been marinating in a vat of moldy cheese nearly knocked me over.

“The Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.  A kind of joke,” Xigbar said, not seeming to notice the smell.  Again, Xemnas needed help in the Naming Department.  “Sit tight and try not to choke on too much dust.  Axel’s gonna bring you a plate.”  He left again, leaving me alone in the dark.

A few minutes later, Axel arrived carrying a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon.

“Did someone order a breakfast with a side of eau-de-Basement?”  He asked, pinching his nose.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the plate.  My own nose had adjusted enough by then to want to eat again.

“You’re welcome.  Nice to know someone has manners around here.  I stole it off Larxene.”  Axel grinned mischievously.  “Xaldin was ranting about being woken up and finding a metal puddle in his room, besides, y’know, the shaving job.”  He chuckled.  “He nearly Boss Battled me earlier, but he must’ve remembered your element, and seeing your face this morning proved it.  So what happened?”

I explained how Demyx’s music had woken Xaldin and that I’d had to melt the camera.

“That’s too bad.  We were going to use that camera to try and find counter-blackmail on Larxene.  Quick thinking with melting it, though, Xaldin technically can’t prove anything.”

“Well, that’s good.”  I bit off the end of a piece of bacon.  However scary they were, Xaldin and Zexion were amazing cooks.  “What do I do now?”  I asked through a mouthful of food.

“We’ll need to teach you how to open dark corridors so you can escape if Xaldin tries to kill you again.  Until then, you’ll be safest in here.”  He opened a portal, gave a lazy salute, and left me alone again.

Stuck in a dark, dingy room.  Just like home, but without the warmth and weapons to make, and with an extra hundred or so stomach-turning smells.

But at least I had some food.


	2. Another Enemy

"Man, this is gonna be awesome!" Demyx yell-whispered.

"This is going to get us all killed." I facepalmed. Demyx, Axel, Roxas, and I were all in front of Larxene's room. Xigbar had made some lame excuse about being old and needing his sleep, but Axel had made the rest of us come or face the consequences of disloyalty to our 'pranking gang' (which I never wanted to a part of in the first place), which meant being kicked to the end of the bathroom line for three days. One of the best things about the castle is this 'running water' that comes out of pipes in the walls. I have no idea how it gets there, but it makes bathing a much more pleasant experience when the water is warm. It's terrible if you're late and the water gets cold, though.

Axel had only revealed one part of my job so far: make my mace into a key to unlock Larxene's door. I thought it was pointless considering Roxas's weapon was already a key _and_ we could use dark corridors to get in, but Axel said both of those ways were too “conspicuous.”

I finally formed my mace into the exact shape of Larxene's door key, which strangely resembled a knife.

"So what exactly are we doing?" I asked, taking the key out of the door. Even with the promises of extra food for a week and that Demyx would test my meals for poison (Xaldin is a cook, after all), I wasn't going in without knowing the plan.

"Pranking Larxene," Axel replied simply, twirling a chakram around his finger.

We all had our weapons out early so we would make any noise or fancy light by summoning them. For a supposedly secret organization, we had a ton of ways to draw attention to ourselves.

"I know that. What kind of prank is it?"

"What's with the twenty questions?"

"It was only two," Roxas pointed out after thinking for a moment.

"Glad you can count, Zombie.  But there's no backing out now," Before I could blink he swiped the knife-key out of my hand, unlocked the door, and flashed a quick grin as he finished, "the door's already open."

Sighing inwardly, I followed the others through the door.

"Be careful – Xigbar said Larxene's a light sleeper," Axel whispered.

Might as well pick me up and throw me to the Heartless now. It would probably be less painful than death by Larxene.

I didn't see much of her room – Axel pulled the three of us straight into her bathroom and closed the door behind us.

"Whoa," I whispered. My bedroom didn't have a bathroom attached to it, and I didn't think anyone else’s did, either.

I think the bathroom was bigger than my entire bedroom, closet and all. A mirror covered the whole left wall, and a shelf filled with bottles of all shapes and sizes hung above the sink all the way across the back wall.

"A jet tub? How'd she get that?" Demyx asked, looking at a large bowl-shaped something with a water pipe coming out of the side of it. I shrugged. It seemed like another sort of bathing device, but why was it special?

I inspected the rows of bottles, which said stuff like “Shampoo,” “Conditioner,” and “Hair gel,” on them.  There were sprays and creams too.  How could anyone need that much junk?

"What is it with everyone and their hair in this Organization?" I whispered.

"Hey, don't dis the hair! I spent, like, two hours on this!" Demyx whined.

"I got this masterpiece done in thirty minutes," Axel bragged while running a hand through his spikes.

"My point exactly," I fingered my average brown hair, normal where I came from. "You guys are insane. This whole insane Organization is insane. Pranking Larxene is insane!"  I finished in a yell-whisper.

"It'll be worth it," Axel assured, searching through the bottles of soaps and shampoos.

"We still have no clue what we're supposed to do," I said, but Roxas interrupted quietly before Axel could respond.

"Two... hours?" he asked, his mind trying to comprehend. "I don't do anything to my hair."

The rest of us stopped what we were doing, turned, and just stared at his blonde spikes of apparently magical hair.

"Nuh-uh," Demyx said, sounding like a four-year-old.

Roxas's face was serious. "I didn't think you were supposed to do stuff to it. What's the point?"

"Thank you, the only other person here with some sense!" I said louder than necessary. Suddenly Axel clamped his hand over my mouth.

"Quiet!"

"What, can't I have my own-" I said, my voice muffled, before his other arm (holding a hairdryer) wrapped around my neck.

The clomping of heeled boots echoed from Larxene's room.

Axel opened a dark corridor. "Too late for stealth – come on!" He pushed Roxas through and dragged me behind, still holding the hairdryer. The portal closed behind us as we ran into Axel's room.

"Wait! We forgot Demyx!" I pulled away from him, opening a portal myself. He wouldn't be able to escape by through a portal by now; Larxene would have already seen him. If we didn't do something, she wouldn't stop until he was dead. Or worse.

"It's better for him to take the fall than all of us," Axel said, reclining on his bed. "Besides, he owes me for all the work he pawned off. That was the main reason I brought him along. Why don't you two go get some sleep?"

"What? You took Demyx along as a _sacrifice_? You want to let Larxene do... horrible things to him?" I shuddered.

"We don't have hearts, remember?" Axel yawned. "He gets hurt, big deal. What do you care? We can't feel guilty for it."

"So? It's wrong!" I yelled. “I’d never forgive myself if I don't help him –  just like my brother. They left him to die fighting the Heartless, his captain said he wasn't worth trying to save if he wouldn't be able to fight again..." My voice cracked. The memory had slipped out before I could stop it.  It didn’t hurt, not really, and I almost wanted it to.  But that wasn’t the point now; Demyx needed our help.

Axel crossed his arms over his chest, looking unimpressed. Roxas looked back and forth between us, confusion clouding his face. Suddenly his expression hardened, and he ran through the dark corridor.

"At least someone knows how to be a friend," I growled, running through the portal after Roxas.

"Have a nice death," Axel called after me.

"HELP!" Demyx squealed, Larxene's knives pressing against his throat. Yelling caused them to dig in deeper. Black smoke wafted up from his skin at the contact of the razor-sharp points.

"You better tell me what you're doing in my bathroom, idiot," Larxene threatened, her face inches away from his. "Who else was with you? Spit it out!"

"I- I-I w-was-"

"Hey!" Roxas yelled, charging at her with his keyblade. I’d give him points for bravery, but our element of surprise was ruined.

"How many of you filthy brats are there?" Larxene threw the knives in her left hand at Roxas, who dived to the side, but not fast enough to stop the deadly blades from gashing his shoulder.

"Grah!" He yelled, covering the wound with his hand.

Demyx summoned some water clones in the second she was distracted, which she destroyed by throwing the other set of knives. He used her short disarmed moment to play his sitar.

"Dance, water, dance!" His voice was shrill with fear I didn't think could be faked. The sink, shower, and jet tub turned on, and the water flew out swirled around Larxene. I swung at her head at the same time and grazed her ear, but that didn't stop her from kicking Demyx in the stomach and sending him skidding across the smooth white tile. The water splashed across the floor, making Roxas slip.

"You'll pay for that!" Larxene screeched, knives back in her hands and slashing towards my throat.

Maybe this world was different, but I was pretty sure you weren't supposed to try to slice off the heads of your coworkers.

I blocked the yellow blurs with my mace, but the impact, along with the slippery floor, made me fall and bruise my elbow on the tile.

"You... Jerk!" Roxas stood up and ran at her, swinging his blade. He accidentally collided with some soap bottles that wasted his momentum and threw him off-balance, letting Larxene sweep her legs under him. I stood shakily and tried to pull him up with me, but the she threw the knives between our hands, sending me reeling back.

"Aww, trying to help the pipsqueak. How sweet." Sour sarcasm dripped from her words. There was no point wasting energy with a reply. I lunged while forming my mace into a single sharp point, but she leapt back effortlessly, the wet floor apparently not a hinderance. As she landed, though, Demyx stuck a leg out and tripped her. I tried to take advantage of her slip, but she regained her balance and tossed her knives to deflect my mace-blade.

All this trouble Axel put us through, just for a stupid, failed prank. And I still wasn't sure what we'd been trying to do.

By now Roxas was up again and trying to whack her with his keyblade. He never stayed down long, did he? Even though there were two of us, we were still rookies and not nearly as agile as Larxene, and I was running out of stamina.

Still, we kept dodging only half-effectively, our coats torn up from miscalculated Dodge Rolls. I felt blood almost everywhere.

"We need to be faster..." I groaned.

"I’m trying!" Roxas yelled next to me. Larxene wouldn't let up for a second.

_Is this going to be a fight to the death?_

I don't have the greatest aim due to slight damage in my left eye, so what I did next was probably a terrible idea, but she was too fast to attack directly. I completely melted my weapon and sent the liquid metal flying at Larxene.

It splattered at the wall a foot away.

"I'm dead," I whispered, diving behind Roxas. It would take me precious seconds to reform my mace so I could summon it. "If only I'd kept my mouth shut earlier..." Since when did I have a problem with that?

"So now you're hiding behind the pipsqueak?" Larxene roundhouse-kicked Roxas in the ribs before he could block, and he crashed into the mirror with a loud shatter. I tried to send the metal at her again, but I was too weak to get it off the wall. Shallow scratches latticed across my face, and a deep wound on my thigh was billowing smoke.  If I lost enough of it, would it be like bleeding to death?

Demyx sat up and strummed weakly on his sitar, sending a trickle of water at Larxene's nose. Larxene coughed and sputtered. If only I could get up; it was the perfect time to strike—

Suddenly, a whooshing dark corridor appeared behind Larxene, who turned a second too late. A gloved hand chopped down at the base of her neck.

Larxene crumpled to the floor.

"Speed, aim, and surprise can by more important than power. Got it memorized, Xenan?" He smiled, and it actually looked sincere.

"Hey… you do care." My voice was a lot less relieved than I tried to make it, considering I'd just been saved from certain death. I half-smiled to show my appreciation, but it came out more like a grimace.

“Ah, don’t feel so special.”  Axel tossed me a glowing green bottle. I tried to catch it, but it fell past my outstretched hand into my lap.

"What’s…?" I tried to ask, feebly unstoppering the bottle to look inside.

"A potion. Haven't you used one yet? They heal you instantly, but if don’t drink too many in a row .  It can weaken your body's ability to heal itself."

That was a scary thought, but I drank it anyway. It tasted bitter and sour but felt creamy as it ran down my throat. It felt like a warm salve had been spread across my skin. I looked at my arms and saw my scratches fading, but one deep mark on top of my left forearm didn't disappear completely.

Axel tossed potions to Roxas and Demyx. They both looked too weak to even move (had I looked that bad?), but they caught the bottles much more gracefully than I had, removed the corks, and drank too.

"Larxene's going to kill us when she gets up." I'd made two enemies in the first week of being a Nobody. Wonderful.

"Heh, about that," Axel said, pulling another bottle out of his pocket. This one was a bright, glowing red. "I found this in Vexen's lab when I was getting the potions-"

"Doesn't the moogle sell potions?" I interrupted.

"I spent the last of my money on ice cream yesterday. Anyway, it was labeled 'memory loss potion.' From the notes he had next to it, I think four drops should make her forget the entire night." He took out the stopper, held open Larxene's mouth, and slowly dripped out four small drops. Her face scrunched up like she was going to wake, but then an eerily peaceful expression came over her. Axel sure knew how to knock someone out cold.

"But... why did you come back?" I asked.

"Who would save me a spot in line for the bathroom it you all got yourselves killed? Xigbar's always late."

I stared at him. He fixed his eyes at his left boot, avoiding my gaze.

“We’re always late too,” Roxas pointed out.

“Yeah, well.  Guess I just feel responsible for all you half-pints.”  He said it nonchalantly, but there was warmth hidden behind it.  I smiled, even though he had technically insulted me; I couldn’t complain after he’d just saved my life.

He coughed and quickly put on his pranking face again. "We'll have to tone down the pranks a little after this, but we can still finish what we started. No using elemental powers, or she'll know who to target." He looked around at the bathroom. The sink and shower were still running from Demyx's failed attack. "I'll put Larxene back in bed. You three clog the overflow drains on the sink, shower, and jet tub. Then take as many bottles as you can and throw them out a dark corridor to somewhere far away."

He went into the bedroom, and the rest of us did our jobs. Once again, I wondered how anyone could need so much hair gel as I threw a purple bottle out a dark corridor that led to the Basement That Doesn't Want to Be. Demyx snuck a few bottles into his pockets. I glared at him.

"What? No point in wasting it," He said. Roxas unrolled a giant wad of toilet paper (another wonderfully awesome invention) to stuff in the drains.

"Great, by the time she wakes up this place'll be soaked," Axel said, reentering the bathroom. "I took her hairdryer already. We should go now."

That sounded like a wonderful idea. I was dead tired and never wanted to set foot anywhere near Larxene again. We said goodnight and opened portals to our rooms.

I hoped Larxene hated water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of painful to go back and read my old writing. *wince*


	3. Disarmed

"Xenan. Xenan. Hey. Xenan." An annoying voice woke me.

"Mrph... Why aren't we dead yet..." I muttered.

"Come on, silly. Why would we be dead?" I opened my eyes to find Demyx sitting on my stomach, with his face way too close for comfort. I pushed him off of the bed.

"Ow, what was that for?" Demyx whined, rubbing his head, which he'd bonked on the wall.

"Demyx, it's two in the morning!" I shouted, looking at the clock. Would I ever get a full night of sleep?

"Secret meeting. Xigbar told me to get you."

At this time of night? Not that it didn't always look like night in The World That Never Was.

"Fine. I'm up. Got any food?"

Demyx handed me a chocolate bar. It was a little too sweet, but it was better than nothing. At least Demyx knew there was no point in trying to wake me up on an empty stomach.

XXX

"As we all should know-"

"If we all should know it, why do you bother saying it?" I asked Xigbar, still cranky.

"It's for effect, Girlie." He'd started calling me that while he came up with a better nickname. "AS I was saying, you're still not safe."

"Huh?" I mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate.

"You really think Xaldin would let you go that easily?" Xigbar asked.

"Easily? He had me cleaning the kitchen for weeks!" I complained, leaning against the window in Demyx's room.  It had been hard to find a place to stand with the piles of trash and old candy lying around, and it smelled like maple syrup and mold.

"Xaldin holds a grudge until he finds a way to kill, or at the very least, scar you for life," Xigbar said. I thought about the scar that still marked my arm from when we pranked Larxene. "As if cleaning would do that."

"I dunno, it sounds painful to me." Demyx shuddered. "I don't know what I'd do if I had to clean my room."

"Drown in all the junk you have?" I suggested, inching away from a pair of dirty boxers lying on a dresser until I stepped on an empty bottle of hair gel.

"As if.  He'd just get Dusk'd for not following orders. The point is, I overheard Xaldin and Lexaeus plotting revenge. It seems the reason they waited this long was to catch you off guard."

"So... what should I do?" I asked. If a Nobody could be scared, I was. Those spears in his room were sharper than any weapon I'd ever made... I shuddered at the thought of being impaled on one. Or two. Or six.

“We'll have to get him first!" Demyx said.

"Um... is that a good idea?" Xion asked. I hadn't even noticed her standing in the corner by Roxas. She'd been inducted without an initiation because of all the trouble with Xaldin and Larxene (who, thankfully, was now at Castle Oblivion with Axel and some other members.)

"Yeah," Roxas spoke up too. "Won't he just want more revenge?"

"Not if we do it right," Xigbar said. "I've got an idea..."

XXX

 And so me and Xion ended up in the armory the next night. I didn't even know we had an armory, but it was the largest room I'd seen in the castle so far. The end of it trailed off into complete darkness.

"I hope Lexaeus doesn't wake up," Xion whispered. The room branched off of the forge, which was connected to Lexaeus' room. You know, in case he wanted to do some late-night smithing. Or something.

The walls were lined floor to ceiling in every Organization member's weapons, except Roxas' and Xion's keyblades.  That even included prototypes. As we walked down the hall, I saw that beside the number XI was another XI that had been crossed through with a single black line. Below the sign were a few dusty battle axes.

"Whose weapons are... oh." I could only imagine what had happened to the previous Number XI. It sure wasn't comforting – I could probably be just as easily replaced. I found versions of my mace as we passed XV. I tried summoning my normal one, and it flashed from a hook on the wall to my hand.

"So this is where they all go, except yours, and Xaldin's special spears," I said, looking at Xion. But I was wasting time.

We made quick work of most of the armory, tossing all of the prototypes and weapons that into a dark corridor that led to the basement. Xigbar said we might as well clear out the entire place so no-one knew we were targeting Xaldin. I took my mace from its hook without summoning it and placed it in my pocket. Another bit of information from Xigbar - weapons couldn't be summoned if they weren't on their special hooks. All the members at C.O. had taken their weapons to the armory there, which was a relief; I didn't want to be responsible for getting them all killed because they couldn't defend themselves from anything. And it wouldn't take too long for Lexaeus to forge new weapons or for them to find the ones in the basement (Xigbar and Demyx would retrieve theirs there tomorrow), but it would buy us time. We threw Xaldin's spears in a different portal, which led to a place called 'Atlantica' to be safe. It was a shame that all of these beautiful weapons had to go to waste, though. I would've killed to have an armory like this as a Somebody.

Once we were finished, I looked at the bare walls and realized something – the Superior didn't have a weapon here. What did he fight with?

"Come on," I whispered, forgetting about it, and Xion followed me out of the now empty room. We snuck past Lexaeus (who snored louder than a raging Xaldin) again, and then we headed for the room of the scariest Nobody I knew.

If Xaldin still had his private spear collection, clearing the armory would be pointless. Not that he couldn't probably kill me with his bare hands.

We were in the main hallway when Xion heard something.

"Someone's coming!" She whispered frantically, and we dived into the nearest room as a sleepwalking Luxord passed us, holding a cucumber and a glass of milk.

"No!.. Don't burn my playing cards... You still owe me a toucan... Can I pay you in vegetables?" He muttered.

"That was weird... Where are we? I whispered. The room was a mess, covered in shredded blankets and smelled of fur and, uh, solid waste. "What was that?" Xion recoiled. Something moved at the back of the dark room.

"GAHmphmmmm-" I screamed as a piece of cloth gagged me. Within seconds the person gagged Xion too and shoved us to the floor.

"What in the name of Kingdom Hearts are you doing here?" Saïx’s voice came from behind them. "Xion... Xenan... Can you not keep away from places where you are not wanted?"

The gags loosened and hung limply around our necks. A black cat came out from under a blanket, purred, and sat in my lap. I pet it, confused.

"Don't we have a strict 'no pets allowed’ policy?” I asked. I'd read the rules Saïx had posted in the Grey Area, even if I didn't follow all of them.

"Do we not have a strict curfew?" Saïx retorted.

"You're breaking that too," Xion pointed out. Saïx glared at her, then sighed, scratching the feline behind the ears.

"Vexen declared her a failure. The Superior ordered me to put her down.” Saïx actually looked rather disappointed in himself. His face almost reminded me of a sad puppy, or maybe a sad, but still dangerous, wolf.

"But we don't have hearts. What stopped you?" I asked.

Saïx steeled himself again. "That is none of your concern. I would have you turned into Dusks, but that would require... explanations." He turned away, lost in thought. What would he do to us?

"We could still tell Superior," I said, and Saïx tensed.

"That will not be necessary," he said quickly. I hadn't seen Xemnas since my first day. Could he really do anything bad to Saïx just for keeping a cat?

"Will you help us with something, then, no questions asked?"

Saïx looked between me and Xion, knowing this wouldn't end well, but he agreed. I had a feeling he would report us to Xemnas anyway, but what could we do? Saïx was about to escort us back to our rooms, and then there'd be nothing we could do.

"Xaldin has a hoard of spears in his room. Destroy them, steal them, make a rule banning them, anything," I said. Saïx looked down at me disapprovingly, but he just nodded, grabbing us by the shoulders and leading us to our rooms. Xemnas must be really scary on a bad day.

XXX

The next day, Saïx announced the new rule in the Grey Area.

"A team of Dusks will be checking your rooms for contraband. Anything illegal left by 7:00 p.m. will be brought to the basement. This includes extra weaponry, more than twenty bottles of hair gel, Justin Bieber CDs, and dead bodies. Also, there has been a breach in the armory. If any missing weapons are recovered, please report. Until then Lexaeus and Xenan will be making replacements. That is all."

"What? No one told me that," I said, surprised but excited. "But that's great – I'll get to learn how Lexaeus makes such amazing weapons!" After all, smithing was more like my life than a job when I was a Somebody.  Killing Heartless was satisfying, but I'd missed the warmth of the forge and banging of metal.

“Lexaeus was plotting with Xaldin, remember?”  Xigbar looked happy to ruin my excitement. 

“I just can’t catch a break, can I?”  I sighed.  “Stuck in a room with hot metal and someone who might try to kill me.”

"But hey, no weapons means no missions!" Demyx fist-pumped the air.

“Don't get excited yet.  It looks like you'll have to clean your room after all, Demyx," Xigbar said after the announcement.

"Why? I'll just let the Dusks take any hair gel-"

"-Or Justin Bieber CDs-" Xigbar mocked.

"-and clean it up themselves."

"They'll take your candy stockpile and eat it while they're cleaning. Those Dusks can be rude."

"Says the guy who ate all my food on my first day," I said.

"Standard procedure." Xigbar shrugged.

"Aww, man," Demyx whined.

"Or I could take it as payment for all the money you owe me," Luxord offered, passing by on the way to the Dining Hall of Non-Existence.  My stomach growled at the thought of breakfast.

"Er, no, thanks. I'll get right to it." Demyx ran off to his room.

"Won't they still have to check his room to make sure he's not hiding anything?" I asked.

"Let the kid actually work for once," Xigbar said. "In the meantime, you still have exactly eleven hours and thirty-two minutes in which Xaldin can kill you.  Good luck, Girlie."


	4. The Hunt Begins

“So…uh…do you like making weapons?”  I asked Lexaeus, using my power over metal to form a spear out of a chunk of magic-imbued steel.  Everyone had found their weapons (thanks to cleverly anonymous tips from Xigbar) except for Xaldin, so I was stuck trying to recreate his spears in the boiling-hot forge with Lexaeus.

The man didn’t reply.  Would it kill him to pretend to have a personality?  Three hours was a long time to spend on a weapon when I was using my powers, but he wouldn’t let me go until I made all six spears on my own.  He said it was to help me learn, but he probably guessed I was connected to the prank and just wanted to punish me.

Every single detail had to be perfect, too.  This was extremely difficult, since I’d never wanted to get close enough to _see_ every detail.  I had to rely on Lexaeus’s perfect memory and instructions, which were often so detailed they used terms I didn’t understand.  Spears had never been my favorite weapons to make.

I concentrated to form a spike that appeared to be a tooth in a dragon’s mouth, but he said the angle was off by 6 degrees.  What was a degree?

“Focus,” Lexaeus said when I let the metal get too runny.  As much as I loved magic, I wished I had a good, solid, old-fashioned hammer in my hand.  Then there’d be an excuse to not use such ridiculous detail.   How did he do it, and why did he care, anyway?  Sure, his weapons were fancy, but that didn’t matter as long as they killed the Heartless.  He sure didn’t look like a fancy kind of guy.

This whole assignment was so much different than I’d expected.  I didn’t have much in common with the other members.  I had hoped Lexaeus would appreciate my smithing skills, and I’d have someone to talk to.  But except when he was criticizing, he was silent as the grave.  I should have known since Xigbar had heard Xaldin and him plotting revenge;  I was just hoping for a little nostalgia.

“Sharper,” the gruff voice ordered. 

_It can’t get any sharper!_   If I was a Somebody, I would’ve felt like screaming.  I’d never attempted a weapon this intricate before; I was honestly surprised I was doing this well.  But I didn’t expect any praise from the Silent Hero.

He wouldn’t stop standing over my shoulder, either.  I missed the forge with my dad, where we would joke with each other while we both worked.  His smile always had bits of ash in it, and his laughs would trail off into hacking coughs, but it was the same with me.  That’s the way it goes when you’re a Smith.  Anne Smith.  The old name set off nostalgic pangs in my stomach – or maybe I was just hungry.  This was taking _forever_ …

Why couldn’t I be out there helping Roxas or Xion take down Heartless to get our hearts back instead of agonizing over every detail of a weapon that would just be given to someone who wanted to kill me?

XXX

Nobodies can’t use magic forever.  Eventually we have to rest and wait for its energy to return to us, just like you can’t fight physically without eventually using all your strength.  Apparently my breaking point is three hours and forty-six minutes, because it was then that I half collapsed with my hands on my knees, panting.  The spear clanked on the concrete floor.  A few points that were still unformed globs melted to it.

“Can I eat lunch now?”  I moaned, even though it was only 10:24 according to the clock on the wall.  Lexaeus nodded, to my surprise.  He must’ve known when something was useless, and right then I was more useless than a pacifist Heartless.

I opened a dark corridor to the Dining Hall of Non-Existence and walked from there into the Kitchen of Brewing Darkness.  Who named all the rooms, anyway?  Xemnas?  If so, he sure had some issues.

Using all my magic left me feeling so much like what Demyx called a ‘zombie’ that I didn’t hear Xaldin sneak up behind me.  I was rummaging in the ‘refrigerator’ (an amazing device that kept food cold and prevented it from spoiling, according to Xigbar.  How awesome is that?) for some leftover meatloaf from last night’s dinner when he grabbed me by the neck and pinned me to a cabinet. 

_Oh no oh no can’t he found me breathe try to breathe try to breathe!_ My mind ran out of control as I clawed at his iron fist.  _Need air don’t die now don’t die breathe breathe BREATHE!_

“You know where my spears are.”  It wasn’t a question, but I attempted to nod anyway.  The movement made him grip harder.  “You will retrieve them by noon.”  _Or else_ was implied.

He left me gasping for air and walked calmly to the other side of the kitchen to prepare lunch, like it was ordinary to strangle a girl before cooking.  If only I’d gotten there earlier, I could’ve had my food and been out before ever crossing him.

Taking the container of meatloaf with me, I opened a portal to the beach outside of Atlantica.  _Thank Kingdom Hearts the other members don’t care for meatloaf._   It was the only food that Xigbar didn’t steal off of everyone’s plates.  Without enough magic to cast Fire, I had to eat it cold, but it filled my stomach.

As much as I didn’t want to search for Xaldin’s spears, at least I didn’t have to be in Lexaeus’s forge working under his constant scowl.

Maybe it was the aftereffect of almost being choked to death, but it took me until then to realize something very important.

How in the worlds would I get to bottom of the ocean when I couldn’t even swim?

XXX

“Are you sure this will work?”  I asked, looking at Demyx suspiciously.

“Of course!  Well, probably, anyway…”

“Well _that’s_ reassuring,” I muttered.  I‘d gotten Demyx to help me since his element was water.  Plus I’d saved him from Larxene, so he owed me.  He said he could create an air pocket so we wouldn’t drown, but I didn’t trust that completely. 

I’d never told anyone, but I’m really, _really_ scared of the ocean.  I have been ever since I’d run into a particularly nasty Heartless on the beach as a kid.  It had looked like a giant jellyfish of pure evil, and it stung me with enough Thunder magic to knock me unconscious.  My dad had managed to drive it off long enough to dive in and pull me out of the water, but I had almost drowned.  I’m still surprised I didn’t die that day.

“Are you just gonna stand there?  I mean, this a good excuse to get out of my mission, but I’d like to get back for lunch,” Demyx said, kicking at the sand.

“Yeah.  Right.”  I didn’t have much time myself.  I gulped, even though I wasn’t truly afraid.  The memory of my only trip to the ocean was so vivid now, though, like it had been recorded on that magical camera and set to replay in my head.

I took my first step into the dark saltwater.  The wetness seeped into my boots and through my socks, chilling my toes until Demyx directed it away.  He summoned his sitar.

“It’s gonna get harder to keep out the water the deeper we go.  Let’s hurry!”

I ran now without the water to slow me, and Demyx followed behind.  Soon we were so deep it looked like we were in a tube that extended all the way to the surface, with the force of the ocean looming on every side.  _So far so good._

I stepped over coral and dodged crabs that tried to pinch the edge of my coat, trying to avoid everything that looked remotely dangerous.  Sometimes we had to leap over rifts that went down who knew how deep.  _Hopefully Xaldin’s spears didn’t fall down one of those._

By now Demyx had to strum to amplify his magic.  The constant noise was a little irritating, but much less than the pain of drowning would be.

“I think it’s this way,” I said, but I wasn’t sure.  I’d opened the dark corridor in the air above the ocean, so it was impossible to tell exactly where the spears had fallen, but I sensed metal up ahead.  It looked close to the cliff the portal had been by.   If only I had some magic left, I could’ve drawn it closer.

“Ow!”  Demyx tripped over a clump of seaweed, dropping his sitar.  The water instantly started to cave in.

“Get up!”  I yelled, grabbing the instrument before we both drowned.  He scrambled to his feet just as the giant wave swept him over again.  The force of it knocked the breath out of me, and I swallowed water. 

_Air air need air again why does this keep happening can’t breathe!_  I panicked for the second time that day.  Any other death sounded better than death by lack of air.  The world spun around me, whether from dizziness or the ocean current I couldn’t tell.

Demyx swam towards me as quick as a fish and took the sitar, playing furiously to make the sea recede.

“Are you alright?”  He asked, looking worried.  He played his sitar with one hand while helping me up with the other.

“Water,” I coughed up the gross, salty liquid.  “Water everywhere…”  I shivered, soaked to the bone.  Demyx did me the favor of drying me off, but I was still cold and shaken.

“It’s okay, we’re gonna be fine,” Demyx reassured me, like I was a child.  I would’ve been insulted if I didn’t feel like one myself.  “I’ll be more careful.  I promise.”  He patted my shoulder gently.  I’d had no idea he could be so comforting – no one else in the Organization would’ve tried.  I stopped shaking.

“Thank you.”  I rubbed my burning eyes, trying to feel where the metal was.  The sooner we got out of here, the better.

I searched my coat pocket for my mace (it still hadn’t been returned to its summoning hook), only to panic again when I realized it wasn’t there.  Demyx saw the look on my face and found it lying a few feet away.

“Thanks again,” I said, meaning it.  Demyx smiled at me.  Sometimes he was a lot less of an idiot than he seemed.  “Let’s go.”

We were close; I could sense it.  Something glimmered at the base of a cliff.  We ran towards it only to see a red and green blur speed by and grab it first.

“Aww, come on!”  Demyx yelled.  “What was that thing?”

“No clue, but we have to follow it.”  I didn’t like the idea at all, but we didn’t have much choice. 

My day just kept getting better and better.


	5. Reliant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of all the old chapters I've edited so far, I think this was the least painful to read.

The blur was fast, but with Demyx’s powers we could go faster.  He created an air bubble that surrounded both of our heads, then grabbed my hand.

“We’ll run out of air eventually.  Hold on!”

We shot through the water faster than a bullet out of Xigbar’s arrowguns, and the world went out of focus.  I thought for sure we’d crash into something, but Demyx had a lot more skill than anyone gave him credit for.  Maybe Saïx just needed to send him to worlds with water.  He swerved between reefs and through crevices, dragging me alongside him.  It kinda stunk.  I’m not used to being useless.  Relying on Demyx not to get us killed screamed against all my self-reliant instincts, but at least he kept a lock on our target.

We jetted through a school of fish, and I started to hyperventilate, probably using up more air than necessary.  At least they didn’t try to attack us.

“Sorry,” Demyx apologized.  I spat out a yellow fish, gagging, as he narrowly dodged a rock that jutted from the sandy seafloor.  I squeezed his hand harder, still scared of the dangers lurking in the water.

“Why isn’t the pressure killing us?”  I asked.  I didn’t know much about what Vexen called ‘science’ (it sounded like a fancy way to say ‘why everything works the way it does and how to take advantage of it,’ but I guess ‘science’ is easier to say), but I knew anything could crush you, even water.

“Me,” he responded simply.  It must’ve been easier for him to keep a small air pocket open than an entire column to the surface, because he wasn’t playing his sitar now.  I decided not to talk and use up our dwindling amount of air.

  
We were gaining on the thief when it suddenly darted into a large coral structure.  Demyx followed, pulling me closer so we fit through the entrance.

“Ahh!”  Demyx yelled, and we both crashed into shelves filled with random junk.  I pulled out a fork that tangled itself in my hair.

“Demyx!”  I called, realizing his concentration had broken, and our bubble was filling with water.

_Not again not again BREATHE wait no don’t breathe-_   I didn’t listen to myself and sucked in a lungful of seawater.

_What?_   The salt stung my nose a little, but I didn’t feel like I was drowning.  I breathed again.  I was still okay.  Opening my burning eyes, which I hadn’t noticed were closed, Demyx and I saw the thief looming over us.

Demyx screamed in shock, but I just stared.  She was a mix between a girl with red hair and a fish, and she wore nothing but a bikini top.

“Hello?”  She asked.  “What are you doing here?”

She seemed more curious than scared or angry, even though we’d broken shelves full of her stuff.  What was the point of all the junk in here, anyway?  It reminded me of the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.  A shattered windowpane leaned against a soggy pile of books, with what looked like a sail half-draped over it.  Most of the other objects were made of rusted metal, including some jars and a candelabra.  An hourglass was half-buried in the sand near the base of the giant walls of coral.

Still confused at the strange room, the lack of water pressure, and the magical, breathable water, Demyx and I stood nervously.  Well, I was nervous.  Demyx was as Demyx-y as ever.

“I’m Demyx.  Who’re you?”

“We _are_ supposed to be a secret Organization, you know,” I whispered.  Not that our clothes and lack of fins weren’t a dead giveaway.

“I’m Ariel.  Who’s your friend, and why are you two humans down here?”

“She’s Xenan,” Demyx said for me.  “We’re looking for some things she… dropped.  I think you picked one of them up.  Can we take a look?”

I was still creeped out by the weird she-fish-thing.  She didn’t look dangerous, but sometimes you can’t tell.  As much as I still hated letting Demyx do everything (ironic, because I usually did his work for him), I was glad he was there to talk to her instead of me.

“Of course!  I’m really sorry if I took anything that belongs to you,” Ariel said to me.  I didn’t respond, but she didn’t look offended.

We quickly got to work scouring the coral cave.  The first spear, probably the one we’d seen her pick up, was lying on the ground.  Another was wedged underneath a teakettle.  The third was resting against a painting of a forest, and the fourth Ariel took out from behind a row of frying pans.  Demyx found the fifth one on a shelf near the top, tangled in a thick rope.

“Where’s the last one?”  I asked.  I’d searched all the bottom shelves, Ariel had searched the middle, and Demyx had gone through everything up top, but after we were all done the sixth spear was nowhere to be found.

“I’m sorry.  I only picked up five,” Ariel said.  “I wondered why these all looked the same.  What are they?”

Somehow I didn’t think she’d like to know that she’d been finding weapons of mass destruction and using them for decorations, or whatever all the stuff in here was for.  She might not want to help us find the last one if we told her that, either.  And whether I liked it or not, if she could find five of them, she was our best chance of finding the last one.  “Er, they’re… lampposts.” I couldn’t help snickering at the thought of Xaldin’s spears being used as _lampposts_ , but that was the first thing I could think of.

“What?  No they’re-“I elbowed Demyx in the ribs, and he caught on.  “Oh, right, lampposts.”

“Lamposts?”  She asked, scratching her head thoughtfully.

“Sure, you just stake the sharp end into the ground and hang a lantern on the other end,” I said.

“Both ends look sharp to me,” she said, but then she shrugged.  “Okay, I guess we should go find the last lamppost, then.”  We didn’t even have to ask for her help or offer her anything.  That was a huge change from everyone in the Organization, but I’d take it.

Before leaving, Ariel found an old belt and strapped the five spears to my back.  She and Demyx swam out the entrance, but I stayed where I was.

“Demyx?”  I asked, and he turned around, drifting back onto the sand.

“What is it?”

“I can’t swim.”  As embarrassing as it was, I might as well get it out now, before we were, say, fleeing from a shark or some other equally terrible sea creature.

Demyx laughed, an awkward sound underwater.  “What do you mean, you can’t swim?  We’ve been underwater this whole time!”

“Yeah, but I never actually had to _swim_.  We walked first, and then you did your water-moving-thing.”

“Water-moving-thing?”  Demyx laughed again.

“Well I don’t know what you call it!”  I defended.  I could’ve sworn I heard Ariel giggling somewhere behind me.

“Hey, don’t get your cloak in a twist!  Calm down and I’ll teach you how to swim.  First, let’s see how you do without my help.”

I pushed off from the ground, flailing my arms and legs like a chicken with its head cut off until I floated down again.

“You _really_ need my help,” Demyx said smugly.  I sighed.  Did he have to be so annoying about it?

“Yeah, that’s why _I asked for it_.  Just teach me, okay?”

Demyx swam beside me.  “Don’t flop around so much, first of all.  Swimming’s easy, especially when you don’t have to worry about drowning.”  Easy for _him_ , he hadn’t been terrified of the ocean ever since he was seven years old.  “Cup your hands and push the water of your way.  Then kick your legs.”

I tried again.  This time I was slightly better, but I still looked like I was trying to attack the water.

I could tell Demyx was trying hard not to laugh, but to his credit he didn’t rub it in my face. 

“No, like this.”  He held my fingers together and pushed my arms away from each other through the water.  “It’s like you’re dancing- you want your strokes to flow together.”

“I don’t dance,” I said bluntly.  Remembering that it was probably already past lunch time, I shut up and tried what he said.

Once I relaxed a little and focused on my arms, I did okay.  Not wonderful or even decent, but definitely okay for someone who hated water.

“Great!”  Demyx congratulated me.  “Let’s go!”

We went slower since I struggled to swim, but we didn’t want Demyx to waste his magic on propelling us when we’d need it to breathe soon.  I had no idea how that worked.  Maybe we were close to the actually city of Atlantica?  It probably wouldn’t be on the recon list (where I’d found out how to send a dark corridor there) if there was no way to breathe or avoid getting crushed.

The spears kept poking me in the butt when I kicked my legs, but I tried to focus on sensing nearby metal.  I felt nothing.  Ariel must’ve found all the junk around here a long time ago.  She still led the way, and I hoped we were close.  Xaldin would be furious if we didn’t get back soon, but right then I was too exhausted from all the swimming to think much about that.

“Are you from another world?”  Ariel asked.  Where in the worlds did that question come from?

“Why would you think that?”  I asked, not showing that I had been caught off-guard.

“Well, I met someone once who was from another world.  Something about your clothes reminds me of him.”  She kept swimming, her light tone of voice making it sound like we were discussing the weather or reporting how many Heartless we’d killed to Saïx.  Who would have come here?  The recon list said this place still needed to be explored, so it couldn’t have been anyone in Organization XIII.  “I think it’s the zippers.”

I _knew_ our uniforms were too conspicuous.

“Yeah, we’re not from here,” Demyx said.  I wanted to whack him to keep him quiet, but I was still lagging behind the two of them with my inferior swimming skills.  I tried to catch up by kicking harder, but I just tangled my boot in a clump of seaweed.  “It’s a secret, though.”

“Not anymore,” I muttered, ripping my foot free from the awful plant.

“Please, will you promise not to tell anyone?”  Demyx begged.  Why did he tell her in the first place?  Then again, she _had_ guessed it herself.  Demyx had just confirmed it, which was still stupid, but not _as_ stupid.  “We’d get turned into Dusks.”

Ariel nodded, not questioning what Dusks were.  “My father would be angry with me if he knew I was with more outsiders, anyway.  The place where I found most of the lampposts is right over here.”

The water suddenly caught in my lungs, but Demyx made us an air pocket before I had yet another panic attack.  I really needed to control myself better.  Demyx hung back slightly so I could keep my head in the bubble.

We were a little farther up the cliff’s side from where we’d first seen Ariel when she stopped.

“I found the first one there.”  She pointed to a clump of seaweed that had been partially cut.  “All the others were close, except the one I found today.”

“Let me concentrate,” I said, closing my eyes.  The simple action made the sea seem to press in closer, so I focused with my eyes open.  Feeling the tingling of nearby metal up ahead, I guided Demyx and Ariel into a nearby cavern in the cliff’s side.

“There it is!”  I said, reaching for the spear.  I shrieked like a little kid when a jellyfish stung my hand through my glove.  “Oww…”  I moaned, and Demyx laughed.  “It’s not funny!”

He took the spear out of the hole and strapped it in with the others on my back while I took off my glove and poked the spot where it hurt.  At least the glove had protected me a little; the jellyfish hadn’t left a mark.

“Stupid weird… thing!”  I yelled in its general direction.  Demyx laughed harder.  Ariel took my hand and examined it.

“Your hand will be fine,” she assured me.  “It’ll just sting a little.”

“A little?”  If it had been any land creature I would’ve shrugged it off.  I’d fought _Larxene_ , and I still lived to talk about it!  Jellyfish just had to be so creepy and, and…  I didn’t really have a decent explanation for why I freaked out.  I just wanted to leave and get back to where everything made sense.

“You’ll take on hordes of Heartless, but you can’t handle a jellyfish?”  Demyx still couldn’t stop laughing.

“Shut up.”  I muttered, blushing.  _Jerk._

“Come on, they’re kinda cute.”  He pointed to the alien blob with tentacles that was swimming away.

“Whatever.  Let’s RTC.”

“Do you really have to go already?”  Ariel asked sadly.  “It’s been nice to make some new friends.”

Friends?  I wasn’t sure I’d use that word.  We barely even knew her.

“Don’t be sad,” Demyx said.  “Maybe we’ll come back again sometime.”

“Maybe,” I said.  _Yeah, maybe after I marry Xaldin and Lexaeus gets a personality.  Maybe._

“Okay,” she said reluctantly, waving goodbye as we swam upward.  “Next time you’ll have to tell me about your world!” 

Demyx waved back.  “Bye!”  He called, and he jetted us up to the surface and back to the beach.  The quick upward motion scrambled my insides.

“I never want to see another ocean ever again.”  I trudged up the sand, trying to shake off the nausea, and opened a dark corridor.

“Really?  I thought that was kinda fun.”  Demyx shook some water out of his boot.

I squeezed out my hair.  “Not if you’re scared of water.”

Demyx looked at me in surprise.  “You’re scared of water?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I am.”  I was in no mood to go into a backstory right then.  “Only if it’s deep enough to drown or hide anything in.  I still take showers.”

“And you still went to the bottom of the ocean today?  That was really brave!”

I shrugged.  “Well, it was either that, certain death by Xaldin, or being bored to death by Lexaeus and _then_ killed by Xaldin for taking too long.  So not really.  Will you do me a favor and not tell anyone?  I really can’t handle Xigbar’s teasing right now.”

“Sure, it’s just… I don’t think I could’ve done that if I was scared of water.”

I smiled a little.  Maybe I couldn’t impress Lexaeus, but Demyx’s compliment was worth more anyway.  Because out of all the Nobodies, he seemed the most likely to say something and actually mean it. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re not.  Because I know I couldn’t have done it without you.”

XXX

Once we stepped through the dark corridor and into the Grey Area, still dripping wet and looking like pruney zombies, I undid the latch on the belt around my stomach and let Xaldin’s ‘lampposts’ clatter to the floor.

“What in the name of Kingdom Hearts—” Saïx began.  I snatched a piece of paper (which looked like fancy stationary, complete with a tiny border of Nobody emblems around it) and a pen from his clipboard and wrote a quick note:

_Xaldin,_

_I found your spears.  Please don’t kill me._

_Sincerely, Xenan_

I dropped the note by the spears and left to pick up a snack from the Dining Hall of Non-Existence before corridoring to my room.  It was time to take a long nap and try to forget today had ever happened.


	6. Looking For Trouble

Never, ever, _ever_ trust Xigbar.

Even though I’d gone through initiation and proved myself in other pranks as well, he _still_ kept stealing my food.  According to him, I’d helped out Demyx, Roxas, and Xion (Axel was still at C.O.), but I hadn’t done anything for him.  What was I supposed to do?  He didn’t need help with work, and I already saved him a spot in line for the bathroom every time I got there first.  Did that not count?

That was why I’d snuck out to head for the kitchen at 1:46 in the morning:  I was _starving._   Xigbar was right about one thing – I was helping the three younger Nobodies out a lot, especially Xion since Roxas had fallen asleep and didn’t look like he would wake up anytime soon.  It wasn’t like I had anything better to do when I finished my own missions, but all the work did make me hungry.

At least Xaldin hadn’t threatened me since I returned his spears.  It had been two weeks since then, and his sideburns had almost grown all the way back.  I crept through the halls, glad that for once I wouldn’t be doing anything that might cause someone to want to kill me.

After avoiding the sentry Dusks (Saïx had ordered them to patrol the castle after Xion and I busted in on him after the armory incident), I finally made it to the Dining Hall of Non-Existence.  The table seemed even longer in the dark than it did under the ‘electrical’ (I assumed that meant magical?) lighting that was left on during the ‘day.’  I rested my hand on each chair that I passed, wondering why Xemnas had such an obsession with Nobody symbol decor.  Even the chairs were shaped like them.

Once in the Kitchen of Brewing Darkness, I opened the refrigerator, which was always lit with electricity, to find that it shone on a certain sitar-playing Nobody that was trying to sneak up behind me.

“Demyx!”  I yelled, spinning around as he screamed.  “What are you doing here?”

“Getting a drink of water,” he defended himself, trying to look like he hadn’t just squealed like a little girl.  “What’re _you_ doing here?”

“Hungry,” I said, turning back to grab some cheese out of the bottom drawer of the fridge, but I returned it once I saw the mold.  “Thought there was a reason you weren’t blasting music tonight.”

Demyx took a glass with a Nobody symbol engraved on it from a cabinet and filled it up at the sink.  Couldn’t he use his element for that?  “I was gonna try and scare you, but it didn’t work very well.”

“I noticed.”  I grabbed an apple instead, washing it under the tap.

Demyx sighed and sat on the counter where Xaldin usually prepared food.  I sure hoped he cleaned that.  Ever since Vexen showed me germs under a microscope and explained what they could do, I’d been a little paranoid.  Not a whole lot, but a little.

“It’s been really boring around here,” Demyx said.  “Axel’s gone, and you’ve been working like crazy.”

“Xion needs help since she’s the only keyblade wielder for now.  You do want to get your heart back, don’t you?”  I leaned against the counter, crunching on my apple while Demyx took a long sip of water.

“Yeah, but can’t we have some fun while we work on it?  I mean, you haven’t even taken breaks for _meals._   That’s not like you.”

“There’s not much point when Xigbar steals my food before I can move it from the plate to my mouth.  Why don’t Xemnas or Saïx do something about him?”  I bit into the apple core and got a seed stuck in between my teeth, but I ate the whole thing anyway.  The tough center was difficult to chew.  Maybe you weren’t supposed to eat that part.  Oh well.

“That’s it!”  Demyx said, nearly spilling his water in excitement.

“What?  Talk to Xemnas?  I doubt he’ll do anything about it.”

“No, _we’ll_ do something about it!”

“Are you crazy?”  Maybe he’d eaten too much sugar.  It wasn’t like Demyx to suggest action when he could casually avoid doing anything.

“It’ll be fun!”  He exclaimed.  “He’s been stealing my food, too, you know.  My candy stockpile’s almost gone!” 

Guess that explained it.

“What could we do?”  I probably shouldn’t have asked.  I’d just gotten one enemy off my tail; I didn’t need another.

“Prank him, of course!  We could… uh… chop off his ponytail!  Yeah!”

“Ugh, you guys and your crazy hair…”  I muttered, but Demyx didn’t hear me.  “Fine.  Almost anything’s better than choosing between starvation and sleep deprivation.”

“Except taking baths, right?”  He joked, and I punched his shoulder.

“I _told_ you to drop that!”  Even since Atlantica, he wouldn’t quit teasing me about what he called ‘hydrophobia.’

Demyx rubbed his shoulder.  “Oww…”

“Might as well get going.  Tonight’s as good a night to get ourselves killed as ever.”

XXX

To tell the truth, it _had_ been a bit boring without any pranking.  Sure, fighting Heartless was dangerous, but it was nothing like the adrenaline rush that came from the threat of being caught.  Without emotions, adrenaline was about as close to feeling as it got.

“Demyx, cut it out!”  I whispered.  He kept humming some annoying tune as we snuck through the hallways, avoiding the patrol Dusks.  They were a pain to sneak past, but at least they weren’t very attentive and often fell asleep or got distracted by each other.

“What?  The Mission Impossible theme totally fits right now!”

_Mission Impossible?_   I’d ask later.  We were almost to Xigbar’s room.

“Get back!”  I whispered, shoving Demyx behind a corner.  A group of about ten Dusks were playing a card game on the floor of the hall that led to bedrooms II – VI.

“What do we do now?”  Demyx asked.

“Hmm…  I don’t think killing them would help much right now.  The noise would alert someone.  But we can’t sneak past, either…” a brilliant idea flashed into my head.  Dusks seemed to have about the same attention span as Demyx, so maybe…  “Demyx, do you have any candy?”

“What?  You just ate!”

“Just answer the question!”

“Yeah, I always keep an emergency chocolate bar in my pocket in case I need a sugar boost.”

“Throw it at them!  Maybe they’ll fight over it long enough for me to pick the lock on Xigbar’s door.”

“But it’s my last piece!”  He protested.

“If you don’t throw it, I’ll take it from you and eat it myself,” I threatened.

Demyx gasped in horror.  “You wouldn’t.”

“Would so,” I countered.

“Would not.”

“Would so.”

“Would no-  HEY!”

Just to prove it, I’d snagged the candy out his pocket and stuffed it, wrapper and all, into my mouth.  It probably had millions of germs on it, but it was worth it to see the stunned look on Demyx’s face, like I’d slapped him.  I unwrapped the chocolate with my teeth and tongue and spit the wrapper out at his feet.

“XENAN!  How COULD you!?”  He looked like he’d had his heart ripped out and trampled on by a hundred stampeding Heartless.  That is, if he’d had a heart in the first place, of course.  How could he fake emotions like that?

The Dusks must’ve been deaf it they hadn’t heard that.  Turns out they weren’t, and half of them went off to raise the alarm while the other half came for us.

“Ahh!”  Demyx hid behind me, and I rolled my eyes.  This was all _his_ fault, and he couldn’t even have the decency to fight?

“Demyx, they’re only Dusks!”  I was more worried about the ones that had left.  “Fight these; I’ll go take care of the others!”

Demyx hesitantly summoned his sitar and some water clones as I dashed around the corner at the other end of the hall.  There was probably no hope of avoiding punishment now, but I was sure going to try.

I summoned my mace, taking out any Dusks that were in my way.  “Move it or lose it!”  I yelled.

Gah, the stupid sentries just wouldn’t stop _moving._   As soon as I almost caught up with them, they turned another corner.

“Magnega!”  I shouted in frustration, and they were all drawn towards me.  I bashed two of them into nothingness before the spell wore off.

Now that they knew I was dangerous, they fled even faster.  I couldn’t get them in range long enough to cast Magnega again.

“Fire!”  The flame shot out the tip of my mace and homed in on the slowest Dusk, vanishing it.

Suddenly a dark corridor appeared in front of me, and I slammed into the chest of the man who stepped out of it.  He grabbed my arm tightly.

“Xenan.  I thought I told you to stop making trouble?”


	7. Exiled

“Let me go!”  I struggled against Saïx’s iron grip and tried to open a dark corridor, but both actions failed.  He shoved me through a different portal, and I fell through it and landed on my hands and knees in the center of the Room Where Nothing Gathers.

“Ack!” Demyx fell through a similar portal and landed next to me. “Uh, hi. That didn’t work out so well.”

“You think?”  I spat. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. What would they do to us?

I looked up to find Xemnas staring down on me with an unreadable expression. Saïx and, to my surprise, Xigbar appeared on their specific chairs. When was I going to get one of those? I pushed the stupid thought away. I’d probably get Dusk’d if Saïx had anything to say about it. He finally had his excuse to get rid of the girl who’d kind-of-sort-of blackmailed him.

“Demyx.  Xenan.  What is your excuse for breaking curfew tonight?”  Xemnas droned in his slow, emotionless voice.  I couldn’t believe he’d woken up just to punish us for that.

Demyx cowered behind me. What could I say?

“Demyx was caught in front of rooms II-VI. Xenan was found outside the Grey Area after destroying several sentry Dusks,” Saïx reported. Maybe killing Dusks was a little more serious. “And I believe this is not the first time they have broken this rule.”

Yeah. We were deader than moldy leftover meatloaf.

“Heh. Betcha I know what they were doing,” Xigbar said, smirking evilly.

“Are you going to keep us drowning in suspense?” Saïx asked sarcastically.

Demyx and I weren’t ignored as they spoke; Xemnas kept eyeing us curiously.

“Going for another prank, weren’t ya, Girlie?” Xigbar said. He’d ended up sticking with that nickname just to annoy me. “Who was your target this time?”

“You.” No point avoiding questions now. “None of this would’ve happened if you’d just stopped stealing my food like you promised!” Demyx cringed when I yelled.

Xigbar shrugged, and Saïx spoke up. “Regardless of excuses, the fact remains that you broke curfew and acted hostilely towards our alarm system. Had there been any intruders, they could have come in undetected while the Dusks were concerned with you.”

“Plus you left a slobbery chocolate bar wrapper in the hall,” Xigbar added.

“The act warrants a harsh punishment,” Xemnas said. “But with reports of the termination at Castle Oblivion, we cannot afford to lose any more members needlessly.”

“Termination?” I whispered to Demyx.Who’d been terminated? Was it Axel?I hoped it was Larxene, but I stowed the thought away for later.

“You didn’t hear? It happened a few days ago. You really have been working too much,” Demyx whispered.

I didn’t want to risk interrupting Xemnas, but I needed a good time to use the blackmail I had on Saïx…  Still, Xemnas kept talking. I’d have to wait.

“As such, I have decided you will be exiled to Castle Oblivion. You will provide backup, and Zexion will watch over you to insure you do not get into any more trouble.”

“Exile?” Demyx muttered, worried and still clinging to my coat sleeve. I shook him off.

“Superior?”  I asked respectfully.

“Speak,” Xemnas responded.  At least he was fair enough to listen.

“I know this won’t change things, but I saw a cat in the castle. I thought it should be reported that Saïx was tending to it.” I couldn’t help smirking as Saïx’s hair bristled, making him seem like a cat himself.

Xemnas glanced at him momentarily. “That matter will be attended to later. Xigbar, take them to gather their belongings and escort them to their new rooms.”

Xigbar snapped, opening a dark corridor under us and then leaving himself.

XXX

“So ya really thought you could prank me?”  Xigbar asked when the three of us appeared in Demyx’s mess of a room.

Demyx shrugged. “We were bored.”

“We were hungry,” I said at the same time. “Why do you have to keep stealing our food?”

“Just to mess with you,” he said irritatingly.

If I was a Somebody, I would have been mad enough to shove my mace down his throat. Being a Nobody, I could see how that might have some bad consequences.

Demyx gathered up a wad of extra cloaks, socks, and underwear and stuffed them into a large duffel bag. He also threw in a few pieces of candy that he had left from his stockpile, and a toothbrush and some bottles of hair gel.  When he thought we weren’t looking, he tossed in a golden locket with the letter ‘M’ on it. Where’d he get that?

“Hurry up, I’d like to get some sleep tonight,” Xigbar drawled.

Demyx dug around in a cluttered dresser drawer, pulling out candy wrappers and some other things I couldn’t identify.  Eventually he found a stack of music discs and a CD player (he’d let me listen to some of the discs with it before, but I found them annoying) and added them to his bag.

“I’m ready, I guess,” he said, picking up the bag with both hands. There wasn’t anything else he could do. “Goodbye, room,” he whispered.

Xigbar rolled his eyes and opened another dark corridor under us, this time leading to my room.

I didn’t take nearly as long. Since I didn’t have any bag to put my clothes in, I completely zipped up one of my coats and tied off the bottom, throwing my other coats inside

Demyx and Xigbar both giggled when I took my underwear out of a drawer and tossed it in.

“Shut up,” I growled, which made them laugh harder. “I didn’t laugh at _your_ underwear, and it had little Dancer Nobodies on it!” 

Demyx stopped, blushing, but now Xigbar was roaring with laughter. I tried to ignore them as I threw in some black socks, my toothbrush, hairbrush, and the diary Saïx had told me to keep. I decided to throw in my old Somebody clothes, too, even though they were covered in ash and nearly ripped to shreds.  Guess they just brought back too many memories.  Memories of whiteness, and pain, and losing everything I’d had left.

“Done,” I said, swinging the cloak-bag over my shoulder.  Xigbar opened yet another portal, but it didn’t lead to where I expected.

“The armory?”  Demyx asked when we appeared in the dark, seemingly endless room.

“Well, unless you want to go and get yourself annihilated like _someone_ over at C.O. did, you’ll need your weapons.”

Demyx grabbed his sitar and I grabbed my mace from the hooks on the wall.  The room looked exactly like it did the first time I’d been in there.  Our pranking hadn’t actually harmed anything, well, except a few Dusks.  Exile, or more technically, being sent as reinforcements to a place where we were likely to get killed by something, seemed kind of harsh.

“Just you two now,” Xigbar said, opening a dark corridor.

“You’re not coming with us?”  Demyx asked, frightened.

“I’m not the one being exiled,” Xigbar pointed out.  “I’m not gonna be your escort.  You’ll be fine, just watch out for a hyper kid swinging around a giant key.  He’ll probably try to kill you.”

He shoved us in before I could ask what he was talking about.  Did he mean someone other than Roxas and Xion had a keyblade?  And why would he want to kill us?  Another thing bothered me.  How come it seemed like only kids could use keyblades?

The two of us landed face first on the hard dirt, and the portal instantly closed behind us.  Of course we could always open our own to get back, but there was no point.  There was nothing left for us back there.  I scrambled to my feet and looked up at the giant, menacing castle with turrets poking out of it in every direction.

“Whoa.  So this is Castle Oblivion,” Demyx said.  “Couldn’t they have, like, built it with less gargoyles and painted it anything but brown?” 

“Right now that’s the least of our problems.”  I walked up to the giant doors and pushed on them, but they were too heavy.  “Help me out here.”

Demyx pushed one door and I pushed the other, straining hard.  Having doors five times a person’s height didn’t seem practical.

We walked through into the bright white room inside.


	8. Rules

“What is up with this place?”  I asked, but Demyx only shrugged and continued to play his sitar, leaning against the wall. 

The foyer of Castle Oblivion was just one long white hall with a softly glowing ceiling and a locked door with the number six above it at the end.  It had a slot next to the handle for some sort of flat key, but no matter how many times I tried to pick the strange lock, my mace would fit perfectly and still not open the door.

“I give up.”  I sighed, sitting on the hard floor next to my coat full of clothes.  Demyx’s music was driving me crazier than the empty room was.  “Could you quit that?”

He ignored me, playing even louder.  I would’ve admired how his fingers flew magically over the strings if it wasn’t so annoying.  Feeling too tired to get up (it was still extremely late, after all), I threw one of my boots at his head.  It missed, but it knocked his sitar out of his hands and across the room.

“What was that for?”  He whined, but he was too tired and lazy to pick it up.  Kicking his bag under him, he sat on it and yawned.

“If we hadn’t tried that stupid prank, we could be in bed right now,” I complained, ignoring his question.  “That annoying jerk Xigbar…  Hey!”  I realized something.  “We don’t have to worry about Xigbar stealing our food anymore!”

Demyx and I grinned.  “I can finally rebuild my stockpile again!  Guess it wasn’t such a stupid prank after all, huh?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, wondering where he got all his candy in the first place, but then I remembered we were still stuck in the room and frowned.  “But what do we do now?”

“I dunno.  Sleep?”  He yawned again, making me yawn, too.

“Might as well,” I agreed, taking a spare coat out of my coat-bag and shoving it into a corner.  I unzipped it completely and draped it over me like a blanket, laying my head on my pack.  Even if they were terrible for recon, our coats were useful for something.

“Cool,” Demyx said, doing the same with one of his coats and sprawling out in a different corner.

A few minutes of staring at the luminous ceiling went by before Demyx broke into my half-asleep thoughts.

“Hey Xenan?”  He whispered.

“What?”  I said more irritably than I was trying to.  He was silent for a while, and I thought he’d fallen asleep, but he spoke up again.

“Do you… do you think we’ll ever get our hearts back?”

I hadn’t expected that question.  Though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I wondered, and often doubted, the same thing.

“Of course,” I said.  We had to hope, didn’t we?  Ruining his morale wouldn’t help anything.  “That is, if you’d get off your lazy butt and do your missions every once and a while.”

Demyx laughed.  “Thanks, Xenan.”  Within minutes he was snoring loud as a thunderstorm.

I wished I could let my worries slip away that easily.

XXX

The next morning we both awoke with a lexicon to the head.

“Ow!”  Demyx shot up, a thin trail of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.

“Ahh!”  I yelled, flailing my arms and accidentally whacking Zexion in the face.  I untangled myself from the coat I’d been sleeping under.  “Why’d you do that?”

Zexion rubbed his red cheek, frowning.  “You are here for punishment, and I may wake you as I wish.  You will need to learn the rules of this place.”  He walked over to the locked door as Demyx and I grabbed our bags and followed.

Demyx rubbed his head.  “Rules, this early in the morning?”

“We haven’t even eaten breakfast yet,” I complained, my stomach growling to prove my point.

“Not _those_ kinds of rules.  How the castle works.”  Zexion pulled a card shaped to fit in the door’s slot out of his pocket.  “You will be provided with cards with differing numbers on them.  To open a door, match the door number with a card number that is equal to or greater than it.  Zero works on all doors.   You may also find cards when you defeat Heartless.”

“Why’d it have to be so complicated just to open a _door_?”  Demyx asked.

Zexion glared at him.  “It is a part of the castle’s nature.  You will also need cards to fight.”

“Why in the worlds would I need cards to fight?”  I asked, pulling my mace out of my coat-bag and swinging it through the air.

“Here the cards also grant your attacks extra strength.  When you first walked through those doors, you were weakened and forgot many complex attacks.  You cannot use as many magic commands or special moves as you once knew, though you can still use basic elemental powers.”  I’d forgotten stuff?  Wouldn’t I notice that?  “Without the cards, you will easily be outclassed should you encounter a large amount of Heartless, or the Keybearer.”

“Keybearer?”  I asked, but Demyx interrupted Zexion’s answer.  Would anyone ever get to tell me about this mysterious hostile keyblade wielder?

“Aren’t cards more like Luxord’s thing?”

“He was not ordered to come here,” Zexion replied curtly.  “Follow me to your rooms.  Your cards are inside.”  He opened a dark corridor and we dragged our bags through, appearing in another white hallway, this one with two doors across from each other and two at both ends of the hall.  All had cardkeys already inserted in the locks.

“Could they have made this place look any more boring?”  Demyx asked.

“The Castle That Never Was isn’t the most colorful place either,” I said.

“At least it had windows.”

“Sure, if you like looking out at the dark abyss.  It’s not like there’s butterflies and rainbows out there to stare at.”

Zexion ignored us.  “Demyx is on the left, Xenan on the right.  Before I leave you, you must know the other rules, which you are expected to follow.”

“Oh great, this could take a while,” Demyx muttered.  “He’s the most rule-happy goody-two-shoes in the Organization next to Saïx.”

Was it too much to ask to eat breakfast before a lecture?

“One.  Curfew is 10:00 p.m.; _no_ exceptions.  Two, every morning you will perform your duties as listed on the chore wheel.  Three, you are not to enter Vexen’s lab.   He left dangerous experiments in there before he was eliminated.”

“That was Vexen?”  Demyx asked.  No huge loss there.  Too bad it wasn’t Larxene, though.

Zexion continued without missing a beat.  “Four, above ground is off limits without permission.  We are on basement floor nine currently.  Five, meals will be served at 6:30 a.m., 11:30 a.m., and 5:30 p.m.  You are expected to be on time.”

“Yeah, like I’d miss out on food,” I said, rolling my eyes.  Zexion droned on so long I fell asleep standing up and almost fell over on Demyx.  Between the uncomfortable floor and how late we’d stayed up, I’d barely gotten any sleep.  Even my spot on the dirt floor back at my old home, my real home, was more comfortable.

“Thirty-seven, always flush the toilet after use.  Thirty-eight, no alligators in the shower.  Thirty-nine, taking the name of Superior in vain is prohibited.  Forty…”

Was he serious?  He kept rattling off the rules like he was reading cue cards.  I spaced out again until he finally finished.

“That is all.  You may wash up in the bathroom,” he pointed to the door at the far end of the hall, “then meet downstairs for breakfast and chores.”  He pointed to the closer door.  “You are dismissed.”

“Finally,” Demyx said as Zexion disappeared through a dark corridor.  “I’m pretty sure some of those didn’t make sense.  Where would we get an alligator?”

“I call first using bathroom!”  I said, dropping my coat-bag and dashing down the hall.

“Hey!”  Demyx protested, but I was already inside.

The bathroom was just as plain as the rest of the castle.  A marble sink sat in the right corner by the door, a toilet beside it.  Two cream towels with white embroidered roses were hung over a bar on the left wall by the shower.

I brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face to keep me awake.  There were a few tiny bottles of shampoo by the sink; I squirted some pink goo out and massaged it into my hair, which I dunked in the sink to rinse.  There was no point in wasting time with a shower now; I had breakfast to get to.

When I knocked on Demyx’s door to tell him I was out he nearly bowled me over.

“Sorry, gotta go,” he said quickly, rushing to the bathroom.

“Sure,” I mumbled awkwardly, dragging my bag to my own bedroom.  “Wow, and I thought _Saïx_ loved his rules…”  Zexion had posted a giant poster with all fifty rules on the wall next to the bed.  I dumped my bag out by the nightstand, too hungry to organize anything, and pocketed the cards that were on the dresser.

XXX

The stairwell was the most interesting thing I’d seen in Castle Oblivion – a giant spiral that descended farther than I could see both up and down.

Demyx walked through the door behind me.  “Man, we have to walk down all _that_?”

I frowned at the long drop.  There was a wall on the outside of the spiral staircase, but in the middle was a seemingly endless hole.  “We’ll never make it in time for breakfast if we walk.”  The bedroom clock had read 6:07.  I took my mace from my pocket and looked it over in my hand.  “But I think I’ve got a better idea…”


	9. Stair Sledding

As I concentrated, my mace expanded into a thin metal sheet with a pointed front and edges that curved upwards.  Basically, it formed what looked like a mix between a trash can lid, a bowl, and a giant bullet.

“Ta-da!”  While not exactly the prettiest thing I’d ever made, I was proud of the design.  There were two dents for us to sit in and rails on the bottom that I could keep softened slightly to absorb the impact of bumping down the stairs.  After all, I didn’t want to walk down those stairs or miss breakfast any more than Demyx.

“Awesome!”  Demyx jumped in the front end of the sled, holding his hands in the air.

“No way.  You’re in the back,” I said, shoving him behind me and taking the front seat.

“Aww.”

“Quit whining.  We’ll have to work together to steer this.”  I was never the most polite ‘curtsey-set-your-napkin-in-your-lap-sip-your-tea-with-your-pinky-extended’ kind of girl, but I realized how rude I’d become.  I blamed it on my lack of food and sleep and the fact that you couldn’t survive in the Organization if you were a softie.  Being nice and polite marked you as a target.  “Three… Two… One… Here we go!”  I pushed off of the first stair and we slid down _way_ faster than I expected.

I couldn’t tell if Demyx was excited or terrified from the way he was screaming with his arms waving all over the place.  Technically I guess he was neither, but trying to decode fake emotions was a pain.

“Demyx, hold on!  Lean to the right!”  Why weren’t there any rails on these stairs?  I jerked our sled so we didn’t crash into the wall, but it was hard to maneuver with Demyx's weight as well as my own.

“Woo hoo!”  He was definitely just excited now, but he still wouldn’t help me steer.  We hit the curved wall at an angle and bounced off sideways, flipping the sled backwards.

“Now I’m in the front!”  Demyx yelled happily.

“Gah, you idiot, we’re going backwards!  I can’t steer us backwards!”  We were going too fast for me to concentrate much on manipulating the metal.  All I could do was keep us from getting flung out every time we bounced over a stair.

We rammed into the wall again and again while I tried to concentrate long enough to flip us back around, but it was impossible.

“Demyx!  Can you use water to get us facing forward somehow?”  I nearly fell out as we landed harder than usual after bumping.  We still weren’t slowing down!

“But I like being in the front!”  He whined.

“JUST DO IT BEFORE I BASH YOUR HEAD IN WITH MY MACE!”  See, that’s another way you needed to be mean to survive.

“Isn’t that what we’re sitting on?”

I paused before I wordlessly screamed at him, realizing he was right.  In my _oh-yeah-duh_ moment I forgot to soften the sled’s treds, and we were flung forward.  Or maybe it was backward.  Whatever direction the sled was moving in.  We flew out of our seats, but somehow the sled caught us before we hit the steps and we kept flying down the stairs at the same breakneck speed.

“ _Please_ just do _something!_ ”

“Fine, since you said please.”  Demyx summoned a water blob that slid under us, slowing us down and gently turning the metal sled.  “Now what do you say?”

“Thank you, Demyx.”  I rolled my eyes, and he smirked smugly.  The best time to give a manners lesson was definitely _not_ when you were close to falling to your doom.

“You’re welcome.  Man, do these stairs go on forever?”

I smiled despite our rather dangerous situation.  That was Demyx – getting distracted and changing the subject as quickly as we were sliding down the stairs.  He was right, though; I still couldn’t see the ground.

“If you help me steer maybe we’ll get down there without dying,” I said, fingers clenched on the sides of the sled.  Without realizing it I’d liquefied and refrozen the metal around my hands so much that they were stuck halfway inside it.

“Alright.”  Demyx sighed and put his hands down, pulling the sled left.

“NO NOT THAT WAY!”  I screeched.  “Are your eyes even _OPEN?_ ”

“Woo hoo!”  he flung his arms in the air again as we rebounded off the wall, and this time it was hard enough to not only spin us backwards but also send us flying _off the entire spiral_ into the _giant gaping hole_ in the middle.

We screamed the entire way down, and trust me, it was a long, _long_ way down.  Without anything slowing us it took at least twenty seconds.  I kept trying and failing to grab the sled so I could soften it to break our fall, so I grabbed Demyx and pushed him under me.  How was that possible in mid-air, anyway?  Somehow we got flipped around and I ended up under him right before the impact.

The floor was hard and cold, but surprisingly non-deadly.  Demyx’s butt landing on my face was way more painful.

I shoved him off as quickly as possible.  “How much candy do you _eat?_   I think you broke my jaw.”

“Nah, you’re still talking fine.  That did hurt a little, though.”  He looked perfectly okay.  I stood shakily and picked up the sled which was lying a few feet away, changing it back into a mace and stowing it in my pocket.

“A _little?_   Did you notice we could’ve DIED?  ….Why aren’t we dead, anyway?”

Demyx shrugged.  “No clue.  But hey, we got down faster!”

I was about to launch into a rant, but I realized I really just wanted to stuff my mouth full of food rather than talk with it.  “Come on,” I said, sighing.

We walked through the door into a combined dining and living area, where Zexion had laid out the most delicious-looking breakfast I’d ever seen on a white marble table with four chairs at it.

“You’re finally here,” Zexion said, looking up from the bowl of fresh fruit he was arranging.  “I almost thought you would be late.”

“Late for breakfast?  Never,” I said, rubbing my still-sore jaw and taking a seat across from Lexaeus, who sat with his arms folded.  Demyx took the seat to my left.

“How did you injure yourself?”  Zexion asked.

Guess it’s obvious when you’ve fallen a few hundred feet and gotten squashed by a Nobody who needed to lay off the candy.  “We, uh, fell down the stairs.”

“Yeah, but riding the sled before that was awesome!”  Demyx inputted.  I regretted coming up with the idea, which had seemed much better at the time.

Zexion glared at us like we were idiots.  Which we were.  “Did you not think to open a dark corridor?”

“But you can’t – oh wait…”  Demyx trailed off.

“We can’t go to places we haven’t seen or been directed to, but we could’ve put a portal at the bottom of the stairs when we were at the top, couldn’t we?”  I’d been too tired and hungry to think about it.

Zexion nodded.

Commence banging forehead on table.


	10. Bathroom Wars

“Why can’t the Dusks do this?”  Demyx whined, scrubbing a toilet.

I sprayed some chemical on the already spotless shower.  “Zexion said they don’t get along with all the Heartless here.”  To prove my point, a Shadow materialized on the sink, and I sprayed it with my yellow bottle.  “Aren’t there some rooms where Heartless _don’t_ randomly show up?”  I asked as it disappeared back into the darkness.

Demyx shrugged.  “Guess not.  Man, I’d hate for one to show up here when I’m in the shower.”

I winched, trying to get that picture out of my head.  “Thanks for the mental image,” I said, spraying him.

“Hey, you wouldn’t want that to happen either!  Oh wait, I forgot you don’t bathe.”  He shook toilet water off his brush at me.

“Demyx!”  I yelled in response to the disgusting water flying into my face.  “And how many times do I have to tell you that’s _not true_!”  I shot him back, getting the foamy white chemical in his hair.  It did something to his hair gel, and the two-hour hairdo turned into what looked like a wet mop hanging in his face.

Demyx’s hands flew to his head, dropping the toilet brush.  “What did you do to my hair?”

“I don’t know, but that’s what you get for flinging toilet water and mocking me!”

“You sprayed me first!”

I sprayed him again.  “Now I sprayed you last, too!” 

He picked up the brush and dipped it back in the toilet, then rubbed it across my face.

The war was _on._

I sprayed Demyx’s face and ducked as he swung the toilet brush at me, diving to grab another spray bottle from the cabinet under the sink.  Demyx kept whacking me as I tried to stand up, so I squirted him with the white and blue fluids.

“Ow, that was my eye- argf!”  He spat out chemicals that I’d somehow shot directly in his mouth.  “Fine, be that way!”

He grinned and summoned his sitar.

Should’ve seen this coming.

He jumped behind the shower curtain as I sprang up, still spraying all over the place.  My constant spraying had left the bathroom covered in light blue soapiness.  The towels were stained and wet, and the whole place looked worse than before we started ‘cleaning.’

I slipped in some toilet water and fell over, sprawled out on my back with the breath knocked out of me.  My two spray bottles skidded away as Demyx started to play his sitar.

Just another in my growing list of terrible ideas.  Why’d I start a fight with Demyx in a _bathroom,_ of all places?

The toilet, sink, and shower all erupted with water, and Demyx sent it flying at my face.

”Hope you’re still scared of water!”

“I am not-!”  My sentence was cut off as water rushed up my nose and down my throat.  Seconds later I was trapped in a bubble floating in the air.

_Why does everyone try to suffocate me?_   I tried to swim to the edge of the bubble, but Demyx moved it with me.

“Put me down!”  I tried to yell, but I was just wasting my air.  Air bubbles flew out of my mouth and drifted lazily to the top of the sphere.

I summoned my mace and formed it into a tube, melding one side to my face and the other outside the bubble so I could breathe.  The problem was, the entire room was filling up from the constant flow, and the water below was about to envelop the sphere.

“Demyx!  Stop it!”  I yelled through the tube.  He was swimming around in the rising water like a happy fish, blowing bubbles and leaving the faucets still on.

I facepalmed in slow motion from the water resistance.  “Of course!”  Concentrating, I melted the metal of the sink faucets and showerhead shut, but the toilet was still gushing water.  At least I wouldn’t drown as quickly, then.

Suddenly the door opened, and Demyx dropped my bubble with a splash into the rest of the water.  My breathing straw washed away.

It took about two seconds for the water to crash out the door, leaving a very annoyed and very, very wet Zexion glaring at us with his arms folded.

“What in the name of Kingdom Hearts are you doing?”  He asked.

“…Cleaning?”  Demyx replied as I peeled myself off of the wet floor.

To my surprise, the bathroom really _was_ clean.  I could almost see sparkles of cleanliness on the walls and faucets, which I melded back to their original shapes before Zexion could notice.  That only left the problem of all the water, which Demyx quickly dried up.

“Yeah.  Really deep cleaning,” I added.

Zexion sighed and shook his head, but he couldn’t argue that we hadn’t done our job, and done it well at that.  He disappeared through a dark corridor.

“Sweet!  Zexy doesn’t trust us with anything too difficult, so we’re off the hook for the rest of the day!”  Demyx said.  _Zexy?_   “Uh, now what?”

“Well since we finally have a break, I’m going to go take a nap.  By the way, you might want to fix your hair.”


	11. Fire and Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: bad decisions, cake, Portal references, sediment-shaped sediment...

"Sorry,” I apologized, catching the fish on my half of the hibachi grill on fire for the sixth time today.  Demyx yawned, sending a blob of water to extinguish it.

"That was our last fish,” Zexion said disapprovingly, scraping off the charred remains into a trash can.  "Maybe a simple cake would be closer to your skill level."

"How about, like, breakfast cereal?  I don't think you can burn that."  Demyx sat on one of the bar stools at the counter.  "Well, you never know with her."

"Shut up,” I growled.  My dad had been able to cook almost anything, but apparently I hadn't inherited the talent.  Zexion was trying to keep an eye on us so we wouldn't destroy anything.  I had a feeling that trying to teach me to cook, as much as I wanted to learn, would probably turn out just as disastrous as one of our pranks.

Zexion pulled out a drawer and ruffled through a large stack of paper, pulling out a recipe.  "Let's make sure we have all the ingredients... one 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix, one can prepared coconut pecan frosting, three-fourths cup vegetable oil, four large eggs, one cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, three-fourths cup butter or margarine, one and two thirds cups granulated sugar, two cups all-purpose flour...  Don't forget garnishes such as fish shaped cracker, fish shaped candies, fish shaped solid waste— what?"

"Let me see that," I said, snatching the recipe.  "Fish shaped dirt, fish shaped ethyl benzene... what kind of cake is this?"

Demyx read over my shoulder.  "I don't know, but I can't even pronounce whatever you just said."  He started reading where I left off.  "Sediment shaped sediment?  Candy coated peanut butter pieces, well that sounds okay... shaped like fish, of course."

I scanned the rest of the page.  "An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands?'"

"I bet Xaldin's read that.  Hey look at all this stuff about rubberb!"  He pointed to the middle of the recipe.

"It's pronounced 'rhubarb,' please have some respect for our language," Zexion corrected, but he was ignored.

"Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb... on fire?"  I laughed.  "One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging-- rhubarb?  Again, what?"

"And look at the part about injector needles..."  Demyx shuddered.  "I hate needles."

"I sure hope you've never actually made this cake,” I said to Zexion.

"I sure haven't.  I have never seen this recipe before, and my old one appears to be missing."  He emptied the recipes out onto the counter and organized them, but he still found no other cake recipe.  Maybe it had been one of Axel’s pranks. That reminded me, I still hadn't seen the other prankster since I'd been here. 

"That's weird," Demyx said.  "Hey, let's bake our own cake recipe!"

"Absolutely not," Zexion said.  "It would most likely be as deadly as this one."

"You don't like the upstairs members, right?"  I said, coming up with an idea.  I'd accidentally interrupted Zexion ranting to Lexaeus about Marluxia, Larxene, and Axel's disrespect and mutiny once.  Larxene wouldn't surprise me if she was a traitor, and Axel tended to do his own thing, but I didn't know anything about Marluxia.  "If the cake turns out to be disgusting-"

"Or poisonous,” Demyx added.

"-then we can give it to them.  As like, a truce gift or something."  I didn't want to poison Axel, but he'd probably be smart enough not to fall for it anyway.

Zexion paused thoughtfully, stroking his chin as a sly grin spread across his face.  "I appreciate the way you think, Xenan."

"Cake!"  Demyx yelled excitedly at the implied approval.

"So, uh, how _do_ you make a cake?"  I asked, hoping Zexion could remember most of his old recipe.  Surprisingly it was Demyx who spoke up.

“I remember a recipe my mom used to make,” he said, fetching a carton of eggs from the refrigerator.

“What kind of cake is it?”  I asked, then did a double take.  “Wait, you can cook stuff?”

Demyx looked offended.  “Why shouldn’t I be able to cook stuff?  Everyone should be able to cook something, but I guess you’re just weird.  And it’s an ice cream cake.  Do we have any ice cream?”  There he went again, changing subjects fast as a raging Larxene.

Zexion opened the freezer, and a heap of sea-salt ice cream bars fell out on top of him.  “I _told_ Axel to stop using our freezer…”  He stepped out of the pile and tripped over one.

Demyx scooped up an armful of the frozen treats.  “Maybe eating all his ice cream will teach him a lesson.”

“What else do we need?”  I asked, opening the pantry.  I figured if Demyx liked his sweets so much it did make sense for him to be able to bake a cake, but I still wasn’t so sure of how good it would turn out.  That could wait until we were done, though— I wanted to cook something today, even if it turned out terrible, just so I could say I had.

“Cookies, milk, flour, cooking oil, powdered sugar, and sugar,” Demyx listed without much thought.

“Two kinds of sugar?”  Of course, this was Demyx’s recipe.  He nodded.

“Oh, and we’ll need whipped cream and butter.”  He looked for the refrigeratable ingredients while Zexion got out a mixing bowl, a round cake pan, and a whisk.

“If anything dangerous happens, it’s on your head,” Zexion said darkly.

“I’ve made this plenty of times!  Well, not since about five years ago, but I used to make it almost every week with my mom,” Demyx said.  “Nothing will go wrong!”

Like I believed that.  At least it wouldn’t be my fault in any way this time.  “I can’t find the flour,” I said, climbing on one of the shelves so I could see to the top of the pantry.

“We always have flour,” Zexion assured me, brushing me aside to climb up some of the shelves himself.  “That’s odd.  There was plenty here yesterday…  I must make sure the upstairs members stay out of my kitchen.  Lexaeus is out shopping at the Moogle Supermarket Where Nothing is Bought; hopefully he will pick up some.”  The names of everything didn’t surprise me anymore, but I did wonder if the closest store was in The World That Never Was.  Where else were things named so stupidly?  To be fair, not all of the rooms in the castle or stores in the city were terribly named, just the ones we tended to use more often.  Naught’s Skyway and the Hall of Empty Melodies sounded pretty awesome.

“That’s okay, I think I used powdered sugar instead of flour once,” Demyx said, setting out the milk, butter, and whipped cream.

“Are you sure we need that much sugar?”  I asked.

“Vexen was experimenting with high doses of sugar.  The results were inconclusive, but from the preliminary data-“

“Yeah, whatever.  It’ll be fine!”  Demyx waved a hand dismissively, cracking an egg into the mixing bowl with his other.  “Pour some of the cooking oil in here.”

“Demyx, I’m not certain I trust your recipe,” Zexion said as I scrambled in the pantry for the oil, finally finding it behind a sack of daikon.  “I’d prefer to use an official, well tested recipe.”

“What do you think cooking is, science?”  That must have been exactly what Zexion thought.  “At least there’re no injector needles in it.”  He poured milk into the bowl.

“Well _that’s_ comforting,” I muttered, unscrewing the lid on the cooking oil.  “Tell me when to stop.”  I tipped the bottle over the side of the bowl and almost dropped the whole thing in.  Demyx grabbed it just in time.

“For someone who likes to eat so much, you really can’t cook,” he said, shaking his head and walking over to the pantry.

I rubbed my hand through my hair and grimaced.  “Yeah, I noticed.  My dad was a great cook, but I guess I didn’t pay much attention to how he did it.”  I sighed.

Demyx set down the metal container of powdered sugar he had found buried under some packets of ramen noodles and stared at me.  “Wait, you didn’t take the time to even try to learn how to cook?”

I avoided his gaze.  “Well, my dad was always there, I just-“

“Do you realize that makes you even lazier than _me_?”  He said in amazement.

“It’s not like that!  I was… busy,” I said lamely, realizing he was partially right.  I should’ve spent more time learning things from Dad when I’d had the chance.  Sure, he’d taught me weaponsmithing, but that had been my life.  Now that I thought about it, what else did I know how to do?  Nothing, really.  I had trained myself only to fight, to stop the Heartless.  I loved my family, but I had always been just too busy to stop working and spend time just ‘hanging out,’ as Demyx would say, with them.  It was those kinds of memories that helped Nobodies like us remember what hearts felt like.

Demyx laughed at my dumb answer.  “Xenan, the hard-working overachiever, is too lazy to learn how to cook a decent meal.”

I hung my head.  “Shut up.”

“Aww, cheer up.  You can learn how to at least bake a cake now,” he said, scooping in giant spoonfuls of powdered sugar, then even larger spoonfuls of regular sugar.  He passed the whisk and bowl to me once he was finished.  “You can do the mixing as soon as we put in the butter and cookies…  Hey, where’s Zexion?”

I stepped outside the kitchen and saw him reading a book on the couch.  “I thought you were going to help us cook.”

“You didn’t listen to my advice when I tried to give it.  Demyx seems to have things under control, anyway,” he said almost spitefully.

“Wait, don’t tell me you’re jealous!”

“Of that lazy outcast?  I think not.”  He slammed his book shut.  “It would do you well to remember we Nobodies do not have hearts, although I would not be jealous even with one.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

Zexion sighed.  “I’m tired of everyone invading my kitchen.”

That was it?  “Oh.  Well, we’ll try to hurry up, and we’ll clean up our mess when we’re done,” I said, heading back into the kitchen.

“Not, I’ll do the cleaning.  Or I’ll get Lexaeus to.  Just don’t try to fix anything,” Zexion said quickly.  He couldn’t forget the soaking he got last time we tried to clean.

“Sure.  No cleaning.”  I shrugged.

“Hey, do you know where to find a rolling pin?”  Demyx asked as I walked in, opening all of the drawers.

“Why would I know?  You’re the amazing cook.  Why don’t you help out in the kitchen back at The Castle That Never Was, anyway?”  I peeled the wrapper off of a stick of butter and it slid out of my fingers onto the tile floor.  I quickly scooped it up and dropped it in the bowl.  Not wasting ingredients was more important than worrying about germs.

“That would be stupid,” Demyx replied like it was the dumbest idea he’d ever heard, spreading the contents of every drawer on the counters so they reminded me of the gleaming weaponry in the armory.  “I’d have to work with Xaldin and Zexion every day, I wouldn’t get paid, and it would be _extra work._ ”

“We already don’t get paid,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, but at least Heartless drop munny.  Aha!”  He pulled out a rolling pin from behind the blender in a cabinet tucked in the corner of the kitchen.  “Now I can crush the cookies!”

I summoned my mace.  “You could’ve told me that.  This is just as good for crushing.”

“Great, then we can crush together!”  He dumped the whole package of chocolate cookies into the round cake pan and started pounding them with the metal pin.

I grinned and hammered away on the cookies too, accidentally denting Demyx’s rolling pin once when I wasn’t careful.  Zexion came in to check on us when he heard the noise, but he left without a word, shaking his head at how stupid we must have looked.

“Those look pounded just as good as someone who got on Saïx’s bad side when the moon was full,” Demyx said proudly.

“Thanks. I think that’s a good thing, anyway.  I’m good at hitting things,” I said.  “Wait, what does Saïx do when the moon’s full?”

“In the armory, you saw how there’s a crossed out XI, right?”

“Oh.”  I suddenly felt extremely lucky the moon wasn’t full that night.

“Yeah.  Let’s get these cookie crumbs into the bowl and you can start mixing.”  He dumped in the crushed cookies, and I started whisking.

“So you’re _sure_ about this recipe?”  I asked for what felt like the millionth time.

Demyx pushed a few buttons on the oven.  “It has sugar in it and I’ve eaten it before.  How bad can it be?”

XXX

When I finished the mixing, the cake batter was a creamy light brown and smelled delicious.  Demyx poured half of it into the round cake pan and half into another one he yanked out of a cabinet.  He slid both pans into the oven, not trusting me not to catch something on fire.  I was perfectly fine with that—I didn’t trust myself not to catch anything on fire either.

“What do we do with all the ice cream?”  I asked as we were lounging around the kitchen, waiting for the cakes to be ready.

“It’ll go between the two layers, and then we’ll put whipped cream and powdered sugar on top.”  He took a new bowl and a giant spoon from the mess lying all over the counters.  “Go ahead and unwrap some of the ice cream bars.”

“How many?”  I asked, ripping off a wrapper.

“Six will probably work.  I’ll put up the rest.”  He set down the bowl and I scraped the light blue dessert off the stick and into it.  It didn’t take long for me to finish the other five and discard the sticks.

“Now what?”  I paced around the kitchen, glancing at the oven every few seconds like I expected the cakes to pop out and run away.

“This is baking.  You can’t expect it to bake in just a few minutes.”

“Oh.”  I sat on the counter.  “Well how long _does_ it take?”  I was starving from working with all the food.  That was another reason I’d be a terrible cook:  I would eat the ingredients out of impatience and hunger.  I still liked to think there was hope for my lack of skill, but it would take a lot of work to make a cook out of me.

“This cake takes about an hour.”  Demyx sat down next to me.  Ugh, that long doing nothing but sitting around and waiting?

“I have an idea!”  I said, jumping up.  I fished around in my pocket for a card with a picture of fire on it and held it up, opening the oven slightly.

“Xenan, I don’t think-“

“Fire!”  I yelled, and the card turned into a flash of light, a flame appearing in its place that scorched the cakes.  Demyx rushed over and pulled out the two pans, his gloves protecting his hands from the heat.

“What did you do that for? They’re probably burnt to a crisp!”  He set down the cake layers and inspected them.  “They’re… they’re… perfectly fine?”

“Of course they are!  It’s magical fire,” I said, secretly surprised that I hadn’t ruined them.  At least we didn’t have to wait now.  Doing anything was better than wasting time just waiting.

“Wow, and I thought it was going to look just as bad as the time Axel caught Marluxia’s garden on fire… Well, let’s finish it up, then,” he said.

I mixed up the ice cream until it was easily spreadable and spooned it on top of one cake, and Demyx gently dumped the other cake on top of that.  He topped it off by drowning the entire cake in fluffy whipped cream with a dusting of powdered sugar.

“Yay, let’s go tell Zexion!”  Demyx yelled, running out of the kitchen and dragging a very unenthusiastic-looking Zexion back in.  “Who wants first slice?”  He asked, fetching a knife.

Zexion and I stared at each other.

“He does,” I said, pointing to him.

“She does,” he said simultaneously, and Demyx pouted.

“Neither of you want to try my cake?”

I rubbed the back of my neck.  “We _do_ want to try the cake; we just don’t want to try the cake _first._ ”

“Why not?”  He cut a slice and set it on a white plate, pushing it towards me.

“There is about a ninety-four point six percent chance it will either be deadly, or at the very least cause severe damage to our internal organs,” Zexion said matter-of-factly.  Could his nose detect that?  Demyx had said that he could smell anything from how much magic you had left to what you’d eaten for breakfast two days ago.  I wasn’t sure I believed that, but a lot of the Organization members had weird abilities.  “Xenan will try the cake first.”

I took a step back, recoiling.  “What?  Why me?”

Zexion pushed me forward.  “You will do it because I’m in charge of both of you, Demyx is most likely immune to sugar by now, and there’s no way I’m going to eat it first.”

“That’s just terrible,” I muttered, but I took the fork Demyx offered me.  Sniffing the piece of cake nervously, I took a bite.

It was delicious.  It was really, really, _really_ delicious.  If butterflies and rainbows and magic could be baked into a cake (well, I guess some fire magic actually had been baked in), that’s what it would taste like.

I sighed happily, then began shoveling the rest into my mouth.

Demyx beamed at me and cut him and Zexion pieces.  “I told you it would be fine!”

Zexion still took a big whiff first.  It would have been much more comforting if he’d done that before I’d tried it.

“This is wonderful,” Zexion said in shock.

“Tastes just like how Mom used to make it, but better! Maybe your Fire spell did something.”

Zexion’s fork clattered to the ground, his face changing to a look of pure terror.  “You used _magic_ to cook?”

Uh-oh.  Was that bad?  “Yeah, it was taking too long.”

“Oh, no, I can’t believe you honestly…”  He trailed off, rubbing his temples.  “How did I not smell it?”

“What?”  I asked.  “What’s going to happen to us?”

“With that much sugar in it as well…”  Zexion muttered while looking at the floor, then stared at me straight in the eyes.  “In about seventy-four seconds we will all be more insane than Saïx under the full moon.”

XXX

“Zexion and Lexaeus left a cake sitting around?  They’re just begging me to steal it!”  Axel picked up the cake and opened a dark corridor.  _Maybe Marluxia and Larxene will be distracted by it long enough for me to carry out… certain plans._


	12. Cake-Induced Insanity

“Hi Marly!”  Zexion yelled happily as we barged into the pink-haired Nobody’s pink-walled bedroom.

“HI Zexy!”  He yelled back, jumping on his pink bed.

I pushed past Zexy and Demyx, who was recording us with a video camera for some reason.

“COLOR!”  I yelled, attempting to hug the pink wall, but I only accomplished ramming my face into it and getting the still-wet paint all over my cheek and coat.  The neon-ness of Maruxia’s room was headache inducing, but a nice change from the boring white of the rest of C.O.

“Fwee!”  Demyx yelled, jumping on the bad with Marluxia.  Everyone sounded like Demyx when he sings in the shower (the noise carries into the halls) - in other words, it was like we were yelling everything we said at the top of our lungs. Actually, my throat was kind of sore, so maybe we _were_ yelling everything at the top of our lungs. “Did you like my cake?”

“You made that? It was fabulous!  But something happened after Axel gave it to me and I can’t remember…”  Marluxia stopped jumping, confused, the shrugged and jumped some more.  “Oh well.  Want a flower?”  He pulled a pink rose out of… somewhere, and gave it to Demyx, who ate it.

I rolled on the floor laughing and smearing paint into the carpet, watching Demyx gag and spit out the flower.  Marluxia stared at the slobbery remains in shock, mouth wide open.

“You.  Just.  Ate.  My.  FLOWER!”  He raged, punching Demyx in the stomach and sending him reeling into the headboard.

“Hey!  I will kerfuffle you!”  He threw a pink pillow at Marluxia’s face, and soon they were engaged in an epic pillow war that Zexion and I weren’t about to miss out on.  The problem was, there were only two pillows in the room.

“Here!”  Zexion tossed me a can of pink paint and grabbed one himself, and we cracked open the lids together.

“CHARGE!”  We ran across the room, dripping the liquid all over the carpet. I caught sight of our reflections in one of Marly's mirrors and realized that we had the stupidest expressions on our faces, which cracked me up.

Demyx and Marluxia turned at the last second with their fluffy pillows still raised above their heads when we threw the cans at them, dying them pink.  Zexion and I cackled at their angry scrunched-up faces, and they threw their pillows with enough force to knock both of us over.

We were all simultaneously laughing our faces off and throwing punches at each other, though somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered why no one was using weapons or magic. Maybe the others all forgot they could. Besides, pillow and paint attacks were way more fun.  Those weren’t things Nobodies usually did as far as I was aware.  Well, maybe beating each other up was normal.  For beings supposedly lacking hearts, a lot of members seemed to have anger issues.

The door was thrown open again, and Axel and Larxene ninja-rolled in, shooting us with marshmallows.

“For Kingdom Hearts!  But mostly because we feel like it!”  They called out their battle cry, reloading marshmallows into their pipe-guns.

Demyx sprung out of the chaos and onto the bed, grabbing the camera he had dropped there.  “So much counter-blackmail!”  Huh?  What was that supposed to mean?  Oh well, it probably didn’t matter.  Why worry about that when there was so much _fun_ to have?

“Hello there, nice to see you again!”  I yelled, whacking Axel upside the head with Demyx’s pillow before Larxene ripped it out of my hands and hurled it at Zexion, who was yanking on Marluxia’s hair while meowing like a cat.

“Nice to see you too, pranking buddy!”  He shot me in the eye with a marshmallow.  I picked up the gun Larxene had dropped and stole some rock-solid gummy bears out of Demyx’s pocket as he moved to get a better shot with his camera.

“Hey!  I was gonna eat those… eventually.”  I ignored him and lodged the candies into the end of the gun and blew into the other end, shooting a blast of old gummy bears out the pipe, past Axel’s arm, and into Zexion’s back.

“Ow!”  He turned on me, tackling me to the ground.  I pushed him off and into the air easily, giggling like a lunatic.

“This is madness!”  Demyx exclaimed, capturing every second of it digitally.

Axel jumped up, summoning a fireball in his palm.  “Madness?  THIS!  IS!  PYROMANIA!”  He lobbed the ball of flame at Demyx’s hair.

“Ahh!”  He screamed, running around in circles for a few seconds while we laughed before he remembered he could put it out.  “You are going to PAY FOR THAT!”

I remembered somewhere in the back of my mind the time Demyx almost drowned me for messing up his hair.

“Goodbye!”  I bolted out the door with everyone else running away from Demyx behind me.  Even during all this, we were still giggling madly.  Vexen and his creepy evil scientist laugh would’ve been proud.

Demyx tripped and fell on his face, dropping the camera and panting.  “I… give… up.”  He gasped between breaths.

“Let’s have a party!”  Marluxia randomly interjected, and we all chimed in our agreement.  I pulled Demyx up onto his feet.

“Come on!”

**~A few insane minutes later…~**

We raided what was left in the basement kitchen and took the food to the upstairs game room, which I didn’t even know existed.  From the amazed expressions of their faces, nobody but Marluxia did either.

“Sweet!”  Demyx dropped the camera and the chip bags he was carrying and ran to where a Wii with Dance Dance Revolution was set up.

“Ooh!  I wanna play too!”  Zexion tossed his cans of squash soda onto an air hockey table, and Marluxia cracked one open, laughing as it sprayed in his face.

_Huh?  Something is-_ Pain exploded in my head and I leaned against the wall, barely hearing Caramelldansen, Demyx’s favorite song, blasting through the speakers from the game.  I winced and clutched my head.  _What?  Why am I here with all these idi- oh…_ The cake.  That must be its effects wearing off, but why wasn’t anyone else—

“Wanna be my bestest friend?”  Larxene asked me in a childish voice, rocking back and forth with her hands clasped behind her back like a self-conscious schoolgirl.

“Hey, I thought I was your bestest friend!”  Axel whined.

_We’re all acting like five year olds, but with a much greater capacity to hurt ourselves._   The thought and my pain quickly faded.

“I wanna be her bestest friend!”  I argued, trying to get in Axel’s face, which was difficult since he was about a foot taller than me.

He grabbed Larxene’s arm and yanked her towards him.  “She’s mine!”

I yanked her back.  “No!  Mine!”  I hissed at him like a kitten trying to look like a tiger.  Why did I want to be Larxene’s ‘bestest friend’ anyway?  I hated her, as much as a Nobody could.

Larxene looked at both of us and rolled her eyes, shoving us away.  “You’re losers.  I’m gonna be _his_ best friend!”  She ran over to Marluxia and glomped him to the floor.

_Aww, I but I wanted to have a bestest friend…_   I looked at Axel hopefully.  ”Will you be _my_  bestest friend?”

“Okay!”  We both brightened up and held hands, skipping around the room.

“Look at us!”  Demyx said happily, dancing his pants off to Nyancat (why in the worlds was _that_ on there?) on Dance Dance Revolution.  Literally, they were starting to slip off his waist, but he tugged them back up before anything bad could happen, like him tripping and messing up his near-perfect score.

I was looking, but not at Demyx.  Who would’ve guessed Zexion could breakdance?  He was spinning all over the dance mat, slapping the correct panels with his hands and feet in a blur.  I grabbed Demyx’s camera off the ground to record it.  Axel walked up next to me, waving his fists in the air and cheering them on while Larxene continued to suffocate Marluxia with hugs over by the air hockey table.

“Zexy’s beating you, Demy!”  I yelled.  “I thought you were the Supreme Overlord of Dance!” 

Pain throbbed in my head for a moment, stopping me from further taunting.

Demyx summoned three Dancer Nobodies to help him once he saw Zexion’s score inch above his.

“No fair!  That’s cheating!”  Zexion whined.

“So is being an unregistered ninja!”  Demyx shot back.  _What?_

I swayed a bit, pain and dizziness flooding my head at once.

“Are you okay, bestest friend?”  Axel steadied me and pulled a marshmallow out of his pocket.  “Want one?”

I took the marshmallow and shoved it in my mouth, walking unsteadily over to the air hockey table and gulping down six cans of soda in a row.

The largest burp I’d ever heard belted out of my mouth, shaking the floor.  Then I collapsed.

**~Meanwhile, with people who are still conscious~**

Demyx and Zexion fell over from the shockwave.

“Xenny!  You ruined my score!”  Demyx whined, standing up.  “Xenny?”

Axel poked the limp body.  “Don’t worry, she’s just sleepy.”  His concerned face twisted into a mischievous grin.  “I have an idea!”


	13. Failed Experience

“Wha-Ow!”  I yelled, a Wii remote bruising the side of my head.  What in the worlds was going on?  Demyx and I were doing something in the kitchen… baking a cake!  And then I killed it with fire but it wasn’t dead; it was delicious but then Zexion said-

_Oh no.  Oh, no no no no no..._

I tried to dodge a donut Axel threw at my head, only to realize I was hanging from the ceiling.  Upside-down.

_Well that’s just wonderful... How did the upstairs members get here?  Did they get ahold of the cake too?_

I had definitely missed something important. My mind was a blank from when the magic-sugar must’ve kicked in until now.  But how come I was the only one who seemed sane?  Was it because I ate the cake first?

“Wave to the camera, Xenan!”  Demyx called, recording while Axel, Marluxia, Larxene, and Zexion threw whatever they could find in the game room at me.  _We have a game room?_

I waved at him, then realized what I was doing and glared.  Maybe the effects weren’t completely gone. 

“What’s going on?  Get me down from here!”  An air hockey puck flew into my mouth, propelled by Larxene’s incredible speed and aim, and I spit it out on Marluxia’s head.

Demyx shrugged.  “I dunno, but I’ve got some counter-blackmail on all you guys!  I’ll never have to work again!”  Why couldn’t he think about anything but getting out of work?  At least that meant he was sane too, but why wasn’t anyone else?  Maybe Zexion was right about him being partially immune to sugar.

“Aren’t you even a little concerned that they’re _throwing stuff at me_ and I’m _dangling from the ceiling_?”

“Not really,” Demyx said, grinning as Marluxia lobbed the entire Wii and the cords attached to it at my face.

“Arg!”  I yelled in pain, struggling to untangle my arms from the sticky, rubbery rope.  “What is this stuff made of?”

“Fruit by the Foot,” Demyx replied as Larxene savagely bit off a dangling end.

Not going to ask.  “We have to get them back to normal!”

“Why?”  Demyx asked.

“Why?  Because… because this is our fault!  And I don’t want to stay up here!”

Axel took another roll of Fruit by the Foot and sneakily wrapped it around Demyx’s ankles.

“Hey!”  He yelled, tripping and falling on Larxene, who smacked him in the face.  “Maybe that is a good idea,” he admitted, picking himself up and ripping off the food-rope.

I kept struggling, quickly snapping the Fruit by the Foot that was tied to the fan and crashing down on Marluxia and Zexion.  Chewing off the gummy food around my wrists, I ran out the door.

“I’ll check Vexen’s lab for information, you watch the maniacs!”

Demyx stared after me, looking like a kitten surrounded by wolf pups.

**~In Vexen’s Lab~**

“This would be so much easier if I knew what I was looking for.”  I opened a file cabinet that creaked ominously, and I thought I heard a door slide open.  Vexen sure liked to keep his lab cold, dark, and creepy. I shivered even though the cold didn’t bother me much; the Organization coats were like wearable ovens.

Vexen’s files looked like children had used them for doodling pages.  I probably just didn’t understand the complex math and charts.

“This is pointless,” I muttered, then whipped my head around at the sound of a vial clattering to the floor.  “Who’s there?”

Something leapt out of the shadows and pinned me to the cold floor before I could think.

“What are you doing here?  Are you with _Vexen?_   You’re wearing the same coat!”  The thing, which was actually a silver-haired kid in a weird Heartless-symboled costume with some skirt-like thing around his waist, hissed in my face.

“Isn’t Vexen dead?”  I asked, too shocked from the impact to protest being sat on.

The boy’s grip release and he jumped off of me.  “Really?”  He asked, like I had offered him candy and he was afraid I would take it back.

“Yeah.  Why’d you knock me over like that?  Who are you?”  He seemed pretty suspicious.  _Anything_ in Vexen’s lab was suspicious.

He ignored my questions, giggling and dancing about and smashing things.  “Ha ha ha!  I’m free!”

Something was definitely wrong with his head.  For all I knew, he could’ve managed to get some cake as well.  “Answer my questions!  What do you mean ‘free?’”

He cartwheeled up next to me and suffocated me in a huge hug.  “I’m R-2, short for Riku Replica no. 2.  R-1 died and R-3, _Vexen’s_ favorite, is… somewhere.  You released me when you pulled out that drawer.”  Still squeezing my guts out, he pointed to a large glass box in the far back corner of the lab that only had a small food bowl and pile of toilet paper, like it was a cage for an animal.  Vexen really must’ve been a jerk to make anything live in a place like this.

“Um that’s wonderful I can’t breathe,” I squeaked out.

“Sorry.”  He let go and started bouncing up and down like Demyx on sugar.

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to figure out how to get some crazy people back to normal.”  I turned away and flipped through some tabs in an open drawer with labels like “keyblades,” “memory extraction,” and “the secret ingredient: turtles.”  Really?  Secret ingredient of what? Never mind, moving on…

“Ooh!  I’ll help!”  R-2 volunteered.

“How?”

“I watched a ton of _Vexen’s_ experiments—mostly failed ones, like me.”  He frowned for a second, but then his face brightened again.  “I can tell you anything you need to know about what he researched.”

Well that sounded better than digging around file cabinets all day _._ “Did he test anything about combinations of sugar and magic?”

R-2 suddenly stopped bouncing and clung to my arm like a leech, hyperventilating.  “That was part of how R-1 died,” he whispered.

I tried to slip my arm out of his grasp, but failed.  “Part of?”

“ _Vexen_ tried to make an antidote to the insanity that R-1 developed after eating sugar, but it poisoned him.  He sprouted these black bumps that smelled like rotting fish, well, I think it was like rotting fish.  I’ve never actually smelled rotting fish.  It doesn’t sound nice.”  He paused, trying to remember what he had been talking about.  “Anyway, he died.  From what I heard it could’ve worn off in about five hours on its own.”  R-2 sniffed and wiped away a tear.  What had his life been like?  Apparently R-1 had been his friend, another failed experiment.  I still had no idea what he meant by ‘Riku replica,’ but he seemed like a good enough person to trust, if clingy.

“Thank you,” I said, opening a dark corridor.

“Wait, where are you going?”  He stepped in front of me.

“Gotta go help Demyx babysit.”  I pushed past and put on foot through.

“I’m coming too!  Don’t leave me in here!”  He bowled me over and we both tumbled into the game room.

**~While Xenan was gone…~**

“Um, so… who wants to play a game?”  Demyx asked the other Organization members, who were staring at him creepily.

“Me!”  All of their hands shot up in the air.

“Great!  It’s called hide and seek.  You guys hide somewhere in the room, I’ll count to thirty, and then I’ll come find you.  Go on, I’ll start counting.”  Demyx put a hand over his eyes while the others scrambled around the room.

Axel wedged his skinny frame behind the TV, and Marluxia dived under a white bean bag that barely covered him.  Larxene scanned the room carefully and decided the ceiling was the most effective hiding place.  Things were about to get a lot worse for Demyx – Larxene had remembered how to summon her knives.  Defying gravity, she stuck them into the wall, leaving behind small cracks, and climbed up, resting on top of the fan.  Zexion created illusions of himself and sent them all over the room, but he hid in a closet full of old video games. 

“Twenty-nine, thirty!  Ready or not here I come!” Demyx called, looking right past Marluxia’s hiding spot until the pink-haired Nobody giggled.  “Found you!”

“Nuh-uh!”  Marluxia summoned some flower petals to blow in Demyx’s face, making him sneeze while Marluxia crawled out from under the bean bag and ran into the closet.

“Ow!  You’re squishing me!”  Zexion whined, pinching Marluxia.

“Meanie!”  Soon they were tossing old video game cases at each other and strangling themselves with cords.

Demyx coughed out pollen, trying to find more of the maniacs’ hiding places.  He saw one of Zexion’s illusions under the air hockey table, but as soon as he tagged it, it disappeared.

“Hey!  That’s not fair,” Demyx pouted.  The illusions were in all of the obvious places, but he couldn’t find any of the people he was looking for even though he did see some suspicious puncture holes in the wall.  “I thought I was good at hide-and-seek.”

Eventually he found Axel, who poked him hard on the nose and fled into the closet with Marluxia and Zexion, who were drowning in the tangled-up cords.  Demyx opened the door and sent them all spilling out in a heap of flailing limbs.

“Found all of you!  Wait, better check.”  He poked Zexion’s face to make sure he wouldn’t disappear.  “Yep, found all of you!  But where’s-“

“WHEEEEEE!”  Larxene jumped off of the ceiling fan and landed on Demyx, squishing his face against the floor.

“Gerroff me!”  Demyx flopped around, trying to shake off her and the other grown-up children piled on top of him.  _So that’s why the wall’s all messed up._   By now all of them had remembered how to summon their weapons and were hitting him with chakrams, knives, a book, and a scythe.  It was a shock that Demyx survived the assault at all, but luckily they couldn’t remember how to fight very well and mostly just tore up his coat.  Zexion also summoned more illusions of whatever he could think of, including a demonic unicorn, giant Swiss cheese slices with faces, and a large injector needle.

“I hate needles!  And Swiss cheese!”  Demyx yelled, summoning his sitar.  Struggling out of the mob, he bashed the illusions out of existence.  Except for the unicorn.  Demonic or not, he had a soft spot for unicorns.

“New game!”  Larxene exclaimed, waving her knives.  “Tag!  I’m it!”

Everyone ran away very fast.

“Xenan, where are you?”  Demyx whispered, cowering in the corner as Larxene chased down Marluxia, her ‘bestest friend,’ and sliced a hole in the back of his coat.

**~A while later, when Xenan returns…~**

“Ooh!  A game!  I want to play!”  R-2 yelled, and I separated myself from the floor for the third time that day.

“I’m not sure that’s a game…”  Larxene, Axel, and Marluxia were chasing Demyx around with the weapons they’d apparently remembered how to summon.  Zexion was passed out in a corner.  Was he back to normal?  He had been the next one to eat the cake.  But how long had it taken for him to fall unconscious?“Demyx!  Over here!”  I called after scooping up Zexion in my arms.  He weighed less than my old smithing hammers.

I ran to the door, set Zexion down, and opened it.  I dragged him out behind me with Demyx following and slammed the door in Larxene’s face.

“Finally!  I thought they were going to eat me alive,” Demyx said, relieved.  “Who was that other guy?”

“Some project of Vexen’s named R-2.  I found him in Vexen’s lab, and he thinks the sugar will wear off in five hours total.  How long has it been since I ate the first bite of cake?”

Zexion shifted, interrupting Demyx’s answer.  “Four hours and thirty-six minutes,” he murmured, sitting up.  “Wait, what happened?”

Demyx explained everything since he still had all the memories, as well as the footage from the camera in his pocket.

“Yes, it should take five hours from the time they ate the cake.  How did you discover this?”

I lied, saying I found a paper on it in Vexen’s lab.  If Zexion found out about R-2, he would probably prefer to get rid of him or lock him up back in the lab.  As annoying as the replica seemed to be, I had a lot of questions for him.  And, you know, it’s not nice to condemn someone to life in a glass box.

“I think the reason Xenan regained sanity so soon was because it was her own magic in the cake,” Zexion theorized.  “We would need to do controlled testing to be sure-“

“No thanks,” I interrupted.  “I’m not eating sugar for a long time.”

I summoned my mace and formed it into a doorstop.  According to Demyx’s footage, they hadn’t remembered to use dark corridors, and R-2 would probably keep them entertained.  Wedging it under the door, I leaned back and closed my eyes.  “There’s only twenty-four minutes until they should be back to normal, well, a little longer since we don’t know how soon after us they ate the cake.  Let’s just wait out here for them to calm down.  Wake me up when you can’t hear any screaming.”


	14. Cards are Dumb

“I can’t believe Zexion is making us do this!  I got blackmail on him!”  Demyx whined, shooting water at a Scarlet Tango that flew away in fear.

I cartwheeled away from a Defender and held up a Blizzara card, shooting the cold magic at its back.  “He’s not afraid of you.  And he had to punish us somehow after all the damage Lexaeus found in the kitchen.”  Before we’d gone to wreak havoc on the upstairs, we’d apparently had some ‘fun’ in the kitchen.  It hadn’t been on the video, but there was obviously nobody else to blame.  “Use your cards!  It’s easier.”

“Not it’s not!”  Demyx could only spray the Heartless with weak blasts of water.  He’d tried using the cards but ended up getting hit while digging for the right ones in his terribly messy pockets.  It had gotten so bad he’d even tried fighting normally, which he didn’t like to do even outside C.O., but he found out the hard way why cards were necessary when his sitar rebounded off an invisible barrier in front of a Heartless and whacked him in the face.  Even after that he tried a good six more times with other Heartless to make sure it wasn’t just the first Heartless he had fought.

“Of course it’s easier!  Watch!”  I shuffled around for three cards with my mace printed on them and held them up.  They flashed away as I tossed my mace in the air and it split into tiny shards that honed in on the Heartless.  Sleights were pretty cool – the one advantage of the card system.  “I’ve been practicing that one.”

“Well _I_ don’t spend every waking moment training!  I’m not cut out for this!”  He complained, still spraying water.  It worked okay on the fire-based Scarlet Tangos, but it barely seemed to faze any others.

“That’s not my problem.  If you actually tried you would get better.”  As annoying as the card system could be, I’d gotten pretty good at it in the week we’d been stuck on patrol duty.  I could pull cards out of my deck with my left hand and wield my mace with my right like it was a piece of cake.  Blocking a blast of fire magic, I winced at the thought.  ‘Piece of cake’ probably wasn’t the best simile.

“Heartless!  I want to fight too!”

I groaned inwardly at the sound of R-2’s clomping footsteps running through the doorway behind us.  So far I’d managed to hide him from Zexion and Lexaeus, but his tendency to yell at the top of his lungs was going to get him in trouble someday.  I couldn’t afford that after already being in ‘exile’ as well as being part of the reason Demyx’s cake was so dangerous.

“Great!  You can take over my work, and I’ll go catch some z’s,” Demyx said, opening a dark corridor.

“You’re going to stay here and actually work for once in your life,” I said, breaking a Defender’s card (how in the worlds did that work, anyway?  And how did the Heartless get cards?  So many questions!) and yanking Demyx’s hood back, away from the portal.  He made a choking noise and fell on the ground, letting a Shadow scratch him.  I killed it by simply waving a card, then turned to R-2.  “Do you even know how to fight?”

“Of course I do!  That was one of the main purposes for my creation!”  He summoned a sword in the shape of a dragon’s wing and pulled a stack of cards from a pocket I hadn’t noticed he had.  Only a few Shadows were left in the room, but he took them out with style – in fact, it like he was trying to be as flashy as possible.  His moves were like a dance, sliding across the tile and swishing his blade with an occasional dark fireball thrown in.

Demyx whistled.  “How come Vexen counted you as a failure?  You fight like a… well, something really awesome!”

R-2 grinned, blushing slightly.  “I wasn’t a failure ‘cause I couldn’t fight, it was because of… stuff.  And I wasn’t always awesome.  I just got bored in _Vexen’s_ lab.  And I had a sword.”

I elbowed Demyx in the ribs.  “See what practice can do?”

He clutched his side and grimace.  “Yeah, whatever.”

“So can I come with you guys?”  R-2 asked.

“Hey, that makes less work for me!”  Demyx smiled, and I shrugged.  I really hadn’t wanted him to come out of my room where he could potentially get himself killed or seen by Zexion, but if I’d been stuck in a lab my whole life I’d want to stretch my legs too.  Hopefully if we were seen I could pretend I hadn’t had anything to do with his escape.

“Yay!”  He jumped up and down excitedly.

“Save your energy.  We still have the upstairs to patrol.”  I hoped we might see Axel there, but I was scared of running into Larxene.  We had retreated to the basement before she, Axel, and Marluxia had come off the sugar high and could ask (or more likely threaten) us for information about the cake, but one of them had to know that it had come from our kitchen.  Even though it was completely their fault for stealing it, they would probably want revenge.  This was Organization XIII, after all.  We couldn’t all just, y’know, be nice to each other or anything.

I pocketed the door card the Heartless had had dropped since it didn’t meet the requirements and pulled out one with an eight and a picture of lots of Shadows on it.

“Can’t you use, like, a ‘Feeble Darkness’ card?”  Demyx whined.

“Nope.”  I inserted the card into the slot and opened it, rushing at the Heartless inside.

At the start of the fight, everything went smoothly.  R-2 was actually a huge help, and I didn’t have to do ninety-nine percent of the work for once.  Of course, something always had to go wrong.

Demyx still wouldn’t use his cards, preferring to use his water, which was starting to make the marble floor slippery.

“Demyx, stop that!  Just use your- ahh!”  I tried to cartwheel away from a Yellow Opera but slid and fell on my face as it shocked the water, jolting me and making my hair spike up about as bad as Axel’s.  I could picture the smirk he’d flash if he saw me, but embarrassment wasn’t my worst problem.  My cards had slipped out of my hand and were now soaked and useless in the giant puddle.  They disappeared the same way they would if I used them, but as hard as I focused, they wouldn’t reload.

What in the worlds was I going to do now?  I couldn’t fight like this!  Zexion could probably get me some new cards, but that wouldn’t protect me now. 

Scrambling to my feet, I dodged a Scarlet Tango.  Without cards, I was defenseless –  unlike Demyx, I couldn’t just summon blobs of my element…  Wait, could I?

R-2 sliced through Heartless after Heartless, but he was on the other side of the room and more kept coming at me.  Maybe I should’ve listened to Demyx for once and not picked a difficult door card.

Concentrating as hard as I could, my palms extended and eyes half-squinted shut, a pliable metal sphere grew between my hands.

_Yes!_   I shot it at a Grey Caprice, but the ball lost its form the farther away from me I sent it until it vanished completely.

“Oh, Kingdom Hearts!”  I yelled, and the Grey Caprice shot something at me that made us switch places.  Suddenly a Yellow Opera was shocking me in the face with electricity, and my hair fluffed up even more, now looking like a frightened hedgehog.  Not to mention my whole body felt like it had been fried in the microwave.

I screamed one of the girliest squeals of my life.  R-2 was still occupied, but Demyx ran to help me, slipping and sliding in his own puddles.  _Dry them up already!_   I yelled mentally.

Had to try again _…_ I skidded out of the way of another Grey Caprice.  This time instead of trying to form a blob, I thought about stuff that I knew was made out of metal, hoping that would boost my power. 

Instead, a frying pan spontaneously appeared in my hands.

“A frying pan?  Come on!”  I yelled, still in a game of chase with the Grey Caprice.  But if it technically wasn’t a weapon, did I need cards to hit things with it?  The entire cards-to-use-weapons system was crazy.  After Demyx’s incident with his sitar, I wasn’t looking forward to testing my idea, but it was better than getting electrocuted again.  Luckily my coat could absorb a good amount of the static and any sort of laser energy, and it was apparently (mostly) fireproof and weapon-proof.

“Here goes…”  I swung the frying pan at a Scarlet Tango.  It  squeaked and disintegrated instantly.  “Awesome!”

“Where’d you get that?”  Demyx asked, finally reaching me.

I shrugged.  “Somewhere out in hammerspace, like wherever your water comes from.  Come on, let’s destroy these things!”

I had to admit, frying pans were excellent weapon substitutes.  Even without any magic or way to heal, I felt like a ninja as I swung my cooking device at the enemies.  Between R-2 and me, and I guess Demyx a little, we soon cleared out the room.

“That was fun!”  R-2 said.  I spun my frying pan around victoriously.

“Yep.  Always feels nice to get some revenge on the heart-sucking monsters.”

“You guys are weird,” Demyx said, panting.  “Fighting makes me all sweaty.”

I rolled my eyes at him.  “You act more like a girl than I do.”  I didn’t bother rubbing the fact that he’d barely killed any Heartless in face; he’d just make up some excuse like he did every day.

“We’ve still got to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity upstairs.  Come on.”  I picked the door card off of the ground and inserted it in the slot, ready to continue the patrol. I’d thought about reporting back to Zexion about the loss of my cards, but decided I’d wait.

It would be a true test of skill to see what I could get done with a frying pan for a weapon.


	15. Keyblade Versus Frying Pan

Slowly we made our way up the floors and large staircases, fighting stronger and stronger Heartless as we went.  Zexion had said our job was to “perform reconnaissance and report on how the upstairs members’ plan is progressing,” to quote his exact words.  So spy on them, basically.  The only problem was that we hadn’t seen any other living things (unless you counted Heartless as alive) since we’d begun our patrol.

“Can we take a break yet?”  Demyx panted, leaning on his sitar as I swung my frying pan at the last Shadow and R-2 cartwheeled around hyperly.

“Fine,” I relented.  He’d been asking since about three floors ago, and I was pretty tired too.  Even though I’d trained with somewhat heavy weapons and used some big smithing hammers most of my life, I’d gotten used to the magical lightweight metal my new mace was made of.  The frying pan felt like a deadweight pulling on my arm even when I rested it on my shoulder.  I thought about sending it back to wherever in hammerspace it had come from, but I wasn’t confident I could summon it again.

Demyx plopped down on the cold floor, letting his sitar disappear in a cloud of bubbles.  “Finally.”

“I get tired too, you know,” I said, sitting down next to him.  “But it does you good to keep going while you’re tired.  That’s what makes you stronger.”

“I think I’m fine being a wimp,” Demyx said, laying all the way back and wincing as his head hit the marble with a thud.

“Not me!”  R-2 laughed, bouncing off the walls.  Literally.  Where did he get all that energy?  “Can we go yet?”

“In a little bit,” I said vaguely.  “Demyx, have you been feeding him candy?”

“No way!  My candy’s _mine!”_

“Candy?  What’s that?  Does it have sugar?  Sugar’s scary!”  R-2 shuddered.

“I think it’s about time we got going again,” I said, picking up my frying pan.  I didn’t want R-2 to have another spaz attack like the time he smelled Demyx eating a chocolate bar.  Apparently his nose was as good as Zexion’s.

“But we just sat down!”  Demyx whined.

“Yay!”  R-2 yanked him up.

Demyx rubbed his shoulder.  “Why can’t we patrol the basement like we do every other day?”

“I guess Zexion decided he wanted us to get ourselves killed?  I’m surprised he didn’t stick us in his lexicon after the cake incident.”  I shrugged.  Or when we tried to clean.  Or when we first got here _,_ for that matter

“C’mon!  Let’s go!”  R-2 dragged us to the door.  “Open it!”

“Sheesh, don’t be so bossy.”  I pulled out a card and inserted it in the slot.

Demyx laughed.  “He sounds just like you!”

“What?”  My head whipped around.

“ _Demyx work harder; Demyx stop laughing; Demyx don’t have any fun_!”  He mocked in an inaccurate high-pitched imitation of my voice.  “You sound like Saïx sometimes!”

“I do not!  ...Well, not all the…”  I sighed.  I wasn’t nearly as bad as Saïx, but I did give Demyx a hard time quite a bit.  “Fine.  I’ll try to stop being a bossypants.  And after patrol’s over, we can have as much fun as you want, as long as you actually help out some.  Deal?”

“Deal!”  Demyx opened the door, and we were greeted by a terrifying sight that wiped the laughter off of all of our faces.

A kid sliced right through Larxene with a keyblade, but there was no blood, only a smoky liquid darkness.  The look on her face matched the horror I thought I was feeling.  She said something I couldn’t process; overwhelmed as I was with the sheer shock of the few people I was truly terrified of, just fading away.  Not going-through-a-portal-see-you-later fading, _dying,_ goodbye-forever-and-ever fading.

I glanced around the room for any clues besides the brown-haired kid with the key.  In the corner sat a small blonde girl, comforting someone who looked exactly like R-2.  No clue as to what had happened or why Larxene was dying in front of me.  Well, I could actually think of a lot of reasons as to why someone would kill Larxene, but _how?_

“What in Kingdom Hearts is going on here?”  I yelled, ignoring all orders to stay hidden.  How could that kid kill her?  She had been too strong for me, Demyx, and Roxas put together!But I could figure what Xigbar was talking about now.

The boy’s head whipped towards me, along with everyone else’s, as Larxene disappeared completely.  His hardened face looked surprising similar to Roxas’s, aside from the expression.  But he didn’t look guilty at all, didn’t look like he’d just killed someone, as awful as that person might be.

I’d been through a war.  I’d made the weapons that had been used to wage it.  But that war had been against the Heartless, not against other people with real lives.  People that had some reason to live or something to fight for, which all of us Nobodies did.

Yes, I’d seen a lot of death, but never anyone so completely unfazed about the act of murder.

“How many of you are there?  Are you asking for a fight too?”  The brown-haired kid glared at me.  “Wait, Riku?  Are you the real one?”

R-2 jumped out from behind me.  “Hi!  I’m not Riku. I’m R-2.  You want to fight?”  He asked, taking the kid’s threat as a challenge.

“Um, Xenan, maybe we should get out of here…”  Demyx whimpered.

“But we have to figure out what happened!  That’s our job,” I whispered back quickly.

“He just killed _Larxene!_ ”  He’ll eat us alive”

“Then we can’t have him running around the castle!  Who knows what else he’d do?”

The brown-haired kid and the blonde girl looked back and forth from R-2 to the unconscious thing that must’ve been R-3 while Demyx and I tried to think of a plan.  R-2 just stared at R-3, smirking.  Guess the whole clone-rivalry thing was still in effect; R-2 looked rather smug about the fact that R-3 was out cold.

“Why do you look like Riku?”  The keyblade-wielder asked.

“Cause I’m another one of his replicas, duh.  Are we gonna fight or what?”  R-2 summoned his sword.

“No!”  I yelled, banging my frying pan against the wall to get their attention.  “Answers first.  Who are you?  Why did you kill Larxene?  Who are _they_?”  I pointed to the kids in the corner.

Surprisingly, the brown-haired kid answered me with words instead of a keyblade to the face.  “I’m Sora, and Larxene was keeping Naminé locked up.  I had to save her.”  Still not a life-or death situation, but—

“Who’s Naminé?”  I asked, clenching my fist tighter around my pan.

“Me,” the blonde girl spoke up.  R-2 took a step away from her in fear, stuttering something I couldn’t make out as she continued.  “That’s Repliku.”  She pointed to R-3.  Guess he’d wanted a real name.

I shook my head to clear it, still really not understanding what was going on.  “Aren’t there better ways to have a jailbreak than by killing people?”  I asked, and Sora shrugged.  Who was this Naminé, anyway?  Why was R-2 scared of her?  …And the Organization took little kids as prisoners?

“You’re with them, right?  What are _you_ doing here?”  Sora asked, baring his keyblade threateningly.

“I happen to live here, for now anyway.  My job is to make sure people don’t go around killing everyone, so unless you want to leave quietly, I’m going to have to fight you,” I said, sighing.

“Do I have to fight too?”  Demyx whispered, backing up.

“No; go get Zexion and Lexaeus.  R-2 and I will hold him off for now,” I whispered.

“Yay!  Fight time!”  R-2 assumed his fighting stance as Demyx disappeared through a dark corridor, a shadow of worry, real or not I didn’t know, crossing his face.

“You asked for it!”  Sora yelled, flying into a combo while flinging cards at random.

I hadn’t expected him to strike immediately.  “Oh Kingdom Hearts!”  I dived into a dodge roll as his keyblade grazed my ear, causing a surprising amount of pain considering it didn’t break the skin.  Springing out of the roll less than gracefully, I swung my frying pan at his stomach while R-2 spun like a ballerina and shot a Dark Firaga at his feet.

Sora jumped back over the fireball and fell on R-2, but he quickly leapt up with his keyblade pointing at my friend’s throat.  “Hey, how come you don’t have to use cards?”  He called to me, casting a Blizzara that R-2 danced away from just in time.

“Apparently frying pans don’t count as weapons.  But that won’t stop me from doing this!”  I charged forward and brought my pan hard against the weak points behind his knees, and he collapsed to the floor before he could draw a card.

“Sora!”  Naminé cried, leaving Repliku on the floor and rushing to him.

“Stay back!”  I held up my frying pan to block her.  She didn’t look dangerous, but neither did Demyx, and even he could cause some damage when he wanted to.

Sora stood up, leaning on his keyblade as he cast a Cura, then swung at R-2, who broke his card effortlessly.

“Leave…Naminé…Alone!”  He said, panting between breaths, but he stayed on the ground.  Thanks to R-2’s foot on his back.

“Not likely.  I have some questions for her,” I said, opening a dark corridor.

“Sora!  Go to the top floor, you can get your memories back there!  But only—”  I pushed her through, drowning out the rest of her sentence.

Sora’s jaw dropped, and he tossed R-2 off of him, grabbing a green card that had suddenly fallen out of midair.  “Goofy!”  He cried.

_What the—_

A giant two-legged humanlike dog, complete with clothes and a shield, poofed out of nowhere and charged me and R-2, ramming us against a wall.

“What did you do with Naminé?”  Sora demanded, holding his Kingdom Key dangerously close to my face.  I might have imagined it, but I thought I could smell the tang of metal with it so near to my nose, distracting me from the important questions like what had happened in the last five seconds.

It was difficult to speak with my lungs being crushed by the shield.  “She’s somewhere safe.  But I can’t let her run off with a loose cannon like you, not until I get some answers at least,”  I managed to choke out, sounding like I was the one in charge despite the fact that I was pinned.

Well, I _had_ just taken a hostage.  I wasn’t sure what I thought about that, but it probably wouldn’t be good once I had the time to ponder it further.  But things had to be done.

“Xenan, I’m claustrophobic,” R-2 blurted unexpectedly.

“Clausta-what?”  Sora let his keyblade droop slightly as the dog shifted his shield in confusion.  I used the moment to drop to the floor, R-2 following my lead.  The dog looked down at us in surprise before turning back into a card and vanishing.

“That was the most random time to announce that, but thanks!”  R-2 and I were back to dueling with Sora.

“It kinda just came out, with all the adrenaline and being suffocated like that.”  R-2 flinched as Sora’s key nearly bruised his spine.  How was it that one of the most powerful weapons in existence was also duller than a butter knife?

Not that I could say anything, as I was still using a frying pan.  Its short range was annoying, but I could slip in and out of Sora’s guard faster than he could use cards.  I definitely had an advantage that Larxene hadn’t, and hopefully it would keep me alive until Demyx returned with reinforcements.  Where was he, anyway?  He sure was taking his time.

I put a most of my dwindling energy into a swift dodge roll, transferring the leftover momentum (a sciency word courtesy of R-2) into R-2’s jump as I boosted him into the air.  He came raining back down like a shooting star on Sora’s head, surrounded in dark fire.

R-2 sprung away, leaving Sora in a smoking, but still alive, heap.  His clothes must have been made of something magical like our coats; they looked brand new even though flames flickered on his sleeves.

“Give up yet?”  R-2 taunted, panting.

“Never,” Sora said weakly, attempting to push himself up, but he was blasted back into the floor by a jet of water.

“Didn’t think you’d manage to catch anything on fire before I got back.”  Demyx grinned.  “I should’ve known you’d need me to help out.”

“Yeah right, you just cleaned up the ashes.”  I punched him lightly on the shoulder.  Honestly, Larxene had tired Sora out for us first.  Thank goodness for that.

Zexion stepped out of a dark corridor behind us and turned towards Sora.  “The keyblade master.  I did not plan on us meeting face-to-face, and certainly not like this.”

“We beat him!  We did it!”  R-2 yelled while bouncing and trying to high-five me.

“R-2, quiet!”  I whispered, glancing at Zexion.  Had R-2 not noticed him while he was caught up in his victory dance?

Zexion was glaring at all of us now.  “How did this happen?  This experiment has been released from Vexen’s lab, which I ordered you not to enter, and you engaged the keyblade master in battle.  You could have been killed.”

“I couldn’t just let him—”

“That is irrelevant, Xenan,” he cut me off.  “You were on recon duty, which means you were _not to be seen._ ”

“But he killed Larxene!”

“I am not in charge of Larxene; I am in charge of you.  And we have our own troubles.  Lexaeus has been eliminated as well.”

I stared in shock.  “How?”

“That is not your concern.”  Zexion summoned his lexicon.

What was going on?  We’d almost taken out a major threat, and we were going to be punished for it?

“I cannot afford any kinks in my plan to come.  For the time being, I have prepared new arrangements for all of you.”

“All of us?”  Demyx squeaked, looking at the book in horror.

“ _All_ of you.”  A dark aura surrounded the lexicon as it opened, pages fluttering without any wind.

“No!  I have to save Naminé!”  Sora yelled, standing.

“Goodbye.”

The darkness grew until the room was pitch-black.  I felt it envelop my body in ice, and we were sucked away.


	16. Adventures in the Lexicon

Everything hurt.  That was the worst understatement of my life.  My skin felt singed by a thousand torches and blasted by a blizzard at the same time, and on the inside it felt like someone had taken out ally my internal organs and replaced them with lead.  Hot, molten lead.  The darkness choked me; my lungs filled with smoke that smelled of The Basement That Doesn't Want to be if you piled dead bodies and rotten fish in it for a month.  But there was no noise.  I couldn't even hear myself breathing.  It was dizzying, being flooded with stenches and pain while cut off from sight and sound

I couldn't tell how long it lasted before I felt ground of some sort under my feet, though it didn’t feel solid.  The pain slowly melted away.

My vision faded back in, but there wasn’t much to see.  In fact, other than R-2, Demyx, and Sora, there wasn’t _anything_ to see.

“Oh no, not again!”  Demyx cried, his voice sounding far away, like the darkness was stealing the sound. 

_That’s right, he was here for his initiation._   If I’d had a heart I would’ve felt extremely sorry for him.

R-2 was hyperventilating, flinching with each shallow breath.  “I won’t… let… this happen… not now…”  He clutched his head desperately.

“Let what happen?”  I asked, trying to ignore the foul smell and Sora’s shouts for Naminé.  He wouldn’t find her here; I’d sent her to my bedroom in hopes that no one would look for her there.

“The defection…” He gasped out, “ _They_ tried… to make… me stronger but… it backfired…”

I patted his shoulder, trying to comfort him somewhat even though I didn’t understand much of what he said.  His eyes were squeezed shut, anyway.  “And?”

“The dark… ness… makes… me…  ARG!”  He collapsed to his knees on the intangible floor.

“Makes you what?”  I pressured.  Didn’t he fight using darkness all the time?

“Too much… the smell…”  He clenched his fists so hard he began to cut a hole in his gloves with his fingernails.

“We’re going to be okay!  We’ll get out of this!”  I yelled, trying to sound confident and mostly succeeding.  It would’ve been more convincing if it weren’t for Demyx’s whimpering.  I’d figured Vexen just hadn’t liked R-2 hyperness or something, but it was starting to look more serious.

“Get away from me!”  R-2 snapped, hissing and lunging at me with his sword suddenly in his hand.  I recoiled, realizing I still had my frying pan when I held it up in defense.

“What’s wrong with you?  Let me help!”  Not that I had a clue to what I could do.  Still, I couldn’t leave him in whatever state he was in.

“Just go!”  He let out a shattered wail and I dropped by pan to cover my ears.  It hit the surface, if you could even call it that, of the void we were standing on without a sound.

Go where?  No time to think, I grabbed Demyx’s arm and we sprinted off somewhere into the abyss, R-2’s screams following us.

“What happened to him?”  Demyx asked, almost out of breath, when we finally stopped.

“I don’t know.  He said something about darkness bringing out his defection.”  I frowned, glancing back the way we came, but nothing could be seen.

“I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too, but we can’t do anything now.  Are we going to be stuck in here until Zexion lets us out?”

“No,” Demyx said, his fear returning.  “I fell out on my own eventually, but it’s going to get worse before we can get out.  Way worse.”

“Worse how?”

Before he could answer, a blinding pain focused in my forehead, and he disappeared.

XXX

“Stay with your sister!”  Dad called, grabbing his flail and flinging open the trapdoor, which let a freezing wind blow down and wrap itself around me.

“You can’t leave!  We need you!”  Had I said those same words before?  It felt oddly familiar.

“Anne, what’s going on?”  Elizabeth asked softly, gripping my arm like a vice.  The underground forge shook in a steady beat, the pounding of giant footsteps.  Another monster Heartless, after Dad had just fought one off three days ago?  Even with the healers doing everything they could, I knew he couldn’t survive another fight, not now.  Not while using a cane, not while his right leg was broken. 

“Another attack.”  Elizabeth deserved the full truth.  “Dad’s going out to fight.”

She released me suddenly and clambered up the dirt steps to wrap her strong arms around Dad.  I could barely see the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“You’ll come back, right Daddy?”  She asked, sniffling.

Dad leaned down to her eye level, wincing as he shifted his leg, and set down his flail to place his hands on her shoulders.  “Things don’t look so good this time, Lizzy.”  He smiled sadly.  “But I’ll always be with you.  In here.”  He pointed to her heart and rose, retrieving his flail.

“Don’t you forget that either, Anne.”  I was frozen as, with those words, he was out the door.  Elizabeth stood as still as rock as well.

_Don’t you forget that either, Anne._ What did he mean by that?

“What do we do now?”  Elizabeth turned her bright green eyes to me.

The booming was increasing, the Heartless coming closer.  And it wanted to take my father away, forever.

“Go to the tunnels.”  I took my mace, made of weathered and beaten steel, from beside the fireplace and gave my sister a quick hug.  “Find Phillip.  I’ll be back for you.”   If I came back at all.  I’d never actually  faced something so large before, unless you counted that jellyfish… but I had to.  I couldn’t lose him.

“But Daddy said…”

“He needs help.  The battalions have been busy in the wheat fields; they won’t get here in time.”  I pulled on my worn leather boots, knowing she didn’t know how far that was.  Hopefully she could tell how important it was for me to go.  We’d already lost our mother and brother, and I wasn’t going to let Dad get himself killed.

“But he said!”  Elizabeth protested, staring me down.

“I won’t lose anyone else!”  I yelled.  Throwing on my brown coat, I reached for the trapdoor, but stumbled as the room shook again.  The last thing I saw before plunging into the whiteness of the surface world was Elizabeth crying out my name, gripping tight to the still-warm anvil to keep her balance against the pulsing of the ground.

A blast of snow ripped guilty thoughts from me, shocking after the warmth of the forge.

“Dad!”  The blizzard assaulted my eyes, and I couldn’t see a thing, though I could hear inhuman roars over the wind’s howl.  My boots crunched through the softer layer above the harder-packed snow as I took off in the direction of the terrible noise.  Winters here were usually rough, but never like this.

Shadow Heartless lunged at me, as they did any time anyone left the forge, but I bashed through them without much trouble.  I’d been fighting ones like them almost my whole life.  The problem was when they kept coming.  Thankfully, there weren’t enough to slow my progress this time.

_He couldn’t have gotten far on his injured leg…_   Sure enough, there was a fuzzy splotch in the blinding white only a few feet away.

“Dad!”  The wind ripped my voice away.  I fell down at his side, gasping for breath.  There was no blood; the Heartless never spilt blood.  That would be far too humane.

“I told you not to follow me,” he grunted, feeling my slightly warmer hand on his freezing one.  His eyes were closed, making him seem corpselike.  “The Heartless is too strong for you… Too strong for me.”

“Nothing’s ever too strong for you!  I’m not going to let you die!”  I grabbed his flail and cane and shoved them into his hands, knowing deep in my heart that he wouldn’t be able to stand or fight anyway.

Dad’s eyes creaked open, revealing irises as brilliant green as ever, but clouded with sadness.  “You’re just like your mother…  Sometimes the heavens have different plans than what we think is right, Anne.  Have faith.  Everything will be okay.”  His voice was hoarse, his eyes closing, his breath fading away.

How could anything possibly be okay?

Fate wouldn’t even let me stay there and mourn him.  A great roar sounded from behind me, and I turned to see a pair of glowing yellow eyes, each as big as my head.  The body of the Heartless was either invisible or pure white, definitely rare for a creature of darkness.  I held up my mace, terror piercing me more than the cold as its giant mouth opened, revealing a pitch-black cave.  It breathed in, pulling my hair into my face.  A pink light floated past my head.

_What in the world?_   I wanted to pretend I didn’t know what was happening, but I’d seen this before, though not so close up.  Forcing my eyes away from the yellow ones, I glanced back at Dad for a split second.

His heartless body faded into the darkness.

Gasping, I saw his heart sucked into the great maw.  I felt a heat rise in me, driving away the cold, and I stared into the Heartless’ evil eyes without fear.

This thing had killed my father.

Yellow claws as tall as me lunged at my face, but I barely jumped away in time for them to crunch where I was just standing.  I shouted an incomprehensible battle cry, running at its face and swinging my mace between its eyes.  Suddenly nothing was there.  I faceplanted and the snow engulfed me, drowning out the fire that had been burning in my stomach, replacing it with a healthy dose of terror.  Where had the Heartless gone?  I was easy prey; I had to get up…

A tingling on the back of my neck.  Claws ripped the coat from by back, scraped across my skin, left marks burning from the cold.  I tried to scream, but snow filled my mouth.

Then came the monster’s deadly freezing breath, turning my blood to ice, but even then I wasn’t dead.  Half-buried, I couldn’t see the void of its mouth breathe in.

But I could feel my heart ripped from me, emptiness filling the gap it left behind.  Fading, joining with the emptiness until it overtook me, and I was gone.

XXX

I fell out of a portal into a bright white room.  For a moment I thought I was back in the blizzard, but I saw four chairs and a table, all white, in front of me.  What in the name of Kingdom Hearts had happened?  Before remembering anything else, I noticed that my frying pan was gone.  Then the other memories kicked back in.

Everything I’d just gone through… it was an illusion.  A very, very real illusion, but that was all.  Well, not quite.  It was an illusion of my worst memory, complete with the emotions I felt at the time.  How cruel could Zexion be?

And where was everyone else?  Along the walls were four portals, one of which was the one I’d fallen out of.  So the others must be for Demyx, R-2, and Sora.

Well, there was no point in sitting here.  If I did I’d only end up replaying those terrible memories.  They shouldn’t hurt me; I was a Nobody and couldn’t feel emotional pain.  Or so I was told.  But I remembered hurting more than I could bear.

I turned to the wall on my right.  So, what was behind portal number two?

XXX

“No!  You can’t take my munny, I need it to buy candy!”  A younger-looking Demyx said, holding a blue purse out of reach of a Shadow.  “Besides, it’s my mom’s…” he muttered to himself.

The Heartless kept bouncing around Demyx, reaching for the purse.  It hopped onto a trash bin and used it as a springboard to leap over Demyx’s head, trying to grab the bag as it did so.  Demyx ducked and it smacked into the brick wall of one of the buildings that loomed on both sides.  Apparently they were in some sort of alleyway.

“Aww, you don’t look so evil.”  Demyx lowered his guard for a second when he saw the Shadow sprawled on the stone street.  He pulled a shiny piece of munny out of his mom’s bag.  “Maybe Mom would let me take you home as a pet.”  He tossed the munny and the Shadow scampered after it, its yellow eyes glittering with greed.

I facepalmed and walked towards him, planning to shake him to his senses, but my hands went right through his shoulders.

_Right, this is his memory.  His_ worst _memory…_   I really didn’t want to watch what happened next, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

The Heartless absorbed the munny and sunk into the ground, making its way back to Demyx.

“You just wanted to play, didn’t you?  Well I need the rest of my munny for candy, so I can’t play any more.”  Demyx bent over to pet it.

_You idiot!_

The Shadow lunged, latching onto his arm, sending a wave of darkness up it.  Demyx gasped as it reached his neck.

”Mom!”  He called out in vain, but I was the only one who could hear.  And I couldn’t do anything but watch.

Although I knew I couldn’t help, I tried to peel the Shadow off of him.  Then the darkness covered his face, and we both disappeared.

XXX

Demyx fell out onto the floor, sobbing.  I came out behind him and helped him to his feet.

“It was only an illusion!”  I shook him, trying to bring back the normal, happy, sugar-eating Demyx.  I led him to one of the white chairs, practically carrying him.

He could barely get out words between tears.  “You didn’t-“  He coughed, “-feel it, it hurt so much…”  More sobbing.  “Just like last time, like the first time…”

As much as I wanted to slap him out of it, I knew what he’d gone through.  “In case you forgot, I’m a Nobody too.”  I patted him on the back.

Demyx ignored me.  “My mom… I never got to say goodbye.”  Sniveling, he took a gold locket with an M on the front from his pocket, the same locket he’d taken before we left for C.O.  He opened it, revealing photos on both sides:  A young, smiling Demyx on the left, and a blonde, broad-faced woman with green eyes on the right.

“Was that her?”  I pointed to the picture of the woman, and he nodded.  We sat in an awkward silence, occasionally punctured by a sniff from Demyx.

“So… what’s the M stand for?”  I tried to distract him.

“Myde,” he said softly.  “That was my old name.”

“Anne was mine.”

He grinned a little.  “Really?  That sounds so… I dunno, boring.”

I shrugged, mentally rolling my eyes.  “It goes well with my hair.”

That made him laugh, more than he would’ve if he wasn’t still trying to shake off the bad memories.  His laughter was contagious, making me crack a smile too.  We laughed like idiots at nothing more than each other’s faces and the fact that we were still alive.  Even if we didn’t have hearts, we had to appreciate the fact that we weren’t dead.

Suddenly Sora was spat out of a third portal.

“Naminé?  I can hear you!”  He yelled happily.  What had happened in his illusion?  Maybe it had made him crazy.  Well, more crazy.

“Naminé’s not here,” I said.

“Shh!  I’m trying to listen!”  He screwed up his eyes and held a hand to the side of his head.

“Looks like someone had Froot Loops for breakfast,”  Demyx whispered out of the corner of his mouth while drawing a circle around his ear with his finger.

“I said be quiet!”  Sora snapped, then went back to muttering to himself.  His face lit up like the inside of a refrigerator.  “Really?  Thanks!”

Thanks for what?

Sora disappeared without a trace, leaving Demyx and I blinking.

“Okay, I want some of his Froot Loops,” Demyx said.

“Did he escape?”

“I think that’s what happened when I got out.”

“Okay… I’m so confused.”  I dropped my forehead into my palms, resting my elbows on my knees.  A nasty headache was setting in.  Man, it’d been a long day.

Demyx grinned, looking like he had another ‘stupid-but-awesome’ idea.  He got out of his chair and kneeled in front of the table, waving his arms in the air.

“Oh great and powerful Naminé, get us out of this nightmare!”  Demyx yelled.

I smacked him upside the head, trying to contain a snicker.

“Ow!  Sheesh, I’m just trying to get us out of here!”  He rubbed his head.

“I don’t think she’d want to save the person who kidnapped her.”

“Huh?”

Oh yeah, he was getting Zexion when it happened.  _Zexion…. I don’t know what I’m going to do to you, but it’ll be terrible.  For you._   “I sent her to my bedroom through a dark corridor while I was fighting Sora.”

“Oh.”  Demyx shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.  “So now what?  This didn’t happen last time I was here.  I just came out after the illusion was over.”

Hmm, why would that happen?  Maybe because there was more than one person in here?  You never knew with Zexion.  I glanced around the room, unsure of what to do now…  The last portal!

“R-2!  I almost forgot!  What happened to him?”  I wondered aloud.

“I dunno.”  Demyx didn’t sound too curious.

“Well I’m going to try and find out.  You wanna come?”

His face paled.  “No thanks, one worst memory is enough for me.”

XXX

“No!  No, no, please!”  Vexen begged, backing away from R-2, who had his sword bared.

“I’m sorry… I can’t control it!”  R-2’s voice was cracking.  “I didn’t want to do this again…”  Clamping his eyes shut, he stabbed his sword through Vexen’s chest.

Vexen’s eyes grew wide in the second before he dissolved into the darkness, just as Larxene had.

_No way… but he didn’t know Vexen was dead!_

Clapping noises came from behind me, and I saw another Vexen through a wall of glass.

“Well done, R-2.”  His voice was partially blocked by the clear wall.  “A pity we had to lose 4-17, but Zexion was close to deleting him anyway.  And the lemon incident wasn’t even his fault.”

_A clone.  A Vexen clone, that was it. Vexen and his stupid clones._

“I don’t want to kill for you!  I don’t want to be Riku, either!”  He threw his sword across the floor, where it came to rest softly against the glass.

“R-2, it’s going to be okay,” I said, more to myself than him.  He wouldn’t be able to hear me anyway.

To my surprise, he turned.  “Xenan?”

“You can hear me?”  Apparently Vexen still couldn’t, he was taking notes on a clipboard like nothing was wrong.

R-2 rushed over and squeezed his hand around mine, reminding me of Elizabeth when she had nightmares.  His eyes were wide and scared like hers, too.

"You shouldn't be here!"  _I've been a lot of places I haven't been supposed to,_ I thought. "This was when  _Vexen-"_ he was never too scared to hiss his creator's name, "-broke me."

"Broke you how?" I hadn't quite understood his explanation when we'd first entered the lexicon.

"I was created to fight, but I wasn't very good at when I was made.  _Vexen_  enhanced my fighting ability and gave me the power to use darkness, but sometimes the same darkness fights against me." He looked ashamed despite the fact that it wasn't his fault at all. "Usually I can stop it from overflowing, but when I can't I go a little..."

"Crazy?"

He nodded. "Attacking, killing, everything I can see. If I stay here it's going to happen again. You've got to leave."

I tried to open a corridor, but nothing happened. "Can't," I said, shaking my head. "And this glass looks too thick to break. I'll just have to try to help you somehow."

R-2 shook his head. "Then  _Vexen's_  going to-"

"Who are you speaking to, R-2?" Vexen asked accusingly.

"Uh- uh- just myself," R-2 answered, stuttering quietly. "I don't think he can see you."

"How come  _you_  can see me?" I glanced at Vexen, who was now fiddling with a remote-control device.

"Why shouldn't I?" R-2 asked, puzzled.

"Demyx couldn't see me in his illusion. He didn't know it was an illusion either, and I could pass right through him." Maybe R-2's dark aura interfered with the illusion. There were plenty of possibilities.

R-2 punched me hard on the shoulder, and I cringed. "You're definitely solid here."

"I think I could tell from this." I waved the hand that R-2 still had his fingers clenched around.

"Oh. Sorry." He let go, and I shook by wrist to try to get my blood flowing again. "But  _Vexen's_  going to give me more things to fight! Right now I can't control the darkness very well. I'll hurt you."

"Don't worry about me, I can defend myself. But we need to find out if there's a way out of here. You have the advantage of knowing what's going to happen, and we need to use that."

R-2 nodded. "When  _Vexen_  presses the button, Heartless will appear and I'll attack them. After that was when I really broke and almost escaped, but  _Vexen_  put me in stasis for a while."

"You'll probably wake up after that. Demyx and I both got out of the illusion after we fell unconscious... That's it! I'll knock you out, then we'll get out of here _!"_ _Probably. It was worth a shot, anyway._

"Okay!" R-2 agreed quickly, considering I would have to injure him pretty bad. "But there might be a problem..."

Vexen pressed a button on the remote control device.

"Can things never be easy?" I muttered as Darkballs surrounded us and R-2 launched into action.

Without thinking I tried to summon by mace and found that it came to me.  _Yes! Let's do this!_  I didn't have to use cards even though R-2 did, which I suspected was because we were in a different dimension than the real Castle Oblivion. If R-2 was created here, did he even know how to fight without cards?

I jumped up to swing at a Darkball's face, and it disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I only had time to take out two more of the original twenty-something Heartless because R-2 had killed the rest so quickly, though with less flair than usual.

_Well, this should be interesting._  R-2 turned on me, sliding across the slick glass floor with his sword straight out like an archer's arrow, only significantly more deadly. I dived to the side and managed to turn the almost-flop into a dodge roll.

I figured I was messing up R-2's memory pretty badly since Vexen was now taking furious notes while yelling at him. He probably just saw R-2 spazzing out, though, so it would be similar to what actually happened.

There was only about ten square feet of space in the glass chamber, not enough to fit in two consecutive dodge rolls in any one direction. R-2 and I sprung off of the walls to change directions and get in aerial attacks, looking like two angry squirrels in a box. I wished I could pull off what Axel did to Larxene, but R-2 never stayed still, and I didn't know if it would work if he did.

_Maybe he'd tire himself out... Nah, I wasn’t that naive._ I'd fall dead from exhaustion before he ran out of energy.

He was usually a more vocal fighter, always taunting the Heartless and giggling madly, but in his 'defective mode' he only yelled every once in a while. I kicked off the wall facing Vexen's lab and rocketed at the ceiling as R-2 followed my movements. Hands stretched upward, my palms absorbed the impact and pushed me back down, by boots connecting with R-2's skull.

_“Sorry about that. You'll thank me later.”_ Still, I winced as I collapsed on him. He made an awkward growl/snarl/hiss noise and was motionless.

"Who has been tampering with my replicas?" Vexen angrily asked nobody in particular. He pressed a different button, and one of the glass walls slid back.

_Wonder if he could touch me... let's not find out._

I brought the edge of my hand down like a knife at the back of R-2's neck, and everything went black.

XXX

I was getting pretty tired of being spat out of portals.

"Feels like I've been sitting here for ages!" Demyx complained, helping me and R-2 off of the floor.

"I think we've been through worse than you." I felt like a bear that had woken from hibernation only to find that it was still the first week of winter. R-2 stumbled to a chair in a daze.

"Wha' happen'?" He muttered. "I was havin' a weird nigh'mare..." Collapsing in the chair, he began to snore.

"Maybe he'll forget everything," I said hopefully.

"I'd like to forget a lot of stuff too." Demyx summoned his sitar and began playing a peaceful melody.

"I dunno... Our memories make us who we are. But I do wish some things had never happened."

"Like becoming a Nobody?" Demyx asked, not looking up from his sitar.

I thought about that really hard.

_“Sometimes the heavens have different plans than what we think is right, Anne. Have faith. Everything will be okay.”_

"But then I guess I wouldn't have met you guys," a small smile crossed my face.

"And I wouldn't have anyone to pull pranks with."

"Or save your butt," I added, shoving him playfully.

"Hey, I've had to save your butt too, Miss Scared-of-Water." Demyx shoved me back.

"I told you to stop bringing that up!"

He just laughed in response, still strumming away. The notes finally soothed me into sleep.

XXX Meanwhile, in Xenan's room XXX

“How did you do that? I thought I'd be stuck in there forever, it was awful!" Sora complained, sitting where he had appeared on Xenan's bedroom floor.

"I felt your memories and... distorted them again. It broke Zexion's magic long enough to send in a dark corridor," Naminé said. "Um, you might want to unlock the door so you can get out of here. You need to go fight Marluxia." She could've gotten out herself long ago, but she'd had to insure Sora's safety.

"Right, I have an epic final boss battle to go win." Sora nodded, then summoned his keyblade. Instead of simply unlocking the door, though, he busted it off its hinges.

"Or that..." Naminé muttered. She was just glad dark corridors didn’t harm her. They sure beat running around breaking whatever was in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sora's worst memory was of the end of KHI where he finds Kairi unconscious and fights Riku or whatever, only with Naminé instead of Kairi.


	17. Thou Shalt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfic for the Basement Member's rule list.

  1. Thou shalt honor the 10:00 curfew in the castle; no exceptions.
  2. Thou shalt perform thy duties as listed on the chore wheel in the castle.
  3. Thou shalt not enter Vexen’s lab in the castle.
  4. Thou shalt not go the upper floors without permission in the castle.
  5. Thou shalt be on time to meals in the castle, which are held at 6:30 a.m., 11:30 a.m., and 5:30 p.m.
  6. Thou shalt clean thy dishes after meals in the castle.
  7. Thou shalt not feed any experiments that may have escaped the lab in the castle.
  8. Thou shalt stand with proper posture in the castle.
  9. Thou shalt give proper greetings in the castle.
  10. Thou shalt respect literature in the castle.
  11. Thou shalt not call _Twilight_ literature in the castle.
  12. Thou shalt not even think of what has been forbidden by rule XI in the castle.
  13. Thou shalt not take showers exceeding fifteen minutes in the castle.
  14. Thou shalt not leave towels about the bathroom floor in the castle.
  15. Thou shalt do thy own laundry, by whatever means necessary, in the castle.
  16. Thou shalt do your superiors' laundry if you are instructed to do so in the castle.
  17. Thou shalt brush thy teeth in the castle.
  18. Thou shalt use toothpaste while carrying out the activities outlined by rule XVII in the castle.
  19. Thou shalt not leave nasty toothpaste globs in the sink in the castle.
  20. Thou shalt not leave nasty toothpaste globs on the mirror in the castle.
  21. Thou shalt destroy any Heartless that thou encounter in the castle.
  22. Thou shalt not destroy any Nobodies, for their nonexistence in the castle is just as meaningless as thine.
  23. Thou shalt not criticize the overuse of 'thou shalt' or ‘in the castle’ in these rules in the castle.
  24. Thou shalt use five squares of toilet paper in the castle; no more, no less.
  25. Thou shalt not disturb Lexaeus while he is thinking in the castle.
  26. Thou shalt be aware that Lexaeus is always thinking in the castle.
  27. Thou shalt not disturb Vexen in the castle, either.
  28. Thou shalt also not disturb Zexion in the castle.
  29. Thou shalt not mention the theory of continental drift in the castle.  EVER.
  30. Thou shalt not steal Zexion’s fish in the castle.
  31. Thou shalt not violently sniff books in the castle.
  32. Thou shalt use correct grammar in the castle.
  33. Thou shalt not laugh in the castle.
  34. Thou shalt not play with thy food in the castle.
  35. Thou shalt eat all thy vegetables in the castle.
  36. Thou shalt not give thy vegetables to the Heartless or Dusks in the castle.
  37. Thou shalt flush the toilet after use in the castle.
  38. Thou shalt not place alligators in the shower in the castle. 
  39. Thou shalt not take the name of Superior in vain in the castle.
  40. Thou shalt not mock these rules in the castle.
  41. Thou shalt not speak whale in the castle.
  42. Thou shalt not paint the walls black in the castle.
  43. Thou shalt not break rule XLII, even in attempt to make an emo corner.
  44. Thou shalt not burn trousers in the castle.
  45. Thou shalt stay in uniform in the castle.
  46. Thou shalt avoid Marluxia’s flower garden if you value your life in the castle.
  47. Thou shalt not use Larxene as an electricity generator in the castle.
  48. Thou shalt not track dirt in the castle.
  49. Thou shalt not combust the oven in the castle.
  50. Thou shalt not exist in the castle.



 

Bonus rules added while the previous chapter was taking place:

51\.  Thou shalt not let Xenan or Demyx cook in the castle, _ever_.

52\.  Thou shalt not engage the Keybearer in combat in the castle.


	18. Mass Destruction of the Library

When I woke up, I was back in my room in C.O.  Somehow I knew it wasn’t an illusion.  It didn’t have the same dream-like, echo-y feel of the lexicon.

“Ugh…”  I rubbed my head, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed.  I thought we were in there for about a day, but now it felt like weeks had passed.  Weird.  How could I tell that, anyway?  Glancing around, I tried to notice anything different from the last time I’d been here.

Go figure, Naminé was missing.  I hadn’t really been thinking when I sent her here; she could’ve just walked right out the door.  The card was still in the slot. 

_Nice move, genius._  I mentally smacked myself.  How was I going to figure out what she was doing here now?

Other than Naminé’s disappearance, nothing seemed out of place.  My coat-bag still rested where I’d left it, half spilled out against the wall.  Everything else was standard C.O.-certified white and exactly where it should be.  The one thing that stood out was the rule poster, which had two additional, brand-new rules printed at the bottom:

_51\.  Thou shalt not allow Demyx or Xenan to cook in the castle,_ ever _._

_52\.  Thou shalt not engage the keybearer in combat in the castle._

“Zexion, I will kill you,” I muttered to myself as two hyperactive boys barged through the door.

“XENAN WE’RE ALIVE!”  Demyx squealed as he and R-2 crushed me in a Xenan-sandwich.

“NOT DEAD!  I’M NOT DEAD!”  R-2 added, squeezing the air out of my lungs.

“Yes-I-see-that-let-go-can’t-breathe,” I choked out, trying to push them off.  Not that it wasn’t nice that they cared, but I liked my oxygen.

“Okay!”  R-2 sprung away.  Demyx let go as well, a cheesy grin still plastered to his face.

“We should celebrate!”  He exclaimed.  “You promised we could do something fun, remember?”

“Yeah,” I said, watching R-2 bounce and cartwheel around the room.  But we were still in exile.  What kind of stuff could we do?

“Hey guys, hey, what’s this thing?”  R-2 asked, pointing to the rule poster.  He frowned.  “Are they lab procedures?  They look like lab procedures.  Lots of numbers and words.”

A sly smile grew on my face, and I exchanged a glance with Demyx, who looked confused.

“We’ll do what we always do for fun.”

XXX

“Axel!”  I pounded a fist on the door that had the letters VIII emblazoned – literally, burned into the wood –  on the front.

“Are you sure it’s the right room?”  Demyx asked.

“It better be, it took forever to find it.  And who else would have VIII on their door?”

“Yeah, and the scorch marks make it pretty obvious too, I guess…”  Demyx mumbled.  “Maybe he’s on a mission.”

I sighed, continuing to beat on the door.

“If you’re in there, get your skinny flaming pyro butt out here!”  I’d gotten an idea that I wouldn’t let go of, and I needed Axel’s help to carry it out.  He _was_ the (self-proclaimed) top prankster, after all.

“Nice to see you too.”  I spun around to see Axel smirking at me with his arms crossed.  “So this is how you greet me after not stopping for a visit since you’ve been here?  I’m so flattered,” he said sarcastically.

“There _was_ the problem of getting stuck in a lexicon for who knows how long,” I defended.

“Exactly seventeen days, three hours, forty-six minutes,” R-2 blurted out.  “Hello mister skinny flaming pyro man!”

Axel rolled his eyes.  “So you’ve rubbed off on the replica.  And yeah, I know what happened.  Could you get to the part where you explain why you’re banging on my door?”

“We wanted you to help us play a prank on Zexy,” Demyx said.  “We’re going to break all of his rules!  Or most of them, anyway.”

“That sounds stupid—“ Axel began.

“But awesome!”  Demyx protested.

Axel grinned at that.  “Yeah, it would be awesome.  But we’ve got to get out of here soon.  Sora’s up there-“ he pointed to the ceiling, “-kicking Marluxia’s butt.  Riku, the real one, is down in the basement fighting his way to Zexion.  We’ll be the last ones left.”

I got the impression that either the other members were doomed to lose, or there was something else about to go down.

“Aww,” Demyx moaned.  “So we can’t do the prank?”  I wasn’t surprised that that disappointed him more than that people were going to die.  Not that I was much better; I was mostly annoyed that someone else might get revenge on Zexion instead of me.

“I never said that.  We’ll just have to make it quick.”  Axel opened the door to his room, snapping to light the eight candles that lined the walls.  “We’re RTCing, well, returning to the _other_ castle, tonight.  Everything’s gone out of control since you three got put in the book.  More out of control than it already was.”  He opened a dresser drawer and stuffed some things I couldn’t see clearly into his pockets.  Wait, was that a cheese wedge?  Organization coats can hold a lot, but that was overkill.

“Sounds like some serious stuff happened while we were out,” I mused, but Axel didn’t seem to hear me.

“Since I haven’t had the pleasure of being around Zexion long enough to know his rules, how about you tell me what kind of mess we’re getting ourselves into?”

Demyx summed up our plan quickly.  It was pretty simple, mostly full of mass destruction, and should be effective.  If we could stop talking and get to it already.  Of course, we did have to tell Axel so he could help us get some of the materials and directions to where some rooms were.

“Not too bad, considering you came up with it without my help.  Just needs a few tweaks.  I’ll make decent pranksters of you yet.”  Axel smirked, and I rolled my eyes.  I’d heard Demyx’s stories about some of the awesome pranks he pulled before I joined the Organization, but he didn’t have to brag so much.  Especially since the one prank we actually did as a group almost ended in utter failure.  Then again, that was the time he saved my butt.

I sighed and opened a dark corridor to the kitchen.  All else aside, getting back to pranking again felt something like coming home.  Never thought I’d get so attached to doing dumb stuff with these dorks.

XXX

“Shaving cream?”  Axel asked.

“Check,” I replied, pulling a can of it out of my black hole of a pocket.

“Hair gel?”

“Ten bottles!”  Demyx held out an armful.

“Sharpies?”

“COLORS!”  R-2 waved a rainbow of markers around while jumping up and down one of the kitchen counters.

“Good.  Dump them all there.”  Axel pointed to a large pile of random food, bathroom products, and science-y stuff foraged from Vexen’s lab.  “We’ll meet back here to swap out supplies between pranks.  Everyone got their hit list?”

Demyx and I held up our pocket-sized rule posters (Zexion had left a stack of them in the common room), R-2 flailing his around.

“This thing has words on it!”  He exclaimed, sounding more excited than if a Nobody found out how to regain a heart.

Axel facepalmed.  “Thank you for that brilliant observation.  Looks like I’m not the only one who got stuck mentoring a clueless kid.”  He glanced at me with the last sentence.  At least R-2 hadn’t noticed the insult; he was too busy mumbling the rules to himself.

“He’s not clueless!”  I objected.  R-2 reminded me of Elizabeth; he seemed oblivious sometimes, but then he’d go and throw out some unexpected insight to make you wonder how much he really knew.  “He might seem like it, but he does know things.  And I’m teaching him.”

Axel snorted, opening a dark corridor.  “If you say so.  Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

XXX

First stop:  the library.

I’d never been in the dim, musty room before, and I didn’t intend to stay long.  The white bookshelves towered over me, almost reaching all the way to the high, domed ceiling.

_Must be in one of the turrets._   Out a dark-tinted window I could see the even darker sky, as well as the main part of C.O. off to the left.

Ignoring the scenery, I slid four heavy hardcover tomes off a shelf that was low enough to reach.  Surprisingly they weren’t drowning in dust, but each weighed around five pounds, more than I expected, and they thumped to the floor.  Rather than pick them up again, I corridored them to the kitchen.

I laughed to myself, and it came out sounding way more like an evil overlord laugh than I intended, but I didn’t particularly care.  Now was time for the fun part.

_Rule 10:  Thou shalt respect literature in the castle._

I took the shaving cream, cheese spray, and a purple sharpie from my pocket and went to work.

First spraying the cheese and cream at the lower shelves, then climbing up and leaping between bookcases to reach the higher ones, I attacked the library.  No books escaped but one titled _Harry Potter,_ which I pocketed because it looked better-read than most of the others and it had a certain aura of awesomeness about it.

Once the place was thoroughly covered in cheese and cream, I wrote ‘ _XENAN WUZ HERE’_ in giant letters on the side of the shelves.

_Rule 32:  Thou shalt use correct grammar in the castle._

Before I left to get Demyx and Axel, I added some more grammar-killing for good measure:

_‘GOT IT MEMORIZED?’_

XXX

Axel whistled, taking in the destruction.  “Nice.  It just needs a few finishing touches.  Ready, Demyx?”

Demyx nodded, summoning his sitar.

“Burn, baby!”

“Dance, water, dance!”

My eyes widened in surprise for two reasons – I’d never seen Demyx summon his water clones before, and he used a card to do it.  They strummed their water-instruments as they threw books off of the shelves, making their ink run.

Axel kept his fire mostly reeled in.  He only completely destroyed three of the thirty-something shelves, leaving the rest only somewhat singed.  After all, plenty of damage had already been done.  No point distracting from my lovely display of cheesy goodness.

“Been a while since I did something like that,” Axel said, chuckling to himself.  “Looks like we’re done here.  Better go check on R-2.”

I nodded, following him to the dark corridor, which he stopped right in front of, staring at one of my graffitied shelves.

“Wait a minute, did you count my catchprase as a disgrace to grammar?”

“Basically, yes.  I think Zexion would say it should be ‘have it memorized’.”

Axel muttered something insulting and shoved me into the corridor in front of him.

“My grammar is perfectly fine, thank you very much.”

XXX

“Goodbye, Mr. Face!”  R-2 cut through a rather confused-looking Dusk.  At least I thought it was confused.  It’s rather difficult to tell what they’re thinking (if they think at all) since they don’t have eyes.  Or much of a face in general. 

_Mr. Face?... Oh, who cares._ Sometimes R-2 really just didn’t make sense.  I watched him ballerina-spin through four more and stab one while cartwheeling.

“I think that’s enough, good work.”  I grabbed his shoulder before he could dash off after any more Nobodies.

“Aww, but I was having so much fun playing with the Mr. Faces,” he pouted, crossing his arms.

“We need your help with something else now.  You’ll get to use colors.”

“COLORS!”  R-2 hurled himself through the dark corridor I’d opened to the kitchen.

_What am I going to do with that kid?_   Axel probably wouldn’t want me to take him back to The Castle That Never Was with us, but I’d become responsible for him.  He was still a little kid inside, and he needed someone to take care of him.

And somehow, I had become a big sister again.


	19. Mass Destruction of the Kitchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: somewhat graphic descriptions of vomit and vomit-like substances.

Somehow while caught up in plotting out my revenge against Zexion, I’d neglected something that I never normally ignored.

“Man, I’m starving,” I complained to no one in particular, my stomach growling its agreement.  Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t eaten since before we got stuck in the lexicon.  So over two weeks.  Now that I noticed it, I felt even more drained of energy than I had before.

“Good,” Axel replied, “because you and Demyx have to cook to break rule fifty-one.”

“We might not want to actually _eat_ whatever she cooks,” Demyx said, and I flicked him upside the head.  “Hey!”

Axel shrugged.  “The rules don’t say anything about eating it.” 

I ignored him.  “I don’t know what I’m cooking yet, but it’ll be _amazing,”_ I said with determination, digging through the recipes.

“Oh yeah, you two baked that memory loss-inducing cake,” Axel muttered, making miniature animals out of his flames to amuse R-2 and keep him out of his hair.  Literally.  R-2 had been poking Axel’s spikes and talking about how fiery and pointy they looked for a whole ten minutes, which was a record time for him to stay focused on anything.  “I’m going to pass on eating whatever you two cook up this time.  I could live without brain damage.”

“Just be glad you lost your memories of what happened, because we all certainly had brain damage at the time.”  I said, watching R-2 doodle Axel’s fire-horse, the animal he was currently playing with, surprisingly well on the counter in bright, red, permanent Sharpie.  Good thing we don’t have to clean up after him here.  It would just bother Zexion more. 

“I got it on video!”  Demyx chirped happily, taking off his gloves to wash his hands.  “You wanna see?”

  “Y’know, I think I’ll stick with Xenan on forgetting about it.” Axel changed the horse into a lion while R-2 was still drawing it, making the kid pout for a moment before he was entranced by the lion’s crackling roars.  Axel’s mastery of his element was pretty impressive.  Much better than being stuck summoning frying pans.

I took off my own gloves, lathering on a large glob of dish soap.  “Get out a pot, Demyx, we’re going to need a big one.”

“I thought you were going to be less bossy,” he complained, not moving.

I sighed.  He counted anything that needed to be done as me being bossy.  “Sorry, _please_ get me a big pot.  Where are my manners?”

“Probably in whatever grave you buried them in.”  Axel smirked.  I rolled my eyes, but at least Demyx dug a pot out of a cabinet and set it on a stove burner as I filled my arms with ingredients from the refrigerator.

“Uh, so what _are_ we cooking?”  Demyx asked, glancing over the assorted fruit, vegetable, dairy, and meat (including fish) products I was spreading out on the counter.

“Stew,” I replied, ripping off the lid of a container of yogurt.

“Do you know how to make stew?”

“It can’t be too hard.  Don’t you just throw a bunch of stuff in a pot and cook it?”  That was what it looked like when Dad made it, and it was downright delicious.

“Oi, I am so glad we’ll have Xaldin to cook back at the other castle…  Hey, watch it, kid.  You’ll burn yourself.”  Axel’s lion leapt onto his shoulder, out of R-2’s reach.

“But it’s fluffy…” R-2 pouted, hopping up to perch on the counter with his arms crossed.

Axel turned the lion into a hissing snake, and R-2 recoiled.

“N-not fluffy.  Not fluffy,” he stuttered, eyes wide with fear.

“Not fluffy, that’s right.  Got it memorized?”

“Got it memorized.” R-2 nodded furiously, and Axel returned the fire to lion form, chuckling.  R-2 relaxed instantly and followed it with his eyes.

“You’re not too bad, kid.” Axel ruffled his silver hair, and I smirked from where I was cutting up leeks and daikons, watching them out of the corner of my eye.

“Thought you didn’t like babysitting,” I teased.

“Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you three,” he replied without missing a beat.

“We’ve been doing okay by ourselves,” Demyx grumbled, tossing hunks of unidentifiable meat into the boiling water inside the pot.

“Uh-huh,” Axel said sarcastically, crossing his arms loosely so his hands were still free enough to gesture about as usual.  “Let’s see, you baked an awful cake, got stuck with an experiment of Vexen’s, and ended up trapped in a book.” He ticked each event off on his fingers.  “Yeah, you’re doing amazing.”

“If you think we’ll mess up so bad, why don’t you come over here and help us?”  I dropped daikon-bits into the water with a plop that splashed sizzling droplets onto my arm.  Normally that would’ve been fine, since my coat sleeves were ridiculously long, but I had them rolled up so they didn’t get in the food.  I had a pretty hard time not showing the stinging pain that I felt, which annoyed me more than the actual injury.  Sheesh, we can feel physical pain, but we still don’t have emotions?  I wished the universe didn’t enjoy irony so much.

“Nah, I’ll go take R-2 for a walk.  C’mon kid, wanna go beat up more of those monsters?”

“Okay!”  R-2 jumped off of the counter and bounded through the portal Axel had opened.

“What about keeping an eye on us?”  I asked, confused.

“Demyx was right.  Your bossiness is getting on my nerves.”  Axel shook his head, laughing hollowly.  “Wow, that sounded way to much like Larxene.  Anyway, we’ll be on the sixth floor when you’re ready to take on the bathroom, got it memorized?”  The corridor closed behind him.

I sighed, munching on a carrot to try and quiet my growling stomach.  It didn’t seem to be working. 

“Yeah, I guess I need to be less bossy.”  Whether I admitted it or not, it would’ve been useful to have Axel help us cook.  At least I knew not to use magic now.

“Aww, you’re not so bad all the time.  Axel just doesn’t listen to anyone,” Demyx said in an attempt to cheer me up.  “Well, except X-Face sometimes.  He can get away with messing with him more than anyone else.  One time Axel stuck a piece of paper to his back that said ‘I be a werewolf, here me RAWR!’”

I burst out laughing at the thought, nearly cutting myself on the knife I was using to slice up some Swiss cheese.  “Really?”

“Yeah, and he didn’t even realize it until the end of the day!  And Axel barely got punished at all; all he had to do was take a recon mission in Wonderland the next day!”

“Wonder how he got off so light.” I frowned, remembering my prank with Xion.  We got off pretty easily that time, too, but that was only so Saïx didn’t have to explain _why_ we would’ve been punished.

Demyx shrugged, stirring fish-bits into our stew.  “No clue.”

“We’ll have to ask him sometime; that would be good to know, just in case.  But we’re pranking Zexion now, so let’s get cooking!” 

XXX

“Do you think that’s edible?”  Demyx asked nervously, peering into the bubbling pot. 

The liquid was chunky with vegetable, meat, and cheese clumps that were a shade of green-brown disgustingly similar to vomit.  And that was before factoring in the smell.  To be honest, I didn’t want to put our concoction anywhere near to mouth, but I was too proud to admit it and too hungry to be picky.  It was still some form of food, right?

“Sure,” I lied, waving a soup ladle dismissively.  “How could we mess up tossing stuff-“

I was rudely interrupted when the substance exploded in our faces, soaking us and the surrounding counter in barf-colored goop.  I just stood there, too stunned to move, the product of our hours of cooking dripping down my forehead and into my eyes.

Of course, _one_ barf-like substance wasn’t bad enough.  Demyx had to go and _actually_ barf, _right into the pot._ Not that we were going to eat it after it blew up all over us, but still, it made the smell even worse.

Then I threw up, too.

“Ugh…” Demyx moaned pulling at the fabric of his muck-covered coat.  “I need a bath.”

“That makes two of us,” I agreed, leaning unsteadily against a disgusting counter.   Once again I regretted taking off my gloves and rolling up my sleeves.  Well, at least my gloves were fine.  My sleeves had still been gunked up along with my hands and arms.

Axel just happenedto corridor back in at that exact moment.

“Hey, R-2 got bored again – What the…  You know what?  Forget I asked.”  He shook his head as R-2 peeked out from behind his back.

“Are you guys okay?”  He asked, eyes wide with confusion, and he rushed towards us.  Go figure, the smell had an even worse effect on his mega- awesome-canine nose, and he doubled over and threw up right in the middle of the floor.

Axel facepalmed.  “Well, it’s a good thing we’re trying to make Zexion want to kill us, because he’s going to hate this.  Well, if he could hate he would, anyway.”  He shrugged.

I wiped my mouth on a tiny bit of the shoulder of my coat that wasn’t completely soaked in nastiness, sighing.  _I’m going to need a coat…  I hate cooking._   The ‘stew’ was debatably worse than the cake had been (I’m sure it wouldn’t be debatable if anyone ate the stew), but of course Demyx had come up with the cake recipe, and I came up with this dumb idea.  I should’ve watched Dad cook more.  How was I supposed to know it took skill?

“Looks like that covers rules six, thirty, thirty-four I guess, I don’t know if ‘exploding’ and ‘playing with’ food are the same things, uh, thirty-five  since we are _definitely_ not eating the vegetables we put in there…”  I crossed off the rules on my pocket-rulebook.  “Hey Axel, will you please call some Dusks to eat part of this?”

He smirked, snapping his fingers to call the minions I hadn’t yet learned to summon.  “Thank you for using good manners and being polite about it.”

“You are most welcome.” I curtseyed mockingly.

“Now you’re overdoing it,” Axel said as a Dusk cautiously stuck its mouth into the synthetic barf/real barf mixture and immediately keeled over dead before fading away completely.  If it had a nose, it never would’ve gotten close enough to touch it.  Poor noseless Dusks.  Not that I really cared.

“Okay, and that covers number thirty-six.”  I crossed it off, too.  “R-2, are you okay now?”  I asked, looking over to where Demyx was gently shaking his shoulder.  “R-2?”  Please don’t tell me our cooking could kill at a distance… 

I lifted him out of the pool of his own vomit, gagging in disgust, and wiped off his face.  He was still breathing, I could see that.  He let out a loud snore.

He was just sleeping.  Sleeping.  I breathed a sigh of mock-relief mixed with mock-anger, though the brief panic I’d experienced just a moment before had felt real.

“Is the kid okay?”  Axel asked nonchalantly, and I nodded.  Demyx sprayed a light stream of water at R-2’s face to wash off the vomit.  He snored on still.

“It’s okay, Demyx.  We can wash him up in the bathroom since we need to go there for the next pranks.  Might as well wash ourselves up, too.”

“That’s a good idea,” Demyx agreed.  “Hey, didn’t you say you were hungry?”

I glanced around the barf-covered room.

“Not anymore.”


	20. Mass Destruction of the Bathroom

Demyx graciously gave me a candy bar after we showered (in some upper-floor showers Axel told us about, not the annoying one that we were going to mess up that never had warm water) and geared up for the next act of sabotage.  Despite claiming to have lost my appetite, I broke my never-eat-sugar-ever-again-ever rule immediately, accidentally swallowing the paper wrapper in my eagerness to scarf it down.  I could already tell Axel would mock me until someone else’s stupidity distracted him.

He let it drop for now, though, as we needed to get on with the prank.

“You guys stay here; I’ve got the perfect idea for breaking number thirty-eight.”  Axel grinned in a way that made him look completely evil.  R-2 copied his expression and added in a maniacal laugh that sounded suspiciously like one an evil scientist might make.

“You’ve only hung out with him for a few hours and you’re _already_ rubbing off on him.”  I rolled my eyes, but Axel just laughed (with less evil).

“He either got that laugh from Vexen or made it up on his own.  But seriously, I get trailed by all the midgets, whether I want to or not.  First Roxas, then I had to watch out for Naminé, and now this kid.  That’s not even including you.”  He smirked at me, and I glared back.  I was about a foot shorter than him, but only because he was ridiculously tall, and the people on my world had all adapted to be small from living underground for so many generations.  “Is my height so different you guys think I’m a different species?”

“Wait, you knew about Naminé?”  I asked, not bothering to keep up my glare.  How had he been involved with the supposed ‘prisoner’?

Axel turned away and opened a portal.  “Had to stop Marluxia from being creepy around her.  Would it have killed him to get her a longer dress?”  He muttered the last part under his breath.

“Uh, okay.”  Some things were better left unquestioned. 

“See ya.”  Axel gave an offhand salute and left.

“Hey, Demyx.  You got any idea how he’s going to get an alligator?”

He shrugged.  “Axel can find a way.  So, do you want to use the cheese spray or the paintball gun?”  He held up the two weapons.

“Paintball gun,” I said, claiming it.

“I get the COLORS!”  R-2 waved the Sharpies in the air from where he was drawing on the mirror.  Somehow he had managed to cram himself into the sink and thought that sitting there was comfortable.  Again, I wasn’t going to question it.

XXX

After the chaotic destruction that left the bathroom and the three of us painted a full rainbow of colors (according to R-2, cheese was a color), it was time to break specific rules.

“Let’s get down to business!”  Demyx suddenly sang, surprisingly well.  Guess his ‘Melodious Nocturne’ title wasn’t limited to his sitar skills.

R-2 joined him with a voice that was the complete opposite:  like a wailing cat with a throat disease.  “To defeat the Huns!”

“Wait, Vexen let you watch _Mulan_?”  Demyx asked incredulously.

“What’s a _Mulan?_ ” R-2 continued graffitiing the tile with gruesome doodles of himself bashing Vexen with his dragon wing-sword.

“Alright, I’m going to ignore that…” I pulled out the rule list.  “So who wants to help me squirt toothpaste everywhere?”

“OOH!  ME!  PICK ME!”  His drawing forgotten, R-2 sprang up and waved his hand as high as he could, standing on tiptoe and bracing the stretched-out arm with his other.  “PLEEEEASE?”

I laughed, shaking my head, and handed over the tube of toothpaste.  It seemed like R-2 was getting stranger all the time.

He giggled madly as he squeezed the contents of the tube out into the sink and dipped his hands in it.

“What do you think he’s doing?”  Demyx asked me as R-2 climbed back onto the counter and rubbed his minty fingers all over his previous doodle on the mirror.

“Why do you bother asking?”  He might as well ask why Heartless attack people.  Randomness was R-2’s nature just as much as it was the dark creatures’ nature to steal hearts.

It looked like he was… Fingerpainting?  He stood in the way of his artwork, so I couldn’t tell for sure.  Demyx and I waited for him to reveal his creation.

“Ta-da!  Is it pretty?”  R-2 leapt down next to me, tugging on my arm and pointing eagerly.

The blue-green toothpaste was smeared so much it took a lot of staring to tell what he had painted.

“Is that…  us?”  Demyx asked, squinting with his head tilted sideways.  Now that he said it, I could see the three of us standing side by side with R-2 in the middle.

But why were the drawings of us all holding hands?

“Uh, it’s nice, R-2,” I said.

He noticed our confused expressions and poked out his lower lip.  “You guys don’t like it, do you?”

“Well-“

I elbowed Demyx in the ribs.  “Of course we do.  We just didn’t expect you to draw us.”

“You’re my favorite people, oh, and Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man.  But he’s hard to draw ‘cause of his pointy hair.  Anyway, since we’re friends, I wanted to draw us together.”  He stood between me and Demyx, linking hands with us and swinging our arms back and forth.  “Look!”  He pointed to the mirror with my arm.

Our confused reflections stood right below our toothpaste-selves.

Demyx laughed.  “Hey, nice one.  It really does look like us, if we were all lumpy and goopy.”

“Yeah.  Can you let go of my hand now?”  R-2’s grip was crushing my fingers.

He let go with his usual “Sorry” and went back to coloring with his Sharpies like nothing had happened.

“Okay…”  I checked off rules nineteen and twenty.  “Demyx, feel like shoving a roll of toilet paper down the toilet?”

He took one from under the sink.  “Why not?”  Making the water shy away from his hand, he plunged the roll in and clogged the toilet.  He grinned.  “Mission accomplished.”

He held his hand up for a high-five, which I tried to give.  Even though I missed, it was much less awkward than the first time he gestured for a high-five and I had no idea what he wanted me to do.  We both laughed as I checked off rules twenty-four and thirty-seven, since we wouldn’t try to flush it anytime soon. 

“Let’s ignore number thirteen; I _really_ don’t want to see anyone in the shower, and Axel should be back with the alligator to put in there sometime soon.”

“We probably spent over fifteen minutes cleaning ourselves up earlier, anyway,” Demyx said, looking at his own rule list.

“Yeah, you’re right.”  I forgot about that since we weren’t even trying to break a rule then.  “Let’s do number fourteen now.”

“I got it!”  R-2 threw open the towel closet and flung out its contents, kicking the fluffy towels across the floor.

I stared at him.  “How did you know fourteen is ‘Thou shalt not leave towels on the bathroom floor in the castle’?”

R-2 grinned and tapped his temple.  “I got it memorized.”

If I had a heart, I would’ve wanted to both laugh and facepalm.  I chose to laugh, as it was less painful.  I really had to keep him away from Axel.

“Well, alright them.”  I rubbed my hands together.  “Do we have any black paintballs?”

XXX

“Black isn’t a very pretty color.” R-2 frowned.

Demyx shrugged, pelting a corner of the room with dark, splotchy blobs.  “I kinda see why Xig likes to shoot things all the time, but sitars are still cooler than guns.”

“I like my sword best.  It’s sharp.” Summoning said weapon, R-2 waved it about haphazardly until a stray paintball stained some of the red wing.  “Hey!  Be nice to Soul Eater!”  He glared at Demyx, cradling the sword.

“Sorry, bad aim,” Demyx apologized, but he still had a goofy grin on his face that said he wasn’t sorry at all.

“Wait, your sword’s called Soul Eater?”  I asked.  The name fit the creepy blade, but not R-2 himself.

“I usually call him Sully, though,” R-2 replied with a smile.

“My sitar’s called Arpeggio,” Demyx commented, firing off another salvo of paintballs.  Even though he said he had bad aim, a four-foot by four-foot black patch was appearing in the corner, with only a two-foot range outside of that speckled with dots that had missed their ideal target.

“Is it normal to name weapons?”  I’d worked in a forge, and Dad never said anything about naming the weapons we made.  My mace was just a mace.  A very awesome mace (thanks to Lexaeus’s magically amazing smithing skills), but still a mace.

“What’s ‘normal’?”  R-2 didn’t seem to comprehend my question, but Demyx answered it.

“Yeah!  Everyone in the Organization names their weapons!”  Demyx dropped the paintball gun now that he was done.  I wouldn’t count the Organization as normal, but I supposed I was asking the least normal person I knew.  Wait, R-2 held that title now.  Whatever.  “You haven’t named yours yet?”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

“You should!  Weapons with names are stronger for some reason.  Vexen could probably tell you why-“

“No he can’t, ‘cause he’s dead.” R-2 cackled, rubbing his already messy hands in the wet paint of the ‘emo corner’ (breaking rules number forty-two and forty-three).

“Oh yeah.” Demyx laughed with him, and I found myself joining them.  Vexen had been cruel to R-2, and Axel hadn’t spoken highly of him, but I didn’t have much against him personally.  R-2’s laugher was just oddly contagious despite my Nobody status.

“I’ll try to think of a name, then,” I said once we stopped laughing.

“Ooh!  Can I help?”  R-2 pleaded.

“Sure, we don’t have anything else to do while we wait for Axel to get back.” I summoned my mace, and R-2 stared at it, poking the spikes.

“Pointy pointy pointy pointy…” he muttered to himself, scaring me with the gleeful glint in his eyes.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” I pulled it away.  “Any ideas, Demyx?”

“It’s better if you name it yourself.  The name needs to have some significance to you.”

I rolled my eyes.  “That sounds like a lot of sap.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help!”  Demyx defended.  “My weapon couldn’t kill much other than Shadows until I named it, so yours will probably have a power level of over nine-thousand once you find a name.  You think of something.  Me and R-2 can play with the paintball gun some more.  Right?”

“Right!”  R-2 agreed, snatching up the weapon.

I ignored the resulting rainbow projectiles, tossing my unnamed mace up and down.

_A name…_

My thoughts were quickly shattered.

“Clear out!”  Axel’s voice called, followed by a large green reptile falling out of a dark corridor above the shower.  It landed with a dull _thud_ that shook the floor _._

R-2 screamed, dropping the paintball gun and hiding behind me.  “I don’t like alligators!”

“You could’ve mentioned that earlier,” I muttered.

“I agree with him,” Demyx whimpered, trying to hide behind me as well despite the alligator not moving in any way that could be considered threatening.  In fact, it didn’t seem to be able to move at all.

A sopping-wet Axel stepped out of a different corridor.  “Technically it’s a crocodile, but it’s the best I could get.  Hat to swim all over Neverland trying to clamp its mouth shut, man, _that_ was a pain…”  He took off his coat and tossed it on the ground, revealing his black undershirt that was also soaked.  “There, I think being out of uniform is a different rule.  That stupid thing looks epic, but it’s useless for swimming in.”

I noticed the duct tape wrapped around the crocodile’s jaws.  “You _wrestled_ a _crocodile?_ ”

He grinned, flexing a wiry but altogether unimpressive muscle.  “It didn’t stand a chance against my awesomeness.”

“Could your ego get any bigger?”  I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t challenge him,” Demyx warned.

R-2 suddenly dashed out from behind me and plopped down on top of the bound crocodile, still looking terrified.  He poked it in the eye and ran back.

“I did it!”  He beamed at me and blew a raspberry at the crocodile, whose bound legs made it impossible to give chase.  It flopped angrily inside the bathtub.

Axel ruffled R-2’s hair.  “Trying to conquer your fear, kid?” 

R-2 nodded vigorously, and Axel laughed.

“I like what you guys have done with the place,” commented, glancing around at the rainbow room and grinning at our emo corner and R-2’s doodle’s, though an odd shadow passed through his eyes as he looked at the one showing Vexen’s death.  It was gone quickly, though, so maybe I just imagined it.  “Are we done here?”

“We were just waiting on you to bring the alligator,” Demyx said. “Or crocodile, I guess.”

So much for naming my weapon; I'd have to think about it later.  I double-checked the rule chart to make sure we didn’t forget any rules we needed to break before we tracked down Zexion.

_Rule forty-nine: Thou shalt not combust the oven in the castle._

I facepalmed.  “We’ll have to go back to the kitchen; Axel forgot to catch the oven on fire.”

“Sure, blame me ‘cause I’m the pyro.”  Axel rolled his eyes.  “You’re a terrible cook; you could’ve combusted it just as well as I could.  Well, maybe not with as much skill.”

I ignored the insults.  “We still need to go back.”

“You’re right there,” Axel agreed, opening a portal.

R-2 scowled and waved a finger at the crocodile before I pulled him to follow Axel and Demyx through.

“Man, it still reeks in here!”  Demyx pinched his nose, gagging.  R-2’s cheeks puffed up as he held his breath.

“Looks like someone else noticed that too.”  Axel jerked a thumb down at said ‘someone,’ and I peered around Demyx to see him.  Sure enough, there was only one living Organization member besides us still at C.O.

Zexion was lying on the ground, assumingly unconscious from the nauseating stench.


	21. Supreme Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Any opinions held by the characters in this fanfic are strictly their own, and in no way reflect my opinions on literature, books, et cetera. ...Except maybe the part about Twilight.

“Hurry, he’s waking up!”  Demyx yelled in my ear, and I flinched.

“Yelling’s just going to wake him faster,” I pointed out, tying the last knot in the rope around Zexion, who moaned softly.  “Axel’s taking a long time stealing the lexicon…”

“Yeah,” Demyx agreed, sitting on the kitchen counter.  “How hard can it be to take a book off a shelf?  Lexaeus’s dead, so Axel doesn’t even have to sneak past him to get to the armory.”

“It still smells bad in here,” R-2 complained, poking the clothespin pinched on his nose as he sat cross-legged on the floor.  “This thingy hurts.”

I sighed, walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing a slice of ham that hadn’t been thrown in the Stew of Death.

“Here, smell this.”  Taking the clothespin off his nose, I dropped the ham into his lap.

“Yay!”  He scooped it up and hung it from his nose.  Closing his eyes, he sniffed eagerly and smiled.

“Did you drug him or something?”  Demyx asked me, still not bothering to whisper.

“If I did, it wasn’t on purpose.”  I shrugged.  R-2 was just being his usual self.  I’d be more worried if he started acting normal.

“Ham ham ham ham ham…”  He muttered gleefully as he gnawed on the meat.

At that moment Axel corridored in, holding the lexicon over his head and grinning triumphantly like it was a war prize.  “It tried to eat me, but I-“

“Gloat later, Zexion’s waking up,” I interrupted.

“Sheesh, bossypants,” he muttered, but for once he actually listened and took his spot in front of Zexion’s chair as the rest of us gathered around.  He set the book down on the counter where Zexion could see but not reach it.

“Nngh…”  Zexion groaned, struggling against the ropes.  “What in the name of Kingdom Hearts…”

“Hi, Zexy!”  Demyx waved in his face.  “We’re going to prank you now!”

“What?”  Zexion blinked in confusion.

Axel smacked Demyx upside the head, making him squeak.  “Nice job killing the mood.  I was _going_ to make our plan sound epic.”

“Too late.”  I sighed.

R-2 frowned at Zexion.  “You ate me and my friends with your book.  I don’t like you.”

Before any of us could stop him (not that we would’ve), he grabbed Zexion’s arm and started staring daggers into him.  He froze and his eyes (the one that wasn’t covered by his hair, anyway) widened, and he shook like he was being electrocuted.

“How are you—”

“Don’t hurt my friends.”  R-2’s eyes narrowed seriously before he let go.

All of us, even Axel, gaped at him.  (Axel looked pretty funny with his mouth wide open, by the way.  Just saying.)

“R-2, what did you just do?”  I asked, sounding calmer than I expected to.  I guess that was the whole Nobody thing being helpful for once.

He beamed at me.  “I stole his magic so he can’t make us see fake stuff.”

“You mean illusions?”

He nodded. 

“…Okay, then.  Thanks.”  I wondered how long it would last.  And how he did it at all.

“You’re welcome!”  He skipped off to grab his Sharpies.  I would never understand that kid.

Zexion looked like he was about to barf (probably due to the lingering stench of our cooking attempt), but he managed to speak in his normal ‘better-than-thou’ voice.  “I understand that you didn’t enjoy your stay in my lexicon, but it was your rightful punishment.  ‘Pranking’ will only give me another reason to punish you.”

Axel laughed.  “You might be able to force your rules on them, but you’re not in charge of me.”

“You know you sound like a little kid, right?”  I said.  He scowled at me.

“You’re not helping.”

I shrugged and went over to R-2.  “Can I borrow a marker?”

He nodded and handed one to me, then followed me back to Zexion’s chair with the rest held tightly against his chest.

“Anyway, if you look to your left you’ll see the exploded oven, and on your right is that disgusting goop stuff you smelled earlier.  No wonder you made a rule against Demyx and Xenan cooking.”  He paused in explaining our destruction when I leaned over Zexion’s shoulder and started scribbling on his face.

“Stop it!  You’re already in exile, do you want to be turned into a Dusk?”  He asked angrily, but I kept assaulting his face.  I could see why R-2 enjoyed coloring.  Speaking of R-2 –

“Ooh!  Me too!”  He attacked from the other side and drew a detailed picture of a Dusk (a.k.a. what we would be if word of this prank ever got back to the other castle) on his cheek.  Demyx took one of the Sharpies and started to draw what was either a sitar or a large blue blob on Zexion’s forehead.

I caught Axel facepalming out of the corner of my eye, but I was more focused on the fact that Zexion was waving his head around like an agitated horse.  It didn’t bother my scribbling much, and R-2 could probably draw with his eyes closed in a hurricane using only his toes if he tried, but Demyx whined that his doodle was ruined.  I broke the sad truth that to him that it had been a failure in the first place.

“When I get my lexicon back, I’ll-”

“To quote Xigbar, as if,” Axel interrupted, pushing me, Demyx, and R-2 out of the way.

“Nice drawing skills, but we need to finish breaking the rules and get out of here.”

“Yeah, he’s right,” Demyx agreed, capping  his Sharpie.  “I don’t wanna be around when Riku gets here.”

I agreed as well and handed R-2 my marker.  “But if he’s anything like R-2, I’m not too worried.”

“Hey!  I fight good!”  R-2 pouted.

“But we know how you fight already, so we could beat you more easily.”

“Oh.”

“Riku killed Lexaeus,” Axel said.  “Of course, Lexaeus is slow, so anyone with some agility could beat him.  I’d still avoid a fight with Riku if we can.”

“Translation:  we should hurry up,” I said, then realized how quiet it was.  Turning around, I saw Demyx sticking pieces of duct tape over Zexion’s mouth.

Demyx shrugged, grinning.  “He was getting annoying.”

I grinned too and high-fived him, feeling that the situation called for it.

“Okay, Xenan, get the books,” Axel ordered while pointing to our supply pile.

I put my hands on my hips.  “Say please.”

Demyx burst out laughing as Axel rolled his eyes at me.

“You guys are so unprofessional,” he said.  It was pretty amusing that he got the books himself instead of just saying ‘please.’  He handed one to Demyx, who was sticking purple duct tape in Zexion’s hair, waved one in front of R-2 until he stopped doodling on the floor and grabbed it, and threw one at me.  I barely caught it in time to stop it from whacking me in the face.

“Unprofessional?  Says the one who just threw a book at my head,” I replied.

“You caught it first,” he said, smirking.  “Ready to disrespect some more literature?”

Demyx whooped in excitement.  “I never liked books!”

Zexion squirmed and struggled, but the ropes and duct tape kept him bound to the chair.

I shrugged.  We didn’t have enough books on my homeworld for me to have much of an opinion on them, but making Zexion mad would be fun.  Just to double the torture, I took out the other book I’d “rescued” from the library.  Sure, it looked cool, but it’s not like I’d have time to read it anyway.

Zexion struggled even harder when he saw the book.  Must’ve been one of his favorites or something.  Oh well, too bad I’d never read it.

“On three,” Axel said, probably just so he’d feel like he had some sort of order over our pranking.

“Three!”  R-2 yelled, throwing down his book and stomping on it.

Demyx whooped and tossed his book into the air before shooting it down with a glob of water, and Axel sighed and incinerated his.  I went with something less flashy.  With my new cards, I summoned my mace and stabbed the two books on it.

Zexion raged something that sounded like “Thou shalt not disrespect literature in the castle!”, only it was muffled by the duct tape, so I couldn’t be sure.

“What’s up with all the ‘thou shalt’s’ in the rules, anyway?”  I asked. 

“Seriously, nobody talks like that anymore!”  Demyx said as R-2 chanted “Die, literature, die!”  in the background.  Demyx joined his chanting as Zexion yanked at his chair-rope-and-duct-tape prison, but apparently that sticky stuff really is as tough as Axel and Demyx said.  Unless he _meant_ to knock the chair forward and land on his face, Zexion’s struggling was pointless.

Axel and Demyx laughed their heads off, so of course R-2 had to join in.  Zexion tried and failed to roll the chair onto its side.  I had to admit, it did look pretty funny, even if I couldn’t technically feel ‘amused.’  And “thou shalt not laugh in the castle” was one of the rules, right?

I laughed right in Zexion’s face while I set his chair back up.

“And for the grand finale…”  Axel said dramatically, ripping one of my books off of my mace’s spikes.  I took the other off, Demyx readied his soggy one, and R-2 picked up his (which had plenty of boot-prints on it).

If great minds think alike, I guess stupid ones do too.  That’s my explanation for how the rest of us knew to violently sniff our books at Axel’s vague signal.

Apparently not having a heart couldn’t stop Zexion from fainting in horror.

R-2 stared, then rubbed his nose.  “I have a paper cut.”

XXX

Zexion looked like he was trying to snap at R-2, who had just slapped the Schemer’s face to wake him up, but luckily the duct tape prevented that.

Demyx and I had dragged Zexion’s chair through a portal to the library, where we planned to show off more of our destruction.

“Ta-da!”  Axel gestured dramatically to the burnt, soaked, cheese-covered bookcases.

If it was physically possible for Nobodies to have heart attacks, Zexion would be dead now.  So I guess that’s one thing us heartless people have to be thankful for.

His eyes widened, and he tried to rage something until R-2 and Demyx hit him over the head repeatedly with their falling-apart books.  It’s kinda funny how cute those two are, even when they’re doing destructive things.

After Axel got them to stop, he described what rules we broke and ranted about the grammar-killing, and then we were off to the bathroom.

We were sure to stand with improper posture as we hauled Zexion’s chair again, dropping him on the hard floor.  Whatever pride he once had was clearly gone by now, as he moaned in pain.  It must’ve been an off day for him.

The bathroom was as full of messy glory as it was before, including the alligator (er, crocodile) tied up in the bathtub.  Zexion seemed to be hyperventilating.

“Let’s see, what’s left…”  Axel scanned the rule list as me, R-2, and Demyx pestered Zexion.  I glooped some of my mace-metal in his hair; Demyx sang in falsetto; R-2 scribbled on his coat with Sharpies.  Somehow the colorful ink showed up brightly on the black fabric.  Weird, I wouldn’t have expected it to show up at all…

Axel lit a pair of pants on fire.  Hopefully they weren’t any of ours.

“That takes care of that rule,” he said smugly, tossing the flaming pants on top of the furious crocodile.  “And Xemnas is a buttheaded jerk who brainwashed my best friend; I don’t need any other motivation to ‘take his name in vain’ or whatever.”

I took a moment to wonder who Axel’s best friend was, but then R-2 interjected with something that was probably his idea of whale-speak.  It sounded like a dying cow.  With Demyx’s help, it sounded like a rabid dying zombie cow, or at least what I think a rabid dying zombie cow would sound like.  If it had a spork shoved in it throat.

That was all of the rules, except the ones about _Twlight_ that Axel had forbidden us to break for some unexplained reason.  Wait, no, there was one other rule left that we could break easily…

Demyx, R-2, Axel, and I shared another moment of mind-linkage.

“CONTINENTAL DRIIIIIIIIFT!!!”  We screeched, throwing Zexion and his chair into the tub with the flaming pants and flailing crocodile.  Heart or no heart, revenge was satisfactory.

We all laughed harder than ever, but there wasn’t time to stay and watch.

“Show’s over,” Axel announced, opening a corridor.  “You kids go back to the castle through here; I’ll put the lexicon back on the summoning rack.”

I wasn’t not sure whether that was a good idea or not – if Zexion told anyone about our prank we’d be Dusk’d for sure, but I guess we couldn’t just leave him weaponless against Riku.  Were we traitors for leaving our fellow Organization member there alone, regardless of what awful things he did to us?  Were we just as bad as that Sora kid who killed Larxene?

I didn’t have answers for those questions, so I made a snap decision to be thankful that Nobodies can’t feel true guilt.  Or so I’m told.

I nodded at Axel, grabbing Demyx and R-2.

“I can walk by myself!”  Demyx protested, pulling away and walking through with R-2 behind him.  I rolled my eyes, then looked between Axel and the bathtub-chaos.  Lucky for Zexion, the crocodile was still duct taped-up, and they seemed to have beaten out the fire, but there was still a lot of muffled screaming and death threats.

“Be careful, okay?”  I found myself telling Axel.  “Zexion’ll want revenge.”

Axel just laughed.  “Don’t insult me.”

With a last glance at our wake of destruction, I walked through the corridor, where Demyx and R-2 were waiting to attack me with a bear hug.

“Guys!”  I laughed, trying to push them off.

“We did it!  We did it!”  R-2 twirled around happily.

“It’s kinda nice to be back.”  Demyx smiled.

I smirked at him.  “Bet Saïx’ll have missions for us tomorrow.”

That shot down his good mood.  “Aw, man…”

“This place is cool!”  R-2 jumped on one of the Grey Area’s couches.  Saïx wouldn’t like that… How was I going to keep R-2 a secret?  _Should_ I try to keep him secret?  Saïx wouldn’t want him here – then he’d have to stay secret.  But where would he stay?

I sighed, sitting on a couch R-2 wasn’t jumping on.

“What’s wrong?”  Demyx asked, plopping down beside me. 

“Just wondering what I’ll do with R-2.”

“Oh.”  He frowned, then perked up a little.  “He can stay in my room tonight, and we’ll figure something out tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Demyx.”  I smiled.  He’s a slacker on missions, but at least I could count on him to help me out with almost anything else.

I yawned, making him yawn too.

“Sleepy,” Demyx muttered.  “C’mon, R-2, I’ll show you my room.”

“Yay!”  R-2 bounced through a corridor behind him.

It’s always dark outside the Castle That Never Was, but it was probably late afternoon if I had to guess.  Not that it mattered – I was going to sleep, not matter what time it was.

Corridoring to my bedroom, I flopped down on my bed and passed out immediately.


	22. Heart Rays

The next day, I found all the stuff I’d left at C.O. in a pile outside my door.  Had Axel decided to drop it off?  That was surprisingly thoughtful.

What _wasn’t_ surprising was the fact that we had missions as normal the next day.  Saïx acted like Demyx and I hadn’t been in exile for the past… how long was it?  I didn’t bother trying to remember, especially considering the weird time-jump from being in the lexicon.  Anyway, Demyx and I were paired up for a Shadow Glob-killing mission, so we brought R-2 along with us and taught him how to fight without using cards.  I still didn’t know what to do with him.

Between the three of us, we were done with the mission before noon, which was good since I’d _slept through breakfast._ Completely unbelievable.  I must’ve been even more worn out than I’d thought.

So we ended up having brunch on top of one of Twilight Town’s tall buildings, which was probably better than dealing with protecting our food from Xigbar anyway.

“What _is_ this stuff?”  I asked, inhaling some sort of fluffy, bread-like substance drenched in a delicious, thick sauce.

Demyx gaped like I’d asked what a tree was or something else incredibly obvious.  “You’ve never had biscuits and gravy before?”

I shook my head and wolfed down more of the miracle food, using the biscuits to soak up every last drop of gravy.  On the other hand, R-2 was playing with his food more than eating it.

“Look, it’s a Heartless!”  He said.

I was about to jump up, mace ready to bash it, but he was pointing to where he’d drawn a Shadow’s face with syrup on his pancake.  A remarkably accurate Shadow’s face, for being made of syrup.

“Wow.  You’re good, R-2,” Demyx said.

R-2 beamed proudly.

When we were all through with our extra-large helping of brunch and were lounging around (well, me and Demyx were; R-2 was exploring the rooftop), I brought up something we really needed to discuss.

“We can’t take R-2 everywhere.  What if we both get paired up with other members on missions?”  I asked.  Demyx ruffled his hair.

“We could ask Axel,” he suggested.

“Yeah, because you know how much he _loves_ babysitting,” I replied, shaking my head.  I bet he actually wouldn’t mind too much, but he’s already rubbed off on R-2 enough, and I’d rather find a better solution.

“Xigbar?”

“No!”  I yelled, alarmed.  “No.  I don’t trust him, especially after how much food he’s stolen from us.  Did you forget how we got exiled to C.O. in the first place?  I don’t want him to know about R-2 any more than Saïx.”

“Huh…”  Demyx thought for a while, brow furrowing.  “Okay.  No Xigbar,” he finally said.

“Which leaves us with… still no ideas.”  I sighed and lay on my back, looking up at the reddish sky and wondering vaguely how it was always twilight here, when R-2 ran up and sat cross-legged beside me.

“Ideas?  Ideas for what?”  He asked.

“How to keep you a secret from the other members,” I replied.  “Can you think of anything?”

He scrunched up his face and rubbed his chin, which was strangely adorable and weird at the same time, and the he jumped up suddenly like he’d been shot out of a cannon.

“Ooh!  Ooh!  I know!”  R-2 sucked in a huge breath, squinting his eyes shut.

Demyx and I stared.

“Uh… R-2?”  Demyx asked.  “Don’t die, okay?”

I was about to slap him to make him snap out of it; he was seriously starting to creep me out.

And just when I thought R-2 couldn’t get any weirder, he _started to disappear._ As in, _he was turning transparent_ and I could barely see him and what was _wrong_ with that kid?

I went crazy, shaking him and yelling, “What in the name of Kingdom Hearts were you _doing?”_

He just blinked oh-so-innocently at me, fading back into opaqueness.  “Turning invisible.”

I stared back, hands still on his shoulders.  “You… you can… _what?”_

“I control colors!”  He beamed.  “So I color myself like the background.  It’s fun.”

“Huh, wonder if that’s why he draws so good…”  Demyx mused.  “Still doesn’t explain the syrup and toothpaste, though.”

“What did they _feed_ you in that lab?”  I asked, still freaking out a little.  More than I should, that’s for sure.

“Food,” he answered simply, frowning and continuing in a small voice, “Aren’t… aren’t you proud of me?  I can hide myself and I won’t cause any trouble – you wouldn’t leave me all alone, would you?”  His eyes widened in fear.

That hurt like a Blizzaga to the face – I was frozen.  Where had _that_ come from?  How could he think that?

“There’s no way we’d leave you!”  Demyx said for both of us.

I’m not big on hugging, but I wrapped my arms around R-2, knowing that he needed it.  Did that kid have a heart?  Could Vexen do that?  I didn’t know, but R-2 seemed to show real emotion just then.

“You’re our friend, R-2.  We’ll take care of you.”

“But – but you were talking like… like I’m getting you in trouble.  I don’t wanna hurt you,” R-2 said shakily.  Was he _crying?_ Could he do that?  I wondered when I’d stop being surprised by the things R-2 could do.

“You’re not trouble,” I said.  “I _am_ proud of you – you just scared me, disappearing like that.”

He sniffled, squeezing me to near-death.  It would’ve been sweet if I could breathe.  “Thanks, Xen-Xen.”

I shouldn’t be surprised, but… “Er, Xen-Xen?”  I couldn’t help asking.

“That’s what Demyx calls you.  You know, when he talks in his sleep,” R-2 replied with a shrug.

I shot Demyx a glare that I hoped said something intelligent, like _“Whaaat?”_ , and he put on an innocent and obviously fake look of confusion.

“I have no idea what he’s talking out.  And I don’t talk in my sleep!”

“…Sure, Dem-Dem.”  I grinned, unable to resist teasing him.

He pouted until R-2 reached out and dragged him into our group hug.

“I love you guys,” R-2 said without warning, so matter-of-factly that there was no way to question it.

And there we were, two Nobodies and a replica having a sap-fest.  It… wasn’t so bad, actually.  It was surprising how much those two meant to me, whether or not we could actually love.

“I think we have hearts,” Demyx blurted just as suddenly as R-2 had.

And right then – well, I could almost believe him.


	23. Challenge Accepted

 “Arg!”  I woke up in the dead of night from the impact of someone falling on me.

“Oh, hi Xenan.”  I blinked my eyes open to see Demyx’s grin.  It didn’t surprise me at all, though I really wished he wasn’t so close to my face.  “Good thing your bed was there, or I would’ve fallen on my face.  You should really pick up your stuff.”

The only thing on the floor was my still-mostly-unpacked C.O. bag-coat, which he must’ve tripped over.  I rolled my eyes.  “Says the one whose room looks like a war zone.”

I pushed him off so I could get up, running a hand through my hair.  It was so _late._ Figures that I couldn’t have two full nights of sleep in a row.

“You don’t have to be so pushy…”

I sighed.  Was it pushy to want him to have a room to live in that _wasn’t_ likely infested with parasites and diseases?  “Sorry, Demyx.  Maybe I’d be a little nicer if I could get a decent dinner and a full night’s sleep.”

“Xigbar called a meeting.”  He shrugged, passing me a package of Pop-Tarts.  Yep, everything was back to normal (as it could get, anyway).

I snorted.  “I bet it’s not to apologize for stealing our food.”  Our first dinner back, and both me and Demyx had spaghetti snatched right out from under our noses.  None of the other members saw, either.  Axel managed to save his from the evil kleptomaniac, and he spared a tiny bit of food for Demyx and got Roxas to share his with me.  At least that was better than starving.

“Maybe we’ll work something out?  He’s usually nice to me.”

I ripped open the Pop-Tart foil.  “Maybe C.O. changed something.”  Speaking of something C.O. changed…  “Where’s R-2?”

“He’s asleep in my room.  Did you know that if you put shaving cream on his face he laughs in his sleep?”

“Not surprised…”  I wondered what shaving cream was, but decided not to ask.  “Well, guess we better get going.”

“Yup.”  He led the way to Axel’s room, which is where all our “secret meetings” ended up, no matter who called them.  Xigbar even held a meeting there when Axel was at C.O., that time Xion and I snuck into the armory.

Maybe together we could get Xigbar to leave us alone.

XXX

“…And that’s how the four of us came out of C.O. alive,” Axel finished, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall in his trademarked “I-look-cooler-than-you” pose.

“Four?”  Xigbar grinned.  “Did someone resurrect Flower Power?”

“Three,” Axel, Demyx, and I corrected at the same time.

“Yeah, nobody else,” Demyx said way too quickly, adding an awkward laugh afterwards, just in case Xigbar hadn’t caught the completely-obvious hint that we were hiding something.  The days of keeping R-2 secret were obviously numbered.

“So it’s just you guys?”  Roxas asked.  I wondered where Xion was; Roxas had been out of commission before, and now according to him, she was missing.  Couldn’t we keep two keyblade wielders at once?

I nodded.  “But enough about us.  What happened while we were gone?  And what’s this meeting about?”

Xigbar grinned in a way that was undebatably evil, making me shiver.  Maybe R-2 really was onto something with the ‘we-do-have-hearts’ thing.  “Glad you asked.  I figured out something even more entertaining than pranking the other members.”

“What?”  Demyx asked.  “Playing Sitar Hero and drinking lots of grape soda until you get a sugar rush?”

I rolled my eyes.  Demyx’s ideas of fun…

Xigbar’s grin looked even more evil, if that was possible.  “Pranking _you_.”

Why was I not surprised?

Axel’s eyes flashed.  “We had a deal, Xigbar.  We prank _together,_ and more importantly, we watch each other’s backs.”

That was the most un-Axel-like thing I’d ever heard Axel say.  Wasn’t he the one who wanted to leave Demyx to be tortured by Larxene?  Of course, he’d also saved us from that awful failed prank… Still, I was surprised.  Even Roxas looked like he didn’t expect Axel’s reaction.

Xigbar just laughed.  “C.O. _has_ changed you, Flamsilocks.  Anyway, I’m outta the deal.  You and your gang of half-pints can spread the magic of friendship or whatever else you feel like, but you’re all on my hit list from now on.”

“Me too?”  Demyx gaped.

“Sorry, Waterboy.  It’s been fun, but you don’t get special treatment.”  What did he expect from Xigbar?

“So what made you decide to ditch us?”  I asked.  Not that I liked the creepy man at all, but I’d rather have him pretending to be on our side than openly against us.

He shrugged.  “Got bored of pranking the others while you kids were gone, plus you and Dem tried to prank me before you got exiled, so I’d say all bets are off.”

Axel stared at me and Demyx like we were the biggest idiots in the multiverse.  Maybe we were.

“You tried to prank _Xigbar?”_

“Yeah,” I answered bluntly.  Huh, guess I’d forgotten to mention how we got exiled in the first place.  I’d just assumed he’d heard.

“Xenan, why’d you tell them?”  Demyx anxiously whispered.

“I could hardly lie about it.  Xigbar knew,” I whispered back.

“I’m so lost.”  Roxas sat on the edge of Axel’s bed and crossed his arms.  “Why am I even here?”

“Because you’re my friend and you have the right to know what’s going on,” Axel said, glaring at Xigbar.  “But I think we’re done here.  Get out of my room, Xigbar.”

“Suit yourself.”  He grinned.  “Just thought I’d give you a heads-up on the new arrangements.  No need to thank me.”

“We won’t,” I said right before he corridored away.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

“…What?”  Roxas asked.

“Xiggy’s a traitor.”  Demyx sulked next to him.

Axel whirled to face us.  “Are you two morons?  _Nobody_ pranks Xigbar! And that’s ‘nobody’ with a lowercase N!”

“He kept stealing our food while you were gone!”  I retorted.  “He broke the pact first.  We weren’t going to sit around and starve.”

“Xenan’s right,” Demyx backed me up.  “And my candy stash was running out.”

Axel groaned and flopped on his bed.  I paced around anxiously.

“What do we do now?”  Roxas asked.  “What will Xigbar do, anyway?”

“First of all, don’t even bother showing up in the Dining Hall of Non-Existence.  We’ll have to get our own food from now on,” Axel said, tucking his arms under his spiky hair.

“Just don’t let Xenan cook.”  Demyx snickered.  I elbowed him.  “Ow!”

Axel laughed.  “I was thinking more like pooling money to buy pizza.”

“I like pizza,” Roxas commented.

“Good, ‘cause we’ll probably have to eat stuff like that for a while.”

“Or scrounge leftovers,” I added, knowing we didn’t have enough money to buy meals every day and still pay for potions and other panels at the moogle shop.  I was glad I’d never been picky about the quality of my food; barely anything survived long enough to be leftovers unless it was almost inedible.  Hopefully with fewer members to feed there would be more leftovers that didn’t taste awful.

Axel nodded.  “Okay, so now we just have to worry about the actual pranks he’ll pull.  And blackmail.”

“Xigbar does blackmail?”  Why did I even ask?

Axel clapped a hand on my shoulder.  “Better keep your little friend undercover.”

R-2…  If Xigbar found him, he could turn him over to Xemnas.  Or maybe even something worse; who knew with Xigbar?  Demyx seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“I’m going to check on him.  ‘Night, guys,” Demyx said.

“’Night, Demyx,” I replied as he left.

“Check on who?”  Roxas asked.

Axel and I exchanged a glance, and I nodded.  I didn’t know Roxas well, but he seemed like a trustworthy enough kid who wouldn’t tell on us.  I knew he wouldn’t tell on Axel, anyway.

“We brought a friend back from C.O.  Maybe you can meet him later.”

“I’m sure he’d like to,” I said.  R-2 could use a friend closer to his age.  “We have to keep him hidden, though.  Oh, and he can change colors and turn invisible now.  Don’t ask.”

Axel shrugged.  Roxas looked confused, as usual.

“I think that’s everything for now,” Axel said.  “We’ll have to come up with an offensive plan sometime.  We can’t let Xigbar push us around.”

“Right,” I agreed.  “Tomorrow.  The sooner the better.”

Roxas’s eyes lit up with an idea.  “They could come to the clocktower with us.”

Axel sighed.  “You can’t invite _everyone_ there.  Xion’s one thing, but we don’t want half the Org showing up for ice cream.”

“I’m standing right here.”  I rolled my eyes.  Like Demyx and I were half of the Organization.  Well, with the C.O. team mostly gone… “Look, we don’t want to steal your special ice cream spot or anything.  We just want to get back at Xigbar.”

Axel frowned.  “Fine, just this once.  And bring R-2; the kid’s gotta be tired of being stuck in the castle.”

“We meet at the top of the clocktower in Twilight Town,” Roxas said.

“We’ll be there.”

XXX

 “Woooow!”  R-2 smiled hugely, running to the edge of the clocktower ledge and nearly flinging himself off.

“Be careful!”  I called.  Cautiously I walked over and took a seat beside Axel, who laughed.

“You sound like his mo–Roxas, don’t give him sugar!”  Axel snatched the ice cream bar Roxas was about to give to R-2.

Demyx and I snickered.  _“I_ sound like his mom?”

“Yeah, you still kinda do,” Demyx agreed, sitting on my other side.  I rolled my eyes, and Axel tossed the ice cream bar to me.

“Here, eat your ice cream.  Roxas has yours, Demyx.”

Demyx cheered and swapped places with R-2, who sat next to me and stared out at the sunset.

“I like those colors,” he decided, changing his suit from Halloween Town pumpkin orange to the soft shades of the sunset.

“Whoa!”  Roxas grinned.  “How do you do that?”

They had an animated (and mostly one-sided) discussion about colors while I ate my salty ice cream and tried not to look down.  After spending most of my life underground, heights messed with my head a little.  Well, more than a little.  Everyone else seemed perfectly at ease with swinging their legs off a building taller than a Darkside, though.

“You like the ice cream?”  Axel asked, propping his elbow on his knee.

I shrugged.  “It’s okay.”

Axel and Roxas’s jaws dropped.

“Just _okay?”_

“What?  Really?”

They acted like I’d admitted to kicking puppies or liking Heartless or something like that.

“Yeah,” I replied, eyeing them with confusion.  “The sea-salt part’s fine, but I’m not a big fan of the sweet part.”  I’d never liked sugary foods much, especially not after the cake incident.  The quick energy they provided could be useful, though.

Axel shook his head.  “I have to disown you.”

“Wouldn’t you have to own me in the first place to do that?”  I snorted.  Axel really was weird.  He grumbled something to Roxas, who laughed a little, but I ignored them.  “Aren’t we here to plan revenge on Xigbar?”  We’d spent too much time on random chatting, which would be fine if we didn’t have more important things to do.

“Oh yeah, about that…”  Axel frowned and took a wadded-up paper from his pocket.  “Xigbar might’ve done that for us.”

“What is it?”  Demyx asked, getting up to peer over his shoulder.  R-2 almost climbed into my lap trying to get a better look.

“Is it shiny?”  He asked.

“If it’s from Xigbar, I don’t want to hear about it.”  I crossed my arms over R-2’s chest, since he’d climbed completely into my lap by now and I didn’t want him to lose his balance.

Demyx shrugged.  “It can’t hurt, right?”

Roxas shrugged too.   R-2 shrugged in imitation and seemed to think it was fun, so he kept doing it.

“Hey, you’re going to hit my chin with your shoulder,” I said, tightening my arms around him to make him stop.

“Sorry,” he replied cheerfully.  “And who’s Xigbar?”

“Blackmailer,” Axel said.

“Old dude with an eyepatch,” Demyx added.

“Food-stealing jerk,” I finished.

R-2 nodded seriously.  “I don’t like him.”

“Good.”  I ruffled his hair.

“But you still need to read this,” Axel said, handing me the crumped paper.  I sighed.

“Fine.”  I smoothed out the paper.  Demyx leaned over my shoulder as I began to read.

_Yo, Flamsilocks!  I know you and your gang of midgets are planning revenge.  As if.  I’ve got a little challenge for you instead.  You win, I’ll stop snagging your food and won’t pull any pranks on you.  Sniper’s honor.  But if you fail or forfeit, I have official rights to half of all your food, and I get to cut in front of any of you in line for the bathroom.  Oh, and I’ll cause whatever chaos I feel like._

_So here’s the challenge:  prank every Organization member without getting caught.  Everyone.  Each other and myself included, even the ones you’ve already pranked.  Do that and you’ll have earned your right to eat._

_Good luck, kiddos.  You’ll need it._

_-Xigbar_

I groaned when I finished reading.  “Do you think ‘Sniper’s Honor’ is actually worth anything?”

“No clue,” Axel replied.  “But if we don’t accept the challenge, he’ll just do all those things anyway.”

“He’s only doing this ‘cause he’s bored,” Demyx said.  I knew he was right, but that didn’t make me like the eyepatched man any more.  “He needs to find a new hobby.  Like playing sitar.”

 “I’m bored now,” R-2 said, wriggling out of my arms to go talk with Roxas some more.

“So that’s our plan?  Do exactly what Xigbar wants?”

“You got a better plan?”  Axel challenged me.  Annoyed, I admitted that I didn’t.

“I don’t like the idea of pranking each other,” Demyx piped up.

“We won’t do bad pranks to each other.  We could just steal something and give it back later,” I suggested.  It didn’t really make sense for Xigbar to make us prank each other.  Maybe he wanted to drive us apart and make us fail that way.

“Or do a practical joke.”  Axel grinned.  “I haven’t done one of those in ages.”

“Okay…”  Demyx sounded uncertain.  I didn’t blame him.

“Look, I don’t want to do this either,” Axel said.  “I mean, pranking Xigbar is practically suicide, and I don’t have a clue what we can do to Xemnas.  But with all of working together, it’ll work out.”

“When did you start giving sappy motivational speeches?”  I asked with a grin.  Xigbar was right; C.O. did change Axel.  I wondered what he’d gone through before we pranked Zexion.

Axel rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored me.  “I’ll tell Xigbar we accept.  So who should we prank first?”

I smiled slowly.  “I’ve got an idea for pranking Saïx.”

Surprisingly, Axel looked skeptical of my plan, but he still listened and agreed once he found out we wouldn’t do anything to actually hurt Saïx.

“That sounds awesome!”  Demyx cheered.  “But where will we get streamers and all that other stuff?”

“The Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.  I found some when I had to hide from Xaldin down there.”  That felt like so long ago… Speaking of Xaldin, I really, _really_ wasn’t looking forward to pranking him again.  But I’d cross that bridge when we came to it.

“Okay.  Meet in my room tonight,” Axel said.

Since it was getting late and there was nothing else to discuss, I dragged R-2 away from Roxas and we left with Demyx.

“So, what were you saying about Xion…?”  I heard Axel ask Roxas as I stepped through the corridor.

XXX

“The Basement is scary.”  R-2 shivered, walking out of a corridor  with me.  We both carried huge boxes (seriously, _huge –_ each one was twice our size, but surprisingly light) of streamers, confetti, and other bright shiny stuff that was out of place in the middle of the Grey Area.

“Yes.  Yes it is,” I agreed.  It seemed scarier than last time, and it smelled worse, too.  I was pretty sure someone had left a dead body or two down there.

“You got everything?”  Axel asked.  R-2 and I nodded.

“Operation WereSparkles is a go!”  Demyx fist-pumped the air and ripped open the box of confetti.

“WereSparkles?”  I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Yeah, ‘cause Saïx is a werewolf, and we’re gonna cover this place in sparkles!”

My eyes widened.  “Is Saïx really…?”

Axel laughed loudly.  Good thing the bedrooms were far enough away that probably no one heard, and we had Roxas on guard duty just in case.  “No, that’s just Demyx being an idiot.”

“I am not an idiot!”  Demyx exclaimed, pouting and accidentally spilling confetti on himself.  “And Saïx _is_ a werewolf!  He goes berserk on the full moon, and he has mangy wolf hair!”

Axel snorted.  “His hair’s not _that_ awful.  You might wanna say nicer things about the one who assigns our missions.”

“Yeah, because insults are going to get us in more trouble than ruining his mission-assigning room.”  I rolled my eyes, tossing out confetti with Demyx.  R-2 took a big armful and threw it in the air over his head, laughing when it rained down in his hair.

Axel just rolled his eyes too and handed R-2 a piece of paper, a few buckets of paint, and a paintbrush.  “Here’s a picture of Saïx.  Go work your magic on one of those windows.”

“Okay!”  R-2 grinned like a maniac and ran to a giant window.  He dropped the art supplies on the floor haphazardly, blue, peach, and black paint spilling everywhere, and his right hand glowed with a black aura I’d never seen him use before.  Using his hand as a paintbrush, he started drawing Saïx’s boots and the bottom of his coat on the window.

“When did he learn to do that?”  Demyx asked.  I shrugged.  Sometimes R-2 scared me with how quickly his random powers were developing.  So far they were usually related to color – though there _was_ that time he stole Zexion’s illusion-magic, which I still had no explanation for.  For all I knew he’d wake up one day and be able to fly.

While R-2 worked on his mural, Demyx, Axel, and I threw confetti, blew up balloons, and hung streamers on the tables and couches.  Roxas was supposed to be on guard duty, but he got bored after a while and helped by making colored lights float in midair.  After the floor looked like a Sparklemonster had thrown up on every inch of it, we got paint buckets and brushes and joined R-2 in decorating the walls.  Of course, none of our art was as good as his, but we at least added some color.  Pink, green, purple, and yellow splotches covered most of the grey, as well as statements like “I like ice cream!”, “More vacation days FTW!”, and “Dancers pwn other Nobodys!”.

“’Nobodys?”  I rolled my eyes at Demyx.  “We already broke the rule about using good spelling and grammar back at C.O.”

“I spell fine!”  He retorted.

“Sure, Dem.”  Axel chuckled.

I stopped painting over one of Demyx’s sentences (seriously, he and Roxas would give us away with stuff like that) to take a look at R-2’s window-painting.  It was only half-done since he couldn’t reach any higher, but it already looked amazing.  It was kind of weird seeing just a pair of legs and the bottom of a coat, though.

“Nice work, R-2!”  I grinned.  That kid really had talent.  He put so much detail into the teeth of Saïx’s coat zipper, and he shaded everything amazingly.  I considered myself an artist of weapons, but I had nothing on him.

He grinned back.  “Thanks, Xen-Xen!”

I rolled my eyes but laughed.  I’d never get him to stop calling me that.  “Axel, will you help him reach higher?”

“Sure, since you asked nicely.”  Axel dropped his paintbrush into the paint bucket and lifted R-2 onto his shoulders.  “Man, what did Vexen make you out of, Void?  You don’t weigh anything.”

R-2 began painting Saïx’s torso.  “Thanks, Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!”  I laughed.  At least I wasn’t the only one who had to deal with R-2’s nicknames, even if Axel’s was technically my fault.

Roxas cracked up.  “Skinny Flaming Pyro Man?”

“It’s a long story,” Axel muttered.

I took guard duty since Roxas and Demyx had most of the wall space taken care of, but there was no sign of anyone.  Saïx must’ve retired the sentry Dusks while we were at C.O.  Well, after this prank, they’d definitely be back again.

When I returned to the Grey Area, the first thing I saw was R-2’s complete picture.  I couldn’t help grinning.

“R-2… why’s Saïx smiling?”

“He looks nicer with a smile,” he replied happily.

“Gotta agree with you there,” Axel said, ruffling R-2’s hair.

“And… what’s that?”  I pointed to the painting on the window next to R-2’s, which had been painted with actual paint instead of magic.

“A werewolf!”  Demyx exclaimed.  I noticed that his coat was splattered in paint of all colors; I’d have to have R-2 clean him up.  “Me and Rox painted it.”  He put an arm around the blonde kid’s shoulders.

“Yeah.”  Roxas smiled proudly, also covered in paint stains.  “Without Axel’s help!”

I looked at their painting again.  Okay, it did look wolf-like, if I squinted.  It was blue like Saïx’s hair and had the same scars on its face, and in its teeth was… a chew toy?

“Er, good job, guys.” It wasn’t that bad, but R-2’s painting made everything else look like a five-year-old’s scribbles, my own art included.  Not that I’d tried to paint anything but colorful splotches.

Roxas and Demyx high-fived, and Axel opened a dark corridor.

“I’m sure Saïx will love it too.”  He grinned.  “C’mon, we’re done here.  No point in sticking around.”

XXX

Nervous as I was about getting in trouble, I couldn’t wait to see the look on Saïx’s face – and Xigbar’s too – when they saw our “redecorating”.  From Demyx’s giggling when I met him in the hall, he was thinking the same thing.

We’d had to wake up early, but it was worth it – we got to the Grey Area right after Axel and Saïx.  Axel seemed to be choking on his laughter, while Saïx showed the most expression I’d ever seen on him.  His eyes were wide, and his arm twitched uncomfortably.

Demyx burst out laughing, and I tried (with little success) not to join in.  Sadly, it didn’t take long for Saïx to pull himself together; he waded through the inch-deep confetti to his normal spot at the head of the room, right in front of the painting of himself.

“You three.  Missions, _now_.”

Axel saluted, winking quickly at us before going to get his mission brief.

“Best prank ever!”  Demyx whispered to me, and we fistbumped.  I grinned.

“Best prank _so far.”_


	24. Will Date For Food

“Wait, what?” Demyx couldn’t be serious. Maybe this was his prank on me.

“Xigbar’s got a special dinner for us!” He repeated, practically bouncing with excitement. “He said it’s because our prank last night was so awesome.”

Yeah, like I was going to believe that for a second. “Demyx, he’s just trying to prank us.”

“No, really!” He tugged on my arm. “I smelled seafood!”

As much as I hated the ocean, seafood was up there on my list of Favorite Foods of All Time. Fish was about the only meat we had on my homeworld since the Heartless kept killing all our livestock.

“Xigbar probably poisoned it.” I crossed my arms, shaking him off.

“Xenan!” He pleaded. “We haven’t had a good meal since before Zexion stuck us in the lexicon!”

“Breakfast in Twilight Town a few days ago was good,” I countered.

“But we had to buy it! Pleeeease, Xenan, Xigbar’s not going to kill us.” There was no way he could be one hundred percent sure of that. “Can’t we trust him just this once?” He tried to shoot me with the same PuppyEyed Look R-2 always used. Fortunately, I’m pretty resistant to it. More than Axel, anyway; R-2 had used the Puppy Eyes on him, and Axel let him join him, Roxas, and Xion (they’d found her on their mission, thankfully) on the clocktower again today. I had a feeling Axel was going to end up the official babysitter of the Organization whether he wanted to or not.

“The food’s probably poisoned. You can go, if you want to so badly.” I turned to go to my room and wait for Axel and the others so we could order pizza. Seafood did sound better than dough and tomato sauce covered in cheese, though...

“I can’t.” I looked back at him, and his bottom lip was poking out.

“Why not?”

“He said we both have to come or neither of us can.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What about Axel and Roxas?”

He shrugged. “Xigbar didn’t invite them. I dunno why.”

Okay, there was definitely something fishy about this, and it wasn’t just the smell of seafood drifting down the hall. “So you think he just wants to congratulate us? You’re not worried he still wants revenge at all?” I knew he couldn't be that stupid. He might do stupid things a lot, but deep down he had some common sense. Sometimes.

He shrugged again. “Xigbar’s smarter than that. If he wants to be mean to us, he’ll do it when we don’t expect it.”

“Well that’s comforting,” I muttered.

“Anyway, it’ll probably be okay. And if he is planning something, don’t you want to know what it is?”

Yes. No. I wanted to know, just not from personal experience. But that seafood did smell like everything wonderful in the worlds combined into one delicious scent, and Demyx was still blasting me with Puppy Eyes, and I’ve never been too picky about where my food comes from.

“Oh, fine.” I sighed, knowing it was an awful idea. We would pay for this.

But Demyx yelped excitedly and dragged me down the hall towards the heavenly smell, so I kind of forgot to worry about it.

XXX

It was a room I hadn’t been in before, but considering the ridiculous amount of rooms in the Castle That Never Was, that wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was how the room was decorated – there wasn’t any furniture except for a tiny table with two chairs and a fancy tablecloth. The tablecloth wasn’t the only fancy thing; there were also two sets of shining silverware on top of cloth napkins. More importantly, a pile of shrimp, scallops, fish, and some other delicious looking foods I couldn’t identify graced both of the fancy plates.

“Waterboy, Girlie! Glad you kiddos could make it!” Xigbar dropped from the ceiling, where he and Luxord had been sitting on a couch... Wait, what? Well, Xigbar could control space... but what was Luxord doing here? Maybe he’d set the tables, since I couldn’t picture Xigbar knowing how to set up something that looked so formal.

Luxord was still sitting upsidedown on the ceilingcouch and sipping what I assumed was tea, which somehow didn’t spill. Annoying as he was, Xigbar definitely had skills with his element.

Demyx waved happily, acting like this was all normal. Maybe this was his prank on me. “Hi, Xiggy! Can we eat now?”

Xigbar gestured dramatically at the table. “Have at it. I didn’t expect clueless kids like you to pull off a prank like that, especially not on Moony.”

I was too busy shoveling shrimp into my mouth to reply. Demyx was too, by the loud sound of chewing across from me. The seafood was slightly spicy, just the way I like it, and tasted like it had been grilled over an open fire. If it was poisoned, at least I would die happy.

“You sure eat a ton for a halfpint, Girlie.” I ignored Xigbar.

“Thish ish sho goo’,” Demyx said with his mouth full. I nodded and took a gulp of water out of my

 fancy glass when the spiciness started to get to me. He was right; this had to be worth whatever tricks Xigbar would pull. Right?

“I’ll admit their table manners are rather lacking,” I heard Luxord comment to Xigbar.

“Yeah, I thought they’d eat less like rabid Heartless on their date.”

I suddenly sprayed the water I’d been about to swallow all over Demyx’s shocked face.

“What!?” I yelled, just making Xigbar laugh. That was how he was going to prank us? I wasn’t sure what to be more angry about – the fact that he set me and Demyx up, or the fact that he planned to do that and then watch us.

“Yeah, what?” Demyx echoed, using his powers to dry his face (I should've apologized for spewing all over him...) He sounded more curious but less shocked than me, and he did look pretty surprised, so he probably wasn’t in on it. I hoped.

“Hey, what’s with those faces?” Xigbar grinned. “I just thought I’d do you two a favor, since you clearly like each other so much.”

“Not like that!” We said at the same time, my voice irritated and Demyx’s slightly embarrassed.

Xigbar chuckled. “Sounds like I got you two all wrong! Guess you should just leave, if you don’t wanna date each other.”

I looked down at my plate. Still about half of my delicious food left. Demyx and I exchanged a glance.

“Um, well, I don’t hate Demyx,” I muttered, choosing my words carefully. He gave me a tentative smile. “And I could go on a date with him. But that doesn’t make him my boyfriend,” I added quickly. I’d go along with Xigbar for now, but I wasn’t going to pretend that much.

“Xenan’s nice,” Demyx said, hopefully catching on. “I’m fine with dating her.”

I hoped he was only doing this for the same reason I was. He’s a better pretender than me, so I couldn’t be completely sure. It would be so awkward if he was serious.

“So, uh, go away so we can have our... date,” I sort of choked over the word.

“Please,” Demyx added.

Xigbar smirked. “No problem. I just need a bit of information from you first.”

The catch. Of course. I stabbed a few scallops on my fork before he had a chance to do anything too awful.

“What?” Demyx asked.

Xigbar paced around our small table, waving his arms dramatically as he talked. It would’ve been funny if it weren’t for that dangerous, predatory look in his eye.

“Which one of you has the magical painting powers?”

The color drained out of my face. We’d let R-2 join in on the prank without thinking about that. How could I be such an idiot?

“Xenan does,” Demyx covered quickly. “Well, she’s not magic, but we found magic paint in the Basement and she paints really good.”

Xigbar quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah. Really.” I forced a grin.

“So you’re the only one who used “magic paint”, and everyone else used the normal kind?”

We were in deep trouble now. Deeper than Atlantica. Maybe even deeper than the Basement That Doesn't Want to Be. This must’ve been the reason he set up the whole “date” trick, other than to just have a laugh at us.

Demyx nudged my foot under the table, staring at me with panicked eyes. I couldn’t expect him to lie our way out of this mess, but I couldn’t do it myself, either.

“I’ll make you a deal.” Xigbar’s grin only made this dreaded statement worse. “I’ll drop this whole thing, if I get to see a little something... entertaining from you two.”

“Like a song?” Demyx asked, looking relieved.

“I get the feeling that’s not what he’s talking about.” That feeling settled like a rock in the pit of my stomach. We were stupid to try to lie to Xigbar in the first place; we should’ve just let him stay, eaten our food, and left the “date” without letting anything happen. Chances were he had a backup plan, but still. We might've had a chance then. Maybe.

“Ten points to Girlie.” I really wanted to punch that smug look off his face. Or maybe give him another eye patch. “Since I went through so much effort to set you two up on this date, you should show me you appreciate it.”

“We don’t.” I crossed my arms, forgetting about the food. I may not be too picky, but I wanted to protect the last of my fading dignity.

“But you did like the food.” Xigbar smirked. “So what’s it gonna be? Show me that you and Demyx like each other, or let me poke around and find out what – or who – you smuggled from C.O.? Your choice.” No surprise, he'd already pieced together that who we brought back from C.O. was also the amazing painter.

“Huh?” Demyx still seemed to be confused. “Wait... oh. Oh.” He pulled a disgusted face. “Ew, you mean you want us to kiss or something?”

Maybe I should’ve been offended, but I was mostly just relieved.

“Eh, I guess that’s good enough.” He shrugged. I wondered what else he could’ve possibly wanted from us, then decided it was better not to think about it.

“Sniper’s honor?” I asked with my eyebrows raised. The only reason I was even considering this was to protect R-2, and because I knew Xigbar could’ve made us do something much worse. He was letting us off easy. Toying with us, but not so much that we broke.

He raised a hand and smirked. “Sniper’s honor. Cross my nonexistent heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my one good eye.”

“You better keep that promise, or I will find a way to kill you.”

Without giving myself any time to think, I grabbed Demyx’s arm, leaned over the toosmall table, and quickly kissed him on the lips. Too bad I couldn’t see the look on his face; I’m sure it would’ve been hilarious. As for the kiss itself, well, it was less difficult and awkward than I thought it would be, but I still didn’t see anything particularly enjoyable about exchanging spit with anyone. Not that it lasted long enough for any of that to happen, but still.

I realized that I’d just had my first kiss. Figures that it would only be because I was conned into it.

“Happy now?” I asked Xigbar, even though I could already hear him laughing loudly.

“Hope you got that on camera, Pokerface.”

Camera? My head whipped towards the ceiling, where Luxord waved gentlemanly (if such a thing was possible) at us.

“I believe my timing was perfect,” he replied smugly.

I stood up so quickly my chair was flung backwards, but they corridored away even faster.

“Blackmail,” I muttered. Axel warned us about that. Why did he always have to be right? “Whatever. We can explain ourselves to anyone who actually cares, right, Demyx?” It wasn’t until then that I looked back at him and saw that he was choking – no, wait, that was suppressed laughter.

“You kissed me!” He burst out loudly, laughing so hard it almost came out as a cackle. “I can’t believe that actually happened! It wasn’t actually gross or anything, just so – so weird!”

I grinned just a little. “Yeah, never thought I’d end up kissing my best friend.” It was rather funny, except for Xigbar being a jerk. But we’d dodged his bullets a little longer, and that thought was enough to help me laugh with Demyx.

His face lit up. “I’m your best friend?”

“Well... yeah. You didn’t know that?” Come to think of it, I didn’t remember even calling him a friend out loud before. It had been implied for a while now, at least in my head. Maybe I should’ve told him in words before.

Demyx sprung up and tacklehugged me. “Aww, you’re my best friend too, Xenan!”

“Thanksbutowcan’tbreathe,” I gasped. He laughed and let go, rubbing the back of his head.

“Sorry... that means more to me than the kiss did, though. I know you only did that to protect R-2.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “So you were just pretending because of Xigbar too, right?”

His laugh was enough to answer my question. “Xenan, you’re a great friend, but you’d be an awful girlfriend.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I put my hands on my hips. It wasn’t like I wanted him for a boyfriend or anything, but he didn’t need to be rude about it.

“You’re still kinda bossy, and I’d have to act all gentlemanly and not tease you, and... it would just be weird.” He laughed again. “Kissing you felt like kissing my sister. Y’know, if I had a sister.” He shrugged.

“I’m not as bossy as I used to be,” I said, pouting.

“No, you’re not.” He smiled, punching me lightly on the shoulder, the same way I always did to him. “You wanna know why else I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend?”

I rolled my eyes, but curiosity won out. “Why?”

“You taste like fish.”

I punched him harder, but still not enough to hurt. Too much. “Pfft, like you can talk.”

Then for some crazy reason we both laughed. Demyx might be a weird and annoying best friend sometimes, but it was stupid stuff like this that made me appreciate him.

It was pretty neat that at the end of the day, after an accidental date, nearly giving away R-2’s secret, kissing, and blackmail, we could go to our rooms laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luxord was specifically there to take the picture, fix up all the fancy stuff, and because he thought Xigbar’s plan sounded amusing. Those two might join up for more pranks in the future. Xigbar got Xaldin to cook the food by telling him that it was to be used as a prank on Xenan. So it seems kind of like everyone but Saïx and Xemnas have taken sides now...


	25. Not Exactly Blackmail

By now, I should’ve been completely immune to surprise.  Becoming a Nobody should’ve done the trick in the first place.

Still, when I yawned, stretched, and blinked myself awake, I couldn’t help being stunned by the new “wallpaper” that completely covered my room.  Xigbar and Luxord must’ve been busy.

Uncountable copies of the photo of me and Demyx kissing had been taped everywhere.  Sometimes I regretted being such a deep sleeper.  I figured it was only a matter of time before Demyx woke up and found the same problem in his room…

His room.

Oh Kingdom Hearts.  _R-2._

I threw my coat on over my pajamas, not even bothering to zip it before dashing to Demyx’s room and banging on his door.

“ _Demyx_!”  I yelled loud enough to wake Axel in the room next door and Roxas down the hall, the only others who’d still been asleep apparently.  “DEMYX, GET UP _NOW!”_

Axel yawned widely, running a hand through his untamed spikes.  “Yo, Xenan, will ya keep it down?  Saï doesn’t yell at us for sleeping in until seven.”

Eventually I gave up knocking and picked the lock with my mace.  Sure enough, Xigbar had been here:  the pictures on the walls (which Axel broke into laughter at and Roxas stared at in confusion) proved it.

_“DEMYX!”_ I practically pounced on him, shaking his shoulders violently.  He jerked up with a yell and banged his forehead into mine.

“Ow…”  We both moaned.  Then I shook my head and went back to yelling at him.

_“_ Where’s R-2 _?!”_ I demanded, clenching his arm in a death grip.  “Did Xigbar kidnap him?  Did he turn invisible?  Were you awake?  _Tell me Xigbar didn’t take him!”_

Demyx looked too stunned to speak.  Axel gently put a hand on my shoulder.

“Calm down, Xenan.”

“But R-2 might be—”

Axel smiled.  “He’s fine.  He had a sleepover with Roxas and Xion.”

“What?”  I was still too confused to feel relief.

“I can go get him,” Roxas said, and Axel nodded at him to go.

“Why are you freaking out…?”  Demyx asked, yawning afterwards.

“Sounds like Xigbar broke into your room and put up a ton of pictures of you and Xenan making out, and she thought he kidnapped R-2 while he was at it.”  Axel smirked.

“We didn’t make out!  I barely kissed him!”

Axel only laughed.  I moaned, dropping my face into my hands.

“Xigbar, I am going to gouge your eye out…”  I muttered.  It wasn’t exactly blackmail, but Axel’s teasing would still be annoying.

“I’d _really_ like to hear the story behind this,” Axel said interestedly.

“It really isn’t what you think,” Demyx explained, sounding embarrassed.  “I’ll tell you later.”

Roxas came back with R-2, who looked perfectly safe but wide-eyed in worry.

“What happened?”  He asked, pulling on my sleeve.  “Xen-Xen?  Are you okay?”

I hugged him tightly, nearly crying in relief.

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me you were having a sleepover? “  I demanded, but it probably didn’t sound too demanding since my voice cracked.

“I-I told Dem-Dem,” he sounded like he was about to cry.  “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

I hesitated.  He was always so scared of disappointing me…  “Of course not.”

“Are you mad at Dem-Dem?”  His eyes were wet.  I smiled just a little, shaking my head and still crushing him with my hug.

“He’s too much of a dork to be mad at.”  I heard Demyx sigh in relief, and I smiled a little more.  I jerked my head to call him over.

Axel laughed as Demyx scrambled out from under the covers and put his arms around me and R-2, still clad in his blue pajamas.  I remembered that I was still wearing my red nightshirt and ragged black pants.

“You three really are like some messed-up family,” Axel said softly, somehow making it sound more like a compliment than an insult.

I glanced over at him and saw Roxas looking between us and him with a wistful expression.  Axel must’ve noticed it too, because he gave Roxas a brotherly side-hug.

“I guess we are like a family, huh,” I said.  Demyx and R-2 were like brothers to me.  They both smiled delightedly.

“Can we be a family too, Axel?”  Roxas asked.  “You and me and Xion?”

Axel ruffled his hair.   “We’ll see what happens, kid.”

“Don’t call me ‘kid’!”  Roxas pouted, swatting Axel’s hand away. 

Axel grinned.  “C’mon, we’ve got missions to do.  Don’t want Saïx on our case.”

I saw him nick one of the blackmail-pictures on his way out, winking at us.  Sighing, I wriggled out of Demyx and R-2’s embrace.

“It’ll take forever to get all these pictures down,” I muttered.

“What if I don’t want to?”  Demyx grinned.  “Maybe I want my walls covered in pictures of you kissing me.”

“What’s kissing?” R-2 asked, but I was too busy rolling my eyes to fill him in on something that would probably save us all a lot of trouble later.

“Stop teasing, Demyx.”  I nudged him with my shoulder.  He was probably just too lazy to want to clean up.  The rest of his room – with piles of dirty cloaks and candy wrappers and empty potion bottles – definitely supported that idea.

“But I don’t get it!”  R-2 pouted.

“We’ll talk about it some other time,” I said to try and glaze over it.

“Aww.”  He turned his suit blue in disappointment.

“And I don’t want you having sleepovers without my permission,” I said.  It kind of worried me, not just because I didn’t know where he was, but I didn’t really want him spending the night with Xion.  Just because he was a replica with about a month of life experience didn’t mean he wasn’t still a teenage boy… that was a weird thought.  I treated him like a little kid, even though he was created as a teenager and about as tall as me.  And I acted kind of like his mom and sister at the same time.

Yeah, we _did_ have a messed-up “family.”

“But I _can_ have a sleepover again, right?”  R-2 asked, Puppy Eyes on full blast.

“…We’ll talk about this later,” I said.  “Demyx and I have missions to do.  We’ll have to find a better place for you to sleep, too, just in case Xigbar pranks Demyx again and finds you.”

R-2 pouted again, and Demyx patted his shoulder.  “We don’t want Xigbar to steal you.”

“Well… okay.”  He sighed, then perked up.  “Can I still go with you on missions?”

“It means less work for me.”  Demyx grinned, and I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll go get our mission briefs,” I said, but before I opened the door, I stopped and snagged a picture from the wall, just because I hadn’t taken the time to look at it closely yet.  At least I could see what Demyx’s face had looked like.

I snickered at his wide-open eyes, which looked as big as a Shadow’s.  But then I frowned.  Was he… smiling?

“Demyx?”  I quirked my eyebrows and pointed to that spot on the picture.  He looked confused for a moment, then smiled sheepishly.

“What?”

“You know what, Demyx.”

His face turned pink.  “…I’d never been kissed before.  Might as well enjoy it a little.”

I gave him a funny look before shrugging and turning away.  It wasn’t like I could blame him for making the most of it.

“So what’s kissing?”  R-2 asked again.

I barely stopped myself from facepalming.  “Demyx, you’re a guy.  You explain it to him.”

I left a curious R-2 and an awkward-looking Demyx alone while I went to get our mission briefs.  It wasn’t until I was halfway to the Grey Area that I remembered I was still in my pajamas.

Sometimes my stupidity really surprises me.


	26. Window Washing

By the time I stopped at my room to change out of my pajamas, I was late enough to the Kitchen of Brewing Darkness to whip up some breakfast without worrying about sabotage from Xigbar.  By “whip up” I actually meant “ask Axel for some pancakes” since he was cooking some for Roxas and Xion anyway.  I guessed Xion had gotten up earlier; I didn’t see her come out of Roxas’s room.

“I guess I can spare a few pancakes for a poor underfed coworker,” Axel said with a grin, flipping one of said pancakes expertly in a frying pan.  They smelled delicious; why didn’t he cook more often?  “Just don’t make a habit of it; I already have to feed two midgets.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Ha ha.  Just because you’re so tall…”

“What’s a midget?”  Roxas stopped his fork-battle with Xion long enough to ask.

“A short person like you.”  Axel grinned, serving up the pancakes.

“Hey!”  Roxas frowned, but he perked up immediately after squeezing an insane amount of syrup onto his pancake and shoveling it into his mouth.

“We’re not _that_ short,” Xion pouted.

“Sorry to break it to you, but yeah, you are.”  Axel stated it more like a fact than a tease that time.  He rummaged for something in the refrigerator while I loaded three pancakes onto a white plate (one for me, Demyx, and R-2 each).  I would’ve liked more, but I was lucky that Axel had even that many extras.

“You’re in luck, Roxas.  Somebody bought grape juice.”  Axel walked over to the table with a jar of blackish liquid.

“Really?”  Roxas sat up straighter in excitement, pausing in the fork-battle he’d been having with Xion.

Axel rolled his eyes.  “No, I’m joking.  Go back to your fork-battle.”

Roxas pouted.  “Fine.”

“I was being sarcastic, Rox.”

“Oh.”

I thought juice came in a bottle, not a jar, but maybe it was from a different world than last time.  The groceries we ended up with were always different depending on which member went shopping and where.

“I’ve never had grape juice,” Xion said.

“It’s really good.  Not as good as sea-salt ice cream, though,” Roxas replied.

“Can I have some?”

I could’ve sworn Axel smirked, just for a moment.

“Sure ya can, but let’s let Roxas try it first.”  Axel poured the grape juice into Roxas’s empty glass.

I crossed my arms.  “Why can’t she—”

Roxas, clueless as Axel always said, chugged down half the glass before performing an epic spittake.  Black juice-spit mixture sprayed all across the counter.  And all over the pancakes.

“Even if it was disgusting, couldn’t you have spat it out somewhere else?”  I asked in dismay.

“Gah!  That was gross!  Why did you do that, Axel?”  Roxas fixed the redhead with betrayed Puppy Eyes, but he just produced a camera from nowhere and laughed as he videoed the damage.

“Ha, the look on your _face-!”_

Xion frowned, her eyebrows drawing together.  “I thought you said grape juice was good?”

I sniffed the half-empty glass of black liquid.  “That’s olive juice.”  Not particularly gross, but it would be if you were expecting grape juice.

Roxas ran to the sink and used the sprayer-faucet to wash his mouth out, making gagging noises the whole time.

Axel directed a sly grin at me and Xion after turning off the camera.  “Xigbar never said we have to prank each other at night.”

“Ohh,” Xion said, finally understanding.  “But that was still mean, Axel.”

He ran a hand through his hair.  I could still hear Roxas overdramatically spitting water into the sink.  “I wasn’t trying to be a jerk.  You guys want to be able to eat at meals again, right?”

“Well, now we can’t eat this meal,” I grumbled.

“Sorry…”  Roxas came back, his face still splattered with water droplets.  Xion offered him a napkin, and he accepted.  “Thanks.”

“No hard feelings, right, Rox?”  Axel asked with a strained smile.  Roxas grumbled something under his breath.  “Hey, I’m sorry.  All of us have to get pranked at some point.  Be glad you’re over with first; we’ve still got to prank this psycho over here.”  Axel jerked a thumb in my direction, and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, _I’m_ a psycho,” I replied sarcastically.  “Like this castle’s not full of them.”

“So I’ll have to be pranked too?”  Xion asked, looking up at Axel nervously.

“Don’t worry, we won’t do anything awful.”  Axel ruffled her hair.

“Axel.”  Saïx’s stern voice startled my attention to the doorway.  “Stop wasting time.  You have missions to attend to.”

“Yeah, yeah.”  Axel waved him off, grinning playfully.  “I know you only pick on me because you care.”

Saïx glared like the mere idea offended him.  “Roxas, Xion, Xenan; your presence is required in the Grey Area as well.”

He strode away, cold and stiff as always, and Axel snorted.  “He’s such a crazy workaholic these days…”

“You mean he wasn’t always?”  I asked, unable to believe it.  The redhead gave me a closed-off look, a look oddly similar to one of Saïx’s own, and I dropped it.  It wasn’t my business, anyway.

I shrugged and left the kitchen to get my mission report.  Axel might’ve been able to escape Saïx’s wrath, but I didn’t trust my luck.   I tried not to snicker at how his vaguely annoyed expression contrasted with his smiling portrait on the window, the one piece of graffiti the Dusks hadn’t been able to remove.

“Where is Number IX?”  He asked.  What, did he think we were attached at the hip?  I wondered if he’d heard about Xigbar’s setup last night, but I figured he wouldn’t care about that kind of gossip.

“Probably in his room,” I answered.  “I’ll give him his mission.”

“You two are paired for your mission today.”  He gave me a pointed glare.  “You are to remove this insult from the windows.”

I wasn’t surprised.  Everyone always figured it was my and Demyx’s fault, even when they didn’t have proof.  Sure, it _was_ partially our fault, but that wasn’t really the point.  Axel and Roxas didn’t get in trouble.

“What are you calling an insult?  That’s art right there.”  Speaking of Axel…

Saïx turned his glare on him.  “It’s a needless distraction.”

Axel grinned.  “You just don’t like it because he drew you smiling.  Maybe you should try it sometime; it makes you look less like a grouchy werewolf.”

Ignoring the insult, Saïx raised an eyebrow.  “He?”

Panic dropped in my stomach like a stone.  Axel’s eyes flickered to mine.  Saïx must’ve thought I painted it, since Demyx can’t draw worth a Dusk, and if he and Axel were friends he would’ve known that Axel’s not exactly an artist either –

But Axel’s smart.  Way smarter than me when comes to lying.  I didn’t notice Roxas and Xion half-hiding behind him, but I did notice when Axel pushed Roxas farther out of view.  Apparently Saïx noticed too.

“Hmph.  How many of you were involved in this?”

Our silence answered the question well enough.  Saïx pinched the bridge of his nose, the most direct display of emotion I’d ever seen him show.

“We can’t afford to spare any more members.  Xenan, you and Demyx will still clean this mess.  The rest of you will receive some other punishment at a later time.”

“But—”

Axel clamped his hand over Roxas’s mouth (and Xion’s just in case).  “Just give us our missions already.  Sheesh, and I thought you were supposed to be efficient.”

Not wasting time on an argument, Saïx handed out their missions.  I used that break to corridor to the kitchen (salvaging whatever I could of the pancakes – the ones on the bottom of the stack were pretty much okay) and then to Demyx’s room.  I didn’t know how sound worked in the dark corridors, but there was so much painful noise stabbing out from the other side that my ears felt like they were bleeding before I even stepped out.  What were they doing in there, torturing those squeaky Wonderland Heartless?

Hands clamped over my ears, I took in the chaos:  R-2 looked like he was trying to sing (even with my ears covered, he sounded like a sick opera singer on helium), while Demyx was curled in a whimpering ball.  Until he saw me, anyway; then he flung himself at my feet.

“Xenan Xenan Xenan  _help me_  I tried to teach him how to sing and he won’t _stop!”_ He cried.

_“Can you paint with all the colors of the wiiiind~!”_ R-2 belted, three octaves too high.

“What do you want me to do?”  I asked, wanting to curl into the fetal position too.

“I don’t know, he listens to you!”  Demyx took a pair of padded headphones from one of his junkpiles and jammed it over his ears. 

_“How hiiiigh does a sycamore grow?  If you want it blue, paint it indigoooo~!”_

Too loud to try talking to him.  I summoned my mace and melted it over his mouth.  He tried to pry the metal duct-tape substitute off, scratching at it uselessly, and I quickly melted it back off and into its original form.

“Sorry, R-2,” I said, feeling guilty when he looked at me with that same betrayed stare Roxas used on Axel earlier.  “You were hurting Demyx and me.”

His eyes widened.  “My singing hurts?”

“Yeah, little buddy,” Demyx said apologetically.  “It kind of does.  A lot.”

“But… I wanted to sing pretty like you…”   His shoulders slumped, and his suit changed from bright purple to dark grey. 

I quickly tried to find a way to phrase something in a way that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.  “You make pretty pictures with your colors, R-2.  Demyx can’t do that.”

“Hey,” Demyx interjected, pouting.

“And Demyx can sing better than you.  So it’s fair.”  I wasn’t sure it would work (it rarely worked when Dad used it on me and my siblings), but R-2 looked thoughtful.

“So what can you do that’s pretty, Xen-Xen?”  He asked.

“Pretty?”  I blinked.  Demyx coughed over a snicker.  “Well… I can make stuff out of metal.”  I didn’t usually make pretty things though, just useful ones.

“Oh.”  R-2 rubbed his mouth.  “I knew that…”

For some reason, that reminded me – I still hadn’t named my mace yet.  Still, I was doing fine with my nameless one, and we had more important issues to take care of.  Like our mission.  “We have to get R-2’s magical colors off of the window,” I said while passing out pancakes.  “The Dusks couldn’t do it.”

“Whaaat?”  Demyx’s jaw dropped, revealing a rather unappetizing image of his semi-chewed pancake.  “We have to _clean_?  We don’t even know how to get it off!”

“I do!  I do!”  R-2 waved his arm in the air.

“How?”  I asked.

“I just tell it to go away.  Easy.”  R-2 flashed a grin, which was immediately swapped for a frown.  “Wait, you’re getting rid of my picture?”

I didn’t pay enough attention to that last bit at the moment.  “But Saïx will probably be watching us.”

Demyx sighed heavily.  “So it’s all up to us?”

“We’ll figure something else out,” I said, eating my half-a-pancake in one bite.  “You have water magic.  Maybe that will work.”

“If R-2 just hadn’t used magical painting powers…”  Demyx muttered, but luckily R-2 didn’t seem to hear.

“It’s not his fault.  He was just trying to help, and we all liked his painting.”  Sure, I was annoyed that we had to clean instead of doing a useful mission, but I couldn’t blame him.  It was getting harder and harder to keep him hidden, though…  Too many close calls… We needed a better plan.

“I know.”  Demyx sighed.  It took me a moment to realize he was replying to what I said and not what I’d been thinking.

“Come on, let’s get this over with.”  I opened a dark corridor.  “R-2, _please_ stay here and don’t make noise.”

“Okay…”  He sulked more, but Saïx would already be on our cases for being late, so I didn’t have time to worry about it.

XXX

“It’s not working,” Demyx whined for the forty-seventh time.  By now I was ready to agree with him.  We’d tried everything we could think of, from scrubbing to scraping with my mace to blasting the window with water for a full ten minutes.  That last attempt left me soaked from the spray, and my coat hung heavily, only making my mood worse.

“Well this is just great.”  I rolled my eyes, wanting to bang my head against the window rather than clean it.   “Do we have a plan… uh…  What plan are we on?”

Demyx shrugged.  “Probably Q or something.”

“Do we have a plan Q?”

“Ignore it until it goes away?”  He suggested hopefully.

I glanced over at Saïx, who was sitting on a couch approving mission reports, while Demyx dried up the water from the floor and my coat.  “If we could just get him to leave, R-2 could get this off in no time.”

“I’m good at making distractions,” Demyx grinned.

“I don’t know; Saïx doesn’t get distracted easily,” I whispered.

“Trust me,” he insisted.  “After I get Saïx out you can get R-2 in.”

Well, if anyone knew how to be distracting, it was Demyx.  “Fine, but be careful.”

“You’re sounding like my mom again.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Maybe you need a mom.”

Demyx’s laugh made Saïx look up from his paperwork.  “I don’t see what you find amusing about this.”

“Uh, the rag made a funny squeaky noise,” Demyx lied, polishing the window to make it squeak.

“Stop that,” Saïx ordered calmly.

“Why-y~?”  Demyx sing-songed.  Was this part of his plan, or was he just being stupid?

Saïx got up, took the rag, and went back to his work.

“How am I supposed to clean now?”

“You were not cleaning before.  I’m sure you will figure something out.”

Demyx pretended to think for a moment, but I knew he was faking because he was grinning too much.  “Maybe I could find something to get it off in the Basement.”

Okay, so it was part of his plan.  “Yeah, they’ve got just about everything in the multiverse down there,” I added.

Saïx exhaled, looking vaguely annoyed at the universe like always.  “Let’s be quick about this.”

Of course he wasn’t going to let Demyx sneak off alone, which worked into our plan perfectly.  When they were gone, I corridored to Demyx’s room.

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 glomped me painfully.  “I’m bored.  And hungry.  Are we going to lunch?  Can we have biscuits and gravy?”

“Uh, not yet.  I need your help.”  I led him through the corridor.

“Okay.  Helping’s good.”

When we arrived at the Grey Area, I explained that he needed to get the smiling Saïx off of the windows.  I wasn’t prepared for his reaction.

“What?  No!”  He yelled, making me wince and glance over my shoulder.  _Please_ let Demyx keep stalling Saïx…  “I don’t want to destroy my painting!”

“But R-2, Saïx is going to get really mad if we don’t get it off, and then he’ll get me and Demyx in trouble.”

His eyes widened.  “He will?”

I nodded.

“But – But…”  He looked between me and the painting.  “Is there a way I can keep it and you not get in trouble?”

I sighed.  “No, there’s – wait.”  Cameras.  Axel’s camera.  It could take a picture of a picture, couldn’t it?  “We need to find Axel.”

“Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man?”

“Yeah.  Him.”

“Where is he?”

Oh.  That would be important to know.  But the only person I could think of who would know was Saïx, unless we wanted to search every world I knew.

“I don’t know.”  I sighed.

“But he could save my picture, right?”  R-2 asked worriedly.

“I think so.  But he’s not here now.”  I glanced around the room for something, anything, that might be useful.  But the Grey Area was empty except for the furniture, Saïx’s paperwork… and the moogle.  He was so quiet, I never noticed him.  Could he have overheard where Axel was sent to?

I ran over to him.  “Hey, do you know—”

“Finally acknowledging my presence, kupo?  Could we start with a greeting first?”

“I don’t have time—”

“Hello, Floating Pom-Pom Head.”  R-2 smiled.

If the moogle’s eyes ever opened, I suspected he’d be rolling them.  “My name is of no importance, but if you’re going to call me something, tactless kupo, you may call me Gloomex.  Now for your names, kupos.”

I figured it would be faster to agree than argue.  “My name’s Xenan.”

“I’m R-2, ‘cause I’m Riku’s second replica.  And the only one who’s not dead.”

Wait, what?  Under other circumstances I’d ask about R-3 and how R-2 knew he was dead for sure, but there wasn’t time.

“Nice to meet you, Xenan, R-2, kupos.  Was it information you needed, kupos?”

“Yeah.  Do you know where Axel went?”

“I know of all who come through this room, kupo.”  Goomex sounded like he was smiling.  “But the information will cost you.”

“What?”  We didn’t have time to deal with a finicky moogle.  If he wouldn’t help us soon, I’d resort to digging through Saïx’s paperwork.

“It is the moogle way, kupo.”  He nodded.  “Fifty munny for Axel’s location.”

“Ugh, fine.”  I dug it out and shoved it at Gloomex’s tiny hands.

“Agrabah, kupo.  Can I interest you in—”

I dragged R-2 through a corridor without letting him finish.  We finally had some luck – Axel and Roxas were destroying Heartless in the marketplace area where we appeared.  Roxas accidentally missed the Scarlet Tango he was aiming a Blizzard at, and the icy projectile took a small crater out of the sandblasted wall.

“Axel!  I need your camera!”  I called.  He finished destroying an Armored Body before responding, “Why?”

“It’s an emergency!”  I practically begged.  “R-2 won’t get rid of the painting unless he gets a picture, and Saïx will be back any minute!”

He stared at me like I was crazy, but then he shrugged and opened a corridor.

“What’s going on?”  Roxas asked after finally killing the Scarlet Tango.

Axel grinned.  “Flexible thinking.”

Roxas groaned.  Axel pulled him by the hood while I tried to get R-2’s attention away from some shiny vases in a shop.  I hoped we wouldn’t be too late—

But when we RTC’d, my hopes fell lower than the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.

Saïx glowered at us, arms crossed and eyes cold as Vexen’s lab.  Demyx cowered behind a couch, guarded by two Berserkers.  My only small comfort was that Axel had come out of the corridor first, but I wasn’t sure if even he could smooth this over if Saïx saw R-2 hiding behind me.

“Invisible,” I whispered.  Thank Kingdom Hearts he got it, holding his breath and fading out of sight.  Saïx seemed too focused on Axel to notice.

“Number VIII, what is the meaning of this?”  I flinched from his glare, even though it wasn’t directed at me.  Yet.

“Chill, Saï.”  Axel brushed some sand off of his coat.  “Number XV here just knew she needed some extra help.  Thought I might be able to blowtorch it off.”

“Is your own mission complete?”

“Pretty much.”

“That isn’t a yes.”

“C’mon, there were only a few Heartless left in our quota!  Do you want this picture gone or not?”

While they argued I tried to give Demyx a comforting glance, but he was still cowering on the floor.  Roxas looked confused.  R-2 didn’t look like anything since he was invisible.

“Fine.  See if you can remove it,” Saïx relented.  Apparently some things were more important than work to him.  Like his dignity.

Axel snuck a glance at me, eyebrow raised.  I mouthed _“Camera,”_ and he grinned.

“Wait a sec.”  In less than a “sec,” he slipped the camera from his pocket, snapped a picture of the Saïx-painting, and tossed me the camera.  “Saving some memories.”

Saïx sighed.  Axel muttered, “Don’t melt that one,” and summoned a ball of flame.  I wondered how strong those windows were – apparently strong enough to withstand blowtorching, because the fireball didn’t leave a scratch on the glass.  Or R-2’s painting.

“Now,” I whispered to R-2.

He sucked in a huge breath and started whispering, “Go away pretty colors, please go away when Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man fires you…”  The paint listened and disappeared wherever Axel’s fireballs hit – but R-2 was becoming visible again.  Demyx was next to notice.  He squeaked, and I hastily motioned for him to get over here.  Luckily Saïx was too busy watching the picture disappear, and Axel’s fireballs were making enough noise to cover a bomb going off or a large stampede of Heartless.

“Help me shield him,” I said, loud enough for Demyx to hear over the noise but hopefully not loud enough for anyone else.  We stood side-by-side, but there was still enough space in between us to see R-2, his face scrunched in concentration.  It would be extremely useful if he could stay invisible and whisper at the same time…  I got an idea for how to hide him, but it wasn’t a particularly good one.  I hoped Demyx wouldn’t mind.  At least it wouldn’t be as awkward as what Xigbar put us through, and under the circumstances, I was lucky to have an idea at all.

“Let me pretend to cuddle you.”

“Huh!?”

His exclamation drew Saïx’s attention, so I didn’t have time to explain.  I threw one arm around his middle, standing close enough to block R-2 from Saïx’s line of sight.  Demyx uncertainly returned my side-hug.  Good.  It would be a pain to explain to Axel later if he saw, and he probably wouldn’t believe us about that photo being a setup now, but a lifetime of teasing was still better than R-2’s lifetime ending in science experiments.  Or worse.

Demyx squirmed slightly while we watched the painting-Saïx disappear from the window bit by bit in exploding flames.  I wondered if Axel knew R-2 was the one making it disappear, not his fire.  Either way I was just relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“So, uh, why are you cuddling me?”  Demyx asked, his face slightly pink.

“We can’t let Saïx see R-2 behind us.”

“I kinda guessed that, but weren’t we already blocking him?”  He looked at me curiously.

“He could see through our legs.  We needed to be closer, and it would look weird if we just squished together.”

“So you mean this doesn’t look weird?”

I sighed.  _“All_ of this is weird.  Do you have a better idea?”

He shrugged and glanced over at Saïx, who was now watching us disapprovingly.  “I think we need to be more convincing.”

Suddenly he was _kissing me_ and I was _not_ expecting that and I tried to pull back but his hand behind my head kept me there, and _he was getting his stupid Demyx slobber germs all over me,_ GAH.  I was probably going to catch a disease or something.  And _R-2_ was right there!  Did the few brain cells he had left suddenly turn to Jell-O? 

Once I discovered struggling was pointless, I didn’t really have any other choice but to kiss him back.  I mean, at least it would look convincing.  Gah, I still couldn’t believe he was doing this.  I was definitely going to pull the worst prank possible on him.  I tried to look on the bright side:  at least it was Demyx instead of Xigbar or someone equally awful.  And at least he wasn’t eating my face off.

The explosions stopped.  So did R-2’s whispering, which he had somehow managed to keep up while staring at us in confusion.  Miraculously he didn’t ask any questions, just held his breath and disappeared again once his job was done.  Axel laughed harder than I’d ever heard, while Roxas stared between him and us like we were complete aliens.

Demyx grinned and gave me a squeeze before letting go.  I replied with a _you-are-so-dead-and-I’m-going-to-bust-your-sitar-into-a-million-pieces_ glare, violently trying to wipe the spit off of my mouth.  Neither action had as much effect as I’d hoped.

“Great, we’re done!”  Demyx clapped once and opened a corridor, and I (discreetly) shoved R-2 through.  Hopefully Saïx thought his squeak was just my boot scuffing the floor.

“No, don’t thank _me_ at all.”  Axel rolled his eyes.

“Thank you,” I said.  He smiled smugly.

“That’s all I ask.”

Saïx cleared his throat.  “Axel, Roxas, I believe you have a mission to complete.”

Axel sighed but winked at me as he opened the corridor to Agrabah. “I guess I’ll just have to wait to tease you liars.”

“It’s not—”  I started, but I bit my tongue to stop myself.  Better to lose dignity than a friend.

“I don’t get it,” Roxas sulked, following Axel through the corridor.  Demyx hovered by the edge of his own.  Saïx stared us down like he was trying to shoot eye-lasers at us.

“We’re done, right?”  I asked nervously.

After a long pause Saïx said, “I trust both of you will keep your _feelings,”_ he sneered the word, “under better control on your missions.”

“Definitely.”  I nodded way more than necessary.  “Completely under control.”

“Yeah, we were just – uh—”

“I don’t want to hear any more about this,” Saïx cut him off, vanishing through a corridor.

There was a moment of awkward silence right after he left before I wheeled on Demyx.

“Why in the name of Kingdom Hearts did you _do_ that!?”  I practically screeched, making him flinch.  “You–You just _invaded my personal space,_ and—”

Demyx cracked up.  I punched him in the stomach, and he doubled over.  _“Ow!_ Xenan–”

_“What?”_ I growled.

He looked like he was about to start laughing again.  “You’re not really that mad at me, are you?  I mean, you pretty much did the same thing to me.”

“I did not!”  I retorted without even thinking.  Did I?

“You didn’t make sure it was okay before kissing me yesterday—”

“That was Xigbar’s fault!  And that hardly counted as a kiss anyway.”

Demyx rubbed the spot where I’d punched him.  “And then you went and glomped me earlier without explaining.”

“Only because I was trying to keep R-2 safe!”  I realized I was being way louder than necessary, but I didn’t really care, either.  I was still pretty angry about being force-kissed, but mostly I was angry that Demyx was (probably) right.

“Yeah, and so was I.  I was being more convincing.”  Demyx smiled annoyingly.

“Sometimes I really hate you,” I grumbled.  We didn’t need to be more convincing.  We just needed to keep R-2 out of sight.  Unless by ‘be more convincing’ he meant we should be so awkward Saix would forget about any of our other stupid mistakes.  Which, if that was actually his thought process, wasn’t completely stupid.  But that didn’t make it okay either.

“Aww, don’t be mad,” he replied cheerfully, but I glared back.  “C’mon, Xenan.  I wasn’t _that_ bad, was I?”

“How good you are at kissing isn’t the point!”  I yelled, throwing my arms in the air.  He burst out laughing again.

“Wait, you’re saying I am a good kisser?”

_“NO!”_ I summoned my mace instinctively, but I banished it once I felt the cold metal in my hand.  “Look, for the record, you’re not an awful kisser.  But I don’t like you like that.”

“I know that.  You’re just too fun to tease.”  He grinned.

I wanted to summon my mace again and… do something really violent.  “Promise me no more kissing.”

“Even to protect R-2?”  He asked, more serious now.  Why did things have to be complicated?

I shook my head.  “We shouldn’t have to do that again.  We’ll come up with something else.”

“If you’re sure, I promise.”

I sighed in relief.  “Good.”

Demyx laughed again. “C’mon, let’s go.  R-2’s probably all sad that you pushed him.”

“I was just trying to get him somewhere safe,” I retorted but kept my voice even.  Those two had to be onto something about us having hearts; I’d never had mood swings this bad.

“You’re such a mom.”

“I am not!”  I shoved him lightly and coughed out something like a laugh for no apparent reason. 

“What?”

I glanced over my shoulder as I stepped in front of the corridor.  “It’s just weird that this kind of insanity feels like normal.”

“I don’t think we’d know normal if it danced in front of us in Xemnas’s underwear.”

I had to agree with him there.


	27. Pizza Break

“Sooo…”  Axel trailed off, grinning and raising an eyebrow.  I slammed his bedroom door.

“Hand over the pineapple and shut up,” I snapped, plopping down on the floor next to Roxas, who scooted away like I scared him.  Even Demyx and R-2 sat away from me, though in R-2’s case it was probably because he wanted to chatter with Xion.

Axel chuckled and slid me a paper plate with two slices of Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza.  I didn’t know where Canada was, and its bacon was more like ham, but it was still my favorite topping along with the yellow fruit.

“Can you please not tease us today?  We’re really tired,” Demyx said, dropping a greasy slice of pepperoni on his plate.

“Tired from what, napping all day?”  Axel scoffed.  “We did more of your mission than you did.”

“We just got back from looking for a new home for R-2.”  I sighed.  “I don’t think anywhere’s going to work out.”  Even if it wasn’t entirely safe for him here, it had to be more dangerous for him to be on his own at night, where I couldn’t keep an eye on him.

“I don’t want to leave, anyway,” R-2 said happily, stuffing a whole breadstick into his mouth.  Teenage boys and their bottomless-pit stomachs… not that I was much different.

“You wouldn’t be _leaving,_ you would just sleep somewhere else.”  I already explained this, multiple times… Of course, he was bouncing and cartwheeling around during most of those times, but still.

“But I like sleeping here.  Demyx lets me eat the candy from under his bed.”

…Wait.

…

...Did he… What?

I stared at him, turned to Demyx, back to R-2 again.  “You know candy has sugar in it, right?”  I asked slowly, emphasizing each word.

R-2 looked like he’d just seen someone die.  Axel burst out laughing, startling Roxas and Xion.

“But- but- but I ate it and I didn’t die!”

“Axel let me eat candy once,” Roxas said between bites of pizza, eyeing the laughing-slash-choking Axel dubiously.  “I don’t think it kills people.”

“Does it, Axel?”  Xion asked worriedly.

He coughed, as if that would cover his laughing fit.  “Of course not.  One of R-2’s friends just, uh, had a traumatic experience with sugar, so now he’s afraid of anything sugary.”

“Oh.  So that’s why you didn’t eat ice cream?”  Roxas asked, and R-2 nodded.  “You should try some now that you know sugar doesn’t kill you.”

“You still shouldn’t have given him candy,” I told Demyx in the voice he always says makes me sound like his mom.  “Especially since it’s been under your _bed,_ do you know how gross it must be down there?  You could’ve poisoned him!”

He scooted farther away from me.  “Uh… sorry?”

I facepalmed.  Axel snickered.

“Don’t.  Just don’t,” I growled.  He raised his hands in a show of innocence.

“Hey, I didn’t say nothin’.”  He grinned.  “But really, when are you two going to admit you like each other?”

And _how_ did any of that translate to us liking each other?  Really, if anyone knows, please explain.  I honestly don’t get it.

“When I decide I want a lazy bum with no sense of personal space for a boyfriend.”  I rolled my eyes.  “What happened to your ‘we-don’t-have hearts-so-we-can’t-love’ spiel?”

“But we do too have hearts,” Demyx piped up, then added, “and at least I don’t taste like fish.”

I promptly told him that he did too taste like fish and to shut his face.  Axel only seemed to find this more and more amusing, and his laughter was rubbing off on Roxas and Xion, who giggled uncertainly.  R-2 blissfully ignored us and continued to vacuum up breadsticks.

“Ugh, the point is, I don’t like him like that,” I grumbled.  Then remembering how Axel feeds off of my annoyance, I added, “But if you really want to think that, I don’t care.”

Axel clapped me on the shoulder, earning another glare.  “You keep telling yourself that, kid.”

“I’m not a kid, I’m nineteen,” I felt the need to point out.

Demyx choked on his pizza, coughing out a wad of half-chewed gunk.  “Whaaat?”

“Nice,” Axel muttered sarcastically.  “Go ahead, use my floor as a trash can.”

Demyx ignored him.  “You’re older than me?”

“How old did you think I was?”

“I dunno, fifteen?  Maybe sixteen?”

“You look older than Rox and Xi, at least,” Axel commented.  “And R-2, but only ‘cause he acts like a five-year-old.”

I facepalmed.  Was it because of my height?  “I was considered tall on my world, thank you very much.”

Axel laughed.  “What world are you from, Middle Earth?  The Shire?”

I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but Demyx burst out laughing.  At least Roxas and Xion shared my confusion.

“Yay, I’m not the only one who’s dumb,” Roxas said happily.  I wasn’t about to spoil the poor kid’s fun.

“Man, I gotta show you guys _Lord of the Rings_ next vacation.”

“Okay,” Roxas and Xion agreed uncertainly.

“I’m not from either of those places,” I said in response to Axel’s insult.  It was kind of a failure on his part, insulting me in a way I couldn’t understand.  “I don’t know the real name of my world.  Nobody knew there were others.”  It wasn’t something any of us bothered to think about.

“But really,” Demyx started, “most people from there were shorter than you?”

I didn’t like the way he said “were” instead of “are.”  It made me wonder just for a second – No, they had to still be fighting.  People from my world didn’t give up.  Phillip wouldn’t, _won’t_ give up.

“Hey, Xenan?”  Demyx tapped my arm, and I almost punched him out of reflex.  “Hey!  You don’t have to hurt me, sheesh, I was just making sure you were okay.  You spaced out for a sec.”

I shook my head.  “I’m fine.”

Axel raised an eyebrow, but for once he didn’t comment.  We ate silently for the most part.  R-2, Roxas, and Xion had already finished, and Axel let them play one of his old “video games,” which looked like a tiny TV, but you could press buttons to move the character and control the story instead of just watching it.  I kind of wanted a turn myself, but I was still hungry, and I didn’t want to look like an idiot gawking over simple technology.  Besides, R-2 and Xion were already perched over Roxas’s shoulders.

Thoughts of my homeworld pushed at the corners of my mind again.  I tried not to think about it… It was easier not to.  It was stupid to bring it up in the first place, especially over something as dumb as defending my height.

I must’ve had a sulky look on my face, because Demyx looked over at me with his “you-have-a-sulky-look-on-your-face” face.

“I’m not sulking.”

“I didn’t say you were sulking,” Demyx replied innocently.

“Your face did.”

Axel snickered.  He was starting to remind me of my brother Henry, who always teased me about liking Phillip (and for the record, I didn’t want a romantic relationship with him, either).

“ _What_ is so funny about this?” I asked in exasperation.

“ _That’s_ why it’s funny.”  Axel grinned.  “You take things way too seriously.  I know you and Demyx aren’t into each other like that.”

“You do?”  Demyx asked at the same time I yelled, “Then why have you been messing with us!?”

R-2 looked up from Axel’s video game.  “You okay, Xen-Xen?”

“I’m doing _wonderful,_ R-2,” I muttered.

“See, this is why I hang out with you guys,” Axel said, reclining against the side of his bed.  “You act so human.”

“ ‘Cause we have hearts.”  Demyx stated it like a fact.  Axel snorted, but even he didn’t bother arguing.

“…Just out curiosity, how _did_ you know I don’t like Demyx?”  I asked.  I mean, we _were_ kissing.  Even though neither of those kisses counted at all.  Whatsoever.

“For one thing, you’re not stupid enough to fall in love with Demyx—”

“Hey!”

“—and he acts way more stupid around girls he likes.”  Axel gave a skewed grin.  “Like when he had a crush on—”

“No!”  Demyx threw his empty paper plate (the only thing close enough to grab) at Axel’s face.

“—Princess Jasmine, a few years ago,” Axel finished, completely ignoring the useless projectile.  “Saïx won’t send him to Agrabah anymore.  Probably ‘cause he’s jealous, heh.”

I had a hard time picturing Saïx being jealous of Demyx, especially over a girl, but the thought made me laugh.  Demyx groaned pitifully.

“She married some guy with a magic carpet anyway.”  He pouted.  “Which is _so not cooler_ than a magic sitar.”

Trying not to laugh, but still feeling a little sorry for him, I patted him on the back.

“It’s okay, Dem.  Who needs some boring princess, anyway?”

He smiled a little.  “…Can I call you Xen?”

“What?”

“You called me Dem.  Does that mean I get to call you Xen?”

Had I called him that?  I hadn’t noticed.

“Not a chance.”


	28. The Meaning of Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Prank For Food, Christmas special edition! :D

I thought I’d seen just about every crazy thing the Organization had to offer.  I’d survived Xaldin, Larxene, and Zexion; I’d adventured under the ocean and inside of a book.  I’d basically adopted a kid, and I’d even kissed Demyx.  Nothing could surprise me anymore.

Except a piece of paper taped to the Grey Area window.

“Vacation?”  I read out loud.  _“Two days?”_

No one was around to ask.  Maybe this was their prank on me, or maybe they were already capitalizing on their vacation.

“But why in the worlds would Saïx give us two days of vacation…?”

“What, do you not know what day it is?”  Axel wandered into the Grey Area, stretching leisurely.  “I thought the kids were the only ones I’d hafta give a Life Lesson today.”

“Well, I did live under a rock,” I reminded him of our conversation several Pizza Days ago.  Ugh, just thinking about Pizza made me sick now.  “What day is it, anyway?”

“December twenty-fourth,” Axel replied with a yawn.  “That help any?”

It wasn’t until now that I realized I hadn’t even kept track of the days since I became a Nobody.  Sheesh, I didn’t even know what kind of calendar system the Organization used; there was no “December” on our calendar back home.  The irregularly regular weather of the The World That Never Was and most of the worlds I did missions in didn’t help, either.  It could be the dead of winter or the middle of summer here for all I knew.

“O-kay, I’ll take that as a ‘no.’” Axel sighed.  “Wait for the kids to wake up, I don’t want to repeat myself a million times.”

He flopped down on one of the couches, and I sat on the one closest to it, still thinking about what day it could be.  If it was on the calendar, this vacation happened every year.  It was the middle of the Freezetime, as my world simply called the days where blizzards trapped us all underground, when I became a Nobody, but I had no idea how much time had passed since then, or if the seasons even matched up here.  Plus being stuck in Zexion’s lexicon messed with my sense of time, and I still hadn’t quite recovered.  Maybe I should’ve counted days like Roxas did.

Eventually Roxas and Xion found their way to the Grey Area, followed by Demyx and R-2, who were bouncing and giggling even more than they usually did.  It was kind of scary, honestly.

“What happened?”  I asked.  “Why’s R-2 out here?”

“It’schristmaseve!”  R-2 exclaimed in one hyper breath.

“Everyone else’s gone,” Demyx explained.  “Xigbar and Luxord go to Port Royale and play poker every vacation.”

“And Saïx is probably off hiding somewhere, and Xaldin’s either grocery shopping or getting his sideburns trimmed, and the Boss’s probably throwing mistletoe around the Altar of Naught or something.”  Axel shrugged.  “We’ve got the castle all to ourselves.”

Demyx whooped, hi-fiving R-2.

“Wait,” I asked, “what’s ‘Christmaseve’?”

“Demy told me about it!”  R-2 bounced over to hug me, his suit colored in bright shades of red and green.  “We get to make hot chocolate and light up a tree and get presents and sing songs and it’s going to be the best day EVER!”

He clung to my arm and swung it up and down until I couldn’t feel it anymore.

“R-2, I need my arm back.”

“Sorry!”  He dropped my arm and it fell limply to my side, but he was still grinning ecstatically.  “Aren’t you excited, Xen-Xen?  I’m so excited!”

“Um, yeah.  Really excited.  What?”  I turned to Axel, who was almost done explaining the general concept to Roxas and Xion.

“So we get ready for Christmas today, and tomorrow’s when the stuff happens?”  Roxas asked.

“Eh, close enough,” Axel decided.

“But why?”  Xion asked the question I had in mind.  “What are we celebrating?”

Axel thought for a moment before answering, “The birth of Jesus Christ, on a world far away from here.  I’ll tell you the story later.  Right now we need to put this vacation to good use.”

“By doing what?”  I asked, still not sure what to make of this whole “Christmas” thing.  It didn’t sound anything like any of our holidays back home, except maybe the singing songs part.  We did a lot of singing.  I was never good at it, but it was a tradition.

“By going to Christmas Town, of course.”  Axel opened a dark corridor, and the others eagerly dashed through.

“This isn’t some elaborate prank, is it?”  I still had to ask when we were the only two left.  He laughed.

“Y’know, it’s kind of sad you’re already that paranoid.”

XXX

_It can’t be here.  It can’t be—_ No, this was just regular snow, not Heartless-induced, Blizzaga-grade snow.  The giant Heartless that killed Dad wasn’t here.  Obviously.  I knew that. 

Axel was right; I _was_ way too paranoid.

I dismissed my mace, hopefully before anyone else noticed.

“I’m taking Rox and Xi to a little café over there.” Axel jerked a thumb in the direction of a cozy-looking red-bricked building with a thick chimney.  “I can take R-2 too if you and Demyx want to go Christmas shopping.”

“Sure,” he answered without waiting for my opinion.

“What-?”

“He’ll explain,” Axel anticipated my question.

“I get to go with Rox and Xion?”  R-2 asked.

“Yeah,” I answered.  “Don’t get into trouble.  We’ll be back soon.”

“Okay bye Xen-Xen!”  R-2 called, skipping off after them and somehow not tripping in the deep snow.

“Did R-2 call Xion by her actual name?”  Demyx asked as we headed  off in the other direction.

“…I think he did.  Huh.”  The only other name I’d heard him say correctly was Vexen’s, but he certainly liked Xion better than the creepy old scientist.  “So what’s this ‘Christmas shopping’ thing about?”

“You buy presents for your family and friends and wrap ‘em up and open ‘em on Christmas,” he explained.  “Wait, have you really never heard of Christmas at all?”

I sighed, kicking a clump of snow out of my way.  “I lived under a rock, remember?  We didn’t have a Christmas.”

“No _Christmas?”_ Demyx shuddered.  “That must’ve been terrible.”

“We had other holidays,” I said, taking in the sights as we walked.  Circles of pine branches hung in windows, with more evergreen trees decorated with bright lights and glass balls on every street corner.  Warm, sweet scents of baked treats wafted from several buildings.  I hoped baking wasn’t something I was expected to do for Christmas.  “Windsail Day was my favorite.”

“Bet it wasn’t cooler than Christmas,” Demyx challenged.

“I bet it was,” I retorted.  “It was the one day everyone went Topside, even if we had to kill a hundred Heartless the day before to clear it out.”

“Topside?”

“Above ground.”  I looked up at the sky.  It couldn’t have been that long since I lived in our burrow home, but I was already starting to take the endless blue for granted.  “We spent our free time the rest of the year working on our windsails – basically boards with a giant sail attached to them – and on Windsail Day, when the winds blow just right, we fly on them across the cavern to the Old Tunnels, where we have a feast and honor everyone who lost their hearts to the Heartless.  We promise to always keep their hearts with us… This year they’ll honor me,” I realized.  I lost my heart.  I was just as dead as anyone else we memorialized.

…Could that mean there could be others who were just as alive as me?

“Oh,” Demyx said softly.  “Well, at least there’s people left to remember you.”

“What do you mean?”  I stopped walking, right in the middle of a brightly-lit plaza with the biggest evergreen tree I’d ever seen.  “What happened to your world?”

He shook his head.  “I don’t wanna think about it.  Let’s go buy stuff.”

I didn’t push him for answers – I may be pretty rude to him sometimes, but I didn’t want to make him feel worse on his favorite holiday.  He led the way into a little toy shop, which had a bell that jingled when he opened the door.

“Hello!”  A tiny person greeted from behind the counter.  “Welcome to Hazel’s Toy Box, where we only sell quality elf-made toys.”  She grinned; it took up her whole face.  Not that that was saying much.  Were all the people here this small?  And Axel said _I_ was short…  “Would you like help finding anything?”

“I think we’re good, but thanks, Hazel.”  Demyx smiled back.

“You’re very welcome, sir.”

Demyx turned to me and giggled.  “Did you heart that?  She called me ‘sir’!”

I wanted to laugh too, but I held it in.  “Good for you.  What are we doing here, again?”  I asked to keep him on track.

“Buying Christmas presents.  What do you think R-2 would like?”  Demyx strolled down an aisle.

“Some sort of art supplies?”  I suggested.  “Or maybe not, since he can color anything with magic…”  Huh.  What _would_ R-2 like?  It wasn’t like he’d had a normal childhood, with toys and games.

Demyx kept looking while I thought about it.  What had I played with as a kid?  The war against the Heartless hardly left me with a normal childhood, either.  The only ‘toy’ I really had was my windsail…

“I know what I’m getting him.”  I grinned.  “But I can’t get it here.”

“What is it?”  Demyx asked.

“That’s a surprise… but I’m going to need a lot of aluminum, and some Aero panels.”

XXX

After hitting a few more stores, we ended up with a pretty good haul.  Together (since he didn’t have enough munny to buy much himself) Demyx and I bought a xylophone for Roxas and a recorder for Xion – “because every kid should get to play an instrument,” he’d said.  He decided against one for R-2, though, in favor of a mini trampoline, so he would have a better way to get out his energy than jumping on Demyx’s bed.  Even if it didn’t count as a prank, we decided to buy a parenting book for Axel.  The ‘elf’ at the bookstore asked if we were a little young to be parents, and we backpedaled quickly and tried to explain before hurrying out of the store with red-tinged faces. 

“Can we be done now?”  I asked once we were back out in the snow.

“Unless you think we should get Xigbar a present too,” he joked, and I rolled my eyes.

“The only present I want to give him is a mace to the face.”

Demyx shivered as we made our way back to the café where we’d left our other friends.

“Are you okay?”  I asked.  “You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“What, are you not c-cold?”  He asked like I was crazy.  I shrugged.

“A little bit, I guess.”

“You guess!?”

“It was always cold outside of the forge around this time on my world.  Especially in the gorge on Windsail Day,” I remembered.  “Why weren’t you cold earlier?”

“I was.  The shops were warm though.”

I shrugged again.  “Fair enough, I guess.”

Inside the café was warm and cozy and filled with the scent of hot chocolate, which Axel, Roxas, Xion, and R-2 were drinking in a booth in the back corner.

“Sheesh, I was starting to think you two left me with the kids and decided to run off on a date,” Axel teased, earning an eye roll from me.

“I tried getting her under some mistletoe,” Demyx joked, “but she would never stop long enough.”

“I don’t remember you trying anything,” I said suspiciously.  “And if you had you would’ve regretted it.”

Axel laughed, but despite my comeback, I didn’t know what Demyx meant any more than Roxas, Xion, or R-2 did.  At least they weren’t paying attention, they were busy blowing bubbles in their hot chocolate.  I still wasn’t sure anyone should give R-2 anything sweet…

“Hi, Xen-Xen!”  He finally noticed me.  “Look what I can do!”  He changed the hot chocolate from dark brown to purple and blew rainbow bubbles in it through his straw.

I laughed.  “Looks like you didn’t miss us too much.”

“I did.  I always miss you and Dem-Dem.  But it’s good to have other friends too, ‘cause you guys aren’t always here and sometimes you have to do stuff without me.  We get to go see Santa after you eat.”  He tugged my arm, pulling me down into the booth beside him and Xion.  Demyx sat across from me with Axel and Roxas.  “We saved you food.  Axel wanted to eat all the bacon, but I made him not.”

“I was only kidding,” Axel clarified quickly, knowing how much I value my food.  “He was about to start a Boss Battle over it.”

I couldn’t help it, I was kind of proud of R-2 for that.  I had taught him well.

Demyx and I quickly devoured our portions of food, with less manners than the elf-waitress would’ve liked, and we headed off to our next destination, a place Axel called “Santa’s Workshop.”  What they made at this workshop, I had no idea, but Axel insisted the kids would have a great time.

“Hopefully they’ll let us in, with it being Christmas Eve…”

“How do you know where Santa’s Workshop is, Axel?”  Demyx asked.

Axel chuckled.  “It’s a long story, and I’m saving it for blackmail.”

“So who’s Santa, anyway?”  I asked.

“Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man said Santa gives presents to all the good boys and girls, only he’s scared of The World That Never Was so we have to come see him here.”

“Sounds like Christmas is all about getting stuff,” I commented, but Demyx shook his head.

“It’s about giving, too.”

“Says the one who had to borrow my munny to buy presents.”

“Hey, we co-bought those!”

I still wondered what the point of it all was, or how it got started in the first place, but I didn’t have time to ask because we had arrived at a large log-cabin workshop.

“Is it open?”  Xion asked anxiously.  Loud screeching, crashing, and exploding noises leaked from under a thick wooden door, which was so fancy it could’ve come straight out of Castle Oblivion if it were painted white.

“There aren’t any X-barricades,” Roxas said, taking that as permission to enter and pushing the door open.

The chaos inside reminded me of Castle Oblivion too.  The screaming, fleeing elves got in the way, but it still wasn’t hard to spot the giant gift-wrapped Heartless demolishing the place.

“Aww, so much for a vacation.”  Demyx’s shoulders slumped.

Roxas and Xion were already on the boxy Heartless – my Scan identified it as a ‘Tinsel Terror’  – before I could tell Demyx to stop whining.  Axel shoved elves out of the way to join his friends, and R-2 cartwheeled his way into the action behind him.

“Get the elves out if you don’t want to fight,” I told him, summoning my mace.

The Tinsel Terror lashed out with red ribbon-like tendrils that wrapped around Roxas and dragged him inside the box.

“Roxas!”  Xion yelled, shooting fire magic at the crack in the Heartless’ top where her friend had disappeared.

“Oi, no Heartless is gonna eat my best friend!”  Axel hurled his chakrams, which embedded themselves in the monster’s side and exploded in a pillar of flames.

“Axel, don’t burn the whole place down!”  I yelled as I morphed my mace into a longer flail, which I used to tangle and tear off the ribbon-appendages with a few swings.  The Heartless’ boxy form contracted, spitting Roxas out of its top.

“Ugh,” he groaned after landing in a pile of presents, which luckily were stuffed animals and not something hard like toy blocks.

“Demyx!”  I yelled, seeing Axel’s fire devour several large bins of presents.

“Huh?”  He poked his head back in the door; the elves were all safely outside.

“Water!”  I pointed my mace at the fire, and he nodded, strumming a frantic tune on his sitar without complaint.  A giant glob of water drowned the flames.  It wasn’t in time to save most of the presents, but at least the building wasn’t about to come down.

Not yet, anyway, but it might if we didn’t take out the Heartless soon – the non-fiery collateral damage was still collecting.  R-2 added to it by kicking off of the walls every time he jumped in to slash at the Tinsel Terror, and the Heartless itself kept spitting out miniature presents that exploded if no one destroyed them quickly enough.

“How many health bars does this thing have!?”  Roxas asked, stabbing one of the present-bombs.

“Turn on your Scan ability if you can’t see,” Axel snapped, jumping up to slash the Tinsel Terror’s “face,” which was made of two jagged yellow eyes.

“This is fun~!”  R-2 sing-songed, dancing on its top side, right at the edge of the dark crevice.

“Get down!” I yelled, bashing its green wrapping-covered sides.

“We’ve almost got it!”  Xion exclaimed encouragingly, only to get thrown back by a regrown ribbon-tendril.

Axel and I backed off – we knew only Heartless destroyed by a keyblade would return to Kingdom Hearts and not respawn.  Roxas set off his limit break, shooting pillars of light through the Heartless’ body and even the roof, before finally landing the finishing blow with his keyblade.

R-2 dropped to the ground when the Heartless dissolved into a cloud of darkness that disappeared through the holes in the ceiling.  “Aww, the present was empty.”

“No it wasn’t.”  I pointed to the glowing pink heart that floated up afterwards.

“Yay!  Hearts are good presents!”  R-2 clapped.

Axel surveyed the damage.  “Guess we won’t being seeing Santa today.”

There was a chorus of “aww”s from the kids (and Demyx), but there wasn’t anything we could do.  Slowly, and so silently I hadn’t noticed at first, the elves were trickling back into the half-destroyed workshop.

“They’re sad,” R-2 said, his brightly-colored suit fading to dark blue as he approached a boy elf with a droopy green hat.  “Hey.  Why are you sad?”

The bell on the elf’s hat jingled when he shook his head.  “Our year’s work is ruined,” he said with a voice much older than his face.  “The children’s dreams will be unfulfilled this year, all because of one of those infernal monsters.”

The other elves began chattering anxiously.

“Never seen one so big before…”

“What will Santa say…?”

“What can we do…?”

“Christmas is ruined…”

Axel gathered Roxas and Xion close to him.  “We should go.  We’ve already broken the No Interference rule enough.”

He was right, and besides, it wasn’t like we could come up with hundreds of destroyed toys in a day.  There was nothing we could do for the elves, or for the children they and Santa apparently delivered toys to.

“No.”  R-2 looked Axel in the eyes.  I could’ve sworn he grew a foot to be at the same eyelevel.

“No?”  Axel raised an eyebrow.  Had R-2 ever told anyone ‘no’ before?  Had anyone ever told _Axel_ ‘no’?

“No,” R-2 repeated.  “They need us.”

“Look, in case you haven’t noticed, we don’t have _thousands of toys_ hiding up our sleeves.”

R-2 crossed his arms.  “I can still help.  I know I can.”

“Hey,” I said carefully.  “I’m glad you want to help, but what are you going to do?”

R-2 took the elf’s hat and put it on his own head, changing his suit’s colors back to red and green to match.  “I’m going to be an elf.  I’m going to make new toys.”

“You can’t just-” Make new toys.  But why couldn’t he?  Because he couldn’t make thousands in a day?  I didn’t know how many worlds celebrated Christmas, but Axel said we would need that many… but if we couldn’t make that many, if we only made some, wasn’t that still better than nothing?

I took a girl elf’s hat.  “Actually, maybe we can.”

Axel stared at me, dumbfounded.  “What?  I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t even pass home ec.  We can’t-”

“We _can_ do something.  And something is better than nothing.”  I shoved some debris off of a worktable, and the elves straightened up hopefully.

“I wasn’t very good at home ec either,” Demyx admitted, “but if I can keep some kids from being sad on Christmas, I’ll try my best.”

“You’ll do that?”  One of the elves asked.

“Why not?”  Roxas replied.

“It sounds fun.”  Xion smiled, claiming a table singed for herself and Roxas.  “Just tell us what to do.”

With the promise of help, the elves cheered and organized themselves quickly and efficiently, splitting up into groups that rallied around each of us.  One tiny elf girl volunteered to ring the bell outside to call the other elves throughout Christmas Town to the workshop, and within minutes a whole flood of workers joined us, each of them bringing new supplies to replace ones that had been burned or destroyed.  We practically had an army at our disposal.

Axel still didn’t look impressed, but Roxas and Xion dragged him over to their table anyway.

“We need your help, Axel!”

“No, you really don’t.”

“It’ll be fun!”

“Gah, will you two stop looking at me like that?  Fine!  I’ll be an elf or whatever!  Just don’t expect me to wear one of those dumb hats…”

A rather muscular elf set an armful of wood on my table, but I shook my head.

“Metal’s more my thing,” I told him, summoning my mace and transforming it into a few different objects, including a frying pan.

“Ah.”  The elf nodded a few times and dropped the wood off at another table before delivering a stack of metal sheets.  “Will these be acceptable?”

“Perfect.”  Now I just needed something to make…

Demyx was filling several bouncy balls with water.  R-2 was happily painting thin pieces of wood and carving them into puzzles.  Roxas, Axel, and Xion were having a little more trouble, but the two younger Nobodies finally put their light elements to use in adding special effects to “Light Sabers,” as Demyx called the glowing plastic sticks.  Axel ended up using his fire element to bake clay action figures, and heat up hot chocolate when any of the elves got thirsty.  The elves themselves, of course, were a lot faster and more skilled than us, but our magic seemed to amaze them.

I morphed each sheet of metal into about a dozen shiny orbs, which I sculpted into shapes I hoped kids from other worlds would like:  bells, birds, miniature keyblades, xylophones, horses, even windsails (though the only full-sized one I made was for R-2, and I embedded a few dozen Aero and Aerora panels into that one to make it fly).  At the last minute I remembered that I still hadn’t found anything for Demyx, so I took some of my synthesis materials and channeled my inner Moogle, crafting a silver armband from a few panels worth of Mithril and Adamantite along with a few Luck Techs.  I didn’t have time to test it to see what abilities it had, but it had the name “Three Stars” engraved on the inside.  How that worked, I had no idea, but I didn’t do it on purpose.

It took a surprisingly different set of skills to shape such tiny objects than it did to smelt weapons, but it was enjoyable in a different way, too.  These toys would make kids happy; they would play with them and smile and laugh.  Weapons were necessary – especially on my world – and I always had a sense of pride when I made them, but they were sad in a way, because they were all that was ever left after a Heartless claimed someone’s heart.  I could never forget the day I was handed Mom’s javelin…

I pushed the image out of my head, thinking of smiles on kid’s faces – Roxas and Xion and R-2, and Elizabeth – even though I knew none of them would be getting these gifts.  It still made me smile.

I should smile more.  It felt good.

We were still burning through supplies, crafting toy after toy, when the heavy wooden door opened.

“Bumpy sleighride, what happened here?”  A bearded, round – well, fat if I’m being honest – man stood in the doorway, staring at the gaps in the ceiling and debris littered on the ground.  Every elf stopped working.  It took us Nobodies a little longer to catch on, and R-2 still sang off-key as he painted until an elf nudged him several times.

“Well?”  The man asked again.

A girl elf stepped forwards.  “One of the monsters damaged the workshop and many of the toys, but these lovely people helped us make up most of the loss.”

Axel tried to hide a surprised laugh.  “Heh, if I’m a ‘lovely person,’ everyone else in the worlds is an angel.”

“Is that Santa, Axel?”  Xion asked.

Demyx’s wide grin was proof enough for me, but I’d pictured a guy who gave free stuff to kids to be a little more… I dunno, nice-looking?  It wasn’t until now that I realized I’d been picturing Santa as Dad, with black hair and kind green eyes.

Santa blinked, realizing that elves weren’t the only ones inhabiting his workshop.  “They did, did they?  Does that mean we’re still ready to deliver tonight?”

“I believe so, sir, if we cut back on wrapping this year.”

“Hmmm… I suppose it is better for the children to receive unwrapped presents than no presents at all.  Carry on – oh, and I would like to speak with these new helpers.”

“Of course, sir,” the elf replied with a small bow.

Demyx practically dragged me to the front of the workshop.  “Santa!  It’s actually you!  I mean, of course I knew you were real, but I never got to see you before!  This _is_ the best Christmas ever!”  Demyx glomped the shorter red-coated man.

“Er, thank you,” Santa replied, trying to gently push Demyx away.  By the time he did, Roxas, Axel, Xion, and R-2 had joined us.  “But I must ask, are you lot from Halloween town?  Because the last time they tried to interfere with our Christmas, it was a complete disaster.”

Our black coats probably didn’t make it very convincing, but I replied, “No, sir, we’re not from Halloween Town.”

“Well you’re certainly not from around here.”  He raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“We’re from… uh…”  Demyx looked to me for help.

“Windsail Town,” I said off the top of my head.  Santa didn’t look convinced.

“I’ve never heard of it.”

I gave a brief explanation of the holiday, even creating a model windsail from my mace.  “We were just in town to buy supplies when we heard the Heartless and decided to help.”

“Yeah!”  Demyx agreed.  “We pwned that present-Heartless and save the day!  We should totally be on the Nice List for that.  Even though we totally were already.  Yeah.”

Santa chuckled, a deep “ho ho ho” sound.  “I think I can arrange that, Myde.”

Demyx beamed, seeming to glow with happiness.  “Did you hear that, Xenan?  He knows my name!  My somebody name, but whatever; he knows my name!”

“Sir?”  R-2 asked, more shyly than I expected from him.  “Do you know my name?”

“Oh…”  Santa squinted at him, white eyebrows turning up.  “I’m sorry, but I can’t say I do.  This is quite an unusual occurrence…  hmm, you do resemble a certain Riku, but I can tell you’re not him.”

R-2 frowned, suit fading to dull grey.  “I guess you wouldn’t know a replica…”

“Why don’t you tell me your name?”  Santa said kindly.  “I’m sure it’s a lovely one for such a helpful young man.”

“R-2.  My name’s R-2.”

Santa smiled.  “It’s nice to meet you, R-2.  I see you painted some lovely puzzles.”  He nodded at the one R-2 still held unfinished in his hands.  “You’re very talented.”

R-2 perked up at that, suit flashing a warm red-violet as he held up his work-in-progress.  “I like colors.  I painted sunsets ‘cause they’ve got lots of colors, and on some other ones I painted my friends ‘cause they make me happy.”

“Wait,” I interrupted, “you painted _us_ on some of those?”

“Uh-huh!”  R-2 grinned.

“It will be fine,” Santa assured me.  “At least he didn’t paint a bloody duck…”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.  I sincerely appreciate your help, all of you.”  Santa smiled at us.

“Can we do it again?”  R-2 asked.  “Please please please, with bacon on top?”

Santa “ho ho ho”’d again.  “If you would ever like a job with my elves, you are welcome to come back.”

A light turned on in my head; I could’ve jumped with the brilliance of it.  “R-2, that’s it!  You can live here!”

“Huh?”  R-2 suddenly looked scared.  “But I live with you!”

“But you’d be safe here!  Xigbar would never find you!”  I picked him up under his shoulders and swung him around before my arms realized how heavy he was.  “It’s perfect!”

His eyebrows creased.  “I don’t have to stay here all the time, do I?”

“Of course not.  Just when we’re on missions and when we’re sleeping.”

“And I get to paint?”

I laughed.  “You’ll get to paint all the toys you want, I think.”

“He will,” Santa promised.

“Can we leave now?”  Axel asked.  “I’ve never worked this much on a Vacation Day, and I’m not about to get recruited to help deliver presents or something.”

“Since when do you ask permission?”  I asked back.

“Fine, I won’t try to be nice.  We’re leaving now.”  He opened a dark corridor, Roxas and Xion following behind him after they hugged Santa.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” I told Demyx.

“Okay.  Bye, Santa,” he said with a fanboy-ish wave.  R-2 skipped into the portal after waving too.

After they left, I asked Santa something that had been vaguely bothering me.  “If you knew Demyx’s name, how did you not know where we came from?”

“I did,” he replied with a twinkle in his eye.  “All of you except R-2, and the other girl besides you.  Your name is Anne, is it not?”

Something twisted in my chest.  “It was,” I said coldly.  “So why ask?  You had to know we were lying about Windsail Town.”

“I wanted to see what you would say.  And I do not know where you live now; I only know where you previously lived.”

“You knew my old world?”  I asked.  “But we didn’t have Christmas.”

“Which is why I didn’t visit.  But I still knew each and every one of you.”

“What is it called?  My world?”

He paused for too long.  “…Wayward Burrows, I believe it was.”

Wayward Burrows.  I finally had a name for my old home.  “Thank you, Santa.”  I opened a dark corridor.

His soft face saddened a little before I could step through the portal. 

“You may regret thanking me…”

“Wait, why?”  I stopped, a chill running down my spine that had nothing to do with the wind blowing through the holes in the roof.  _Was._ He had said _was…_

It only took two words and a pitying look to deflate a hope that had been forming inside me.

“I’m sorry.”

My mind went blank.  Swaying dizzily, eyes stinging, I stumbled away through the dark corridor.

 

XXX

Demyx was teaching Roxas, Xion, and R-2 a Christmas song in the Grey Area when I returned.  Demyx and Roxas sounded good, Xion was okay, and R-2 was absolutely terrible, but it didn’t matter.  It was gone.  My world was gone, before I even learned its name.

I fell down on the couch beside Demyx, shoving his sitar out of the way.

“Hey, what was that for?”

I couldn’t snap anything rude back, because I couldn’t speak at all.

“Xen-Xen?”  R-2 asked.

“…Why don’t you three see if Axel’s done with the hot chocolate?”  Demyx suggested, and they left reluctantly.  He put a hand on my shoulder.  “Hey, are you okay?”

I shook my head and threw my arms around him, squeezing so tight he probably couldn’t breathe, but I was sobbing and couldn’t breathe either.

“Xenan…”  He hugged me back, and I buried my face in his shoulder.  “…You’re hugging me.  On purpose.”

“Obviously,” I barely whispered out.  Obvious was okay.  Obvious was better than oblivious.

“You’re not okay,” he guessed.

“…My homeworld is gone.  Santa told me.”  I had to tell Demyx; the grief would’ve eaten me if I didn’t.  Maybe it was a good thing I actually felt heartless when I became a Nobody.  I couldn’t feel this way about Dad.  Something had grown back inside me, and it was screaming.

My sister was gone… Elizabeth… Oh Kingdom Hearts, Elizabeth…

“I’m sorry,” Demyx whispered.  It wasn’t enough.  It never could be.

“Not your fault.”

“I know there’s nothing I can do.  But is there anything I can do?”  He asked awkwardly.  I shook my head, which was pretty much rubbing my face on his shoulder.

“No.”

“Okay.”

I kept hugging him.  He kept hugging me.  I don’t know how long we stayed like that.  At some point he started singing softly, soothingly, until I stopped shaking.  I couldn’t pick out all the words, but it didn’t matter, all that mattered was that he was here and he understood.  His world was gone too, from what it sounded like.  We were alone together.

I didn’t know R-2 had come back until he sat on my other side and cuddled up against me.  Roxas and Xion were there too, hugging me without sitting down.  Even Axel set a hand comfortingly on my head.

“I know,” he said.  “I know.”

He didn’t need to say anything else.  None of them did.

“Thank you,” I whispered.  “You can’t replace them… but you’re my family too.  All of you.”

Demyx smiled.  I smiled back painfully, but at least it was something.

“That’s what Christmas is about, too,” he said.  “Being a family.”

I wiped my eyes.  “Then I want it to be Christmas every day.”

XXX

I couldn’t be sad forever, not when all of them were so full of the Christmas spirit and so intent on making me happy.  We spent the rest of our Christmas Eve squished on the couch singing Christmas songs and drinking hot chocolate and listening to Axel read the story of the first Christmas, which apparently took place on some world called Earth.  It was a heartwarming story, of a baby who was born of a mortal woman and an eternal being, a baby who was born to die to save everyone in all the worlds.  Heartwarming, but sad too… How could anyone raise a child, knowing the pain he would have to go through?  But I guess, in a way, every child goes through pain, and no mother can protect her child from death…

“Did that really happen, Axel?”  Roxas asked.  “Did the guy who made the universe really have a baby?”

“A lot of people would object to you calling God ‘the guy who made the universe’….”

“And was he really born from a regular girl?”  Xion asked.

Though Roxas and Xion were intrigued, it was R-2 who looked the most fascinated.  “And did he really die to save everyone?  Even replicas?”

I wanted to believe the story was true, even though I’d never heard it before.  On our world we worshipped a God-like being, but we never really knew Him, and the war with the Heartless made it hard to believe in any higher power.

“I can’t tell you what to believe,” Axel said carefully, “and I haven’t thought about it in a while… but yes, I think he did.  He died for all of us.  So we can all be happy, if not now, then in the next life.”

The next life…  Was that where Elizabeth, and Henry, and Phillip, and Dad, and Mom were now?

Maybe I didn’t believe yet.  Believing took hope, and I was running a little low on that.  But maybe one day I could.  If nothing else, it would keep me going.

After the story, everyone finally settled down long enough for the events of the day to drag our eyelids down.  Me all passed out, arms and legs draped over each other.

I was disgusted, if not surprised, when I awoke to Demyx drooling on my arm.  I shoved his head away, and he grunted.

“No, I want the _blue_ pony…”

“Wake up.”  I shoved him again, semi-accidentally pushing him off of the couch.

“Eeeek!”  He squealed.  “Ow, Xenan, really?”

“You were drooling on me.  Also, it’s Christmas.”

That was enough to perk him back up.  “Christmas!  Guys, it’s Christmas!”  He shook the others.

R-2 hopped up, throwing Xion’s legs off of the couch in the process.  “It’s CHRISTMAS!”

My ears were ringing; I doubted anyone in the castle was asleep after that excited yell.  Which was probably a problem, considering R-2 wasn’t supposed to exist, even in a castle full of people who weren’t supposed to exist.  But I didn’t reprimand him, not today.

Roxas rolled off the couch in shock.  “Hnn?”

“Nnngh...”  Axel flopped face-first onto the spot where Roxas had been sitting.  “Not mornin’ yet…”

“It is, actually,” I told him.

“Maybe for _you_ ,” he groaned, wiping a hand down his face.  “Little miss Overachiever…”

“It’s Christmas.  Just thought you might want to see it before it’s over.”

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 jumped on the couch, shaking the others out of their sleepiness.  “Xen-Xen, look!  He gave us a tree!”

I looked where he was pointing.  Sure enough, there was a life-size, light-covered evergreen that looked like it had sprouted from the Grey Area floor.  Underneath it lay several unwrapped presents that could only be from one person.

“Santa came,” Xion said, awestruck.  “You said he wouldn’t come, Axel.”

The redhead ruffled his hair.  “He never has before…”

“There weren’t kids here before,” I said.  “Well, unless you count Demyx.”

He was sitting under the tree, hugging a Dancer plushie and giggling like a fanboy.  Roxas and Xion found new keychains, transforming their keyblades into candycane- and holly-based forms, respectively.  R-2 squeed louder than I thought possible – should’ve known not to underestimate – when he discovered a five hundred-count pack of crayons.

“COLORS!”

“Hey Xenan, there’s something here for you!”  Demyx called.

“What?”  I sat down next to him, looking under the tree.  I didn’t want anything, really, except for R-2 to be safe and Xigbar to stop stealing our food.  What could Santa have gotten me?

“I think it’s for you, anyway.  Unless Xion got two presents.”  Demyx held up a large metal jewelry box.  My eyes widened.

“But… that’s… how could he…?”

I slowly took the box from his hands, my own hands shaking slightly.  Too many emotional punches in too short a time.  Santa was trying to kill me.

I don’t know what I expected to find when I opened Elizabeth’s old jewelry box, the one Mom gave her because she was the only girl in our family who actually acted or looked much like one, but I definitely didn’t expect to find a swirling blue portal.  It wasn’t quite like a dark corridor; a coldness emanated from it and snowflakes fluttered around its surface.

“What, are you Santa’s favorite or something?”  Demyx pouted.  “What is it, anyway?”

“I’m not sure…”  I reached into the portal, and my hand grasped a familiar thick metal shaft.  “No way…!”

I pulled out my mace.  Not my current Lexaeus-made one; my old one, the one I made with my dad.  Santa was so, so trying to kill me.  I held the old weapon protectively, not sure what to do with it but not wanting to let it go.

“Ooh, shiny!”  R-2 stuck his arm into the blue portal inside the box I’d set aside.

“Wait…!”

I didn’t think anything else was in it, but again I was proven wrong.  R-2 found Mom’s javelin, and Henry’s sword, and Dad’s flail, and even Elizabeth’s staff before the portal disappeared.

It was like a family reunion of corpses.  I wanted to cry.

“I hope he didn’t know what this means to me,” I whispered, “because if he does, I’ll… I’ll…”

It was touching, though.  He didn’t know that weapons were like gravestones on our worlds.  He thought he was giving me a part of my lost family, and in a way, he was…

I gently dropped the weapons and the now non-magical jewelry box through a dark corridor to my closet.  “I’m okay,” I said before Demyx or R-2 could ask.  “And I’ve got some presents for you guys, too.”

The looks on the kids’ faces took the edge off of the emotional blow.  Demyx pulled the wrapped presents for Roxas, Xion, R-2, and Axel out of a corridor.

“You even got one for me?”  Axel smirked.  “I’m flattered.”

He was less flattered when he actually unwrapped it.  “Oi, I happen to be an _expert_ on parenting, thank you very much.  …I can’t believe I just admitted that…”

Roxas and Xion happily ripped the paper off of their presents and proceeded to produce a cacophony with the xylophone and recorder Demyx and I got them.  R-2 added to it with the squeaking of springs on the mini trampoline he unwrapped.

“It’s so bouncy!”  He cheered, doing frontflips and backflips and even sideflips on every bounce.  As long as he didn’t miss and break a leg or something… “Thank you, Xen-Xen!  Thank you, Dem-Dem!”

“Thank you,” Xion echoed, and Roxas repeated her after Axel elbowed him in the ribs.

“I got you a little something else, too,” I told R-2, “but you have to close your eyes first.”

He dutifully did so.

“No peeking!”  I said when I saw one eyelid squint open.  He giggled and covered his eyes with his hands, and I pulled his present out of a dark corridor.  “Okay, now open!”

He dropped his hands and grinned hugely, suit turning a shiny silver to match the windsail I held by the tip of the thin aluminum sail. “It’s so shiny!   Is it really mine?  Is it?”

“It is.”  I laughed.

“Yay!”  I held it out to him, and he took it carefully.  “What is it?”

He wouldn’t know, would he.  “It’s something I had on my world.  It’s called a windsail.”  I tapped the back of the board with my boot, and it came to life, hovering in front of R-2.  “You want me to show you how it works?”

“Yes yes yes!”  He cheered, hopping on.

“Wait a second,” Demyx said, sounding hurt, “where’s my present?”

“Oh,” I said a little guiltily.  “I synthesized this for you.”  I reached into my pocket and pulled out the silver armband.  “It’s called Three Stars, but I don’t know what it does yet.  I didn’t get the chance to test it out.”

He slid it on his wrist, checking his panel arrangement for a spot to place the corresponding panel.  “Defense up thirty… potion boost level one… lucky strike… EXP boost level one…” I waited for his judgment.  “Cool!”  He grinned.

“Good,” I said in relief.

“Hey, who doesn’t like extra life and item drops and experience points?  It’s like a gift that keeps on giving!”  He hugged me but let go quickly.  “Oh yeah, I’ve got your present too!”

“Really?”  I raised my eyebrows.  “I thought you were too broke for that.”

“I was too broke to get stuff for you _and_ everyone else.”  He summoned and held out an uncooked pack of bacon, grinning proudly.

“…You know me way too well.”

“Ooh, ooh!”  I got you guys a thing too!”  R-2 ran up to us, waving a painting done on one of those wood sheets he made puzzles out of.  When he held it still, I couldn’t help but smile an unfeigned smile.

All six of us were captured there – me, Demyx, Axel, Roxas, Xion, and R-2 himself – in bright, cheerful colors.  Instead of using black for our coats, he substituted soft sunset shades of pink and orange and red and yellow.  Our happy expressions complimented the cheerful colors.  We were glowing, just like I felt right now.

“It’s beautiful, R-2.”  I hugged him.

“Yay.”  He snuggled against me.

Demyx hugged both of us, squishing us all like a sandwich.

“Heh, my presents probably aren’t as great as that, but I thought about you guys.”  Axel tossed me and Demyx each a handful of Firaga panels.

“I can see how much effort you put into this,” I said sarcastically.

“Hey, I didn’t _have_ to slave my butt off making presents for a ton of random kids I don’t know.  That was my main present.”  Axel crossed his arms.

“Aww, you know you would’ve done it anyway,” I teased.  “You can’t resist kids.”

“Only when they’re giving me those dang Puppy Eyes…”

I laughed.  “It wouldn’t be Christmas without them.”

“It wouldn’t be Christmas without all of us,” Demyx decided.

“Christmas is the best,” R-2 announced, hugging us both again.

“You guys and your mushiness…” Axel muttered, but he didn’t protest when Roxas and Xion ran up and glomped him, or when we merged our two group hugs.  “Have you guys even thought of what would happen if anyone walked in right now?”

No, we hadn’t.  And right then, I didn’t care, either.

“Smile, Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man,” I teased.  “It’s Christmas.”

We had to tickle it out of him, but eventually he did.  “Agh, you cheaters…!”

If it could make all of us smile like this, Christmas might even be as good as Windsail Day.


	29. Tick Tock

“But I want to go with you,” R-2 pouted, clinging to my arm so hard that it started to go numb.

I sighed.  His pleading, watery aqua eyes were hard to ignore, even without his immobilizing grip.  “It’s too dangerous.”

“Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man’s letting Rox and Xion go,” he protested, squeezing tighter.

“Ow, R-2, stop that.” I tried to tug my arm away, and he dropped it with a quick “Sorry.”

Demyx stood off to the side, idly strumming his sitar and being generally unhelpful.  Axel was having a similar conversation with Roxas and Xion, who were making him wince with the intensity of their puppy eyes.  He looked to me pitifully, and I replied with an _I’ve-got-my-own-kid-deal-with-yours_ glare.  But now _he_ was trying to make puppy eyes at me.  I didn’t know how he could still pretend he had a shred of dignity left.

“Axel’s not letting Roxas and Xion come,” I told R-2.  “All three of you can stay here.”

“Yeah,” Axel told his kids.  “You guys can stay and play video games.”

There was a chorus of “Aww”s, but together Axel and I (with a pitiful amount of help from Demyx) got out of Axel’s room without them following us.

“Man, those kids can’t be Nobodies,” Axel muttered, shaking his head.  “I thought it was bad when it was just Roxas, but two of them…  They could kill a Darkside just by staring at it.”

“Heart-rays,” Demyx said seriously.  “Darksides’ worst nightmare.”

I snorted, but they had a point.  “Good thing we’re not Darksides.  Come on, we need to get to Luxord’s room.”

“There’s no rush,” Axel replied.  “He’ll be playing poker with Xigbar all night.”

Still, being out in the castle halls at night always made me jumpy.  Each of our footsteps sounded twenty times louder in the dimmer-than-usual light; the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

When Demyx started humming the Mission Impossible theme, I was a Shadow’s antenna away from pounding him with my mace.  His resulting squeal almost made me close the gap.

“Shhh!”  I hissed, throwing nervous glances back and forth down the hall.

“Sheesh, I thought we’d make it at least halfway to Luxord’s without killing each other.”  There was just enough light for me to see Axel roll his eyes.

“Not my fault she’s a scary ninja,” Demyx defended.

“But it _was_ your fault for startling me.”

“I thought background music would be helpful—”

“Since when is background music _ever_ helpful?”

Axel punched us both at the same time, and after two synchronized “Ow!”s, we shut up.

I half-expected to see a sentry Dusk or two, but the rest of the way to Luxord’s room was uneventful.  Axel listened at the door just in case we were wrong about his poker plans, but everything was silent.  After I picked the lock, we entered silently.

Well, almost silently.  Axel stopped just inside the doorway, and Demyx and I bumped into him.

“What are you-?”

He clamped one hand over my mouth and used the other to point at a giant clock that took up the whole left wall.  Seriously, this thing was _enormous._ I almost mistook it for a weird species of Heartless.  The minute hand was spinning out of control, the hour hand spinning in the opposite direction.  It gave me a headache just looking at it.

“Looks like Luxord’s…”

“Insane?”  Demyx finished for Axel, who shrugged.

“I was going to say he’s got an interesting taste in decorations, but same difference.”

“Let’s get this over with,” I said, closing my eyes tightly.  The images of the clock’s hands still spun on the backs of my eyelids.

We’d agreed earlier to fill his bed with chocolate syrup, a good prank decision for several reasons: one, Demyx already had an unhealthily large stockpile of it; two, it would be a pain to wash out of the sheets; three, it made a statement that we weren’t starving even without access to the Organization’s regulated meals; and four, we had no idea what Luxord cared about besides his cards, which were with him at his poker match.  It should’ve been a simple prank – all we had to do was dump twenty bottles of chocolate syrup into a bed.  Luxord wasn’t even in here.  But that huge clock… there was something wrong about it.

We tossed off the covers and started dumping.  None of us said a word; Demyx didn’t even hum a note of Mission Impossible.  I kept glancing over my shoulder, like…

“Someone’s watching us,” I whispered with a shiver.

Axel shook his head.  “There’s no one here.”  But it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as us.

“I don’t like this,” Demyx said, smacking the bottom of his third syrup bottle.  I emptied my fourth and was about to toss it aside, but I kept watching that clock out of the corner of my eye…

The bottle slipped through my fingers, clattering to the cold ground.  I clutched my head – everything was spinning…

Demyx caught me, barely, before collapsing himself.  I think Axel braced his fall, because the last thing I remembered was all three of us in a useless heap on the floor.

And that oversized, hypnotic clock…

XXX

“Wakey wakey, Miss Midget.”

When I awoke to Xigbar’s head hovering upside-down in front of me, my natural reaction was to punch him.  Or at least try to – my arm wouldn’t budge.  In fact, other than the necessary functions of breathing and blinking, I couldn’t move at all.  From the corners of my eyes I could barely see Demyx to my left and Axel to my right, both as stone-still as I was.  We weren’t tied to anything as far as I could tell, and I couldn’t see or feel any sort of ground beneath my feet.  Everything was this misty, purple-blackness, eerie and intangible.  Flashbacks to Zexion’s Lexicon punched me in the gut, but this place could be even worse.  The worst things in the Lexicon were memories.  Who knew what all-too-real terrors Xigbar had planned for us?

I used to think Xaldin was the most terrifying Organization member.  I couldn’t have been more wrong if I believed Saïx could sing opera.

“Have you explained the rules to the players?”  Luxord asked, appearing through a corridor behind Xigbar.  He wasn’t upside-down, so I assumed it was Xigbar and not us who was flipped the wrong way.

“Nah, they’ve been napping ‘til now.  Waterboy drooled enough to drown Atlantica.”  Xigbar snapped his fingers, and I instantly felt an invisible pressure disappear from around my head.

“I don’t drool!”  Demyx objected, but his arms were still paralyzed, so he couldn’t wipe the wet evidence off of his cheek.  He made a futile effort to rub it off on his shoulder, but it only smeared the drool around a little.

“You are disgusting,” I informed him.

“Am I the only one who’s a _little_ concerned that our unfriendly neighborhood pirates kidnapped us and tossed us in Kingdom Hearts-knows-where?”

Axel had a point.  I assumed it was Xigbar and Luxord’s fault we were here, but where _was_ here?

“Welcome to the Void, kiddos.”  Xigbar grinned wolfishly.  Now that I could turn my neck, I could get a much better view of my friends’ reactions to this statement – Axel’s eyes widened; Demyx paled like he was about to faint.  Scratch that, he _did_ faint.  His head fell limply against the shoulder he’d tried to wipe his drool on.  I’d only heard about the Void in joking; I didn’t know it was a real place… and apparently it was a really, really bad place.

“No way,” Axel said with a confidence that had to be fake, from the way his green irises kept darting around, like he expected something to materialize from the opaque mist.  “Only Xemnas controls the Void.  That’s his element.”

Xigbar chuckled.  “Clever clever, Flamsilocks.  This isn’t the boss man’s Void, but trust me, it’s close enough.”

“The elements of time and space combined form a decent trump card,” Luxord chimed in, shuffling his deck of cards idly.

“So you made this place just to mess with us?”  I asked.  Throwing together a whole mini-dimension seemed a little overkill for just trying to fill a bed with chocolate syrup.

“Not exactly,” Luxord replied.  “We thought the odds could use a slight rearrangement before this game grew too dull.”

“Yeah, yeah, our sole purpose in life is to entertain you.  Because it would kill you to watch TV or play poker or whatever you used to do.”  Axel rolled his eyes.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun, pulling pranks right and left without any Nobody to stop you.  So tonight we’ve prepared a little minigame for you, just for fun.  And to show you we’re not as stupid as we look.”  Xigbar smirked and snapped his fingers, and three clouds of mist solidified into grayscale figures of Roxas, Xion, and –

“R-2!”  I cried at the same time Axel called for his kids, both of us loud enough to wake Demyx from his unconsciousness.  “Where is he?  How did you know about him?!”

“R-2’s the kid’s name, eh?  Somebody needs better naming skills.”

“Shut up!”  I yelled, desperate to summon my mace and shatter something, but the only sensation in my hand was empty numbness.

Xigbar laughed harshly.  “As if I hadn’t known about him anyway.  You kiddos were a bit lax on your security around Christmas.”

No – the one time, when we just tried to let him have a holiday – he’s never had anything – and that one break is what let Xigbar –

“Plus the little spaz couldn’t hold still when Mama Bear didn’t come back after a couple of hours.  Tried to take me head-on, him and the Keybladers—”

“Xenan said _shut up,”_ Axel growled.  “I’d listen to her before you say anything else you regret.”

Luxord shrugged.  “I don’t mind skipping the formalities.  The game has been delayed too long already.”

“Ah, they’re no fun until they’re riled up,” Xigbar said, which I would’ve found insulting if I wasn’t so concerned with _what did they do with R-2?_ What did they do with Roxas and Xion?  And how in the worlds were we going to get out of here to find them?

“Uh, what’s this ‘game’ thing?”  Demyx asked the one question I hadn’t thought of.

“Thought you’d never ask.”  Xigbar grinned.  “It’s simple.  All you kiddos have to do is find the smaller kiddos you want back so badly.”

“You put them in _here?!”_ In this… Void-place even Axel was scared of?  Granted it wasn’t the same Void, but… I stared at the mist-form of R-2, his colorless suit, face, eyes… it was disturbing, the grey copy.  I had to get out of here and find the real R-2, _now._

“Something like that.”  Xigbar waved a hand carelessly.  How could he just-?!

“What’s the catch?” Axel asked with a fiery glare.  I could only imagine what he was imagining doing to him, which I’m sure wasn’t far from what _I_ was imagining doing to him.

“Catch?”  Xigbar faked innocence.  “What makes you think there’s a catch?”

“There’s always a catch.”

He laughed.  “It’s the Void.  Isn’t that enough of a catch?”

“And you only have fifty-three minutes and forty-two seconds to find your young friends,” Luxord politely informed us.

My throat felt tight and dry, like I’d swallowed a bucket of Agrabahian sand.  Even if Xigbar had released me from paralysis, I would have felt just as frozen.  “What happens in fifty-three minutes?”

Xigbar’s malevolent grin was an image straight out of the Realm of Darkness.  “Congratulations, Girlie, you found the catch.”

With that, he and Luxord faded from the Void.

“Get back here, you--!”  I’m glad R-2 and the other kids weren’t around to hear the expletives that cascaded from Axel’s mouth.  …Actually, I’m sure they would’ve been better off exposed to profanity than whatever tortures Xigbar inflicted on them.

With Xigbar gone, my limbs regained feeling and mobility, but it hardly mattered.  How could we search a whole minidimension in less than an hour?  It would be more futile than chasing an Emerald Serenade.

While Axel was raging and chucking his chakrams through the mist that had once formed soulless copies of our friends, Demyx was unusually silent.  His fists clenched around emptiness.

“…Demyx?”  I asked.  I wanted to start looking now, however hopeless the challenge was, but I needed him with me.

“He’s my friend, too,” he muttered just loud enough to be heard over Axel’s… I couldn’t even describe the fiery rage he was caught up in.  Whenever we got out of here, Xigbar’s chances of survival were looking pretty slim.

I was so distracted I forgot to reply to Demyx’s statement with anything other than, “Huh?”

“R-2.  You’re not the only one who wants to save him, and Roxas and Xion.”  He had been looking down at the abyss beneath our feet, and when he looked up it reflected in his eyes.  But there was something more there, a brighter spark than I had.  “And we _are_ going to save them.  I – I know what to do.”  He shuddered.

“Wh- How?”

“He’s been in the Void before,” Axel answered for him, still flickering from his last unextinguished embers that cast a harsh glow on his face.

“Why?”  I couldn’t help asking.

Demyx shook his head.  “Let’s just find the kids and get out of here.”

He took a deep breath before taking off in a seemingly random direction.  I gave Axel a confused glance, but he was already following, his fists still clenched around white-hot chakrams.  I had to jog to catch up before they were lost in the dark violet mist.

There was the strangest sense of déjà vu, and not just from the Lexicon – the mist was wet and cold and dark as the depths of Atlantica, where I’d had to blindly trust Demyx for the first time.  He hadn’t let me down then.  I picked up my pace until I was close enough to be warmed by the fireball hovering in Axel’s palm.

“Hear anything?”  Axel asked impatiently.  Demyx silently shook his head, still walking.  Looking closer, I noticed his eyes were closed.

“What’s he listening for?”  I asked.  Wasn’t there a better way to find them than wandering around in the dark?  Not that I had a better plan…

“Shh.” Demyx’s eyes snapped open.

“Hey, I just asked—”

“Xenan, just listen!”  He glared at me.  Well – it wasn’t quite a glare.  His normally cool sea-green eyes were wide and red in Axel’s firelight, but all I could see in them was fear.

“…I’ll shut up,” I whispered.

Demyx summoned his sitar without acknowledging me, listened for a long moment, and played a mournful chord that resonated with the dark mist.  It shifted in unison, condensing and swirling until a large dark corridor solidified in front of us.  Not just a dark corridor, a darker-than-dark corridor.  The cold wafting off of it sent shivers down my spine.

“How did you do that?!”  I asked, forgetting my promise to shut up.

Axel put a hand on my back and pushed me forward.  “Fabric of time and space likes music, blah blah blah or some crap Vexen would analyze to death.”

“Tell you later,” Demyx said curtly.  He was right; we had more important things to worry about.  “But I can’t tell you everything that’s about to happen.  It’s going to hurt.  We might even get separated.”  He sounded so serious, it already hurt.  It _was_ serious, but I was used to Demyx just… Demyx-ing his way through everything, making me laugh even when I didn’t want to.  I never realized how much I needed that.  “But this should be the right way to R-2 and Roxas and Xion.”

“Then let’s get our butts over there.”  Axel practically shoved us into the ominous portal.

XXX

“Momma.”  A tiny hand tugs on the sleeve of my nightgown, pulling me from the depths of unconsciousness.  What time is it…?  “Momma, are you sleeping?”

“Uh-huh,” I mumble.

“But you talked!”

“…I’m sleep-talking.”

“Oh.”  He’s quiet for a minute.  I almost fall back asleep for real.  “Momma, can I sleep with you…?”

I smile even though I’m too tired to open my eyes.  “’Course you can, Arty.”

“Yay!”  He hops up into bed with me, squishing my arm as he snuggles under the covers.

“Shh.  Use your sleep-talk voice.”

“Oh.  Yaaay,” Arty whispers.  He’s still squishing my arm, but it’s not uncomfortable enough to warrant the effort of telling him to stop.  “Hey.  Hey Momma, do you ever have nighty-mares?”

“Huh?  I… guess so…”

“In my nighty-mares it’s dark and you’re gone and there’s a scary eyepatch man.”

I chuckle slightly and yawn. “You been watching too many pirate movies?”

“He’s not a pirate.  He’s a Scary Eyepatch Man.”

The words sound familiar, like he’s described someone like that before.  But nobody in the Wayward Burrows that he’s met has an eyepatch.  “Is this the first time you had a nightmare about him?”

“No.  Yes,” he squeezes my arm tighter, “I dunno.  I don’t think I dreamed before.  But you have, right Momma?”

“Yeah…”

“What are your nighty-mares about?”

“Hmm… I don’t remember…”

“But you said you had some.”

“Probably…” I don’t really want to think right now.  What did I do yesterday to make me so tired?

“Was there a scary eyepatch man in yours?”

“Arty, there’s no scary eyepatch man.”  I chuckle slightly, but why does it feel like I’m lying?  “Go to sleep.”

“Hmm… okay, Momma.”

I don’t feel his tiny hands wrapped around my arm anymore.  I don’t hear his breathing.  Even when he’s sleeping, he’s never this quiet.  Like he’s not even there…

My eyes creak open, then widen as I try to understand what’s happening.

“ _Arty_!”

He’s transparent, like he’s – like he’s… _disappearing?_

“You told me to sleep,” he whispers, voice fading along with his body.  “I’m sleeping.”

“No!  No, Arty, wake up!”

I try to shake him, but my hands pass right through his shoulders.  His sea foam-green eyes, once so bright, are pale as my white nightgown or my cold skin.

“I’m sorry, Momma… I’m glad I got to meet you.” He smiles faintly.  I can barely make out the outline of his lips from the rest of his fading face.

“No,” I sob.  For some reason I’m surprised I can, but I cry, and my tears drip through him, onto the sheets below.  “Why- why is this happening?!”

He reaches up with a ghostly hand to brush my cheek.  His touch feels like ice-cold mist.  “I dunno, Momma.  I don’t know.”

The mist fades away like a lost memory, and he’s gone – he can’t be – I’m digging through the covers and sobbing and shrieking his name, but he’s not there, he’s not anywhere, and something in the back of my head tells me he never was.

“Arty…” My voice cracks, and I bury my face in the covers.

_“What are your nighty-mares about?”_

“I don’t remember… but I think it was like this, Arty… This was my nightmare…”

_This_ … this _is_ my nightmare…! This _has_ to be a nightmare… this has to be—

_BONG_

I flinch, jerking out of the blankets.

_BONG_

What is that-?

_BONG_

I look to my right – a giant clock hangs from the stone wall, ringing out the hour, but I don’t know what hour it is because the hands are spinning out of control.  For some reason – maybe because I just watched my son _disappear –_ the monstrous clock fills me with rage.  I hold up a hollow fist.  I’m only half surprised to find a silver mace appearing in it in a flash of light.

With one last scream, I hurl my mace into the face of the giant clock.

_BOOOooooonnnNNNNGGGGgggggg…._

XXX

“You _knew_ this was going to happen?”

“Don’t blame this on me, Axel.  I didn’t make Xigbar put us in here.”

“Maybe it’s Xenan’s fault, then,” Axel growled.  “Xigbar never messed with us until she showed up.  And now he’s made me watch Roxas and Xion fight each other _to the death!”_

“It wasn’t real,” Demyx assured him, strumming a soft, soothing melody on his sitar.

Axel snorted.  “Easy for you to say.  You’ve been through this before.”

Demyx shook his head.  “It’s different this time.”

“How’s that?”

Demyx stopped strumming and stared ahead resolutely, where the long, black marble hallway continued into darkness.  “I never had anything to lose before.”

“Yeah… I get you there.”  Axel sighed.  “So how much longer do you think we’ve got left?”

“Not long enough, if we don’t find Xenan soon.”

“And Rox and Xi, and R-2,” Axel reminded him, as if he could’ve forgotten.

“That’s the thing,” Demyx replied.  “I’m afraid she’s already found them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, in the first stage of the Void, you see one of your greatest dreams corrupted and turned into a nightmare. Xenan’s dream, whether she actually realized it or not, was to be a mother. She’s always valued family, and while she never really wanted a romantic relationship, she always wanted kids and to be a good parent like her parents were for her. Arty disappeared rather than dying because it’s more terrifying and confusing for her to watch him vanish into thin air like he never existed than to see him die and believe he’s gone to a better afterlife.   
> Axel’s dream is pretty much to have him, Roxas, and Xion all get their hearts. In his dream they were human, but they were having a playful sparring match that grew more and more violent until Roxas and Xion ended up killing each other.  
> Demyx’s dream… well, I might come back to that.


	30. Boss Battle

Living underground for most of my life, cave-ins were always a threat, fear.  No air, trapped, everything’s dark and cold –

That’s what’s happening now, right? The earth gave out above me?  Because I can’t move, or see, or breathe… But this isn’t home.  I thought it was; of course it was, I never left.  There’s nowhere else to go, just Heartless and cliffs and the sea.  And I’d never want to leave. I have my family; I have – had? – a son…

My face is wet.  Am I drowning?  No, the rest of my body is dry.  Just crying, right; why is that surprising…?

A sharp laugh pierces the silence, and a seal breaks around me, releasing my limbs and eyelids.  I drop to the intangible ground.  Shouldn’t I be falling?  There’s nothing under me.

“Ha, I thought Waterboy might break, or even Flamsilocks after _that_ nightmare – man, I’ll admit that was harsh, even for me.  But you?  Yours was a cakewalk.  Not even a drop of blood.  But here you are, sobbing all over my boots.”

Xigbar, _Xigbar_. They told me I couldn’t hate, but it’s burning in my anyway; he took Arty, it had to be him, he knows why my son’s gone, he needs to _pay—_

“And I thought you might be something special.  Heh heh, joke’s on me.”

My weapon springs to hand – funny, I don’t remember grabbing it – and I stab the mace’s spiked end into Xigbar’s boot.  He stumbles back with a curse, barely giving me time to scramble to my feet and wipe my face.

_Pull yourself together.  Arty needs you.  He’s not gone; he_ can’t _be._

“You’re right.”  I try to sound intimidating.  It’s not easy when he’s a foot taller than me.  “Joke’s on you.”

But he _laughs,_ that maniac, and yanks out my mace and throws it back to me.  I catch it by the strap hanging from its handle (looks a little newer than usual; I didn’t replace it, did I?)  “Good, you’ve still got _some_ fire in you.  It’d be too boring otherwise.”

With a grin he summons his twin arrowguns – what blacksmith made them? I didn’t know there was another in the Wayward Burrows besides me and Dad, but it’s not our design.

“What do you want, a Boss Battle?”  I challenge, taking up a fighting stance.  Is it just me, or does the shaft of my mace lengthen?  I don’t think too hard about it; it’s too hard to think about anything right now anyway, and I’ll be glad for the extra reach against his ranged weapons.  If he decides to strike first, I’ll need to close the gap fast.

“Bingo.  You wanna play like Pokerface and skip the formalities, or do you have some more witty banter for me?”

No time for that – I charge in, mace straight out like a spear.  Either he has lightning reflexes or he was expecting that, because he teleports (wait, how did he do that?) and fires a volley of energy projectiles into my back.

“Nngh-” I try not to stumble, but my back feels like it was stung by jellyfish all over.  My brain’s numb; none of this makes any sense.  I wish I had time to catch my thoughts – this isn’t the Wayward Burrows – how long have I been here?  Where _is_ here? 

There’s nothing – nothing but – Void…

A few memories trickle back.  The Void, Xigbar’s and Luxord’s Void – it must be like Zexion’s lexicon, making me see things that weren’t there – but it felt so real… how do I know this isn’t the dream?  I could still be in the nightmare, and I’ll just wake up and Arty will be snuggled up next to me… that’s it… I’ll just let this Xigbar-nightmare-person attack me, and it’ll all be over… I’ll wake up, safe and sound…

One mental question makes me realize that isn’t going to happen.

_If Arty’s your son, who’s his father?_

“Reload!”  Xigbar calls, and I spin around to clash my mace against one of his arrowguns.  I can puzzle the rest out later, whether any of it was real or not.  What I do now is channel my rage through my mace, bringing it down on an unguarded section of his leg before he can teleport away.

No blood pours from the wound; instead black smoke wisps out, joining with the misty nothingness of the Void.  Just like the Heartless I always used to fight – only Nobodies are just like that too, aren’t they.  We.  Because I’m one.  But not, because I’m angry, and Nobodies don’t feel –

You know what, it’s not going to make sense anyway. Forget it.

Xigbar’s suddenly raining energy bullets down from above; I flatten my mace into a protective shield.  Oh yeah, I can do that now.  Anne couldn’t.  Automatic reflexes yay?

“Heh, sometimes I forget you got a Swiss Army Weapon.”  Join the club, Xigbar _._ You’re lucky you didn’t forget just about _everything_.  “No problem though.”

What—?

The energy bullets are stinging me again, on every side; back, front, top, bottom.  My thick coat only dulls some of the pain.  How does he—?

Right.  Well I can play at the make-your-projectiles-go-wherever-you-want-them-to game too… or at least I could, if I wasn’t hopelessly nearsighted.  A battle of accuracy would get me killed.  Think, think—

It’s not a great idea, but shoving my shield upward and melting it into a clinging liquid buys me some time.  Some of it hits, some of it doesn’t; quicksilver drops rain down around me.  But as I look up, I realize I managed to hit his guns – liquid metal covers their barrels; I prompt the rest of my weapon to meld with them.

“Pretty clever, Miss Midget, I’ll give you that.”  Xigbar laughs, tossing his arrowguns to the misty ground.  “Now we’re both weaponless.”

Whoops.

He launches a Fire spell, which I barely dodge roll away from.

I hardly ever use magic – bashing things is more my style, simple as it is.  Maybe I should’ve tried a little harder when Larxene was “teaching” me, but even that probably wouldn’t have prepared me for Xigbar’s spellcasting.

I dodge roll again and again as he shoots magic the same way he’d shot bullets.  But he has to run out of magic panels eventually, right?

Blizzaga catches me, freezing me mid-roll and giving Xigbar a moment to down an ether.  Okay, maybe he won’t run out of panels.  I have to do something – Arty – no, not Arty – someone’s counting on me, I don’t remember who, but I don’t know how much time I have left –

I break free from the ice and dive for Xigbar’s arrowguns.  I don’t want to use them for myself, but apparently Xigbar doesn’t realize that yet.

“Hey, you’ll shoot your eye out, k-”

My melted mace responds to my touch, solidifying back into its original shape.  But that’s not what I need.

Xigbar glares.  Maybe he’s finally taking me seriously.  He summons his arrowguns to his hands, brings them together to form an even larger gun.  I try not to become paralyzed as I stare down the barrel.

My mace lengthens, thins.  Barely faster than Xigbar’s trigger finger, I roll underneath the giant arrowgun.

My mace, now an ungilded spike, pierces Xigbar’s chest.  Where his heart would be.  The cool metal slides from my fingers as he stumbles backwards.

“Heh heh… not bad...” he grimaces, “for a midget.”

I don’t have time to act insulted.  “Where is… the person I’m looking for?”  Or people?  Were there more of them?  I think there were…

Thick black mist pours from Xigbar’s chest.  And he grins.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Like another wisp of his Void, Xigbar fades away. I hurl my mace, but it flies straight through his disappearing figure.

“Get back here!”  I demand.  But of course he doesn’t. “This game isn’t fair!”

“Fair?”  A ragged voice called from behind me.  I turned to see a tall redhead – Axel, of course, I knew that – step out of a dark corridor.  “Since when do Xigbar and Luxord ever play fair?”

It took me a little less time to recognize Demyx limping behind Axel, but only because I put in more effort.  Having a Boss Battle is one thing, but Xigbar messing with my mind, distorting my memories… I didn’t think he could do that.  And frankly, that terrified me way more than being stuck in his personal pocket dimension.

“Where were you?”  I snapped, fear metabolizing into anger.  “I had to fight Xigbar all by myself!  I – I think I killed him,” I realized suddenly.

Did I kill him?

I did, didn’t I?

Just like that Sora kid killed Larxene.  I killed him, on purpose.

And I didn’t feel a twinge of regret.  Nobody or not, there’s something wrong with that… something so, so wrong… with _me…_

“That wasn’t Xigbar,” Demyx said.

“What are you talking about?  Of course it was Xigbar!  He kept taunting me, and making jabs at my height, all those dumb things Xigbar does.  Or did.”

Axel shook his head.  “This is a Void, remember?  He was no more real than whatever nightmare you had before him.”

How did they know I’d had a nightmare?  Wait, that was obvious, wasn’t it.  Maybe if I ever took a moment to stop being so stupidly self-centered, I’d see the pain etched in their faces went just as deep as mine.  If not deeper.  “So you had… nightmares too?”

“We can talk about it later,” Demyx said quietly.  “We still need to find R-2 and Roxas and Xion.”

_R-2._ R-2, R-2, R-2.  That’s his name.  Not Arty.  R-2.  And Roxas and Xion, of course.  They were just as important.  How could I forget about any of them?  There really was something horribly wrong with me…

“But how?”  I asked, shaking.  I could hardly remember them, much less figure out where they were.  “Real or not, I killed Xigbar – who else would have a clue how to find them?”

“Void-Luxord did,” Axel replied, digging a playing card out of his pocket.  The first thing I noticed was a countdown at the top of the card, seemingly written in ink – only ink didn’t shift down a digit every second.

“We had to make a deal for it,” Demyx explained.  “Ten minutes off of our time in exchange for a riddle that’ll help us find them.”

“Wait – that’s all the time we have left?!”  The timer read _11:13, 11:12, 11:11…_

“Yes, so pay attention,” Axel snapped.  “The riddle says, ‘ _To find what is lost, or lose what was found, trust the cards to take him home, you’ll be safe and sound_.’”

I hardly breathed, waiting for the next line of the riddle, but Axel stayed silent.  “That’s it?”

“Yeah,” Demyx answered.  “Luxord and his card-riddles… I really wasn’t cut out for this, either.”

“Hey, you got us this far.”  I laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting even though I was freaking out inside, wracking my brain for some answer.  Nothing came – except maybe that we had to lose the time limit to find them, but that was such a stretch, there was no way I’d even suggest it.

Axel was still staring at Luxord’s card.  “To find is to lose, and to lose is to find…”

“Think of something?”  I asked, hoping against hope.

“Maybe.  Something Marluxia kept telling Sora in—”

“Castle Oblivion!” Demyx suddenly burst out.  “Right?  ‘Cause we had to use cards there, and that’s where we first found R-2.”  A little of his usual spark returned to his eyes, calming my fears more than I’d expected.  “I don’t know how Roxas and Xion fit in, though… where did they come from?”

Hopefully that didn’t matter – and for all I knew, they could’ve come from C.O. too.  That was where we found the only other Keyblade wielder I’d seen.

“So what, we’ll find them at C.O.?”  I asked.  “How?”

“Trust the cards,” Axel said, more grimly than (I hoped) was necessary as he held the card with the ticking timer – _10:21, 10:20_ – over his head in the misty air.  His next words were an echoing command: “Castle Oblivion.”

At his command, the back of the card faded from a clock face to a chaotic brown-and-green castle.  The dark void followed suit, mist being sucked away to reveal spotless white halls.

“Blast from the past,” Axel muttered, not sounding impressed.  I gaped; Luxord and Xigbar really went all-out.  Not that I admired their work, but it seemed so impossible, I couldn’t help wondering how they did it.  Would I have this much power if I combined my element with that of another member?  I didn’t think so; Time and Space went together much better than Metal and anything else I could think of.

Axel looked deep in thought, but Demyx and I dashed to the door at the end of the hallway without hesitation.

“We don’t have any more—” The door opened without us using a card.  “Well, okay.”

Axel followed us into the white, nearly empty room.  The door swung shut behind us with a _thud_.

“Rox!  Xi!”  Axel called, dashing over to them.  They were huddled in a corner, terrified, keyblades crossed to form an X-shaped barrier, but what was it protecting them from—?

I would have noticed the other figure sooner, if his suit weren’t the same flat white of the walls around him, making him seem like a ghost.  A ghost with a dark, dragon-wing sword gripped in his right hand, a sword that was pointed at the two young Keyblade wielders.

_“R-2?!”_

XXX

“Guess they’re a little smarter than they look,” Xigbar remarked, reclining on a couch and tossing some more popcorn up and catching it in his mouth.  His aim was too accurate for just any old dude with an eyepatch, but he wasn’t just any old dude.  Still, he didn’t catch every popped kernel; his energy was too focused on maintaining his and Luxord’s Void.  Only ten more minutes, at least, and then he’d get to crash like a zombie with a skull full of bullets.

“I did expect them to use a little more of their allotted time.” Luxord shrugged and continued idly shuffling his deck, gaze fixed on the cloudy mist-screen hovering in front of them, blocking the television that was usually the main attraction of this particular side room.  “At this rate, they may complete the challenge before we can lay down our full hand.”

“Heh.  We’ll see about that.”  Entertaining as it would be, it didn’t particularly matter either way.  Xigbar had seen what he needed – the manifestations of Axel, Demyx, and Xenan’s fears.  The ways they reacted to them, with such unfeigned _emotion…_ Something at Castle Oblivion had to have changed them, just like he suspected. 

He munched on more popcorn as the show finally heated up to its climax.

Now he just had to figure out how they did it.


	31. Final Countdown

It was another nightmare, right?  It couldn’t be real.  My Arty – R-2 – wouldn’t raise his sword against Roxas and Xion, or any of us.  So why was he now? 

“R-2, what’s wrong?”  Xion asked even as she knocked aside his stabbing strike.

“Axel!”  Roxas yelled upon seeing us.  “What’s going _on?_ We just woke up here and—”

“Hold that thought, Rox.” Axel sprinted over to where R-2 was flying into a spinning combo towards Xion; he pinned my son’s – _friend’s –_ arms before he could inflict any damage, but just barely.

R-2 thrashed in Axel’s grip.  “No!  Stop _touching_ me, you heartless _jerkface_ —”

“What did Xigbar do to him?”  I suddenly didn’t feel bad about not feeling bad about killing Void-Xigbar.

Axel grunted, trying to keep R-2 restrained, but he twisted his sword around and cut down the side of Axel’s lower leg.  “Nngh—I could say something _way_ worse than jerkface— what are you guys waiting for, an invitation?  I could use a little help here!”

I finally unfroze and rushed over, Demyx on my heels.

“Calm down,” Demyx told R-2, grabbing one arm while I restrained the other, the one with his sword.  Axel pried “Sulley” from his fingers.

“Why?!”  R-2 cried and suddenly went limp.  I thought he’d given up, or come to his senses, but it was a trick – he pulled against our grips when we weren’t paying attention and summoned his blade from Axel’s hand, taking up a battle stance against me.

“R-2, please,” I whispered, my voice sticking in my throat.  Couldn’t it have been bad enough that I had to lose him in an illusion without facing this twisted, twisted but painfully _real,_ version of him too?

His brow wrinkled momentarily.  And then that moment was gone.

“No talking!”  He yelled, and a wave of black swept over his white suit.  “You’re not supposed to talk!  Just die!”

He didn’t need to stab me.  I was already bleeding inside.  But he was going to stab me anyway, like I was a common Shadow he was used to eliminating every day, and I was just going to stand here like an idiot because _nothing made any freaking sense._

Blue filled my eyes.  Demyx’s sitar, absorbing the strike that was meant for me.  Thank Kingdom Hearts Demyx was at least nine times less stupid than I was.

“You don’t like the color black,” Demyx said.  With R-2’s sword tangled in his sitar’s strings, he pulled the younger boy close until they were eye to eye.  “Your favorite color is purple.  You call me Dem-Dem, and we like staying up late playing Dance Dance Revolution.  That girl you almost stabbed is Xen-Xen, and she’s your favorite person in the worlds, and you would never, _ever_ hurt her.”

“Stop _lying_!”  R-2 snarled, snapping the sitar strings and launching Dark Firaga, which Demyx sidestepped and neutralized with an orb of water.  “You’re not my friends!”

I couldn’t take this.  Something snapped – as if I hadn’t lost it already – and I charged at R-2, mace outstretched.

But I was off-balance and half-blind (stupid saltwater in my eyes), and he wasn’t.  His sword cut through my coat sleeve like it was less tangible than a Shadow’s antenna.  I was just lucky it missed my more-tangible arm.

“Xenan!”  Axel shouted at me.  “Charging in and hurting yourself isn’t helping!”

I didn’t care.  I couldn’t stand the rage on R-2’s face, the disgust, the hate, and the… fear…?

My arms drooped, mace failing with them.  R-2 cartwheeled towards me.  While on fire.  I hardly had the mental energy to wonder when he learned that.

On autopilot, my mace melted into a round shield, and I shoved him to the side, wincing as much from his pain as from the heat conducting through my metal.  His cartwheel fell into a dodge roll, and he sprung easily back to his feet.

“What’s going _on?!”_ Roxas demanded again.  Xion looked too paralyzed to speak.

“Six minutes, by the way,” Axel called, tossing a chakram towards R-2, who batted it to the ground.  It burned brightly for a moment before crumbling to ember and ash.

Six minutes.  Six minutes to cure R-2.  Six minutes to get them out of here.  And I didn’t have a clue how to do either.

“Any plans to save our butts this time?”  Demyx asked, slightly panicking.  By ‘slightly panicking’I mean panicking less than me, not that that was saying much.

“I thought you were the man with the plan this time,” I admitted.  “Do you know anything about the Void that could help us?”

“Unless this is a shared nightmare… No.”  His shoulders slumped.

“It could be…” No, he was right.  Now that I had a basis of comparison with Void-Xigbar and Arty, I could feel the reality around me, warmer and brighter than before.  Even if it _was_ fake, I wasn’t willing to take the chance, and how would it make a difference?

While we’d been trying and failing to brainstorm, Axel had recruited Roxas and Xion to help immobilize R-2.  His eyes widened in horror as they encased him in a sphere of light, like a giant bubble.  He tried ramming against the inside of it with his shoulders, then when that failed, with his face.  He cried out in pain; I grimaced.

“We can leave now,” Axel said, chakrams still in hand, just in case.  “We’ve got everyone.”

“But is he okay?”  I asked.  “Will he stay like this if we get him out?  Do we even know _how_ to get out?”

Axel’s mouth was set in a harsh line.  “I can’t make any promises.”

I heard Xion whisper _“I’m sorry”_ to R-2.  He wailed back, but she and Roxas kept the light-bubble sealed.

“We have to try,” Demyx said.  “I only know how to get out with my sitar.  I don’t know how long it will take to find the right spot again.”

“How much time to we have?”  I asked.  Axel pulled out the playing card.

_00:05, 00:04, 00:03, 00:02, 00:01…_

The card blacked out.  The white walls trembled, shuddered.  A growing rumble crescendoed in my bones.

“Come on, move it!”  Axel ran for the door.

“We can’t!”  Roxas called.  “Not if we’re carrying R-2!”

“Then let him out!  We’ve gotta get out of here!”

_“No!”_ I practically cried.  “We can’t leave him like this!”

“Xenan—!”

“I won’t!”  I couldn’t stand the fear etched in his face, in his eyes.  “I’ll stay here before I leave him!”

The walls heaved with another bass rumble, this time bringing dinner plate-sized chunks of marble down with it.

“Do it!”  Axel ordered Roxas and Xion.  Faced with such a direct command, their first instinct was to obey.

The light-bubble flickered before fading.  R-2, dazed and confused, ran to me –

With his sword outstretched.

Axel must’ve known how useless I was, because he slammed the side of his palm down on the base of R-2’s neck, just like he had done to Larxene so many pranks ago.  Dropping his sword, which dissolved as it hit the floor, R-2 collapsed into my arms.

“There’s your kid, now _move!”_

Demyx and Axel practically dragged me and the unconscious R-2.  I stumbled as fast as I could, but R-2 had gained more weight since we first found him now that he was eating real food and not _Vexen’s_ experiment-feed, and his limp body was bulky and uncooperative.  And the walls kept crumbling around us, like they were made of sand.

And that was _before_ the floor started dissolving, too.

“Where are we even going?!”  I yelled, bridging a chasm with my mace spread out in a thin but sturdy sheet. At least, I hoped it was sturdy.

“I don’t know!”  Demyx called back, strumming frantically.  Maybe it was my imagination or the general chaos, but it looked like steam was smoking off his fingers.

“Well figure it out!”  Axel snapped, Roxas and Xion clinging to him.

“I’m trying!  I don’t work well under pressure!”

Actually, he _only_ worked under pressure.  But I was too busy trying to keep R-2 balanced over my aching shoulder to say anything.

We dove to the side as a giant chunk of ceiling nearly crushed us flat.  My grip on R-2 slipped; I lost my breath as he rolled away from me, and the shockwave of a crash propelled him even farther.

“…favorite color’s purple…” he moaned, half-conscious.  Hopefully that meant Axel had snapped him out of… whatever it was.  But that was the least of our problems.

I scrambled up, but I tripped over more debris when I tried to run to him.

“I think we’re close…!”  Demyx played even more rapidly; the notes blurred with the rumbling in my ringing ears.  He was too busy to help me, and Axel had his hands full keeping Roxas and Xion together and on semisolid ground.  It was up to me to get to R-2.

I didn’t bother standing up again yet; I crawled as fast as I could.  I was so close.  _So close_ —

“…don’t make me go… please don’t make me…”  R-2’s mutters barely reached me over the sitar notes and crashing marble.

“I won’t,” I called to him.  “I promise I won’t.  Stay with me!”

“Xen-Xen…?”  His eyes peaked open.  Aqua green.  I crawled over a rugged chunk of marble – almost–!

There was no warning.  Nothing but a sharp _crack,_ a vertical blur of white – and then R-2’s scream, mixed with my own.  The cacophony was too much for my ears; everything sounded far away, like I was underwater.

“Xenan, what-?”

I didn’t turn towards Demyx’s voice.  All my strength poured into shoving the giant slab of marble ceiling off of R-2’s leg.  He had to be okay, please, _please_ let him be okay…

“Cure!  _Cure!”_ I yelled, trying to call up the healing green glow.  It was slow to appear, and it wouldn’t help anyway if I couldn’t get him out—

“Keep going with Demyx!”  Axel yelled to the other kids, finally appearing to assist my straining arms.  With our combined strength, we finally shifted the marble enough for me to drag the now-unconscious R-2 out.  His leg looked like… well, I’d rather not think about what his leg looked like.  I dumped a potion on top of it and then Axel flung him over his shoulders, ignoring my pleas to be careful.

“Look, we’ll be lucky if we get out of here at all!  There’s no time!”

With the arm that wasn’t securing R-2, he dragged me towards Roxas, Xion, and Demyx.

“I think I almost – there!”  Demyx shouted when his frenzied strumming yielded a portal.  Not a dark corridor, but a light one; hopefully that was a good sign.  He did a victory dance while Axel dodged the gaping holes in the floor.  I tried to get my footing so I wouldn’t weigh him down any more than R-2 already was. But it wasn’t like it was easy when the floor kept crumbling beneath us with every stumbling step.  Demyx, Roxas, and Xion seemed so far away…

“Go!”  Axel called to them.  “We’re right behind you!”

“But what if you don’t – _AXEL!”_ Xion’s voice broke, and so did the floor under Axel’s feet.  I lurched, his weight now pulling me down instead of the other way around – my hand tightened around his wrist as he slipped, and I struggled to find something, anything, to cling to.  I slid backwards towards the growing chasm – the floor wasn’t stable enough to anchor myself – the hole widened; my boots slipped through–

“Xenan!  Here!” 

I barely managed to grasp the tip of Roxas’s outstretched keyblade with my free hand.  I had never been so happy to see anyone in my life.

“Don’t you dare let go,” Axel growled up at me.  I spared a quick glance to make sure he still had a firm grip on R-2 and breathed an internal sigh of relief.

“Like I’d try to!”

But we were still stuck – how could Roxas possibly pull all three of us out?  And through the Void below, the mist was shifting… an even emptier whiteness was emerging below the dark.  With it came a blast of cold air, like the Void was breathing out.

Roxas heaved, gaining a surprising amount of ground for such a small kid, but it wasn’t nearly enough.

“You can do it, Rox!”  Axel cheered him on desperately.  “No pressure, but you might want to go a little faster…!”

“I’m trying!”

Xion braced herself on the shifting marble and pulled on the yellow handguards of her friend’s keyblade, making a little more progress.  My waist emerged from the chasm; I twisted to try and flop myself onto the ground, but it was impossible with Axel and R-2’s combined weight on my other side.  I never thought I’d wish Axel was even more sticklike than he already was.

“C’mon, get up!”  He barked at me.

“Can’t you see I’m trying?!”

Suddenly I went flying up over the edge through no effort of my own.  My feet skidded on the softening marble, but I gained my balance when Roxas, Xion, and Demyx – thank Kingdom Hearts, he must’ve finally been the one to do it – fell backwards, towards the portal.

I let go of Roxas’s keyblade and used that hand to help pull up Axel and R-2.

“Don’t rush or anything.”  Axel rolled his eyes, but I could see the panic behind them, because I felt it too.  “I’m sure this weird light is completely harmless.”

I didn’t reply other than to grunt in exertion.  The others were getting to their feet, but with the lurching ground, I wasn’t sure they could reach us before the white light reached R-2, who had slipped from balancing over Axel’s shoulder to dangling from his arm.

“…Xen-Xen?”  R-2’s voice whispered from below as he stirred, conscious again after blacking out from the pain of his crushed leg.

“I’m right here!  Me and Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man, we’ve got you!  We’re getting you out of here!”

“My name’s _Axel!”_

R-2’s voice was full of hope I didn’t feel. “I know you can, Xen-Xen.”

He smiled.  Somehow, with the Void crumbling around us, he smiled.  I couldn’t see straight.

“Don’t go crying on me now,” Axel snapped.  “There’ll be time for that when we’re not _about to freaking die.”_

I pulled.  I pulled harder than I’ve ever pulled before in my two lives, as Xenan or as Anne.  But the Void seemed to be pulling back, breathing in.  I took a step backwards only to slide towards the chasm again, and my grip on Axel’s wrist was slipping, even with the extra friction of my gloves.

“I feel kind of… floaty,” R-2 murmured.

“What?”

“Don’t talk; _pull!”_

But my attention was fixed on R-2, who asked, “Did I learn how to fly?”

No, no, he wasn’t making any sense; I mean, he never made any sense, but there wasn’t time for being silly now…

“No, you didn’t.  Hold on to Axel,” I ordered, glancing behind me for help.  Where were the others?  Where was Demyx?  The portal was still open, but it wouldn’t help if we couldn’t get to it…!

“…Xen-Xen?”

“What, R-2?!”  I couldn’t face him; all my energy went into tugging; I made a few half-steps backwards, and Axel’s armpit made it out of the hole.

“I can’t feel my leg,” he said distantly, like it was no big deal.  But then a note of panic entered his voice.

“Xen… am I… disappearing?”

My eyes shot open.  So much white.  White light, caressing R-2’s leg, pulling it gently downwards.  Every muscle in my body screamed with my shrieking voice, which didn’t form any words.  Words were irrelevant.

I flew backwards more than pulled.  Axel’s torso flung up onto the fragile ground, and he pulled himself up with much more ease than I did, even with R-2 hanging from his arm.  We didn’t waste time talking; we dashed for the portal.

I quickly saw why Demyx hadn’t come to our aid; he was busy hoisting up Roxas and Xion, who must have fallen in a different hole after they finally got me out.  But Demyx had just finished setting them on semisolid ground, and they were right behind us.  I let them pass in front, just to make sure everyone made it.

Demyx, Roxas, Xion dashed through the portal.  Axel dragged R-2 like he was a ragdoll, but they made it and disappeared in front of me.  Light, misty tendrils were reaching up from the chasms in the floor… I shouldn’t waste any time looking at them, but they were… mesmerizing…

I didn’t realize how close one tendril was behind me, close enough to reach out and ruffle my hair.  Freezing cold shuddered down the back of my neck. 

I jerked away and finally flung myself through the portal, not looking back.

XXX

Xigbar felt like a dead man.

They couldn’t have made it out on time.  Of course not.  He and Luxord were too good to let them get away that easily.  But they hadn’t anticipated exactly what would happen when their magic was too drained to maintain the Void.  Sure, they thought there’d be some chaos.  A little destruction.  Maybe even some panic, that always made for a good show.

They couldn’t technically die, since Nobodies weren’t really alive in the first place.  But they had almost ceased to… non-exist.  He hadn’t planned on it going that far.  That’s what he and Luxord got for messing with time and space, he guessed.  Whatever, they all made it out in one piece… well, almost all of them…   It wasn’t a big deal.  It was a close call, using the Keybladers as bait, but they were fine, so what was anyone going to do about it?

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

“Nngh… tryin’ to sleep here...”  He was surprised he still had the energy to talk.

The door opened, and light flooded the room.

“Hey, ever heard of ‘do not disturb’?”  Xigbar’s eye twitched in the sudden painful light.

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before you disturbed the function of our Organization,” Saïx’s voice replied, low and dangerous.  Xigbar laughed, voice cracking.  But somehow he was never too tired to tease.

“What are you going to do, ground me?  Take away my dessert for a week?”

Saïx’s golden eyes glowed.

“I had something more serious in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the change in tense from present to past is what I do to show what’s fake/an illusion and what’s real. Those lines are kind of blurred in the Void, so that’s why the last two chapters were present tense and now it’s past tense, for anyone who actually pays attention to that kind of thing.


	32. Between Healing and Whole

Breathing again felt like trying to remember the events of a dream.  I knew I knew how to breathe, just like I knew I’d had a terrible, horrible dream, but I still couldn’t process either.  Only when the lack of air threatened to send me back to unconsciousness did my lungs reflexively inhale.

Sense came back in fragments.  Something soft supported my head.  A bitter-sour taste clung to the back of my throat… did I drink a potion?  But why would I do that; I wasn’t hurt…

_Oh._ My body screamed, “ _yeah ya are, stupid!”_ back at me, and I thanked it for the information.  But what _happened?_

My eyes weren’t willing to obey me.  I wasn’t so sure I was ready to open them anyway.  But I needed to know what was going on, and my ears weren’t giving me enough clues.  No clues, really, other than the faint sounds of people breathing.

_Breathing?_

I peeked out from under my barely-responsive eyelids.  At first I only saw dull grey ceiling, like any other ceiling in the castle.  Then I directed my gaze to my left.

In the cot next to me lay R-2.

“Shh.  Don’t wake the poor kid.”

I hadn’t heard Axel appear.  He gently laid a hand on my shoulder before I could stupidly throw myself off of my own cot.

“How are you feeling?”  He asked, taking a seat at the foot of the cot.

“Ugh… like I had my heart ripped out again,” I answered honestly.  “And just about everything else with it.”

He chuckled hollowly.  “Yeah.  I know the feeling.”

It was only then that I realized he was wearing only a grey undershirt and pants instead of his coat, just like I was.  It looked like all the black from the coats we weren’t wearing had concentrated itself in the dark circles rimming Axel’s eyes.

“What happened to you?”

“Don’t you want to know what happened to _you?”_ He raised an eyebrow.  “Wait, you don’t remember?”

“Not really…”  There was something, but it was at the edge of my consciousness, where I couldn’t touch it.  Something pushed me back each time I tried… it might have been fear.

“Hmm… do you want to see Demyx and R-2 now?”  He changed the subject.  I fell for it, mostly because I wanted to.  I nodded, and he took my arm, steadying me as I swung my legs off the side of the cot.  I knew I was weak, but I didn’t expect to completely fall into him.  Honestly, it was embarrassing.  What had happened to me?

He led me to Demyx’s cot, on the opposite side of mine from R-2’s.  Our footsteps must have woken him, because he smiled and waved weakly when Axel sat me down by his feet.  His hair was strikingly limp, not the perky mullet-hawk I was used to.  Something really bad must have happened for him to neglect his hair.

“Hey.  You can walk now.  Good job.”

“Can you?”

“Dunno.  Haven’t tried yet.”  He shrugged.

“What happened to us?”

He gave me a funny look.  “You mean you don’t—?”  He flinched.  “Un, I don’t know.  My head’s still funny.”

“…I guess mine is too.”  I frowned.

“Yeah.  Well, I don’t know that I want to remember.  It had to be really bad.”

“Yeah…”

Axel cleared his throat.  “Maybe you should lie down again.  Try to sleep the rest of it off.”

“You said I could see R-2,” I reminded him, and he ruffled his hair. 

“Did I?  I think he needs his rest too.”

That tone made my stomach drop; I gulped.  “He doesn’t have to wake up.  I just want to see him.”

I didn’t like being pitied.  It wasn’t an emotion Axel usually expressed.  But it was clearly present in his gaze now.

“You won’t like what you see.”

He helped me up again. I tried not to moan out loud.

“Hope you feel better, Demyx,” I said.

“You too,” he replied with a halfhearted smile.  Which was still better than a Heartless smile, I guess.

As Axel escorted me to the other side of the infirmary – which, now that I thought about it, I hadn’t known the Organization had – I saw Roxas and Xion, each sleeping on their own cot, as well as one empty one other than mine.  I wondered if it had been Axel’s.

R-2’s sleeping face was serene, and so much more still than he could possibly be while awake.  A cozy red blanket covered him up to his chin… had that been Axel’s work too?  I couldn’t imagine anyone else tucking him in.  Unless I had, and I’d forgotten.

“You should sleep,” Axel told me.  His voice was so quiet and soft; it was unsettling.  Like he thought I was fragile, about to break.

“I don’t get it,” I said, ignoring his suggestion.  “What’s wrong with all of us?”

He shook his head.  “If you don’t remember, it’s for the best.”

“I have a right to know!”  My balance gave out with my outburst, and Axel caught me.  Ugh, it was hard to be mad at the only person who could help me right now.  “Why… why can’t I remember?”

“I couldn’t answer that even if I tried.  But I promise, you’re better off this way.”

“You don’t know that!  You can’t—”

The sound of shifting blankets interrupted my thoughts.  R-2 squirmed to sit upright in his cot, aqua eyes blinking open.

“Huh…?  Xen-Xen?  Mister Skinny Flaming Pyro Man?”

Axel chuckled sadly.  “Some things never change, huh.”

I smiled, a laugh escaping my injured lungs. “How are you feeling, R-2?”

“Good,” he chirped back at me with a bright smile, but it quickly swapped places with a confused frown.  “Only I can’t wiggle all my toes.  Why can’t I wiggle my toes, Xen-Xen?”

“Your toes?”  Why did a horrible dread fill the pit of my stomach?  “Let me see.”

_“No,_ Xenan, you really don’t—”

R-2 tossed off the blanket, and my blood froze.  I stared, and stared and stared, but it was like watching one of Demyx’s movies – vividly detailed, but it couldn’t be real.

Right below R-2’s right knee, the purple veins of his suit faded to white.  And then they stopped entirely… because there was no more leg to cover.

“…Where are my toes?”  He asked, like I knew the answer.  A scream was building in my throat, but it was ejected as a cough when Axel smacked me hard in the side.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he muttered.  He wouldn’t meet my shocked stare.

“Do you know where they are?”  R-2 asked him, since I clearly wasn’t going to respond.  I was too busy fighting off a non-heart attack.

“R-2… you don’t have toes anymore,” Axel broke the news to him.

“I don’t?”  He looked under the cot, just to make sure they weren’t hiding under there.  I wanted to cry; how could he not understand?  Wasn’t he in pain?  “Oh… it was the white stuff.  The white stuff ate my toes.”

“And his _leg!”_ I burst out, unable to stop myself.  “Half of his leg is _GONE,_ Axel!  _TELL ME what freaking happened!”_

R-2 stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed.  “Xen-Xen, don’t be mad.  Please don’t be mad.  I’m sorry.”

I collapsed on his bed, burying my face in his cot so I wouldn’t scream again.  “I’m not _mad…!”_

“I’m sorry,” he repeated anyway, scooting over until he could hug me.  “I’m really, really sorry.  I promise I won’t touch the white stuff again.  I promise.”

It was all wrong.  He shouldn’t be apologizing and trying to comfort me.  I should be doing that for _him._ I fought back my hysteria, trying to regain control of my labored breathing.  It was only then that I could process his words.

“White… stuff?”  I asked.

“R-2—”  Axel tried to interrupt, but it didn’t work.  R-2 nodded.

“The light that came out of the hole.  It was pretty and made me feel all floaty, but it was all tingly on my leg, and…”  His brow creased, deep in thought.  “It ate my leg.  Xen-Xen, I’m not getting my leg back, am I?”

“I…”  I closed my eyes, unable to stand the sight of his stumped knee any longer.  It wasn’t mangled or bloody or anything, I just… how would he run and jump and cartwheel without his leg?  “…I don’t think so.”

“Oh.”  The gravity of that finally weighed on his expression.  His eyes looked so empty, hollow, when I dared to peek at them.  “I attacked you.  I was bad.  That must be why the light stole my leg.”

“No, that can’t be why – wait, attacked me?”  I looked up at Axel, who looked away.  “Look at me!  You can’t just blow this off!”

“Scary Eyepatch Man put magic on me,” R-2 explained.  “So I thought my friends were Heartless.  I wanted to save you from the Heartless, but I was bad instead.”  He scratched his arm, picking at a violet vein that was slowly fading to grey.  “I’m sorry.”

I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly, almost as tightly as he used to hug me.  “Stop.  Don’t be sorry.  You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said firmly.  “You weren’t bad.  You were…”  I wished I could remember, so I could comfort him better, but all I had to go on was his account, since Axel wouldn’t tell me _anything._ “…you were being controlled.  By Scary Eyepatch Man.  This is all _his_ fault.”

Xigbar’s fault.  Xigbar’s fault all of us were in the infirmary.  Xigbar’s fault R-2 would never feel his toes again.  Xigbar’s fault everything happened and I couldn’t remember.  Rage gathered deep inside me, like a brewing storm.

Axel must have seen the thunderclouds in my eyes, because he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.  “You can’t go after him, not like this.”

“But—”

“Xenan.”  It wasn’t hard for him to force me to meet his eyes. “You _can’t._ Saïx exiled him and Luxord.  They could be anywhere.”

Exiled…?  “ _Saïx_ exiled them?  Wait, what?”  Besides the fact that Saïx probably hated me, Xigbar was one of the highest ranks in the Organization.  And what did Luxord do, help Xigbar somehow?

“It was on Xemnas’s orders, but you know the drill.  The Bossman hardly shows his face except to gush over Kingdom Hearts.  Saïx kicked them out while they were still weak from keeping up the Void.”

I didn’t know what a ‘Void’ was, and even if I did, it still would’ve seemed ridiculous.  Xigbar and Luxord, gone?  I mean, me and Demyx had been exiled before, but we’re… well, us.  Not incredibly high in the rankings, no matter how many Heartless I killed.  I didn’t know about Luxord, but Xigbar was much more important that us.  Or at least I thought.

“But… why?”  Was all I could think to ask.

“After the C.O. incident, we really can’t afford to lose any more members,” Axel explained.  “Xigbar and Luxord almost killed five of us.  Whether they meant to or not, that couldn’t go unpunished.”

“So Saïx and Xemnas know about our… prank war,” I said, for lack of a better word.  How had it gotten so out of hand?  And to think it had only started because I wanted some food… now it affected the whole Organization.

An even scarier thought occurred to me:  “Do they know about R-2?”  He was here, in the infirmary, in plain sight. They knew.  They had to.

“Saïx does.”  For some crazy reason, Axel _smiled._ “There’s a little good news.  He’s letting you keep him – it took a little work, but I convinced him that he’s Riku’s Nobody.”

“Really?”  A weight lifted off of my chest.  R-2 was safe.  Saïx was okay with him, and Xigbar was gone.  No one else would hurt him.

If only the cost hadn’t been so high…

“Surprised?”  Axel chuckled.  A grin graced R-2’s face.

“I get to stay?”

“Yep.  Welcome to the Organization, Number XVI.”

R-2 hugged me tightly.  “I get to stay!  I get to stay!”

“You get to stay,” I echoed in relief.  He probably couldn’t commute between here and Santa’s workshop as easily on his own now; I would be able to keep him close again.  Safe.

“Does that mean I get my own missions?”  R-2 asked eagerly.  “And panels?  Do I get to buy nice things from Gloomex?  He seems nice.”

“Whoa, slow down,” Axel said with a half-laugh.  “We gotta get you all better first.”  He gave me a knowing smirk, like he had just come up with a plan.  “I think Xenan can help you with that.”

“I can?”

“What, you haven’t thought of it yet?  I know you grew up under a rock, but you can’t be _that_ behind.”  He was teasing me; I knew it, but I didn’t have the patience for it today.

“Look, I apparently almost died, and I don’t even remember that.  Excuse me if my brain’s not functioning enough to read your mind.”

Axel laughed for real now.  “Then I’ll let you think about it after you’ve slept again.  Back to your cot, and no more excuses this time.”

“But—” I looked back over my shoulder as Axel led me away.

“Bye, Xen-Xen.”  R-2 smiled.  “Hope your brain gets better.”

I swallowed a sob.  “Thanks.”

That kid was too good for me.

XXX

Something wasn’t right.  I could tell even before I fully woke up.  The breathing pattern in the room was off; the steady in-out interrupted with quick-paced huffs.

I rolled over, half-conscious, and tried to see who it was.

Not R-2.  Good.  Rolled the other way; not Demyx, either.  That left either Roxas or Xion, whose cots lined the opposite wall, but I had to sit up to see them.  Ugh, I didn’t know how much time had passed.  From the emptiness of my stomach I had a feeling it was a lot, but not enough to heal me completely.  Had they been feeding me?  I felt hungry enough to eat anything, even that insanity cake.  While my stomach was certainly empty, my head still felt shoved full of cotton balls.  Was my curiosity worth the effort to sit up?

Maybe not, but at last my boredom was.  But what I saw didn’t make sense.

…Was that _Saïx_ spoon-feeding a shivering Roxas an elixir?

_“Saïx?”_  I asked groggily.  Was I dreaming?  I doubted it; I rarely dreamt since becoming a Nobody, and never anything this strange.

“Shh,” he hushed me, but offered no explanation.  Roxas’s shudders calmed; his breathing evened again.

“What are you—?”

“Are you not familiar with the expression ‘shh’?”  Saïx spared a moment to glare at me.  “If you are so eager to speak, then you must be as eager to return to work.”

I remained silent while he finished feeding Roxas the elixir, but before he could leave I had to ask him something.

“Did you really exile Xigbar and Luxord?”

His golden eyes twitched.  “Yes.”

“Why?”

He sighed; apparently I was taking too much of his precious time.  “They were becoming a hindrance to our work, as are you.”

“I’m not—”

He strode towards me, looming over my cot.  His eyes glowed dangerously.  “You know as well as I that this ‘prank war’ has gone too far.  A war cannot be waged with only one side.  You are as guilty as they.”

I’d forgotten Saïx probably knew everything by now.  Except what Axel lied about, anyway… _Was_ it my fault?  No; we had only done dumb stuff, like steal hairdryers and pour syrup in beds.  We never threw anyone in a Void where they got their legs cut off… wait, Void?

“..If I’m guilty too, then why am I still here?”

He turned away, but I probably wouldn’t have seen any emotion on his face anyway.  “If you have the energy to attempt an interrogation, you have the energy for a mission.”

I didn’t expect him to grab my arm and yank me out of my cot.

“Hey—!”

“You are fine,” he said dryly.  My legs caught me, thankfully, because he sure wasn’t going to.  “Here is your mission brief.  Check your panels before you leave.”

“Wait, what?”

“Xen-Xen’s leaving already?”  R-2 asked.  I hadn’t realized he was awake.

“It does not concern you, Kirux.”

Kirux?  It took me a minute to pick out and rearrange the letters.  Axel said something about calling him Riku’s Nobody.  Did that mean I had to call R-2 Kirux now?

“Unless, of course, Xenan would honor us with her metalworking skills,” Saïx said near-sarcastically, though his voice was so flat it was hard to tell.

“I’m still lost,” I admitted.  I was starting to feel like Roxas.

“Axel informed me that you could fashion Kirux a prosthetic leg.  Or are your talents limited to creating messes for others to clean up?”

“I can do it,” I spoke up quickly.  Of course that’s what Axel was talking about.  I hadn’t done it before, but Dad had – not often, but sometimes people back on my world survived attacks, minus a limb or two.  Not Heartless attacks – those, you were either dead or you weren’t.  It was only when the occasional wild animal showed up in the fields or fell into the tunnels.  “I’ll get on it.  Right now.”  I put an arm around R-2.

“See to it that you do.”  Saïx disappeared through a dark corridor.

“What’s a pros-the-tic?”  R-2 asked.

“Uh… I think it means ‘fake.’ Probably.”  Saïx knew lots of big words, but that was what it sounded like from context.  “We need to go to the forge… hmm.”  How was I going to get him there?  I could hardly walk myself, much less carry him.

“Hmm, huh?”  Demyx asked, sitting on the end of R-2’s cot.

“Demyx!”  I smiled at him.  “You can walk?”

“Shh, don’t tell Saïx.”  He grinned back.  “I’ve been fine for a few days now.”

“You slacker.”  I elbowed him gently.

“The slackerest.”  He elbowed me back.  “You need to get R-2 to the forge?”

“Yeah, if you’re not going to slack at that too.”

“Nah, I can take a break, I guess.”

I couldn’t help laughing, but I was still weak.  Even with Demyx’s help, we couldn’t support R-2, which was probably due to them both also trying to support me.

“Maybe I do need to stop feeding you sugar.  You’re getting heavier,” Demyx grunted, helping R-2 sit back on his cot.

“But you’re strong,” he replied.  “It’s easy for you, right?”

“Ha ha… yeah, let’s pretend that…”

“We can use his windsail,” I suggested, remembering R-2’s Christmas present.  “Will you go get it?”

Demyx rolled his eyes teasingly.  “I have to do everything around here, don’t I?”

“Please?”  I added, even though I already knew he would.  I was still trying to work on being more polite.

“Fine.”  He sighed dramatically, but he left and was back with the flying aluminum boat in less than a minute.  “You think it’ll still work with him sitting down?”

“It should,” I replied.

“Yay, flying!”  R-2 bounced eagerly while we helped him hobble onto it, tapping the back of the board with my foot once he was balanced well enough.  The windsail stayed suspended a few feet in the air even when he sat down, and since it was weightless with the Aero magic, we could push him easily.

Still, it hurt me inside to see his stumped leg hanging over the edge.  I’d seen plenty of worse injuries, but… well, not on people I cared about.

Those people tended to just disappear.

XXX

In the soft fireglow of the forge, I was home.  I didn’t know how – it was far too large, and not covered in soot and ash, and had been left cold for far too long.  But I guess it was in the swinging of my arm, the _clang_ of hammer on metal, the familiarity of the warm metal under my command that brought strength back to my body.

“Why don’t you just make the metal do what you want?”  Demyx asked, watching me from where he sat in the corner of the room, by the fire.  R-2 floated around on his windsail nearby.

“Nostalgia,” I answered simply.  True, I didn’t _really_ need the tools that I once used now that metal was my element, but it didn’t feel right smithing without a hammer in hand or a fire blazing nearby.  Plus, I felt more alive, more _whole_ this way.

“Nos-tal-gia,” R-2 rolled the word slowly off of his tongue.

“It means it makes me feel like I did when I was a Somebody,” I explained.

“Oh.  You liked hitting things when you were a Somebody?”

I laughed.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

The prosthetic – as Saïx called it – took more tinkering than I was used to, and unlike when I tried to recreate Xaldin’s spears, it wasn’t just for looks.  It needed to fit R-2’s leg exactly, and not chafe or bother him if it was possible.  It had to be balanced so it wouldn’t feel much heavier than his old leg.  And maybe most importantly, it needed to absorb shock so he wouldn’t hurt himself running, playing, or dancing – not that he would be able to do any of those right away, but hopefully… hopefully.  I’d seen it done before, but in some cases it took a long time, months – years even, for some.  And that was with _Dad’s_ handiwork.

Finally, after several hours of working, testing, adjusting, (snack breaks), and testing again, we found a design that fit comfortably and practically, at least for this stage.  Every once in a while Dad had had to make replacements or adjustments, just because people changed, and R-2 was still a growing boy.

“Wow,” R-2 looked mesmerized by the new attachment at the end of his leg.  “It’s so _shiny._ Like my windsail, and the wrapping paper on the presents at the workshop.”  He grinned at his reflection in the metal appendage as he practiced walking shakily on it, holding onto the windsail for balance.  “If I do missions with you guys, do I still get to make toys?”

I winced internally.  He’d really enjoyed that, always coming home to tell me what he’d made that day and what his elf friends were doing, especially Joy and Ginger, his two favorite elves.  “No, R-2, I don’t think so.”

“You’ll have to be Kirux now,” Demyx added.  “You have to be a Nobody, like us, with a coat and missions and not enough vacation days.”

R-2 gave me a hopeful look.  “Can Kirux do missions, and R-2 make toys?”

This kid was breaking my heart.  And I wasn’t even supposed to have one.  “That’s not how it works… I’m sorry.  Maybe if you get a mission to Christmas Town we can go see the elves.”

“Oh…”

I couldn’t understand how that could be his biggest worry.  I mean, he lost his _leg._ I didn’t know how long it would take for him to adjust, and Saïx would have him doing missions any day now…

I looked at his face, though, and I knew he was the same R-2, even with the new name and leg.  I could have lost him.  I was lucky it wasn’t worse… I just wished I could remember what _happened._ Had it been my fault, somehow?  Could I have done anything to protect him?  I might never know, and that ate me up inside.

“Don’t be sad,” Demyx said with a hand on R-2’s grey-suited shoulder.  “You’ll see them again.”  He paused.  “Hey, why don’t we go see them now?  Christmas Town’s got that nice bakery, and we could pick up some hot chocolate and—”

My growling stomach cut him off.  Apparently the fifty snacks I’d eaten while working hadn’t appeased it.  “You’ve got my answer.”

“Yay!”  R-2 cheered, hopping with excitement and landing awkwardly on his new leg.  I panicked instantly, but he didn’t seem to notice.  I took a deep breath and tried to smile.

If he was fine with the way he was, then so was I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling I’m going to get mixed reviews with this chapter. ^^;; I put a lot of thought into the decision to let R-2 lose his leg. They’ve come out of several bad situations unharmed so far, but nobody’s luck is perfect. I know there are a lot more issues that go into making and wearing prosthetics, but none of them have extensive medical knowledge, and considering they’re magical and have potions, they also heal faster than regular people. If you think I overlooked anything important, please let me know. I did some research, but I’m not perfect.


	33. Back to the Old Grind

 “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, Sai!  Picture it!  You can’t tell me that’s not hilarious!”

“Without hearts, we cannot find anything to be ‘hilarious.’ I forbid it.”

“Saaaiiiii.  We used to pull pranks _all the time._   At least do it for the memories.”

“These antics you have pulled ‘for the memories’ have already gone too far.  Need I remind you that your precious keybearers have only recently been released from the infirmary?  And that is _beside_ the fact that we’ve lost two of our more useful members.”

“You can cut the charade.  You’re two rungs closer to the top now.  Can I get a ‘thank you’?”

Saïx turned his back.  “So you _do_ still remember.”

“Like I would forget, Isa.”

Axel’s old friend flinched at the name.  “Then you know why I cannot risk being involved in this.”

“It’s not as much _being involved_ as it is… looking the other way.”

“…Wonderland has been having quite the Heartless problem.  It may require multiple experienced members.  If those members were to intercept each other while going about their missions, I trust that they would not let personal issues interfere with their tasks.”

“And if those tasks are already done…?”

“Complete the mission.  What occurs afterwards is on your head.”

Axel grinned.  “Have I told you that you’re the best lately?”

“I refuse to be influenced by flattery.  But no, you have not.”

“Then you’re the best.”

XXX

“No touching the pom-pom, kupo!”  Gloomex fluttered up out of R-2’s reach.

“Aww, but it’s soft and fluffy.”  He stretched out his arms, but he didn’t try jumping.  His leg had responded well to the prosthetic over the past week, but after falling several times, he’d finally realized jumping was a bad idea.  It still hurt to see him like a bird with stunted wings, but I was learning to live with it.  We all were.

“Don’t bother Gloomex,” I told him.  “Come on, let me fix your panels.  You don’t want to run out of potions on your first mission.”

“I already fixed them.  See?”  He pulled his panel arrangement from the pocket of his black coat, which wasn’t as colorful as he’d wanted, but I didn’t want him to irritate Saïx any more.  We’d compromised, and R-2 ended up with a magenta-on-yellow polka-dotted boot and a turquoise-and-red striped prosthetic hidden under the pitch-black coat.

He held up his panels proudly, like he was showing off a piece of art – which in a way he was.  His weapon gear, the extra Duel Gear I gave him, studded the middle, with two Blizzards filling in the space under the sideways L shape.  The empty space in those two rows and the row below were filled in with Fire, Potions, and basic necessity panels like Scan and Dodge Roll, but they were all custom-colored to make a rainbow.

“Good job, R—Kirux,” I corrected myself.  Ugh.  That would get me in trouble one day, I could feel it.  I talked faster to cover my slip, in case Saïx was listening from across the room.  “Come on, let’s get your first mission.”

“Yay!  Where are we going?  Do we get to see Santa?”

“Um, probably not.”  He hadn’t seen Santa or the elves since we’d gone there after I first made his prosthetic.  We’d had to break the news to them that R-2 couldn’t work there anymore; I could still picture Joy and Ginger’s heartbroken faces.  They still said R-2 could come back anytime, though, so I had a feeling Christmas Town was going to end up for us like Twilight Town was for Axel, Roxas, and Xion.

“Aww…”

“But we won’t know until we check,” I added, then whispered, “And we can go after our mission, if we have time.”

Saïx gave R-2 a disdainful look as we approached him.  “Have you recovered sufficiently?”

“Yep!  I can even do this!”  R-2 balanced on one leg – his prosthetic – and twirled a dizzy circle.  Luckily he didn’t fall over, like he had several times before.

“Good for you,” the blue-haired man replied tonelessly.  “Our Organization cannot afford to waste any more time rehabilitating damaged members.  Proceed with caution and sound judgment.”

He seemed to direct that last comment at me, but maybe I was overly paranoid.  I took the mission form he presented.

“Wonderland?”  I questioned.  “Don’t beginners get to ‘learn the ropes’ in Twilight Town?”  I knew I did; so did Roxas and Xion.  That first mission with Larxene felt like forever ago now.  Or I’d just succeeded in blocking it from my memory very well.

“With our current shortage of members, we can’t afford that luxury.”

I couldn’t argue with that.  R-2 had been a capable fighter with me on missions before… I just hoped his injury wouldn’t change much.  We’d done some exercises during his rehabilitation to simulate fighting – practiced on some low-level holo-missions – and his main problems were balance and speed.  I knew he’d regain some of those with practice and time, but I didn’t know how much of that Saïx would allow before he declared him “broken” for good.

I scanned the mission form.  Shadow Globs.  Okay, Saïx might not be _completely_ heartless… pun not intended.

“I know Wonderland!”  R-2 yelled in my ear, reading over my shoulder.  “That’s where—”

“Uh, I don’t think you’ve ever been there.”  My eyes darted to Saïx.  Axel, Demyx, and I had agreed to pretend “Kirux” had lost his memory of being Riku, like Roxas and Xion had lost their memories of whoever they’d been before.  So it didn’t matter if the real Riku had been there, and we’d agreed to say we’d found Kirux in Twilight Town, like Roxas.  I couldn’t let Saïx know I’d taken him along on missions before.

I opened a dark corridor, not wasting any words on Saïx, who was still watching carefully, calculatingly.

“R-2,” I told him once we were safely in the corridors, “Saïx thinks you lost your memory.  You can’t tell him I took you on missions already.”

His silver eyebrows creased.  “So I still have to hide?  I thought we were safe.  Since Scary Eyepatch Man isn’t here.”

I sighed mentally.  Nowhere was ever really _safe,_ was it?  We fought Heartless on a daily basis, for Kingdom Hearts’ sake.  But it was regular danger; you learned to get used to it.

“It’s just a little bit of hiding.”

“I’m tired of hiding.”  He sighed huffily.  “And X-Face is okay.  He doesn’t want to hurt me and make me an experiment again.  He wants me to get better.”

“I’m not sure any of us knows what ‘X-Face’ wants,” I muttered, using the nickname R-2 had picked up from Demyx.  Regardless of what R-2 thought (which was probably influenced by his original painting of the smiling Luna Diviner), I still wasn’t about to completely trust Saix.

We stepped out of the semisolid greyness and onto very solid checkeredness.  Good, the White Rabbit’s house.  For some reason, Heartless never came in here.  That gave me time to get R-2 ready.

“Okay, you remember how we practiced?”

He nodded, a look of concentration on his face.  Holding out his arm, he summoned his windsail in a shower of silver sparks.  I’d managed to create another ‘summoning hook’ (more like summoning shelf, in this case) in the forge and bound it to him, like the rest of our weapons were.  Luckily Lexaeus had left behind pretty good records of his process.

“Um…”  He rocked back and forth warily.

“You can do it,” I encouraged him, but I didn’t blame him for being nervous.  It had taken him several falls to get the hang of tapping his windsail into flight without flipping it or falling off, even with the slot I’d molded to secure his prosthetic.  I’d had to synthesize more Aero panels into the windsail’s sides to stabilize it.

“I know I can…”

I watched him carefully while he kicked the back with his good foot, and I tried not to yelp when he steadied himself by grabbing fistfuls of my hair.  The windsail only wobbled a little when it floated into the air.  His good foot found its place next to the prosthetic on the board.

“Yay,” he said proudly when he balanced on his own, hovering close to the ground.  “I didn’t fall.  Are you proud of me, Xen-Xen?”

“Yeah, R-2.”  I smile back.  “Now let’s go get some Shadow Globs.”

XXX

“…Whoa.”  When we entered the Lotus Forest, I didn’t know what else to say.  “…That’s a lot of globs.”

“So much purple!”  R-2 clapped in excitement.  I think he would’ve cartwheeled if he could.

“R-2, purple here is a _bad_ thing,” I had to explain.  “Those are the Shadow Globs.  We have to destroy them.”

“But they’re so pretty!  Can I keep one?”

“Only if you want to attract Heartless to your brand new room.”

He still looked like he was thinking about it, then he sighed.  It was such a sad sound, one he seemed to make more and more often lately.  “I will not have a Shadow Glob,” he decided. “Even if they look like pretty polka-dots.”

I nodded.  “Good.  Time to work.”

The Shadow Globs were clustered so densely, it was easier to destroy them at first, in the same way it’s easier to mop up mud when you can see it splattered everywhere.  Better than searching every corner of the world for them, anyway.  R-2 could fly up to the higher ones, saving me the struggle of trying to aim my mace or jump and whack at them.  Aside from R-2’s occasional accidental barrel roll when he tried to take turns too quickly, the mission was going more smoothly than I’d hoped.

That is, until a giant Heartless crashed through the trees.  On fire.

“Get down!”  A flaming chakram flew past my face, lodging itself in the Crimson Prankster (my Scan identified it) Heartless’ hat.  Its second health bar dropped by half.  “Hah, who says you can’t fight fire with fire?”

“Axel?”  I asked as the redhead revealed himself from the trees.

“Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!”  R-2 swooped down from the canopy, nearly capsizing himself again.

“What are you doing here?”

“Talk later; kill Heartless now,” he replied.

Roxas and Xion charged in on the Crimson Prankster’s other side – they were here too?  They both put in some pretty good damage with their keyblades, teaming up and striking like two halves of a whole.

I jumped for the Crimson Prankster’s head, bashing with my mace until it swatted me back with its batons.

“Xenan, what are you doing?”  Axel called.  “Get the Shadow Globs!”

Seriously?  “They’re not going anywhere!”

Roxas almost had the Crimson Prankster finished, but none of them looked ready to celebrate yet.  Then I realized why.

“Hey!  Those are my polka-dots!”  R-2 shouted at the giant Heartless, which was now drawing on the darkness from the Shadow Globs… destroying them?  No, the Globs weren’t gone, just transformed – into another Crimson Prankster.

“Whoops,” I muttered.

“Yeah.” Axel shot me a glare.  “Believe it or not, sometimes I actually know what I’m talking about.”

“You always know what you’re talking about,” Xion said as she called down a bolt of Thunder magic, frying several already-flaming trees on its way down.  If the new Heartless had a brain, it must’ve been pretty fried, too.  Its hat smoked like one of Xigbar’s overcooked burritos.

“I’ll let you think that,” Axel said under his breath.  I didn’t show that I heard him; I just hurled myself at the nearest Shadow Glob.

“It’s so squishy!”  R-2 giggled above me, poking a different glob.  With his finger, not his sword.

“R-2!  Kirux!  Whatever your name is now!  Stop poking and start fighting!”

He sighed grumpily.  “Missions aren’t very fun.”

Yeah, well, too bad everything in life couldn’t be fun.  Dodging _two_ giant Heartless made it tricky, but R-2 and I were still making pretty good progress on the Shadow Globs.  Unfortunately, the few remaining clusters were right around the battlefield.

“You up for this?”  I asked R-2.  “You’ll have to be pretty careful not to get knocked off.”

“I can do it!”  He assured me, spinning in circles to prove his control.  “See?  It’s okay.  You don’t have to catch me all the time.”

He had a point.  I wouldn’t be able to watch him on every future mission – I’d better start learning to trust him sooner or later, hard as it was.

I tried to ignore Axel, Roxas, and Xion’s Boss Battle while I skirted past them to smash a few Shadow Globs clinging to a giant flower.  Remember what Axel said;the fight wasn’t my problem – I couldn’t micromanage everyone’s missions.  One glob, two, three…

“Four, five, six,” R-2 counted above me.  Thankfully, because otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed the jet of fire heading right towards him.

“R-2—!”

He was paying attention already, even though I hadn’t realized it.  He was already blocking with his sword, which I knew from experience worked, but it was still weird to me that a tiny piece of metal could negate a whole flamethrower.  “I’m okay – Hey, Xen—!”

I wasn’t quite as okay.  Thankfully these coats were fireproof, but my face and hair still burned painfully.  Fire-elemented Heartless were the worst.  I gulped down a potion, thrust my mace into the last Shadow Glob, and joined Axel, Roxas, and Xion in taking down the two Crimson Pranksters.

Between the four of us – five once R-2 realized we were out of purple blobs to poke – the two giant Heartless weren’t too difficult.  Sure, we got burned every once in a while, but we also took turns casting Curaga.  Pretty soon Roxas and Xion were simultaneously sending two giant pink hearts floating up towards the Wonderland sky.

“Whew,” Roxas sighed, leaning against his keyblade like it was a walking stick.  “That was a long Boss Battle…”

“Yeah,” Xion agreed, wiping sweat out of her face.  “That fire was hot.”

“How long were you guys chasing that thing?”  I asked.

“We got sent out early,” Axel answered, snapping his fingers to put out the flames still smoking in the trees.  Did he really have to snap to do that, or did he just think it looked cool?  “Y’know, low on members, big Heartless problem, yadda yadda.”

“If there’s such a big problem,” I asked, “Why did Saïx send the three of you for one mission?  He’s made Roxas take out Heartless that size on his own before.”  Granted, those didn’t replicate, as far as I knew from his recounts afterwards.

“Heh, you’ve got a lot to learn about this Organization, kid.  Lesson number one:  we’re not that organized.”

His eyes had a weird glint in them.  Sometimes I wondered if I would ever understand him.  Probably not.

“Do you want a turn?”  I heard R-2 ask Xion, kicking the back of his windsail twice to land.

“Don’t you need it?”  She asked carefully.  “Because of your leg?”

R-2 stuck out his now-purple prosthetic proudly.  “Xen-Xen is very good at making things.  I have a good leg.”

“Well, um… okay.” 

He showed her how to step on and kick it to activate it, and Roxas watched them.

“Can I have a turn next?”  The blond asked.

“Of course!”

Axel laughed.  “They’re so cute.”  I stared at him, eyebrows raised, and he pouted, making me think of Demyx.  “Like they don’t shoot heart-rays at you too.”

“It’s funnier when you admit it though.”  I mimicked his usual smirk, and he rolled his eyes.

“Oi, enough of the pirate games,” he called to the kids, who had started a game of tag while making hooks out of their fingers and winking like they had eyepatches.  “We’ve got a prank to pull.  It might even be our best one yet.”

That stopped Roxas mid-flight.  “Prank?”  He asked warily.

“Axel, I think that’s a bad idea,” Xion sounded petrified.  It took me a second to find my words.

“Are you _crazy!?”_ I yelled.  “That’s _over!_ Xigbar isn’t here to steal our food anymore!”

Axel didn’t look surprised by our reactions.  “Not _yet.”_

“What do you mean…?”

“Exactly what I said.”  He unfolded a paper from his pocket.  “You and Demyx weren’t exiled to Castle Oblivion forever, were you?”

A rock lodged itself in my throat.  “No, but…”  But I’d figured what they’d done was much worse than Demyx and I pulling a harmless, naïve prank.  Then again, they were senior members – Xigbar, anyway.  Maybe it leveled out to the same thing.

Axel spread out the paper on the ground, and R-2, Roxas, and Xion joined us in crowding around it.

_Dear Kiddos,_

_Thanks so much for the exile.  Really.  Vacation time’s hard to come by.  Just thought we’d let you know we’re doing just fine.  No hard feelings.  But, as loyal members of Organization XIII, we’re obligated to let the Bossman know about little Kirux’s secret when we get back.  Nothing personal, just doing our civic duty._

_But hey, we’re also men of our word.  If you kids keep your end of the deal and prank every member of the Organization, we’ll look the other way.  Call it even.  Oh, but don’t forget it has to be on video.  No pulling a fast one on us._

_See ya in 30 days,_

_Xigbar and Luxord_

_P.S. In case you doubt our ability to prove Kirux’s secret…_

“No way.”  I yanked off the attached scrap of semi-singed paper.

“I thought I got all of them,” Axel muttered.  “Too late now…”

“What is it?”  R-2 asked, plucking it from my hands.

“No, R-2—”

_“…ended in utter failure.  Experiment R-2 is also beginning to prove unstable—”_ R-2 hissed and threw it at the ground, incinerated it with a blast of Dark Firaga – which wasn’t even in his panel arrangement – and finally spat on it for good measure.  _“Vexen.”_

“Yeah.”  I gulped, trying to place why his outburst unsettled me so badly.  He had every right to hate Vexen.  Something about it just seemed like… it was trying to remind me…

A fierce pain throbbed in my skull.  What was I thinking about?

“Yo, earth to Xenan.”  Axel waved a hand in front of my face.  “What do you think we should do?”

“Wait, _you’re_ asking _me?”_ When had Axel ever asked my advice before?

“Well, he _is_ your kid,” he pointed out.  “Personally, I say we go for it.  What’ve we got to lose?”

“Uh, the Organization, our lives, our chance at getting hearts—”

“Come on, Xenan.  Don’t tell me you actually believe that.”

His serious voice shocked me.  Believe what?  That the Organization would kill us?  That we could ever get our hearts back?  That we still needed to?

“…I want to do it,” R-2 finally spoke up.

“ _No,_ you don’t!”  I couldn’t keep the hysteria out of my voice.  “I don’t even _know_ what happened last time, but it cost you a leg!”

“If we _don’t_ do anything,” Axel retorted, “It could cost him more than that.”

“Nngh…”  How could I respond to that?  That I didn’t believe Xigbar would go that far?  ‘Cause I’d already made that mistake once, and there was no point in making it again.

R-2’s aqua eyes pleaded down at me.  I wondered if the real Riku’s eyes could get that big and heartbreaking.  “Xen-Xen, I know you’re scared.  It’s scary.  I’m scared too,” he said, like he was trying to comfort me, which is totally _not_ what should’ve been happening.  “I don’t want Scary Eyepatch Man to take me away or hurt you.  I don’t want to have to hide anymore.”

He didn’t get it, he didn’t get that as long as we lived he had to hide, because he was just a kid and I had to protect him, I couldn’t let him go through anything else or I’d never forgive myself.  “But it could be a trap!  He could be _lying!”_

“I don’t want to do it either,” Roxas threw in his two cents.  “But… I think Axel’s right.  We have to try.  Because friends try to help each other.”

I didn’t understand them.  After everything that happened, they were still trying… R-2 was still trying…

I sighed.  “You’re braver than me.  All of you.”  _But that doesn’t make you smart,_ I didn’t say.  “Fine.  R-2… it’s you who’s at risk, so it’s your decision.  I can’t protect you forever.”

As he stared at me, red slowly ate its way up the black hem of his coat.  After sharing a look with Roxas and Xion, he nodded.  “I want to finish this.  _With_ you,” he added.

“No more getting left behind like last time,” Roxas said, and Xion nodded her agreement.

“Then things won’t be like before.”

I didn’t know what they were talking about, not really, but I didn’t want them mixed up in this any more than they already were.

“No,” I replied firmly.  “Axel and I will take care of it.”

Said redhead cleared his throat.  “Xenan, believe me.  They’ll be safer with us.”

“All we’re doing is giving Saïx an excuse to take him away!”

“I can handle Saïx,” he assured me.  “It all boils down to one thing: do you trust us?”

All four pairs of eyes turned to me – green, blue, blue, aqua.  Could I trust them?  …Had they ever let me down before?

It was a leap of faith, but something told that no matter what I said, they would go ahead with this.  Axel had that sort of power; at least he actually told me before dragging me into it. 

So I gritted my teeth and said, “Okay.  Let’s finish this.”

Axel grinned and rubbed his hands together eagerly.  “Then let’s get this plan memorized.”

XXX

Xenan had put up a whole new protest when Axel told her who they were pranking.  Not that her Xaldi-phobia was unexpected, but he was running out of patience for her emotional outbursts.  Dealing with real Nobodies was much easier – except no real Nobody would care enough about anyone else to embark on a plan this risky.

But he had no choice – because he wasn’t a _real_ Nobody either, was he?

His fingertips brushed a piece of paper in his other pocket.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, glad that Xenan had taken Roxas and Xion along while he prepared his role in the prank.  How long could he hide the other letter from them?

_As long as I need to._

He pushed the thoughts away.  He had a mission to complete.


	34. A Prank of Large Proportions

Wonderland’s hedge maze never felt too confusing to me.  Maybe it was from growing up in the Wayward Burrows, which were pretty mazelike themselves.  Whatever the reason, I felt like I had a pretty good sense of direction.

Still, that only helped if I actually knew which direction I was supposed to be going.

“What if Xaldin already got all the treasure chests?”  Roxas asked.

Axel had already prepared me for that.  “Then I’ll make one out of metal, and R-2 can color it.”  Personally, I was more worried about running into Xaldin than any other parts of the prank, but Axel vaguely promised he had that covered.  Considering we probably wouldn’t get a better opportunity than this, all I could do was trust him.

“Yay!  More colors!”  I think R-2 was getting color-withdrawal from being confined to the greyscale Castle That Never Was.  Wonderland’s variety was good for him; I just hoped the Queen or her card soldiers didn’t catch him painting her roses vermillion, and chartreuse, and cerulean, and periwinkle… I wouldn’t have known the colors’ names, except he repeated them several times out loud whenever he painted a rose that color.

Xion held the camera, since she was the best at technology out of our group, and the least likely to leave her thumb in front of the lens.  Unlike me.  There wasn’t much to film yet though for the supposedly ‘best prank yet.’

“Is Skinny Flaming Pyro Man coming soon?”  R-2 asked, hovering along beside me with his hand outstretched, leaving a bright yellow trail through the hedge.  It helped us keep track of where we’d been, but I still worried what Xaldin would think if he saw it.  According to Axel, he was on recon around here, but the maze was big enough that we hadn’t crossed paths.  At least, not yet.

“I don’t know.”  Axel had been acting kind of weird, wanting me to take “his” kids while he went to fetch the shrinking and growth potions.  It was useful enough – Roxas and Xion took care of the insane amounts of emblem Heartless for us, so their hearts wouldn’t go to waste.  Still, it wasn’t like Axel to willingly leave “his” kids; I could have easily done his job.  And then I wouldn’t have had to worry about Xaldin with every step I took.

“Here.”  Xion handed Roxas a potion from one of her panels after he finished off a Striped Aria.

“Thanks.”  He chugged it down, then wiped his mouth.  “I’ve never seen this many Heartless here before.”

 “I haven’t seen this many Heartless since _Vexen’s_ lab,” R-2 commented, shuddering.  “I hate Heartless.”

Roxas and Xion nodded their agreement.  “Heartless are bad.  But their hearts are good.”

“Why are they called Heartless if they have hearts?”  R-2 asked.  Huh, that wasn’t such a bad question.  Why _were_ they called Heartless?

“Your guess is as good as mine.”  I shrugged.

“They’re bad and mean.  Like they don’t have hearts.  But they do.  They have mean hearts.”  He frowned.  “You’re a Nobody.  Nobodies come from people turning into Heartless.  Do you have a mean Heartless?”

I’d never thought about that before, either.  “…I don’t know. “  How did he know about Heartless and Nobodies’ origins, anyway?  Must’ve learned in Vexen’s lab, unless Axel or Demyx explained it to him some time when I wasn’t there.

“I don’t want you to have a bad Heartless,” he told me.  “I would find that Heartless and make it disappear.”

“If I have one, it’s probably just like everyone else’s Heartless.  Maybe you’ve already killed it.”

He smiled proudly, straightening the drawstrings on his coat.  “You will not have a bad Heartless.  It will go goodbye.  So will your Heartless, Rox.”

“Okay.”  The blond frowned uncertainly.  “What about Xion’s Heartless?”

R-2 frowned, taking a deep sniff.  “Xion is like me.  She doesn’t have a Heartless.”

“What?”  Her brow furrowed.  “I’m a Nobody, R-2.  Of course I have a Heartless.  Or had one, at least.”

He shook his head with conviction.  “Nope.  You smell different.”

“R-2, don’t talk about how people smell.  It’s rude,” I informed him.  

“But she does!”  He insisted, coat briefly flashing orange.  “She smells like memories.  Soft and fluffy and buttery and vanilla-y.  It’s a good smell.”

Sometimes I really had no idea what he was talking about.  Xion just stared at him, but thankfully was distracted by the appearance of more Heartless.  She and Roxas sprung into action before I could even summon my mace, so I let them handle it.

When that group of Heartless had vanished into floating pink hearts, R-2 let the subject drop (for once) and went back to playing with Roxas and Xion, who made up games like “Right or Left,” where they took turns choosing which direction to go when we reached an intersection.

“Right,” Xion said.  As long as we weren’t going in circles, which we weren’t, I let them lead the way.

To the right, the hedge maze dead-ended – right at a treasure chest, and a snoring Demyx.

“I wish I could be surprised,” I deadpanned.  Actually, I sort of was.  Did _everyone_ get sent to Wonderland today?

“Dem-Dem!”  R-2 flew over to where the lazy bum slept draped over the treasure chest.  “What are you doing here?  Are you on a mission too?  Why are you sleeping?  Did you stay up too late?  Did you eat breakfast?  Was it bacon?  Huh?”

Demyx snored straight through the stream of questions.  However, he didn’t snore through me shoving him off of the chest.

“Wah!  Xaldin please don’t kill me I’m working really – Oh.”  He sighed in relief.  “Hey Xenan.  Hey R-2.  Kirux.  Do I have to call you Kirux?”

“Not around Rox and Xion,” he told him.

“Good.  Hey R-2.”

“Hi Dem-Dem.”

I opened the treasure chest – nice, an Orichalcum; I’d been needing one of those.  “Now Axel just needs to get his butt over here.”  I closed the chest and sat down on it.

“I’ll go get him,” Roxas and Xion volunteered simultaneously.

“You might as well both go,” I said, and they nodded and disappeared through a corridor.

“Is he coming with the potion?”  Demyx asked.

“Yeah – wait, how do you know that?”

He gave me a funny look.  “’Cause he told me about the prank.  What, was it supposed to be a secret?  You weren’t trying to prank me, right?”

“No, just – fine, whatever.”  I didn’t have to understand Axel’s logic; I just needed Xaldin to get pranked.  The sooner and faster, the better.

“I got paired with Xaldin.  Axel wanted me to keep track of him, but we… uh, got separated.”  He ran a hand through the sleep-squished side of his hair.  “So I thought I’d help you out and find you a treasure chest.”

“And take a nap.”  I rolled my eyes.

“Heheh…”

“Wait.  _Axel_ told you to watch Xaldin, _that’s_ why he said we’d be fine!  But you’re not watching him!”  My old rudeness boiled up; I slugged him (pretty lightly) in the chest.  “You took a nap and now we don’t know where he is!  For all we know, he could show up any second!”  I should have questioned Axel’s plan; I was too anxious to get this over with.  There was a reason I’d rather not put all my trust in one person.  That person might whip up a plan with all the structural integrity of a house of cards.

“Chill out, Xenan!  This place is so big, it’ll take him forever to find—”

When we heard a corridor open, Demyx squealed and dove behind me, skidding into the spiny hedge.  I just froze, knowing a bush wouldn’t save me from Xaldin’s wrath.  Luckily for both of us, it was only Axel.

“Am I dead yet?”  Demyx whimpered.

Axel rolled his eyes.  “Get your head out of the bush, Demyx.”

Roxas and Xion came out of the corridor behind him.  Xion held the camera at the ready, filming the redhead as he placed an innocent-looking potion bottle in the chest.  R-2 shut the lid, probably wanting to feel included.

“So that’s it?”  I asked.

“’Course not.  Now we—”

Demyx suddenly yanked his head out of the bush, leaves sticking from his hair at random.  “It’s Xaldin!”  He yell-whispered.  “He’s coming!”

I yanked him up by his hood.  “Then come on!”

Thank goodness R-2 was weightless on his windsail; I pulled him behind me as we dashed across the intersection.  Axel, Roxas, Xion, and Demyx were on my heels. I wished there were less of us; we were too conspicuous.  I could hear Xaldin’s deep battle cries when we crossed the intersection, and for once, I was grateful for the Heartless.  A large mix of Grey Caprice, Striped Aria, and Pink Concerto varieties intercepted his path.

“Demyx, you go back,” Axel whispered.

“What?!”

“You’re supposed to be keeping tabs on him, genius!”

“Oh, yeah.  Right.”  He sighed.  “Ugh, work…”

Axel and I shoved him out from behind our corner of the hedge, ignoring his squeak of protest.

“Now what?”  I asked when the rest of us retreated a few twists and turns deeper.

“Now,” Axel said, “we get ready to film.”

“How?”  Xion asked.  “He’ll see us.”

Axel smiled.  “Trust me, Xi.  Or, you can trust R-2.”

“Me?”  He asked in excitement, coatsleeves flashing bright yellow for a moment.  “What do I get to do?”

“You, my young friend, have the honor of filming our funniest prank yet.”

“Uh, excuse me,” I interrupted. “Two problems with that: one, shaving off Xaldin’s sideburns was obviously the funniest prank.  Two, I’m not letting you send R-2 out to do the most dangerous part!”

“Sheesh, and the other members call _me_ a momma bear.”  Axel rolled his eyes.

“What’s a momma bear?”  Roxas asked as Xion, ever loyal to Axel, handed R-2 the camera.

Axel coughed.  “Not important.  The point is, he’s the one with the flying surfboard.”

“Windsail.”

“Whatever.  He can fly up and film over the hedges, _and_ he can turn invisible if he needs to.  He’s perfect for the job.”

For once, logic actually backed up Axel’s plan.  “Well… I guess that’s safer than any of us trying to sneak up on foot,” I reluctantly admitted.  “Are you up to it?”

He nodded with an eager grin.  “I have a question though. What’s a sideburn?”

“The fuzzy parts on the side of Xaldin’s face,” Roxas explained.

“Oh.  Shaving those does sound like a funnier prank.  Can we do that instead?”

Axel and I shouted a unanimous “NO.”

“Aww.”

He turned on the camera and hovered shakily up to the top of the hedge, peering over it while muttering something about face-fuzz.  I paced back and forth in the bush-walled corridor, staring up at him.  I hated not being able to see what was going on.  I could hear Heartless getting destroyed on the other side, but not much else.

“He opened the chest!”  R-2 yell-whispered down to us as the battle noises died down.

“Great, but how do we know if he’ll use it?”  I asked Axel, who grinned as wide as the Cheshire Cat himself.

_“That’s_ where we come in.”

XXX

Technically I was the “hunter” in this situation, but trapped within the tall, dark hedge walls, I felt like prey.  R-2 kept watch from above; Axel had taken the other kids and split up from us.

“Those are nice face-fuzzies.  Could I grow some?  Would they be soft and silky?”  R-2 patted the hairless sides of his face.

“Shh,” I hushed him while stifling a laugh.  “You can’t let Xaldin hear you.”

“Fiiiiine…”  He sighed.  “He’s over there.  Top left.  Dem-Dem is trying to run away.  Skinny Flaming Pyro Man is shooting Fire out of a bush.”

“Good.”  I wanted to let Axel do all the work; he could pretend to be Scarlet Tango or whatever.  He probably didn’t need my help to lower Xaldin’s HP.

“Fuzzy Face is getting mad.”

I coughed to hide my laugh at R-2’s newly coined nickname.  “Fuzzy Face” could stab me in six places at once if he wanted to.  I was glad not to be on camera duty; as anxious as I was, I had a feeling I would panic if I had to see what was actually going on.

I did see a bolt of Thunder magic crash in the distance.  “Was that Xion or Roxas?”

“Xion,” R-2 answered.  “Fuzzy Face’s HP is low.  He should drink a potion.”

“Well, that’s the plan.”  There were still so many variables.  He could drink the wrong potion, he could use an elixir instead –

_CRASH crunch crunch SNAP cruuuuuunch_

R-2 was smart enough to fly down as the sounds of hedges being crushed assaulted our ears.  After all, we could see the Darkside-sized, dreadlocked, sideburned giant just fine from down here.

_“Axel,”_ I fumed to myself, “if Xaldin doesn’t do it first, I am going to kill you.”

“I don’t get it.”  R-2 frowned, staring up at the monster our ‘prank’ had created.  “He was supposed to be tiny.”

“He _was._ Axel put in the wrong potion!”  Now, instead of a tiny Xaldin we could all laugh at, we had a giant Xaldin who could squish us like bugs.

R-2 kept filming until I took the camera and corridored it to my room.  Maybe it was the wrong prank, but turning Xaldin huge still counted as pranking him, right?  Either way, he didn’t know we were behind this yet, and we might be able to get out alive if we kept it that way.

“Hmm.  A new item.”  Xaldin’s booming voice echoed over the hedges.  “Demyx, make yourself useful and add that to our reconnaissance notes.”

I wasn’t close enough to hear Demyx’s reply, but he was probably whimpering in fear.  I was pretty sure I whimpered myself when his giant cobalt blue eyes locked onto me.  I screamed when he lifted me by my hood. 

_I’m so dead.  I’m 200% dead._

“Xenan.  Is it safe to assume you’re up to no good?”  His eyes narrowed, but each was still about as large as my face, which I could see reflected in his black pupils.

“M-mission.  D-d-destroying sh-shadow globs,” I stuttered pathetically, gulping.  He could literally eat me right now.  Not that I could think of any reason why he would do that, but he could.  His white teeth were like bleached tombstones when he opened his mouth to speak.  All I needed to do was carve my name in one.  _Anne-Xenan Smith, 5123—5142.  Fought Heartless all her life just to get eaten by her giant coworker._   _Don’t prank you neighbors, kids._   Yep, that’d make a great inscription.

“And you.  Kirux.  Did your mission require two amateurs?”

“Yep!  Xen-Xen took me on my first mission!”  I wondered if he even knew what “amateurs” meant.  “We beat up purple polka-dots.  I can’t have one as a pet.”

“If you’re attempting to be cute, you’re wasting your time.”  Xaldin glared disdainfully.  “And as for Shadow Globs, I see none.  If you needed a lie, you should’ve at least put some thought into it.”

“In the f-forest,” I clarify, actually not lying.  “We got r-rid of them all.  Now we were j-just,” I gulped again, keeping my eyes open.  So my life wouldn’t flash before them.  “L-looking for treasure chests.”

“Hmph.”  His eyes searched me, but he didn’t seem to find anything he could use against me so far.  I dangled there, awaiting my fate.  “You’re in luck, Xenan.  If it were not for the shortage of members, this would be an excellent time to…”

“Get revenge?” I asked, wincing.  He stroked his chin with the hand that wasn’t keeping me suspended twenty feet off the ground.  Still, it was much less terrifying to look down than to look at Xaldin’s hardened face.

“Not revenge,” he replied coldly.  “Justice.”

Well, _that_ sounded so much better, coming from someone who hated my guts.  Would, anyway, if he had a heart.

“Xenan!”  Demyx called from below.  “Hang on, I’ll—uh… ”

I rolled my eyes.  “Still hanging.”  Literally.

All Xaldin had to do was glance down at Demyx, and my best friend squeaked and fled.  So much for that.

“Physically breaking you may be against the Organization’s best interests at the moment,” Xaldin mused.  “However, there are other things dear to you besides your pitiful life.”

A hysteric laugh built deep in my throat.  “What’s th-that supposed to mean?”

Before, I’d thought Xigbar had the most terrifying evil grin.  Never had I been so wrong.  “I’ll leave that to your imagination.  For now.”

My imagination didn’t need an extra boost.  My body did.  I had to get out of here, didn’t matter that I might fall to my death, had to get out, better than torture by Xaldin—

I squirmed, but I couldn’t wriggle my hood free from his grip, even when I reached up to tug at it.  I was like a cat caught by its scruff, trapped; what was he going to do to me?  What did he think was dear to me?  Sleep, food, not being in pain?  He didn’t have to kill me to hurt me; he could cut me open and pour potions on me again and again, cutting and healing so I’d still be alive, but horribly, physically and mentally scarred…

But his sight wasn’t set on me anymore.  Something dear to me.  He knew.  He knew I could care, I could feel, and he knew I cared about—

“Wait!”  I yelled before he could reach down to grab R-2, who was staring up with new terror in his eyes.  “I’m a Nobody!  No heart, remember? Why would I care about anything besides myself?”

Xaldin paused.  “Perhaps you’d care to enlighten me.”

Was I hallucinating, or was he actually curious?  It didn’t matter.  There was only one way I could protect R-2 – I had to bluff my way through this.  “I only care about getting my heart back and saving my own lousy skin.  What else is there to care about?”

Clearly he didn’t buy it.  “You mean to say you care nothing for your crippled friend.”  He plucked R-2 up anyway, shaking him off of his windsail, before Axel, Roxas, and Xion could attempt to stop him from below.  Not that they could have done much, but maybe they could’ve bought me some time.  “Your friend for whom you built a new leg, and who you assisted on your mission, despite his obvious weakness.   Coddling weaknesses is the surest sign of pathetic emotions.”

“I-I don’t care for him.”  I had to avert my gaze from R-2’s watering eyes, and still my voice wavered.  How could I be more convincing?  And if I did convince Xaldin… would R-2 forgive me?  “He is a valuable asset to our Organization.  He may need to be restored to full health first, but he is not a weakness.  He proved on this mission that his prosthetic leg will not be an issue.”

“Strictly an asset to our Organization.”  Xaldin’s eyes narrowed.

“Yes,” I answered, gulping.

“Xen-Xen…”  R-2 murmured, eyes wide with fear.  I had to resist the urge to comfort him, or I would be putting both our necks on the guillotine.

“Hmph… then you won’t mind if I test his pain tolerance.  To make sure he can be asset you say he is.”

“No!”  The outburst left me before I could check myself; the horrific vision of torture flashing vividly to mind, only this time with R-2 in my place.  He’d been through enough torture with Vexen.  No more.  Not while I could do something about it.

I summoned my mace, flinging it towards R-2, trusting my lack of aim.  It didn’t let me down – R-2 flinched, but it was Xaldin’s hand that took the off-course blow.  His grip loosened, and R-2 fell, down, down –

I didn’t have time to see what happened to him, because Xaldin was lifting me up, summoning his spears – which were also giant now.  Stupid Wonderland logic; that wasn’t even fair.  Anyway, I wasn’t waiting around for him to impale me with them.  I’d rather fall to my death.

“Hmph.  Your lying skills still leave much to be desired.”  Xaldin’s grip tightened on my coat.  My coat – he only had me by my coat!

“But if you would rather suffer, I will grant you your wish,” he continued, looking strangely pleased, despite not having a heart to feel pleasure with.  But now wasn’t the time for philosophy.  Struggling, I maneuvered my arms out of my coat, jerking free of the sleeves.

I didn’t realize gravity would work so fast—no time to come up with a last-second plan, no time to even brace for the bone-breaking impact that was sure to come—

Suddenly I crashed, but not into the ground.

“Xen-Xen.”  R-2 had caught me bridal-style while hovering on his windsail, which I could tell was straining under our combined weight.  If I wasn’t so thankful to be alive, I would’ve felt awkward.  It was always weird to realize he was that much bigger than me.  “Maybe you don’t care about me.  But I still care about you.”

“R-2…”  My voice caught in my throat.  “You didn’t believe that, did you?  I was lying.  So Xaldin wouldn’t hurt you.”

 “I don’t like lying.”  Frowning, he gently placed me on the ground – not on my feet, just laid me there.  I scrambled to my feet as Axel, Roxas, and Xion crowded around us.

“Maybe we all need those air-skateboards,” Axel commented.  “Roxas caught your kid with it before he caught you.”

“Good to know you guys weren’t just sitting around eating popcorn,” I replied, a bit too harshly.  Softening, I added, “Thanks, Roxas.”

The younger Nobody smiled.  “You guys would’ve done the same for me.”

“You should pay him back by making him one of those.”  Axel jerked a thumb in the windsail’s direction.  “The kid’s a natural.  Must’ve been a skateboarder in a previous life.”  Roxas practically glowed with pride at the compliment.

Considering Xaldin was still looming over the hedge maze, though, now wasn’t the time to brag on anyone.

“Foolish girl.”  Xaldin sounded amused at my failure.  “Where will you run?”

Clearly, I couldn’t.  Even if I used a dark corridor, he would eventually find me, and I doubted he would drink the shrinking potion to return to normal until he’d tortured me to his non-heart’s content.  Wait…

“Axel, quick, the other potion—”

Xaldin’s giant spears impaled themselves in the ground around me, forming a cylinder-shaped jail I could barely stick my arm through.  “Axel—!”

There wasn’t even enough room to form a corridor.  Despite not being claustrophobic, with those lances looming over me, I was pretty close to having a panic attack.

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 called, trying to squeeze his way in from above, but the spears suddenly caved inwards at the top, forming a teepee that blocked any rescue from the air.

I had to think – I had to do _something,_ I couldn’t just break down and let him torture me—

“Hey!  Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

That voice… it couldn’t be… Demyx?  I couldn’t see very well out of my cage, but considering his non-booming voice and the fact that I didn’t hear any hedges being crushed, he couldn’t be anywhere near Xaldin’s size.

Xaldin actually laughed.  Which would’ve been hilarious, if it hadn’t been terrifying. 

“How pointlessly sentimental.”

Then I _did_ hear hedges cracking.  Through the lance-bars, I watched Demyx grow to Darkside proportions. 

Axel whistled in appreciation.  “Never thought I’d see Demyx run _towards_ a fight.”

And I never thought I’d see him use a jet of water to blast Xaldin in the face, either.  The older member flew backwards, shaking the earth when he landed flat on his back, but it wasn’t enough to shake the spears around me out of their place.

“Hmph.  Still as rash and brainless as ever,” Xaldin said evenly as he used a gust of wind to return to his feet.  “This will cost you.”

“We’ll see about that.”  If I didn’t know Demyx better, I’d almost be scared at that tone.  “Dance, water, dance!”

“Get him, Demyx!”  I cheered as three giant water clones appeared to back him up.  Thankfully he was far enough away that the clones didn’t appear on top of the rest of us; we would’ve drowned.

“Yay, Dem-Dem!”  R-2 cheered too.  Roxas and Xion started chanting his name as he and Xaldin exploded into a full-on Boss Battle – which meant the wind-wielder needed his spears.  The prison uprooted itself around me and flew to his aid.

“Whew.”  I breathed in deep and exhaled.  I had to admit, that was some much better rescuing than I’d expected.  I’d repay Demyx with his favorite blueberry pancakes every day for a month – if Xaldin didn’t kill him, anyway.

“Xenan, you still got the camera?”  Axel asked, staring up at the water-versus-wind, sitar-versus-spears battle.  “I need proof of this so I don’t question my sanity later.”

I opened a corridor and reached in, feeling around until I found it.  “Trade you for the shrinking potion.”  He tossed it; I tossed back the camera.

“Wow.  I didn’t know Demyx could actually fight.”

“Roxas, that’s rude,” Xion chastised him.  “Demyx is really sweet.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he could fight.”

R-2 hovered by them, watching just like it was a movie on one of those “T-V” things.  But it wasn’t – this was real, and Demyx could really get hurt.

“R-2, I need your windsail.”

“What?  Why?”  He asked protectively.  I was about to explain, but then I heard Demyx cry out in pain.  He may be a better fighter than anyone thought, but he was still one-on-one with Xaldin.

“Please!”  I yelled, exasperated.

“…Since you said please.”  R-2 dislodged his prosthetic after tapping the windsail’s stern to return the ground.  I steadied him before taking his place on it, and it jetted up excitedly when I kicked it back on.  It was calibrated to R-2’s now-heavier weight; for me it zipped along like it was carrying feathers.

“Being this light can’t be healthy,” I muttered, speeding towards Xaldin.  “Maybe I can fix that now that I can finally eat three meals a day…”  Only now that I was fighting Xaldin, I _still_ wouldn’t be able to eat with the rest of the Organization, even without Xigbar stealing my food.  Ugggh.

Now wasn’t the time for food.  At least the windsail had enough power to lift me to Xaldin’s pocket before shakily petering to a standstill.  “Close enough, I guess.”

Kicking off of the windsail, I leapt for his coat.  My hands clutched the smooth fabric, but he was moving too much, my feet kept slipping—

One of Demyx’s water clones twirled Xaldin, and the centrifugal force flung me away.  I barely had time to think about what I’d look like splattered against the ground.

Miraculously, for the second time today, that didn’t happen.  Instead, a giant hand caught me.

“Hey, Xenan.”  Demyx’s weak grin showed off a row of surprisingly-clean teeth.  Not that I’d ever checked his dental hygiene up close before.  “I’m huge.  Pretty cool, huh?”

“I definitely didn’t expect it.”  I laughed breathlessly, still trying not to pass out from the dizzying motion combined with the dangerous height.  “Thanks for saving me.”

“Heh.  I picked a fight with Xaldin.  Why did I do that?”  He sounded halfway out of it; black smoke seeped from cuts on his arms, chest, and face.  Luckily none of them were too deep.

“Because you’re a way better friend than I’ve ever been.  And I’ll make you blueberry pancakes every day for a month if you don’t die.”

He laughed, barely.  “I won’t die then.”

“Good.  I’ll hold you to that.”

“Yeah, I’d rather save my death for your cooking,” he wasn’t too exhausted to tease.  Did I say cook?  It didn’t matter; right now I just needed him to survive.

“You do that.”

Xaldin finally destroyed the slippery, spinning water clone by stabbing with all six of his lances.

“Uh-oh.”  Demyx’s eyes widened.  “Hold on.”

“Wha-?”

He shoved me in his pocket, strumming his sitar with his now-free hand.  A wall of water materialized and slowed the speeding lances, diverting them around him on either side.

“Demyx!”  I called from inside his pocket, trying not to think about the month-old candy wrappers sticking to my legs and unsleeved arms.  “You can’t stall him forever!  I have a plan!”

“Hold on, still trying to not die!”  His sitar melody was deafening, but it blasted pillars of water at Xaldin, whose rage was building.  Would it be worth it to try to climb out of his pocket?  Or would I just get flung off again?

“Enough!”  Xaldin dodged the pillars deftly, summoning his spears for another strike.  I braced myself, but Demyx blocked all but one spear with his sitar.  All but one, one about to plunge through his stomach—

With all my might, all my magic, I locked on to the metal in the spear.  I didn’t know I could use my magic to override his control on his weapon.  I just did – bending it in half, so its own momentum plunged it into the ground.

Xaldin stared; shock played across his face.  As much as I wanted to savor his slackjawed expression, it was time to finish this.

“Demyx,” I called again.  “Throw me!”

“What?”

“Throw me at Xaldin!”

“Er… my aim’s not that good—”

“He’s a freaking _giant!_ How could you _not_ hit him?!”

“Okay, okay!  I got an idea.  Don’t be mad.”

Before I could ask what I’d be mad about, he threw me upwards into the air and blasted me forward with a jet of water.  I held in my scream, but only because the water would’ve flooded my lungs otherwise.

I smacked straight into Xaldin’s forehead; my hands clutched the hair of his eyebrows.  I’d only have a few seconds before he’d swat me off like a mosquito.  I dug in my pocket, panicking for a moment before I found the bottle, and shimmied awkwardly past Xaldin’s nose.  He went cross-eyed to focus on me.

“You—” His mouth opened.  That was all I needed.  Barely balancing in the crease of his nostril, I unstoppered the bottle, and I chunked the whole thing down his throat.

Coughing and gagging sounds assaulted me.  His neck twitched, flinging me sideways, but I latched onto his right sideburn.

  1.   Never thought face-fuzz would be good for something.



Then, finally, Xaldin began to shrink.  Smaller, smaller, until he was a normal sized man, with a girl still pinching his sideburn.  As I quickly let go, the others surrounded him.

“Aaand that’s a wrap,” Axel told Xion, who shut off the camera and tossed it through a dark corridor.  Xaldin scowled. 

“If you think you’ve won, you’re as naïve as the rest of them.  The Superior will hear about this.”

“Oh, yeah?”  Axel raised an eyebrow.  “Go ahead, tell him how _another_ senior member mutinously attacked three other members without cause.  I dare you.”

“I did have cause, Axel.”

“What, that she shaved off some of your facial hair back when she was a newb?”  He jerked a thumb in my direction.  “I’m all for caring about your hair, but torture over it?  Boss Battles?  I think the bossman might find that a little overkill, don’t you?”

Xaldin’s scowl deepened, but he remained silent.

Axel smirked.  “That’s what I thought.”

“Hmph.  Xigbar and Luxord were right to try to eradicate you.  You are a disgrace to our Organization.”  With that, he disappeared through a dark corridor.

“Love you too, Xal.”  Axel rolled his eyes, then turned to the rest of us.  “Well, I’d say that was a success.  Whaddaya think?”

Now that the immediate danger had passed, I turned on him.  “I think that was the stupidest idea ever!  He could’ve _killed_ us!”

“But,” Axel grinned, “he didn’t.  And when Xigbar and Luxord see this footage, _they’ll_ be the ones scared of _us.”_

Demyx laughed.  “Xiggy, scared of _me?_ You’re crazy. _”_

“Think about it!  You and Xenan took down Xaldin.  Two on one.  There’s—” he took a quick headcount, “—six of us.  Six on two, if we have to fight Xigbar and Luxord.  Pretty good odds, if you ask me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” I backed up, “Why in the worlds would we do that?”

“In case you were right, and this whole ‘Prank War’ really is a trap.”

Well, good to know my reservation was taken seriously.  Crashing from the adrenaline rush, I was too exhausted to argue any more.

“Here you go, Xen-Xen.”  R-2 hobbled up, holding my coat in one hand and his windsail under his other arm.

“Thanks.”  I pulled it on over my undershirt, not wanting to mess with the zippers.  “You need help getting back on that?”

“Um…”  He held the windsail out, revealing the dangling mast and various puncture holes.  I hadn’t exactly paid attention to what happened to it after I used it as a springboard.  “Can you fix it?”

My magic was still drained just from bending Xaldin’s huge spear.  “When we get home.  I need to eat, like, ten fish right now.”  Mm.  Fish.  Which I definitely wouldn’t be getting at the castle, not with Xaldin cooking.

“Hey, up here.”  Giant-Demyx waved.  “Can you guys, uh, get me that other potion…?”

Xion, the quickest of us to volunteer for errands, immediately retrieved it from the Bizarre Room.  The weirder part was when he had to pick her up so she could pour it in his mouth.

“Whew.”  Demyx stumbled for a moment when he finally returned to his usual size, Xion landing on her feet beside him.  “Always makes me dizzy…”

I gave him a hard pat on the back.  “Again, I owe you one.”

“Yup.  Blueberry pancakes, tomorrow morning.  Don’t forget the whipped cream.”

I laughed.  “You sure you actually want me to try cooking again?”

“Hey, you said you owe me one.  You can repay me by learning to cook the best breakfast ever.”

Axel frowned.  “It’d be great to not be the only one of us that can cook and all, but Xenan?  Really?”

“I can try!”  I defended myself.  “I’ve learned my lesson.  No magic, and no throwing junk in without a recipe.”

He still looked skeptical of the whole idea, but that was fine.  He didn’t have to eat my pancakes, which were going to be _awesome._ “Well, you can try and cook tomorrow, but for now I say we get us a dinner that _won’t_ kill all our brain cells.  I know a place with some great fish.”

We went to the beachside of Atlantica for dinner, but about an hour later, I could’ve sworn I heard someone screaming a world away.

_“My beautiful roses!  Someone is losing their HEAD!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve started a draft-a-chapter, type-a-chapter every week goal (for all my fanfiction, not just this story), so hopefully that will keep me on track towards finishing this without any long hiatuses. I started writing this the summer before I started high school, and now I’m about to graduate. How weird is that? I feel old. xP
> 
> I’m not sure how IC Xaldin was; I’ve only actually written dialogue for him, like, twice. Maybe.
> 
> Oh, the funny thing is, when Demyx and Xaldin are giant, I think they would technically be normal-sized, since everyone had to shrink to go into that area of Wonderland. Also, Saïx is not going to be happy to find out how much damage they did to Wonderland. *sweatdrop*


	35. Pancake Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike the previous chapters involving cooking, you could actually use this recipe. :D Credit for the recipe goes to Dakota Kelley on allrecipies (dot) com.

This was it.  Today would be the day I actually learned how to cook, for real.  No more throwing food together and hoping it wouldn’t explode.  If I’d learned anything, I knew now that cooking was an actual skill, not something I could fake or rush my way through.  But I’d made a promise to Demyx that I’d make him blueberry pancakes.  Maybe it wouldn’t be easy as I’d first expected, but I swore on Kingdom Hearts, today was the day I was going to get it.

Still, I was smart enough to know I couldn’t learn to cook on my own.  That was why, at six o’clock the morning following our prank on Xaldin, I knocked on Axel’s bedroom door.

“Axel?”  I called when minutes passed with no answer.  Either he was already awake, he was still out cold, or he was ignoring me.  Probably one of those last two.

Sighing, I trudged back to the Grey Area.  Who else knew how to cook, who also wasn’t likely to kill me?

“…destroyed an entire reconnaissance area!  I cannot allow this to continue!”

“Saï, it was just Wonderland.  It’ll grow back in a couple of days.  Besides, you’ve wanted to tear that place apart yourself more than a few times, heh.”

I ducked behind the corner, eavesdropping on Saïx and Axel’s conversation.  What did you know; he actually _was_ awake.

“Wonderland is not the only issue,” Saïx continued.  I could picture him glaring over his clipboard.  “In light of the recent events, Number III has resigned as our cook.  In his own words, he will not continue to serve ‘traitors and miscreants.’”

“Ooh, ‘miscreants.’ That’s a new one.”  Sarcasm dripped off Axel’s voice.  “So what, we don’t get bacon for breakfast anymore.  I can pour myself a bowl of cereal.”

“You are missing the point, as usual,” Saïx interjected sternly.  “The Superior expects his morning meal delivered to the Altar of Naught at precisely seven o’clock.  If he is disappointed…”

He left the phrase floating in the air.  I risked a peek from behind the wall; Axel was standing silently, arms crossed.

“…What do you want me to do, pick up Xaldin’s slack?”  The redhead finally asked.  “I’m no Demyx, but I’m not big on working overtime just so the bossman gets his room service.  Get the Dusks to do it.”

“The Dusks have no concept of taste, and their antics can be even more irritating than yours.”

“Heh.  Tell that to that Dusk back at C.O.”  He chuckled.  Oh yeah, the unfortunate Dusk that ate our ‘stew…’

“The fact remains that only a greater Nobody has the necessary qualifications.  Someone must—”

Uh-oh.  Saïx’s gold eyes locked on the side of my face that wasn’t hidden well enough.

“Xenan,” he called me out.  I stepped forward calmly; what was the worst he could do for eavesdropping?  “How well can you cook?”

To his credit, Axel held it together for one second before he burst out laughing.  “Xenan?  Cook?  What do you wanna do, give us all food poisoning?”

Saïx shot him a glare.  “This conflict with Xaldin began with her.  She is perfectly suited to cover the damages.”

“Or make even more,” Axel continued.  “You didn’t see her back at C.O.”

I shoved him with one arm; I didn’t need the cake incident reaching Saïx’s ears too.

“Great.  When do I start?”

Saïx glanced back and forth between the two of us.  Probably wondering if he should listen to Axel’s advice.  Honestly, I hoped he wouldn’t.  I needed to learn how to cook; what better way to do it than by replacing Xaldin?  If this worked out, I’d get to make sure I got three good meals a day.

There was only the small problem that I had no cooking skills whatsoever.  But we’d get to that.

“…We start now,” Saïx announced gravely.

“Wait, ‘we’?”  I asked.

“If you are as much of a disaster as Axel insists, someone must instruct you.  I believe I am best suited for damage control.”  He sighed, passing off his clipboard to Axel.  “Should anything go dreadfully wrong, these are today’s missions.  Pass them out to the other members as they awake.”

Axel flipped through the papers on the clipboard.  “Recon, heart collection, heart collection, collect emblems, recon – Unidentified Giant Heartless?  Aww, come on, I just had one yesterday!”

“My mission assignments are final.  Unless _you_ would rather be on cooking duty,” the blue-haired man challenged.

“Ha ha, I knew you still had a sense of humor in there.”  Axel laughed, taking up Saïx’s usual spot at the head of the Grey Area.

Meanwhile, the Luna Diviner unceremoniously dragged me through a dark corridor to the Kitchen of Brewing Darkness.  As of right now, it sparkled with cleanliness.  I wondered how long that would last.

“Listen carefully,” Saïx ordered, turning to face me.  “We have exactly forty-nine minutes to prepare the Superior’s breakfast.  You will follow my instructions exactly and completely, with no deviation.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” I replied, like I ‘d finally been enrolled in the military academy I’d always dreamed of attending, before I found out just how awful the military actually was.  Seeing the war’s toll on my mom and Henry had thoroughly purged that dream from me.  Not that fighting Heartless on my own was the problem.  I just didn’t trust the same captains and squads that had failed my family before.

Saïx retrieved a book from an upper cabinet, then flipped it open to a page marked with a blue sticky note.

“Today is Tuesday.  Tuesday is Pancake Day,” he declared, like it was an unalterable law of the universe.  I knew Xaldin had a pattern of meals every seven days, but I didn’t know that it was a set rule.  Anyway, it looked like Tuesday was my lucky day.

“Great.  So what do I do?”

“First, retrieve the griddle from the lowest cabinet on the left.”

I opened the cabinet, unsure of what I was looking for.  “Uh… grid-what?” 

He sighed.  “It is an electric stovetop device.  Cooking pancakes would be far more difficult without it.”

Well, there was only one thing in the cabinet anyway.  It was flat like a stovetop, and black.  I plugged its electrical cord into the wall outlet.

“Now what?”

“Now,” he announced, handing me the cookbook, “I will assess your progress on your own for the first step.  Ask any relevant questions; this must be performed correctly the first time.”

  1.   No pressure or anything.  Well, at least this time I had a recipe.  Following instructions couldn’t be too hard, right?



First things first, I had to gather the ingredients.  One and a half cups of all-purpose flour, three and a half teaspoons of baking powder, one teaspoon salt, one tablespoon sugar…  I was momentarily distracted by the measurements.  What was a ‘tablespoon’?  A spoon the size of a table?  I rummaged through the utensil drawer, but I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.

“Are you in need of assistance?”  Saïx asked with an irritated undertone.

“…What’s a tablespoon?”

Sighing, he pulled a key ring of stubby spoons from a completely different drawer.  “Both the tablespoon and the teaspoon are present here.  You focus on the ingredients; I will find the other measuring utensils.”  He must have realized we would be here all day if he left me to my own devices.

Well, at least most of the ingredients were labeled, and I remembered some of them from the cake incident.  Flour, sugar, and baking powder were in metal canisters lining the counter; I set them by the griddle.  Salt was in the shaker out on the dining room table.  Milk (one and one-fourth cups), butter (three tablespoons), and an egg were all in the refrigerator.

“The task from here should be simple,” Saïx said.  “Measure out the ingredients.  The flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar should be mixed into the bowl first.”

Flour, powder, salt sugar.  I kept repeating the ingredients in my head.  Saïx had set out a glass pitcher with horizontal marks down the side; I recognized it as a measuring cup.  Right.  ‘Cups’ in cooking weren’t just any cup out of the cabinet.  Carefully as I could, I poured flour from the canister into the measuring cup.  A small puff of white powder poofed in my face as I poured, and I coughed, scattering more powder.

“Careful,” Saïx chastised.  “The measurement must be exact.  Tap the side of the canister to pour more slowly.”

“…Like this?”  I gave the side a nice whack; a clump fell into the measuring cup, poofing dust into Saïx’s face.

“Not quite,” he coughed, fanning it away.  Taking the canister into his own hands, he gently tapped the side with two fingers, so only a small stream of white trickled out.  “Like this.  I trust you can emulate the process?”

“Yeah.  Yes, sir,” I added more respectfully.  For someone who didn’t like me, he was being pretty polite, even if it was forced.  I might as well do the same.  “Thank you.”

The flour poured much more easily using Saïx’s method.  Soon I had the one and a half cups the recipe called for.  Saïx shook the measuring cup to level it, then poured it into the mixing bowl.

“Continue.”  He nodded.

The other ingredients required the weird spoons.  He quickly saw me struggling with them and demonstrated how to level off the top with a knife and not dump everything out.

“You’re really good at this,” I said in amazement.

“These are the most basic of cooking skills,” he replied.  Maybe he was trying to be condescending; his monotone voice made it hard to tell.

“Still, you’re way better than me.  Why don’t you be the Organization’s cook?”

He shot me a look like that was a dumber idea than putting Demyx in charge of the whole Organization.  “And who do you suppose would plan your missions in my place?”

I wasn’t sure exactly how much work that took, but I wasn’t about to argue with him.  I wasn’t in the mood for an Unidentified Giant Heartless mission.

“…I’ll just have to try harder,” I muttered to myself, whisking the ingredients.

“That will do,” he said when it was thoroughly mixed.  “This next step is not difficult, but will require careful attention to detail.  Read the instructions.”

I read the next step of the recipe out loud.  “ _Make a well in the center and pour in the milk, egg, and melted butter; mix until smooth._ Wait, a well?”

“It is just an indention in the center of the mixture.”  ‘ _You idiot’_ seemed to be implied.

“Sorry I don’t speak your fancy cooking language,” I muttered, making a little hole in the middle with my spoon.  That wasn’t so hard.  “How did you learn how to cook, anyway?”  It was a more personal question than I’d usually ask the intimidating man, but he _had_ said I could ask any relevant questions.  It seemed relevant enough to me.

“My Somebody knew,” he replied curtly, melting the three tablespoons of butter in the microwave.  “Any self-sufficient human, or Nobody for that matter, should have basic cooking abilities.”

“Well, that’s why I’m learning,” I said a little too snappily.  I picked an egg out of the carton, only to realize I had no idea how I was supposed to crack it.  But I was tired of asking Saïx for help.  It couldn’t be too hard… how had Dad done it?  He just hit it against something, right?

Saïx turned around with the melted butter just in time to see me crush the egg against the side of the mixing bowl.

“ _Xenan!”_ He practically dove forwards, rushing to set the butter on the counter (thankfully not spilling it) and scooping out the crushed, gooey mess.  “Do you know what the Superior will do if he finds eggshell in his pancakes?!”

Saïx never joked, but the idea that he was serious was just as hilarious as if he’d suddenly decided to take up pranking as a hobby.  I’d never heard that much emotion, real or fake, in his voice.  It took a lot of effort not to burst out laughing.

“Eat it anyway?”  I suggested.  Whine about it?  How was I supposed to know? I’d only seen Xemnas a few times, and never at meals.

Saïx glared dangerously.  “You paid a visit to Numbers II and X’s pseudo-Void.  Why don’t you ask Number IX why he visited the true one?”

I gulped.  I’d picked up from what the others said that the accident that led to R-2 losing his leg happened in a Void, but I didn’t remember anything about Demyx going to Xemnas’s real one.  But I trusted that Saïx wouldn’t make that up.

“…It was over a pancake?”  …And did that mean Demyx had once been the Organization’s cook?  It was weird to think about what life might’ve been like here before I came.  …Probably a lot quieter.

Saix rinsed his ungloved hand.  Maybe I should’ve taken my gloves off too, but after the cake incident, I felt safer cooking with them on.  “Yes.  So observe how to crack an egg properly.”

I hovered nearby as he lightly tapped the side of the egg against the inside of the bowl.  Pretty much what I’d done, only softer.  Then, using two hands, he cleanly separated the two halves of the eggshell, letting the jelly-like insides plop into the ‘well’ in the center.  Was it just him, or did cooking always have to look like performing surgery?

“Mix,” he ordered, pushing the bowl towards me. 

Finally, something I could do right.  Still, he kept scowling at me the whole time.  I tried to keep batter from flying out, but there _was_ a time limit, so naturally there wasn’t a lot of time to worry about the drops that flung off onto the previously-clean floor.

“What?”  I challenged when I couldn’t take it anymore.  Those gold eyes were creepy enough when they weren’t boring into me skull.

He shook his head.  “Perhaps I should have listened to Axel.  I do not have the time to deal with this much chaos every morning.”

“Then make Xaldin cook again!  You’re his boss, right?”  I mixed harder. 

“It is not quite that simple.”  He frowned.  “With Xigbar currently on leave and the Castle Oblivion team eliminated, Xaldin is the only remaining senior member other than the Superior himself.”

“Wait, you mean _you’re_ not a ‘senior member’?”  I asked, moving on to the next step, coating the griddle with a spray that Saïx said would keep the pancakes from sticking, then pouring the batter out in little circles.  My circles were more like lopsided ovals, but otherwise it didn’t seem too hard.

“Not technically.  I have risen to my position through much effort.

I couldn’t imagine an Organization without Saïx as second-in-command.  But I didn’t pursue it further; I focused on carefully pouring out pancakes.

“Well done,” Saïx actually praised me for once.  Wow.  “Now you must watch them carefully.  Once they are brown underneath, flip them with this.”  He handed me a spatula.

“How do I know if it’s brown on the bottom?  I can’t see it.”

Did I imagine him rolling his eyes?  “The edge will begin to change color.  As I said, use your powers of observation.”

I did.  …It _did_ get a little darker around the edges, and thicker, too.  When it looked ready, I slid the spatula underneath one and carefully flipped it.

I grinned in satisfaction.  One perfectly golden-brown pancake.  I could do this.  _Take that, Axel._

“You are making progress.”  Another positive comment from Saïx; this was as rare as a vacation day.  “We have twelve minutes remaining.  Once you are finished I will instruct you in the final step.”

I finished flipping the pancakes, patiently waited for the other sides to cook, and moved the finished pancakes to a clean plate.  The recipe had been enough for sixteen medium-sized pancakes; how many did Xemnas eat?

Saïx took a heart-shaped plate out of the high cabinet next to the refrigerator.  “Place two pancakes here.”  I did as he ordered.  “Now draw a heart with the maple syrup.”

I paused, wondering if this was actually someone’s prank on me.  Even Saïx couldn’t be serious about this, could he?

“Xemnas, uh, really…?”  I knew Axel joked about Xemnas ‘fangirling over Kingdom Hearts,’ but still, this was ridiculous.

“Our Superior’s dietary habits are not your concern.”

I shook my head and shrugged, getting the syrup from the pantry.  If Xemnas had a thing for hearts, that wasn’t my problem.

“I expected better craftsmanship from you, XV.”  Saïx stared in disdain at my lopsided syrup-heart.  “But I suppose it will do.  Deliver it to the Altar of Naught.  Then you may begin preparing the Dining Hall for breakfast.”  He opened a dark corridor for me, but I was hesitant to leave just yet.

“Thank you for teaching me how to cook,” I said sincerely.  I would’ve expected him to be too efficient to waste this much time on me.

“Do not expect this every day.”  He turned his back on me.  “I believe you have learned enough that written instructions and tutorial videos will be sufficient from this point on.  Any failure to produce the requested food will rest on your head.”

Well, that sounded wonderful.  Maybe he’d just set me up with this job so Xemnas would off me… but then why bother teaching me in the first place?

While I was wondering about Saïx, I had one other, completely non-food-related question.

“Hey, um, sir… What happened to your cat?”

He shot a venomous glare over his shoulder.  “That is none of your concern.”

“Well, I just wanted to say, um… sorry.”  I swallowed.  “If it was my fault… anything happened to it.”

There hadn’t been any point in tattling, back when I let Xemnas know about the cat before I got exiled to C.O.  I mean, I’d been kind of mad that Saïx caught me, but it was mostly Xigbar’s fault (as usual).  I didn’t have to just spite him like that.

A thought hit me – he could’ve done that back to me.  With R-2.  Still could, if he realized R-2’s replica status…

I’d better be very, very careful around the Luna Diviner.

“Save your apologies.”  Saïx strode towards the door.  “Nobodies can feel neither regret nor remorse.”

Was he talking about me, or himself?  I’d probably never know, but I’d done what I could.  Better get those heart-pancakes to Xemnas before I got myself thrown in the Void.

XXX

“Kingdom Hearts.”  Xemnas’s deep voice filled the dark, empty sky.  “Fill the Void within us; unite thirteen vessels as one…”

Uh… what had I just walked in on?

Xemnas raised his arms to the sky, bathing in the light of the heart-shaped moon.  Which, normally, would only be a little weirder than just appreciating the view.  But he was also standing in front of a _literal altar,_ with various key- and heart-shaped objects placed on it, including fuzzy heart pillows, house keys, boxes of heart candies, teddy bears holding hearts…

It was called the Altar of Naught, but I’d thought that was just one of Xemnas’s weird names.  I hadn’t realized our leader was _this_ obsessed.

Xemnas turned around, finally recognizing my presence.  “Number XV.  Where is Number III?  We desire our pancakes.”

I tried to ignore the circumstances and remember that this was still my boss, who could turn me into a Dusk or throw me in the Void if I made him mad.

“Number III is, uh… I’m filling in for him today.  Maybe for a while, actually,” I added, trying to dodge his gold-eyed stare.  Were Xemnas and Saïx from the same world?  I’d never seen eyes like those in any world I’d been to.  “Here are your pancakes.”

I held out the heart-shaped plate, which Xemnas accepted, summoning a fork to take a bite. Why hadn’t I taste-tested it earlier?  If it only looked good on the outside, if it was actually as disgusting as the other things I’d cooked…

“This pleases us,” Xemnas said, his expression unchanged.  “You are dismissed.”

I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.  I couldn’t get through the corridor away from there fast enough.

This was way too much weird for only seven o’clock in the morning.

XXX

“Breakfast is served,” I announced later in the Dining Hall of Non-Existence, serving up plates of warm pancakes.

“Ooh, those smell tasty!”  R-2 exclaimed, scooting his chair back and forth as I set his plate in front of him.  “Hey, it has a face!  A happy face!”

“Yep,” I replied as he gleefully giggled at the lopsided, syrupy face I’d drawn on his pancakes.

“Hmph.  Just an asset, indeed,” Xaldin muttered.  I put his undecorated pancakes on his placemat and moved on.

“Thank you, Xenan,” Xion said upon receiving hers.

“Yeah, thanks,” Roxas echoed.

Axel crossed his arms.  “I’d let someone taste it first before you go thanking her.”

“She cooked these under my supervision,” Saïx assured him, carefully dissecting his own pancakes.  Was there anything he didn’t do carefully?

“Yeah, still think I’ll wait and see if you keel over.”

I didn’t really care what Axel thought; there was only one taste-test I needed to pass.

“Heh.  You actually did it.”  Demyx grinned at his pancakes, which I’d sprinkled blueberries on top of.  Close enough.  “How _did_ you do it?”

“Like Saïx said, under his supervision.”

“ _Saïx_ can cook?”

“I heard that, Demyx,” the man said from across the table.

“It was just a question.  Sheesh.”  Still, he kept smiling.  “Did you remember the whipped cream?”

I pulled the spray can out of my bottomless pocket.  “What do you take me for?”

While he sprayed out a pile of whipped cream, I served my own butter-lathered pancakes and took my seat.  Finally, I could taste the fruit of my effort.

And it was _delicious._


	36. Hearts and Pranks Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day special!

_“Dearest Xemnas,_

_I know this might seem sudden.  It feels like just yesterday was the first time you raised your arms to proclaim your undying non-feelings for me.  I am pleased with your offerings.  Your praise makes my many hearts race.  Come to me, and I will fill the Void within you._

_Eternal love,_

_Kingdom Hearts.”_

Demyx cracked up after reading my “love letter.”  I’m surprised he got through it first; his cheeks had been bloated with suppressed laughter the whole time.

“This is _awesome!”_ He exclaimed.  “Sounds like you’ve had a lot of practice, heh.”

“Shut up.”  I snatched the heart-patterned stationary back from him.  I didn’t think it was even that great, but considering I knew how to spell, I was at least a better choice than him.  “So you think it’s convincing enough?”

“Considering no one knows how a giant floating heart-moon would write, I’d say so,” Axel confirmed.  “Besides, I don’t think anyone else knows you can write like that.  Unless you’ve been sending your own love letters…”  He wiggled his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes.

“You’ve caught me,” I replied sarcastically.  “I admit it.  It’s Dusk #8794.”

They both get a good laugh out of that.  Really, my note was mainly a mixture of what I’d heard Xemnas say himself and a “chick flick” Demyx had gotten me and Xion to watch.  Contrary to his belief, not all girls liked cheesy romance movies.  Xion didn’t even know what love was, so I had the big-sister-like job of explaining it to her, as well as I could.  I felt bad for the younger girl.  Love was complicated enough if you were a Somebody, much less a Nobody, and even less a Nobody with amnesia.  Besides, I didn’t think I’d ever felt the romantic type of love, so my explanation might’ve been way off.

“Look, Xen-Xen!”  R-2 rushed over from the other side of his room, holding up a paper heart.  Silver glitter cascaded off of it.  That was the main reason we’d picked his room this time instead of Axel’s; R-2 didn’t care if the floor got covered in glitter and glue and every other art supply.  “It’s shiny!  Like metal stuff you make!”

I laughed a little.  “Yep, it is.  Is the glue dry?”

“Uh…”  He poked it; glitter stuck to his black-gloved finger.  “Nope.”

“Then let it dry.  We don’t want them to stick together when we leave them for Xemnas.”

“Okay!”  R-2 grinned, rushing back to set it on his windowsill, where a long row of other sticky valentines had been set out to dry.  It felt good to see him rushing around like that.  His prosthetic was barely giving him trouble now; it was a miracle how fast he was adjusting.  Sometimes I wondered if Vexen created him with the ability to adapt and bounce back faster than normal humans (or Nobodies).

“How does mine look?”  Roxas held up his valentine, a jagged heart with a Shadow Heartless drawn in marker in the middle.

“Let me see that,” Axel said, walking to the corner where Roxas, Xion, and R-2 sat surrounded with piles of markers and glue and glitter.  Roxas held out the rough paper heart for Axel to see.  “Hey, not bad, Rox.”  Then he squinted.  “Does that say ‘I love you’?”

Roxas blushed, pulling the paper heart back in embarrassment.  “Is that bad…?”

Axel looked back at me and Demyx, eyebrows raised, silently asking if we had anything to do with this.

“Trust me, we’re not trying to parent your kids,” I told him.  But then I remembered watching that movie with Xion.  Plus R-2 had already proclaimed his love for me and Demyx on a few occasions, so it was only a matter of time before the subject came up anyway.  “Actually, I talked to Xion about it.  Figured it was my job as the only other girl.”  There I went, picking up more kids to mother…  Xion had been a good acquaintance ever since our raid on the armory, though.  She may be the same age as Roxas and R-2, but sometimes she seemed more mature; I felt comfortable talking to her more on the rare occasions it was just the two of us.  Maybe that was just because she was the only other girl.

Axel looked relieved.  “Just wanted to make sure no one was taking Xigbar’s place as resident Troll.  So, uh, Roxas… do you actually know what love is?”

“Um…  Xion told me it’s something good.  A good feeling.  Like eating ice cream.  And Demyx said it’s what Valentine’s Day is about.”

Axel gave Demyx a look, but he just shrugged.  “We’re doing a Valentine’s prank.  I thought you would’ve told them already.”

Axel rubbed the back of his head.  “I’m not exactly the most qualified to explain love…”

Xion put down her markers, looking up at him.  “But I thought you knew everything, Axel.”

R-2 kept snipping at another Valentine, making more of a paper snowflake than a heart.  “Xen-Xen knows everything,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Hey, why doesn’t anyone think _I_ know everything?”  Demyx protested.  Axel and I had to laugh at that.

“Because you’re you, Demyx,” the redhead said.

Honestly, Demyx had to know more than me, at least about the things of this world.  I hadn’t even known what Valentine’s Day was until he told me.  Apparently it was another holiday, not as important as Christmas, so we didn’t get a vacation day for it.  Demyx said it’s “kind of lame when you’re older ‘cause it’s just about having a girlfriend and buying her stuff, but when you’re a kid you get to do crafts and give cool valentines to your friends and get candy.”  So another holiday mostly about getting stuff.  I didn’t care; it was just a fun excuse to prank Xemnas.  Plus Roxas, Xion, and R-2 got to do arts and crafts, so bonus.

“Come on, Xen-Xen!  Dem-Dem!  Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!  Come color with us!”

Axel shook his head.  “You already got me to play arts-and-crafts for one holiday.  I’ll pass.”

“Please?”  Xion turned on the Puppy Eyes.

“Are you scared the kids’ll out-color you~?” Demyx taunted.  Axel just looked at him like his was an idiot.

“Do you think _you_ can do better than them? ‘Cause I’d sure like to see that.”

Well, it wasn’t like it was a contest.  I didn’t care how good I was.  The kids were having fun; I might as well join in.  Xemnas was the only one who’d see the valentines, anyway.

I sat down on the floor, picking up a pink sheet of construction paper and a pair of tiny safety scissors.

“Yay!”  R-2 leaned over my shoulder, perched on his knees.  “What are you going to color on it?  Is it going to be pretty?”

“We’ll see,” I answered.  My paper heart was pretty lopsided and jagged so far, but when I took control of the metal in the awkward tiny scissors with my magic instead of my hands, my cuts straightened out.

Demyx plopped down beside me, taking a blue sheet of paper and scissors for himself.  “Bet I can make a better valentine than you.”

“What are you, five?”  I rolled my eyes.  “It’s just to prank Xemnas.  Who cares how pretty they are?”

“I do,” R-2 pouted, sunset-orange pajamas darkening to a gloomy blue.  “Making pretty things is fun.”

I sighed.  Whenever he sulked, it drained the energy out of me.  But Demyx was right; I could be a “buzzkill” sometimes, making him feel bad when I didn’t mean to.  For “not having hearts,” they were both pretty sensitive.

“That’s not what I meant… I meant it doesn’t matter who’s the best.  All of the valentines will work, even if they’re not as pretty as yours.”

R-2 giggled while sketching out a picture of Xemnas with his five hundred count pack of crayons.  Did he have a photographic memory or something?  He’d only seen Xemnas when the silver-haired man had introduced him to the Organization as Kirux.

While I squirted a glitter glue into a heart shape (like I did on Xemnas’s pancakes), Axel started filming.  I hadn’t realized R-2 had finished the Xemnas picture, but he was already holding up his next valentine for the camera.

“It’s a sunset,” he explained to Axel.  “Because sunsets are happy, and love is happy.  So sunsets are like love.”

Axel chuckled at the warm-colored heart.  “Guess your logic’s close enough… sort of…”

Of course, then Roxas and Xion wanted to show off their valentines, too.  They climbed around me to get closer to the camera – and Roxas’s boot squelched into my glitter glue.  Oh well, it’d probably be fine if I threw more regular glitter on it.  “Abstract art” or whatever R-2 called it.

“What are you doing on yours?”  I asked Demyx, who threw his arms over his blue valentine protectively.

“It’s a surprise!”

“O-kay…”

I started cutting a new heart; the more valentines we had, the more spectacular this prank would be.  I was perfectly content to dump glitter on all of mine, but R-2 had other ideas.

“You can use my colors, Xen-Xen~” He sing-songed, dropping an armful of Sharpies in my lap.

“Uh…”  I picked up the ones that were rolling dangerously close to the glue.  “Thanks, but I’m fine.  I’m not that good with markers.”

“That’s okay!”  His grin widened; he plopped down beside me.  “I’ll teach you!”

“That’s not really what I—”

Demyx laughed when R-2 slapped a teal Sharpie into my palm.  I rolled my eyes at him, but I couldn’t get a good look at his “surprise” valentine.  As long as he wasn’t keeping it secret because it was for me… surely he could think of a more creative prank on me than that.  Not that I should _want_ a better prank…  I’d better be careful what I wished for.

R-2 positioned my fingers around the Sharpie when I took too long to do it myself.  “You hold it like this, so all your fingers can make the colors go where you want them to.”

“…Sure,” I answered when he stared at me for confirmation.  “What am I drawing?”

“Whatever you want.”  He shifted, crossing his prosthetic under his good leg.  “What’s something that makes you think about love?”

That was a deeper question than he realized.  He knew what love was, but it seemed simpler for him – basically what he felt towards anything that made him happy.  For me… well, I didn’t love much, even when I was a Somebody.  Not much except my family…

I shook my head; it was stupid.  I couldn’t draw my family on a valentine from Kingdom Hearts to Xemnas.  In fact, I didn’t have enough artistic talent to draw my family at all.  But R-2 had latched onto my left arm, and his magical coloring powers must’ve channeled through me.  It was the only explanation for how five teal-Sharpied, not-incredibly-awful faces now decorated my pink heart.

“Good job, Xen-Xen!”  R-2 “patted” (smacked, actually) my back in congratulations.

_“Xenan_ drew that?”  Demyx gaped, forgetting to shield his blue valentine.  It was just covered in words so far, though, and I couldn’t read it upside-down.

“Yep!  See, isn’t making pretty things fun?  It makes me feel like jumping, but I can’t jump yet.  I hope I get to jump soon.  Or cartwheel.  Cartwheeling’s fun.”

I stared down at my valentine.  “…It’s not even that good,” I muttered, pulling it into my lap, away from them.  It was just a bunch of lines… how did they come together to make my family’s faces?  All of us… I hardly remembered what Mom looked like, but I knew this was right.  Short-cropped hair, thin lips, eyes that squinted when she smiled.  And Henry, with that awful haircut I’d given him right before he left for the academy; the top of his head was practically a straight line, except for one awkward bald spot.  And Dad with his smile wrinkles and short goatee (much better than Luxord’s), and Elizabeth with her abnormally long hair, smiling like she didn’t have a care in the world…

I chunked the heart-shaped paper through a corridor.  I didn’t care if it was Valentine’s Day; now wasn’t the time to get emotional.

R-2 gaped like I’d simultaneously punted a puppy and stolen a baby’s candy.  “Why did you do that?!  It was so _pretty!”_

“Yeah,” I said, mustering a smile, “It’s too pretty to give to Xemnas.”

“Oh.”  He relaxed at that.  “Who were those people?  Did they used to be in the Organization?”

Axel hadn’t been paying attention before, but that perked his interest.

“No,” I replied quickly, shaking my head.  “No, R-2, that was… my family.”

Axel looked away.  Guess he’d been hoping to hear something else, though I couldn’t imagine what.

“What’s a family?”  R-2 asked, halfway climbing into my lap.  Urk, that used to be okay when he was weirdly light, but now that he weighed what a normal teenage boy should, I had to push him back off.

“Personal space, remember?”

“Sorry!”  He scooted away before asking again, “What’s a family?  What does that have to do with love?”

It was so ridiculous, if it was anyone else asking I’d laugh out loud.  I guess Vexen hadn’t felt like it was important for him to know what a family was… so I wondered how he knew about love.

“Family… well…”  How could I put it in a way he’d understand?  Plus Roxas and Xion were listening now, too.  Axel and Demyx sat back on R-2’s bed, like they wanted to stay as far out of this Life Lesson as possible.  “Family’s the people you’re born with,” I decided on the simplest, most basic way of putting it.

It still didn’t take the confusion from R-2’s face.  “What’s ‘born’?”

I rubbed my forehead, where a headache was starting to throb.  One o’clock in the morning was way too early for Life Lessons, especially ones this big.  If I wasn’t careful, I’d run into the “where do babies come from?” question.  “I’m not a mother.  I’m not ready for this.”

Axel laughed suddenly, nearly falling off R-2’s bed.  “Welcome to _my_ life!”

“Axel, do you know what ‘born is?”  Xion asked.  He groaned, dropping his head in his hands.

“Please, if you care about my sanity at all, drop it.”

“Why, is it bad?”  Roxas asked while pouring glitter on one of his valentines, only he wasn’t paying enough attention, so he was pretty much pouring it on the floor.

“Ughhh, I’m not ready to be a father…”  Axel grumbled through his hands, but not quietly enough.

“What’s a father?”

Roxas’s question was the last straw.  Axel threw his arms in the air, but he forced uncomfortable cheerfulness into his voice.  “You know what?  Forget it.  We’ve got enough valentines, right?  Great.  Let’s go.”

He opened a corridor and disappeared through it.

“…What did we do?”  Xion asked me.  Why couldn’t they ever ask Demyx these questions?

I shook my head and stood up, helping R-2 to his feet.  “Despite what you all think, Axel doesn’t know everything.  None of us does.”  And even if we did know all the answers, that wouldn’t mean we could explain them.  Or that we would want to.

“ _What_?”  Xion looked like I’d committed blasphemy; Roxas’s eyes narrowed skeptically.  R-2 just laughed.

“Haha, you’re funny, Xen-Xen.”

Demyx snickered too.  “Be careful, guys, you don’t want to break her like you broke Axel.”

“We broke him?!”

“No!”  I interrupted Roxas and Xion’s panic.  “Axel’s just a little stressed, that’s all.  Come on, get your valentines.  We’ve got a prank to pull.”

I picked up some of the finished valentines myself, but Demyx snatched up his blue one before I could touch it.

“Still a surprise?”  I asked skeptically.

“Yep.  It’s gonna be awesome.”  He grinned proudly.  Suspicious as I was, I knew it would probably be useless to ask.

I’d find out eventually, one way or another.

XXX

Kingdom Hearts shined brightly in the dark, misty night.  Of course, it looked as much like night at one o’clock AM as it did at noon, so that wasn’t anything new.  It did feel closer than usual, though, since we were at the highest point of the castle.

Axel stood in front of Xemnas’s altar, laughing and shaking his head.  “Man, I knew the bossman was crazy, but…”

Demyx cracked up too, taking a plush Shadow Heartless off of the altar.  “Xemmy’s a _fangirl!_ Do you know how great this is?  We could blackmail our way out of work forever!”

I rolled my eyes and took the Shadow doll from him, putting it back on the altar.  “Something tells me that won’t work.”

“Yeah,” Axel agreed.  “It’s hilarious, but honestly, have you listened to his monologues?  He practically gushes over Kingdom Hearts all the time.  I don’t think he’d care if we spilled his secret.”

I patted Demyx’s shoulder.  “Nice try.”

“Just raining on all my fun,” he pouted, making a literal miniature stormcloud to rain on me.  I quickly threw up my hood, rolling my eyes. 

“Smart one, Demyx.  Do you want to ruin all of these valentines?”

Axel whacked him on the arm.  “She’s right.  Come on, we’re supposed to be professionals.”

‘Professional’ was a generous term, but Demyx dried up the rain.

“Funsuckers.”

R-2, Roxas, and Xion were clearly more professional than any of us – they were already taping a rainbow of paper hearts to Xemnas’s altar.  R-2 painted _I LOV YU_ on the side of it too, with real paint this time, not his magic.  None of us wanted to have a mess like with the Grey Area again.

I laughed a little, taking his paintbrush.  “Let me help you there.”

“What?  What did I do?”

While I fixed his spelling, Demyx took my valentines and spread them over the weird assortment of objects already on the altar.

“So where’s your surprise?”  I asked him.

He grinned, twirling a roll of tape around his finger.  “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise~”

I took the tape roll off of his finger and started hanging more paper hearts.  I didn’t realize how many we’d made; R-2 had really outdone himself.  Some were still sticky with glue, but overall the valentines were really good – not just R-2’s, but Roxas’s and Xion’s too.  Did he share his power with them, too?

When we were done, we backed up, admiring our work.  Multicolored paper hearts blanketed all four sides of the squatty altar, except for the part in the middle where R-2 (with my help) wrote _I LOVE YOU_ in bold pink letters.  My “love letter” sat on top of the other valentines; hopefully Xemnas would see that first.

“It looks good to me,” I said.

“Valentine’s Day is fun!”  R-2 cheered, slapping hands with Roxas and Xion.

“Hmm…”  Axel studied our work, sizing it up, like it wasn’t up to our “professional” standards.

“What?  Are we missing something?”  I asked him, and he rubbed the back of his head.

“Your letter said Kingdom Hearts accepted his ‘offerings.’ You think it’d be more convincing if we took this extra junk off the altar?”

Demyx whined at the idea of extra work, but it made sense.  R-2 and I started separating out our valentines from the piled-up mess, while Roxas, Axel, and Xion threw key-, heart-, and heartless-related items into dark corridors.  There went a silver heart-shaped necklace, a key-shaped fork, coffee mugs emblazoned with Heartless and Nobody emblems… On my world, we would’ve called Xemnas a hoarder.  No one was allowed to store this much useless junk when underground space was so limited.

“I’ll, uh, keep watch,” Demyx volunteered.  Axel rolled his eyes.

“If you’re trying to get out of work, at least film this.”  He tossed him the camera.

Demyx grinned.  “You know me so well.”

There was a lot to throw away, but between the five of us, it didn’t take too long.  I guess the larger team wasn’t always a drawback.

“Not bad,” Axel said when we were done.  My “love letter” was much more visible now, with a decent amount of space between it and the surrounding scattered valentines.  Some had pictures of sunsets, some of ice cream, some of Heartless and keyblades – even one with a rainbow-colored pie, which must’ve been R-2’s imagination at work – but I didn’t see any that directly incriminated us.  Good.  Maybe we’d have our first clean prank in a while…

“Quick!  Xemnas’s coming!”  Demyx alerted us.  Guess we did need a lookout after all.  But what was the Superior doing awake at around one o’clock in the morning?  We hadn’t woken him up, had we?

We dove into a corner, behind a large Nobody emblem-shaped sculpture.  I wished we hadn’t _all_ picked this sculpture; Demyx and R-2 were squished practically on top of me, and Axel was even worse off, flat on the ground with Roxas and Xion sitting on him like a bench.  It was hard to keep our collective breathing quiet, but at least the kids had learned by now that when we were hiding, it was for a reason.  Silence was survival.

Xemnas’s footsteps echoed louder and louder as he ascended the stairs.  I held my breath, hand clamped over R-2’s now-invisible mouth (just in case).  The leader of the Organization walked right past us, purposefully approaching the altar.  Something was clutched in his hands, but Demyx’s elbow dropped in front of my face before I could make out what it was.  As long as he caught it on video, I could always find out later.

“Kingdom Hearts… today is a momentous occasion,” Xemnas began, deep voice filling the Altar of Naught.  “Today, as your all-encompassing glow must have already discerned, is a day for the celebration of emotions.  A day for the celebration of hearts.  Hear me, Kingdom Hearts!  Today, I pledge to you my… my… what is this?”

Was he so caught up in his monologue that he just noticed his precious altar?  He strode towards it, then suddenly collapsed to his knees, dropping what he was holding… was that a bouquet of roses?

“Kingdom Hearts…”  He breathed in deeply.  “You have sent me a sign.  If darkness and light are eternal, surely my gratitude must be the same…  Eternal.”

I watched him pick up my letter and read it silently.  I could tell he was finished when he shot to his feet, then hovered into the air.

“Kingdom Hearts!  Your power consumes me!”  He floated closer to the heart-shaped moon; I could feel Demyx choking on silent laughter above me.  “Already I feel my Void filling… love and anger… passion and despair… your greatest virtues… complete me…!”

He floated higher, higher, until he was a tiny black dot against the white of the moon.  While he was so obviously distracted, the rest of us corridored back to R-2’s room, where we could safely release our held-back laughter.  I was shaking with it; Demyx literally rolled on the floor laughing.  Tears snuck out of Axel’s eyes as he howled.  Roxas and Xion giggled a little, but mostly looked confused, and I think R-2’s rolling-on-floor-laughing was just to mimic Demyx.

“Whew.” Axel wiped his eyes, finally calming down.  “Forget Xaldin; I think this was our best prank yet.”

“It doesn’t look like we’ll get caught,” I added, “so that’s definitely a bonus.”

“Don’t jinx us, Xenan,” Demyx said, sprawled out on the floor.  R-2 rolled over next to him, still cackling.

“Heart Man is silly,” he said between laughs.  “Can he really fly to the moon?”

“I dunno,” Demyx answered, combing pink glitter out of his hair.  Should’ve thought that out before rolling on the floor.  “It’s not a real moon.  It’s all the hearts Roxas and Xion collected.  I guess he can fly to it, since it’s not really in outer space.”

I shrugged.  “Either way, we got what we needed.  I’m going to bed.”

“Night-night, Xen-Xen!”  R-2 sprang up to hug me, only stumbling a little on his metal leg.

“Goodnight.”  I hugged him back.  “I’ll help you clean up tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, I can do it!  I’m a good cleaner!”  He started throwing bottles of glue into his closet, without putting the lids on first.  Eh, at least he was still cleaner than Demyx.

“Do I get a hug goodnight too?”  Demyx asked, holding up his arms, but he was still lying on the  floor.

“Maybe if you get off your lazy butt and stand up.”

Axel laughed at him, but to Demyx’s credit, he actually did stand up.  Kind of sad that that counted as an accomplishment…

“Fine, bossypants.”  He hugged me.  “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I chuckled a little.  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Demyx.”

Axel rolled his eyes before Roxas and Xion could start glomping him.  “Cut out all the mush, you two.  You’re a bad influence on the kids.”

“Whatever, Mamma Bear,” Demyx teased.

“Axel, we should make each other valentines!”  Xion suggested happily, tugging on his arm.  “Wouldn’t that be great?”

“Gah, no!  A prank was one thing; I’m _not_ getting involved in this—!”

“But we love each other, right, Axel?”

“Roxas, _please_ don’t say that out loud… ugh, thank Kingdom Hearts Xigbar’s gone…”

He finally dragged his two kids out of R-2’s room.  Demyx, R-2, and I said goodnight too; we needed our sleep for missions tomorrow.

I flopped on my bed, glad I’d changed into my pajamas before the prank, but I heard something crinkle under me.  Rolling over, I fumbled around for whatever it was.  Something told me I already knew…

It was Demyx’s valentine.  The blue one he’d been saving for a surprise.  Though it wasn’t much of a surprise when I’d already guessed it might go to me.  Maybe that was conceited, but we just knew each other too well.

Other than some scribbly drawings that I think were flowers, the only thing on the valentine was a short poem.

_“Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_You taste like fish,_

_But I still like you._

_Happy Valentines Bossypants :P”_

I snorted, shaking my head.  What did roses and violets have to do with anything?  Sometimes I had no idea what went through Demyx’s head, other than unhealthy amounts of sugar.

I tossed the valentine into my dresser drawer, on top of my Organization-issued diary.  Ridiculous or not, I couldn’t bring myself to throw away the short poem.  Valentine’s Day might be about romantic, sappy love, but to me… well, Demyx’s valentine reminded me of our kind of love.  Maybe it was sappy to think about it that way, but our friendship… the days we’d spent pranking together, protecting each other and R-2, and even just being dumb… I didn’t normally bother to analyze it.  But we’d been through a lot, and it had brought us closer than I ever would’ve imagined.  I’d never loved much except my family (and a good meal), but the more I thought about it, the more Demyx felt like family.

And _that_ was a kind of love I could celebrate.


	37. Dress-Up

When I woke up the next morning, I thought Xigbar had been here.  My walls were completely covered with pictures, but thank goodness they weren’t photos of something like me and Demyx kissing again.  No, these were paper hearts, just like the ones we’d made last night, with various drawings on them.  It only took me a second to realize they were from R-2.  Before six o’clock was a little early for my brain to be fully functional after a night interrupted with pranking Xemnas.

“Not an awful prank…”  I had to smile.  One heart depicted a drawing of me, Demyx, and R-2 holding hands, another heart of biscuits and gravy, another of Axel, Roxas, and Xion… I could hardly take them all in.  How had R-2 had time for this after our first “Operation Heart Attack” last night?

I dislodged the only heart I could see that had words on it.

_Happy Valentines Xenxen!  Demdem sed he mad you a hart so I mad you on tu. It was fun so I mad mor. I hop you lik it. I love you._

My chest warmed, even while I had to shake my head at his spelling.  Good thing a picture was worth a thousand words.  And this was nearly a thousand pictures.

I needed to hug that kid.

When I turned to put his letter in my dresser drawer, though, I noticed something else.  A different letter, on regular paper, with spelling too accurate to be R-2’s.

_Yo Flamsilocks,_ I silently read the first line – Flamsilocks?  Was this meant for Axel?  If so, what was it doing in my room?

_Just checking in to make sure you’re on schedule with the pranks.  I heard about the one you pulled in Wonderland.  Not bad, for a bunch of amateurs.  I hope you’ll have made it to Professional level by the end of the month.  I expect great things from you kiddos; don’t disappoint me._

_But I’m not writing just to ramble on about what you already know.  This is about Xion.  That last letter was just a teaser.  If you want the really juicy secrets, I want a few in return._

_I know you kiddos have hearts.  Even a half-blind old dude can see that.  What I want to know is how.  Send me a letter with answers, and I’ll spill the beans about Xion._

_See ya in 22 days,_

_Xigbar_

This was… this was… what?  What was wrong with Xion?  Why did Xigbar want to know about our hearts?

Axel knew something.  Xigbar had mentioned another letter.  It couldn’t be the one Axel had shown us before our prank on Xaldin; that didn’t mention anything about Xion.  Something was going on, and I was going to find out what.

But first things first – missions.  I’d better get in uniform; it wasn’t a vacation day.

I opened the heart-papered closed door, only to find all of my standard-issue black coats missing.  In their place hung five frilly dresses.

“Axel—Demyx—agh!”  I didn’t even know whose name to curse.  For all I knew, this could’ve been Xigbar too.  Did I really sleep heavy enough to miss all this?

Well, at least I found a clue in the form of a card taped to the back wall of the closet.

_Hope your Valentine’s is as magical as a fairytale!_ it read, with a picture of a blonde, blue-dressed princess on the front.  On the inside of the card, Axel and Demyx had both signed their names.

I was naïve to think R-2’s “heart attack” could’ve been their prank on me.  Under other circumstances, I would’ve corridored to the laundry room to find a coat, but we had a quota to fill.  One way or another, I had to get pranked.  And I had to get _filmed_ being pranked.  Ugh…

“At least they gave me options,” I muttered, flipping through the dresses.

“Ew.”  I quickly passed the first one, a pink sleeveless dress with a bottom half that looked like a tutu, complete with an explosion of lace.  The second wasn’t much better, a bright red one with a black sash, which wouldn’t have been so awful if it wasn’t cut so low in the front.  Did the boys just want to see me look like a slut?  I thought they were better than that.

The third dress was okay, as far as dresses go.  Bright cobalt blue, with actual sleeves and a long, flowing tail.  But I could just see myself tripping on that and getting killed while on a mission (or even just walking around), so I moved onto the next one, which nearly blinded me when I flipped the blue one out of its way.

“Agh, _no.”_  I shielded my eyes from the blinding yellow dress, which was studded with sequins that shined brighter than R-2’s glitter-covered valentines.  Throwing it into the back corner of the closet, I rubbed my eyes.

“Looks like I’m running out of options…”

Reluctantly, I examined the last dress.  A sigh of relief escaped me.  This one was a soft emerald green, not too short, but short enough not to get in my way.  Short sleeves, a high enough neckline.  A belt at the wait had a trail of silver swirling off of it.

I hated to admit it, but the dress was actually pretty.  Not that I wanted to look pretty; that would only be asking for trouble.  But given the options, I threw it on.

I hadn’t worn a dress since Henry’s funeral – I forgot just how choking they felt to put on.  I felt like I was drowning in the green fabric, but I got it situated as fast I could.  I had too much business to take care of to let a wardrobe malfunction waste my time.

“Axel!”  I banged on the redhead’s door soon afterwards, still only wearing socks on my feet – my boots had been stolen as well, and I wasn’t about to break my ankles in the silver high heels I’d found in their place.  “Axel, I’m serious!”

He opened the door while I was still knocking, resulting in me almost punching him in the face.  “Sheesh, are you even _not_ serious?”

I glared at him, but he burst out laughing.  “Wait, wait, hold that face—” Slow as he’d been getting the door, it only took him half a second to grab the camera and start filming me.  “Here we go.  Smile for the camera, princess.”

“Shut up.”  I shoved the camera out of my face.  “I’ve got some questions, and you have answers.”

Axel raised his eyebrows, then yawned widely, his morning breath smacking me in the face.  “Six o’clock’s a bit early for an interrogation.  Especially after two pranks in one night.  Hey, what—?”

I shoved past him into his room, heading straight for his dresser.  Sure enough, there was a note from Xigbar, addressed to “Girlie.”

“Did I miss something?”  Axel asked, shutting off and tossing aside the camera for now.  He peered over my shoulder at the note.  “Hey, what’s that doing in my room?”

“Xigbar messed up,” I realized.  Xigbar, who always seemed one step ahead of us, had finally messed up.  “He sent yours to my room.”

“My what—?”  He reached for the piece of paper I had brought from my room, but I pulled it back.

I looked up, trying to hold eye contact.  “Not until you tell me what’s going on with Xion.”

His eyes widened.  I never thought I’d see Axel look genuinely scared, but right then, he did.  Then seriousness slammed over his expression.

“Xenan.  This isn’t your business.  Believe me, you don’t want it to be.”

“It’s my business if you’re in league with Xigbar!”  I countered.

“It’s not like that!”  He snapped back.  “I’m protecting her, just like you would for R-2!”

“Oh yeah?  Protecting her from what?”  I put my hands on my hips, wishing I could look more intimidating.  This frilly dress was seriously killing the mood.  “You can’t do it all on your own, Axel.  Believe me, I couldn’t for R-2.  I had to trust you and Roxas and Xion.  I promise, it doesn’t matter what’s wrong with you or Xion, I won’t stop being your friend.”

“If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be asking.”  He shook his head, gaze still locked on the note.  “And you still don’t get it.  Friendship’s great and all, but that’s not what this is about.”

Axel sure liked his brush-off answers, but I wouldn’t fall for it this time.  “Then why don’t you tell me what it _is_ about?”

He shook his head again, like he was trying to shake off flies.  “You wouldn’t understand.  You’re too honest.  But believe me, it’s best if you both don’t know.”

“Pfft, like _that_ makes me believe you… wait, both of us?  You mean you’re finding stuff out about Xion, and you’re not even going to tell her?”

_“Xenan.”_ Axel stood up taller, looming over me.  “She’s _my friend,_ and I’m going to protect her, even if I have to protect her from herself.  I’ve been in this Organization long enough to know what I’m getting into.  So please, let me take care of this.”

He snatched Xigbar’s note out of my hand, but I stood my ground.  “Maybe this isn’t my business.  But it is hers.”

That wounded him.  His gaze drifted sideways.  “See, that’s the problem…”  He visibly steeled himself, clenching his fists. “I’m learning who she is, okay?  I can handle it, but if she knew… she’s not like R-2.  She’d never feel the same; I know she’d go looking for—”

“For what?”  I asked.  I shouldn’t have said anything; he closed back down again.

“You already know more than you should.”  He looked away.  “Please, just don’t tell her.  For her own sake.”

I wasn’t sure what I’d learned that I could tell her, even if I wanted to.  _Who she is?_ Like, who her Somebody was?  Would she go looking for remnants of her past life?  None of us had… and what did that have to do with R-2?

“…Okay,” I relented.  There wasn’t any point in pushing for more.  I’d hardly expected to get that much out of him.  “But I wouldn’t trust everything Xigbar says, either.”

“I don’t.  That’s why it’s even more important not to tell her.”

“Fair enough,” I agreed.  The situation still felt wrong, but most things with Xigbar did.  As much as I wanted to know what Axel was hiding, I would trust him – for now.

“Good.  Now can you give a guy some privacy?  I’ve gotta get dressed.”

I left his room and headed towards the Grey Area, skimming the note Xigbar meant to send to me as I went.  Mostly stuff I already knew, about him knowing R-2’s a replica, hoping our pranks were on track, blah blah blah… But there was something new at the bottom.

_Oh, and by the way, nice work landing the cooking job.  I’m sure Windy’s glad for the break.   If you ever want a taste-tester, just get the Dusks to pass on a note._

I rolled my eyes.  He wasn’t even here, and he was _still_ trying to get my food.  It made me wonder if food was hard to come by wherever he and Luxord had been exiled…

Well, at least I knew how they got their letters in the castle now.  The Dusks doing it made me feel much better than the thought of him dropping in personally.  Especially while I was sleeping.

“Stupid thing doesn’t have any pockets…”  Dresses weren’t practical at all.  I corridored the paper back to my room.

When I reached the Grey Area, I expected to find Saïx scowling at my lack of uniform.  Instead, I found Demyx facing the back window, literally jumping up and down in excitement.

“Yes!”  He fist-pumped the air.  “It worked!”

“What worked?”  I asked, but when he saw me, he started laughing too much to answer my question.

“I knew this was an awesome idea!  You look ridiculous!”

“I do not!”  I countered, trying to protect a shred of dignity, only for him to collapse on the couch laughing.  “What’s so weird about a girl wearing a dress?”  Sure, I hated wearing dresses, but I looked just fine in them, thank you very much.  (As long as it wasn’t that pink tutu one, anyway.)

“You’re you, Xenan,” he said when he got control of himself.  “You can eat, like, five plates of a food a meal.  You fight like a boss.  You actually like work.  You don’t count as a girl.”

I didn’t think.  I just pulled back my arm and punched him.

“Oooooh!  Right in the jaw!”

I spun around to see Axel laughing while filming us.  “Cut it out, Axel!”

“And let our prank go to waste?  You don’t want a redo, do you?”

“Ugh…”

Demyx was still whimpering on the couch.  I felt a little guilty for punching him… but only a little.  On my world, insulting a girl’s womanhood was the social equivalent of a capital offense.  You didn’t do it if you had any sense of decency.  But judging from Demyx and Axel’s reactions, it might not be the same here.

“You’re fine,” I mumbled to Demyx, tossing him a potion.

“I am not!  You _punched_ me!  In the _face!”_

“And if you’re a man, you’ll suck it up and get over it.”  From what he’d implied, I was more of a ‘man’ than he was, but I didn’t say that.  Just because he said something completely rude and stupid didn’t mean I had to be _that_ indecent back.

Axel whistled.  “Someone didn’t get her coffee this morning…”

“I don’t drink coffee.”  How was that even relevant?  Regardless, I should at least explain the situation to Demyx, so he’d know not to be so stupid the next time.

He downed the potion and perked back up again afterwards.  “Well, I’m not going to let your grumpiness rub off on me.  It’s a vacation day, and _I’m_ gonna enjoy it.”

“What?”  I asked, forgetting to explain why I’d punched him in the first place.  “You said we don’t get Valentine’s Day off.”

Demyx grinned, pointing to a note taped to the back window, behind Saïx’s usual spot.  “We do now.  You’re welcome.”

I read the note:

_By decree of Kingdom Hearts’ almighty light, today shall be a rest from your usual missions.  All members should instead use this day in celebration and reverence of Kingdom Hearts._

_The Superior_

_P.S. I still require my French toast._

“O-kay… so Xemnas’s fangirling got us a day off?”  Well, except me, but I’d deal with that in a minute.

“ _I_ got us a day off~!”  Demyx cheered.  “I wrote on one of the valentines that Kingdom Hearts wanted today to be special, blah blah blah.  The point is, free vacation day!”  He and Axel high-fived.

“Remind me never to underestimate your ability to get out of work.”  I’d take it, though – it meant I didn’t have to do a mission in this dress.  Which reminded me to ask, “Hey, where did you get these dresses, anyway?  Please tell me not from the Basement.”

Demyx laughed.  “Nope!  Gloomex helped us synthesize them out of your coats!”

I stared between him and the Organization’s moogle in shock.  “You _ruined_ my _coats?!”_ If there was one upside, it was that Demyx and Axel didn’t pick out those particular dresses on purpose, so that restored a little bit of my faith in them.  A little.

“Not ruined, kupo!”  Gloomex chimed in from across the room.  “Highly improved!  Check your stats, kupo!”

I did so, scanning the back of my panel arrangement.  Max HP +10… Strength +5… Defense +5… Magic +15; too bad I hardly used magic… Attack Speed -15, so that was pretty awful, but I did get a hefty +30 Crit Bonus.  So if I could pair it with a ring that would shoot my Crit Rate through the roof…  Oh, and the ability Magical Strike, so that made the Magic bonus not too useless.

Okay, so those weren’t the worst possible stats.  But that didn’t mean Saïx would let me do missions tomorrow in a freaking _dress._

“You still destroyed my coats.”  I glared.

“We’ll get you some new ones,” Axel said, waving me off.  “Why don’t you go cook our honorable Superior his breakfast?  Demyx and I’ve still got your whole day to finish planning.”

I sighed.  “You mean I don’t get a vacation day?”  Should’ve known the annoyance wouldn’t end with the dresses.  Maybe this was extra payback for interrogating Axel about Xion.

“Not if you want a new set of coats,” the redhead replied. 

“Jerks.”

XXX

I thought that, being a vacation day, I might save myself some embarrassment from the other members.  Of course, I was wrong.

Xaldin’s surprisingly-not-evil-sounding laugh startled me into cracking the egg harder than I meant to.

“Do you have something special planned for today?”  He asked while setting a pot of coffee on a stovetop burner, too close to my frying pan.  I tried to ignore him, knowing I was grumpy enough to snap out something I’d regret.  “May I know the identity of the poor soul unfortunate enough to be your valentine?”

“Just because I’m in a dress doesn’t mean I’m going on a date,” I snapped, channeling my irritated emotions into violently flipping the French toast.

“No, of course not,” he drawled sarcastically.  “I suppose it’s Demyx.  He’s the only one with a great enough lack of decision-making skills.  Hmm… unless you’ve beguiled your young _friend_ Kirux…”

I whirled around, smacking Xaldin’s boiling coffeepot to the floor.  Black liquid spilled out and burned my socked feet, but it wasn’t as hot as my temper.

“Shut up!”  Just the thought of me and R-2 like that… “You’re _disgusting!_ Don’t talk about my friends _or_ me like that!”

“Why, does it upset you?”  He smirked.  “The truth often does that, I’m told.”

“GRAAAH!”

Not thinking – for the second time this morning – I summoned my mace and swung it down vertically, aiming for his head.  But I’d forgotten – my attack speed was at -15; he effortlessly dodged sideways while I felt like I was swinging through water.

“Hmph.  It isn’t wise to wear your heart on your sleeve, Xenan.”  Xaldin summoned a spear – only one.  Did he think I wasn’t worth the effort of his usual six?  “Someone might try to steal it from you.”

I stepped back, in case he used my confusion as a window to attack.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He smirked, hooking the handle of the coffeepot with his spear and tossing it up to his free hand.  “It means, my ignorant colleague, that every emotion you carelessly expose is a bullet you hand to your enemies.  Soon you’ll find yourself looking down the barrel.”

Before I could snap back, a dark corridor swallowed him.

“You coward—!”  Mid-yell, the energy drained from me, taking the anger with it.  “What am I doing…?”

I’d get nowhere lashing out at Xaldin in a fit of rage.  I knew that.  But I’d just let him get under my skin, let the anger take hold of me…

Maybe… maybe he had a point.  Every Nobody wanted emotions, and I knew I had them – but I also had the responsibility to control them.  It was no excuse to punch or bash people.  Doing that only made me weak, let Xaldin know how to hurt me… but he couldn’t be right about everything.  Feelings weren’t a weakness.  Acting on them without thinking was.

Hearts were a lot more complicated than I’d ever thought about.  But as long as having a heart meant I could care about my friends… well, it was worth it.

The smell of French toast burning snapped me out of my sappy thoughts.

“…Whoops.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being in exile, I’m pretty sure Xigbar’s bored without anyone to troll. That’s why he’s sending more letters. Also, he’s still curious about the “pranking group’s” emotions.
> 
> Please let me know if anything was too confusing in this chapter; I felt like a lot of stuff was trying to happen at the same time. Oh, and I’m still trying to get used to writing Xaldin, I’m still not sure he’s IC.


	38. First Dance

“Demyx, you’ve officially lost it,” I protested as he led me and R-2 down the crowded street.  Axel and Demyx had brainstormed the idea together, but Axel had decided to kick back at the castle and sleep (at least until Roxas and Xion bugged him to get up again).  R-2 had begged to come with us, though—and he even wanted a fancy dress like mine.  I’d had to break the news that dresses were for girls.  He pouted at first, but he was pacified when Gloomex synthesized him a fancy, frilly suit (complete with shoulder pads and a tie) out of one of his coats and a few spare Frost Crystals and Moonstones.

“Have not,” Demyx chirped back, practically skipping through the packed street like a happy fairy.  Meanwhile, I was still struggling just to walk straight in these heels.  Even R-2 with his metal leg wasn’t having this much of a struggle.

“Have too.  We’re not supposed to be seen,” I reminded him.

“You’re wearing a dress; no one’s gonna recognize you.”  Demyx grinned at a well-dressed girl we passed, who gave him a funny look.  What did he expect?  He was wearing a heavy black trench coat in the middle of this world’s summer.

“Yeah, but you’re still in uniform.”

“Eh, it’s kind of late for me to care.”  He shrugged.  “I skip missions here all the time.  There’s hardly ever any Heartless, so X-Face doesn’t pay attention to it.”

“Hee, X-Face,” R-2 echoed.  “Did X-Face ever see your pretty dress, Xen-Xen?  You should show him.”

I laughed.  “No, R-2.  I don’t know what crazy ideas you have about Saïx, but he doesn’t care about pretty things.”  And I _sure_ wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of anyone else I knew if I didn’t have to.

“I think he does,” R-2 replied.  “Maybe he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Well, you can keep thinking that…”  I barely avoided catching my heel on a lady’s poofy dress.  At least I didn’t look out of place here; everyone was decked out in clothes that looked like they belonged at the General’s wedding.  But this wasn’t Wayward Burrows, so for all I knew people here just liked to look fancy without any special occasion.

“What world are we in, anyway?”  I asked.

“Arendelle,” Demyx replied, holding onto R-2’s cuffed sleeve to keep him from reaching for a man’s shiny black hat.

“Never heard of it.”

“Like I said, not a lot of Heartless, so I didn’t expect you to.  Ooh!  We’re almost there!”

Demyx dragged me and R-2 along even faster, which resulted in us stepping on even more people’s feet.  We didn’t even have time to apologize, but that didn’t stop R-2 from loudly yelling “Sorry!” behind us at every irritated pedestrian.

“Almost _where?”_  I asked Demyx, who laughed.

“The coronation ball, duh!  Didn’t you hear everyone talking about it?”

I rolled my eyes, wincing when my ankle twisted yet again.  Would it be potion abuse to drink one for high heel-induced pain?  “Maybe I would hear if you would slow down enough for me to eavesdrop on them.”

“Oh well, we’re here now!”  He laughed again, stopping so abruptly me and R-2 both crashed into him, and with our balance handicapped by heels and prosthetics, we ended up in an ungraceful heap on the ground.  The two boys sandwiched me; ugh, I missed the days when R-2 didn’t weigh enough to crush me…

“Well, I’ll say!”  An oddly-accented voice called out.  “It seems you three have fallen victim to a lack of coordination.”

“What’s ‘cord-nation’? Is it like ‘cor-o-nation’?”  R-2 asked, rolling off of me and brushing off the ruffles on his suit.  His purple tie still hung hopelessly crooked.

“Er, not at all, actually.”  The old, short, spectacled man replied.  One burly man (one of the older man’s bodyguards?) helped R-2 to his feet; the other stood me back up.  No one seemed to notice Demyx, who was still face-first on the cobblestone.  “But pay attention at the ball!  I’ll give you a lesson in coordination that will have you flying like a chicken with the face of a monkey!  Perhaps this young lady would assist me in my first demonstration?”

I looked around, assuming he must be talking about some other unfortunate girl.  But unless he mistook Demyx’s coat for a dress, I was the only victim in his line of sight.

“I don’t dance,” I told him bluntly, peeling Demyx up off the ground and handing him a potion.

“But my dear, it’s a ball!  Everyone must dance!”  As if to demonstrate, he hopped in the air and clicked his heels, like he was trying to be a leprechaun.

“…And who are you, exactly?”  I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.  Demyx didn’t think ahead enough to set this weirdness up, did he?

He bowed, and I choked on a laugh when his toupee flipped halfway off of his head.  “The Duke of Weselton, at your service.  And you are?”

I managed to get ahold of my laughter, but Demyx and R-2 didn’t even try.  In fact, Demyx had gotten the camera out and was cackling while recording us.  One of the bodyguards – the one with the mustache – glared at him, but he didn’t seem to know what a camera was any more than I first had when I’d joined the Organization.

“Uh…”  Giving out my Nobody name was probably a violation of some Organization rule.  “…I’m Anne.  Of the Wayward Burrows,” I tacked on while elbowing Demyx and R-2 to shut them up.

The duke raised his eyebrows.  “Wayward Burrows?  I can’t say I’ve heard of that country.”

“Oh, well, you wouldn’t have.  It’s very far from here.  We’re only visiting for the coronation.”

“Oh, yes, yes.”  He nodded, making the toupee flap up and down (and making the boys burst into a second fit of giggles).  “It is quite a big deal.  The gates haven’t been opened in well over a decade.  I for one find it very suspicious…”

“Um, yeah.  Right.”  I interrupted him, not wanting to get pulled into more useless rambling.  The sooner we got this over with and could go home, the better.  “Well, uh, I’ve got to go.  Big ball and whatever.”

“Well, if you change your mind, the Little Dipper will be here ready to sweep you off your feet!”  The Duke of Weselton called as I quickly pulled Demyx and R-2 through the castle gates.  “Oh, and do get your friend some proper attire!  That black coat is simply ghastly!”

“Simply _awesome,”_ Demyx corrected in a mutter.

Once we were safely inside the castle and mixed in with enough people to hide us from the crazy duke, I stopped to rub my feet.  “These shoes are worse than being flip-footed… why aren’t you all dressed up, anyway?”  I asked Demyx more straightforwardly, since he hadn’t answered before.

_“Me_ in fancy clothes?”  He laughed.  “No way.  Besides, I don’t wanna mess up my coats.  The more coats I have, the less laundry I have to do.”

R-2 took a big whiff, nose wrinkling.  “That coat hasn’t been washed for exactly eight days, one hour, twenty-seven minutes, and fifteen seconds.  Fourteen seconds.  Thirteen seconds…”

“Exactly!  Now times that by five coats.  That’s, like, fifty days without doing laundry.”

I rolled my eyes.  “You’re disgusting.  Also your math is terrible.”

He shrugged.  “Anyway, I’m not sticking around long.  R-2’s going to film for me.”

“Yep!”  he agreed, taking the camera and waving it haphazardly, almost dunking it in the nearby punch bowl.

“Wait, why?”  I asked.

“’Cause I pulled two whole pranks last night!  I need a nap.”

I wasn’t eager to be left alone in this strange, crowded place with just R-2.  I mean, I knew we could take care of ourselves, but I really didn’t want to be here in the first place, much less here without Demyx.

“Well, if you leave, you can’t make me dance with anyone,” I pointed out.

“Hmm.”  Demyx frowned.  “I didn’t think about that… okay.  I’ll stay for a little bit, _then_ I’ll go take a nap.”

On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have pointed that out.  I could’ve gotten out of dancing.  Too late now, though – as soon as the queen and princess were formally presented, the ball began, and Demyx dragged me out onto the floor.  R-2 galloped along behind us.

“Uh, what are you doing?”  I asked Demyx, pulling my arm from his grip.

“You still don’t know how to dance, right?” He replied, taking my hand in his and putting his other on my waist.  I swatted them both away.

“I told you, I don’t dance.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad.  And hey, you’d rather have me teach you than that crazy Weaseltown guy, right?”

Well, he had a point there.  “Fine,” I huffed.  He moved my left hand to his shoulder before taking my other again.  “But I blame you if I break my ankles.”

He just laughed.  “It’s easy.  Just follow my feet.”

“Easy for you to say, your feet aren’t balanced on pointy spikes…”  I couldn’t even tell what his feet were doing.  Some sort of square-shaped shuffle that looked graceful enough, but I couldn’t mimic it if I tried.

“Ow, that was my foot.”  He stopped shaking it off.  “Man, those really are spikey…!”

“Told you so.”

Unfortunately, that didn’t keep him from trying again.  “Here, just watch first.  It’s called the box step because it’s shaped like a box, and it’s a waltz dance, so it’s got three steps.”  I think he liked showing off that he knew stuff; it wasn’t like he got that chance every day.  “You kind of swish your foot on the second step… One, two, three, one, two, three…”

He showed off the dance with an invisible partner.  I stifled a giggle as some dancing couples shied away from his solo performance.  It was kind of hard to focus on his feet when that silly grin was plastered on his face, like he honestly enjoyed dancing by himself.  I hoped R-2 was filming this—

I looked around, but I couldn’t catch a flash of silver hair anywhere.  “Demyx, where’s R-2?”

He froze.  “Uh…”

I tried to hold back my panic.  This was a big ballroom; he could easily have slipped into a crowd of people nearby…

“Come on,” I pulled Demyx between two twirling couples, trying not to stumble in my shoes.

“How hard can it be to find a hyper kid with shiny hair?”  Demyx asked, trying to reassure me.

“He’s also a hyper kid who can turn invisible,” I pointed out.  Not that he was likely to just be standing around invisible, but still.

“Maybe he’s—”

Demyx was nearly bowled over by a short old man’s flailing dance moves – that Duke of Weselton again.

“You two again!”  He greeted us enthusiastically.  “Come to take up my offer?  No need to be shy about it, come along!”

“No, we’re—!”  I tried to push past him, but he took it as an invitation to grab my hands and sweep me away into a frantic dance.  So much for Demyx teaching me instead; he laughed behind us, but at least he didn’t have the camera.

“If you swoon, let me know!  I’ll catch you!”

Like _that_ was going to happen.  If he needed to catch me, it would be because he broke my ankles.

I struggled to back out of his grip, but he turned it into an awkward dip, pretty much shoving me over.  How strong _was_ the old duke?  Without any warning, he spun and tossed me around like a ragdoll.

“You must glide, Anne!  Glide like an agile peacock!”

If I couldn’t get away from this guy soon, the only thing I would be gliding on would be my own vomit.  Ugh, if only I wasn’t in these awful shoes, maybe I could get my feet under me – or maybe I could just step on _his_ feet—

I winced; he enacted that plan before I could.  Ow, was he wearing heels too?

When he finally released my hands to prance around “like a lion with the feet of an ostrich,” I bolted.  Forget these stupid heels; I clawed at them awkwardly while I hobble-ran, not caring who I bumped into.

So it really wasn’t much of a surprise when I crashed straight into a broad-shouldered man, my lowered forehead bonking into his chest.  I reeled back, hissing in pain.

“I’m sorry—“

“No, it’s my fault, I’ve got to find—“  Rubbing my forehead, I looked up… did I hit my head harder than I’d thought?  I blinked, rubbing my eyes, but my vision didn’t change.  … It had to be a head injury.

“… _Henry?”_

His hazel eyes blinked too.  “ _Anne?”_

Said in his voice, my old name hit me like a Thundaga.  Between this and the Duke of Weselton’s dancing, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I passed out.  I managed to stumble to the corner by the refreshment table and sit down on the floor, finally freeing my feet of those strangling shoes.

“Wait, Anne!  Wait!”  The man called, rushing after me.  I dropped my head in my hands, trying to keep it from spinning.  “How the heck did you end up here?!”

“Forget about me, how did _you_ get here?!”  I exclaimed as he sat down beside me.  “You were _dead!_ We had a _funeral,_ and here you are living it up at a fancy party-!”

“Whoa, whoa!  Slow down, Annie!”  If there was any doubt that he was Henry, if the family resemblance and my memories didn’t prove it, that old nickname did.

I’d always hated that nickname.  I’d never been so happy to hear it in all my two lives.

I lifted my head, just staring at him for a long time.  His goofy half-smile, his hazel eyes that occasionally lolled off to the left, his new suit with fancy shoulder pad-brushes, like the ones most of the other men were wearing.  He didn’t look much older, but then again, guys didn’t age a ton between the ages of eighteen and twenty-three.  Even with the things that had changed, I could tell, from his always-tapping feet up to his scarred forehead, he was still the same Henry I remembered.

“So, uh.”  He squirmed under my silent gaze.  He never had been able to take long silences; his foot tapped faster in no particular rhythm.  “Hi, I guess.”

_“Hi?”_ I pulled him into a sudden hug, squeezing with all my arms’ strength.  “I see you for the first time in five years and I thought you were _dead,_ and all you say is _hi?!”_

“It’s complicated!”  He objected.  “And I haven’t seen you either!  I hardly recognized you in that dress,” he added, laughing.  I didn’t feel bad about punching him.  Man, I missed that about having a brother – though my punch was a little stronger than it used to be, or his arms had just gotten squishier.  “And you’re so _old._ Last I saw of you, you could barely swing a hammer.”  He poked my arm, which was less squishy than _he_ remembered.  Heh.

“Yeah, well, a lot can happen in five years,” I replied grimly, my amusement fading when I thought about what that strength cost. 

“Oh yeah, how’s Dad doing?  And Elizabeth?  Are they here, or are you flying solo?  You here to try and get married?   Heh, I’ve got a few brothers if you’re interested—“

His barrage of questions was even faster than R-2’s.  I forgot how much Henry could talk.  But that reminded me, as much as I wanted to catch up with my brother, I had a friend to find.

“Hold on, Henry, I’m actually looking for—”

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 trotted out from the crowd, letting go of—was that the princess’s hand he’d been holding?  Anyway, he was soon replaced by a taller man, who she accidentally bumped into when turning back towards the dance floor.

“Ugh, there Hans goes again…”  Henry muttered, but I didn’t have time to ask what he was talking about.

“Xen-Xen!  You found him!”  R-2 grabbed a glass, dunked it in the punch bowl, and drank it in one gulp before plopping down beside me.

“R-2!  I found – wait, what?”  I looked between my practically-adopted brother and my blood brother in confusion.

“You found him,” he repeated.  “The one who smells like you.  I went to find him, but there were lots of people with smells, and then Dem-Dem wanted the camera, and the princess wanted to dance so she wouldn’t have to dance with Floppy Hair.  But you found him anyway, so it’s okay.”

While I was trying to process what R-2 said, Henry sniffed his armpit.  “I don’t smell.”

Well, at least I knew my brother was still as gross in public as ever, even if he did look fancier.  Somehow that was comforting.

“Don’t worry, you smell like Xen-Xen,” R-2 said, crossing his legs.  “That means you smell like metal and dirt and cinnamon and warm.”

“…Thanks?”  I would never understand R-2.  And I was pretty sure neither of us smelled like cinnamon.  Dirt, maybe…

“You’re welcome~!”

“Hold on, what’s a ‘Xen-Xen’?”  Henry asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.  “And who are you?”

“I’m R-2!  That stands for Riku Replica number two!”

Of course, Henry only looked more confused.  I scratched the back of my neck.  “It’s a long, long story…”  If I had to write it all down, I’d guess it’d be about thirty-eight chapters long.  But who has time for that?

“Well, I’ve got a pretty long story myself.”  Henry stood up and extended a hand, grinning.  His teeth were whiter than I remembered.  “How about we catch up while we dance?  I might as well put all the waltz skills Helene made me learn to use.”

“I don’t dance,” I replied automatically, because that was easier than asking questions about ‘Helene’ and why Henry learned to dance.

“Same old Annie.”  He chuckled.  “Perfect.  I could use a good laugh.”

I rolled my eyes.  “You and everyone else.”

“I’ll dance too!”  R-2 hopped up and spun on his prosthetic.  “I wish Xion was here.  Xion likes dancing.”

Henry gave me a funny look, whispering, “Where’d you pick up that weirdo?”

I smacked him in the side, where I knew he was ticklish.  So ticklish he actually spasmed, like I’d shocked him.  “Don’t talk about him like that.”

“What, is he your boyfriend?”

I glared enough to wipe the laugh off his face – had I gotten more intimidating?  I guessed so, because in the past that never actually worked.

“Not even close.  Now if you want to dance, come on.  Might as well make a fool of myself sooner than later.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Henry said, dragging me through clusters of couples who looked like they were actually having fun.  Somehow.  Though I couldn’t say this whole situation was miserable, not when I now had my brother in front of me, alive.  It was a miracle.  But how…?

Well… probably the same way I had.  He had to be a Nobody.

Now that I’d ditched the heels, I was only half as awkward at dancing.  Still, it took me nearly as long to get my feet in step as it took Henry to tell his half of the story.

He didn’t know it yet, but I was right – he was a Nobody.  Winding up on a random world after being attacked by Heartless, feeling completely empty at first, finding he could magically heal himself and others (his element must’ve been something like Cure) – the signs all added up.  But it brought up as many questions as it answered.  How come the Organization didn’t find him?  How come he seemed as emotionally stable as he’d been before the Heartless attack?  All I could guess was that it was even more proof that Demyx and R-2 were right.  Henry didn’t know he shouldn’t have a heart; he’d probably tried to feel like normal, made friends, and eventually started feeling whole again.  Vexen would’ve loved to experiment on him.  _Xigbar_ would love to experiment on him, actually.  Not that I would ever let that happen.

The Organization may not have found Henry, but someone else did.  He’d shown up on a beach in the “Southern Isles,” a world somewhat close to Arendelle, I guessed.  Close enough to get here without dark corridors, since he had no idea how to use them.  Anyway, he’d had the crazy good luck to be found by a few of the world’s princes and “adopted” (so he said) as a worker in their armory.  From how he talked, he considered himself their brother and a prince himself – but knowing Henry’s tendency to exaggerate, I took it with a grain of salt.  Apparently he was important enough to go with one of his other “brothers” to this ball, though, so maybe there was some truth to it.

“Okay little sis, your turn.”  Henry grinned.  He thought _he_ was big stuff for being a fancy prince; just wait ‘til he heard what I’d been through.

“Well…” Then I realized my story really started with Dad’s death.  My throat clenched up.  But Henry was more than my brother; he was Dad’s son.  I couldn’t just skip over it.

I launched into my story without holding back.  Dad’s death; becoming a Nobody; the Organization; meeting Axel, Demyx, and R-2; even the prank war with Xigbar.  Talking about the pranks in the context of everything else that had happened, particularly Dad’s death, felt ridiculous.  I blushed and tried to gloss over it a little, especially the cake incident.  Well, as much as I could while still explaining R-2, who I got a glance of happily dancing with a new girl.  I guessed it wouldn’t hurt to let him have fun… sheesh, and even with my heels gone, he was still dancing better than me. 

Annoying as the other Organization members could be, I was glad I’d been picked up by them and not by royalty like Henry.  I’d go crazy if I had to go to any more dances.

“…so yeah,” I finished.  “That’s how I ended up here with those crazy dorks.”

“Sounds like you picked up a new family,” Henry said, a little sadly.

“Yeah.” I smiled a little.  “Like I said, they’re dorks, but they’re my dorks.”

His eyes drifted sideways as he twirled me away, then back.  I’d finally gotten the hang of that by now; I was fine as long as I just followed his lead and didn’t think too much.  “You really just claimed some people you’d never met?  The Annie I knew hardly even hung out with the people she _had_ met.”

I never was very good at making friends before, was I?  “Being stuck together in a castle will do that.  Sounds like the same thing happened with you.”

He looked towards the ground.  “I guess.  I was just hoping… well, it can’t hurt to ask…”  His foot started tapping nervously again. “…Would you want to come live with me?”

I blinked.  I might as well have had my brain fried with Thundaga.  “Excuse me, what?”

“We live on and island; you could have all the fish you want,” Henry said, putting his hands on my shoulders.  “Even salmon, the kind with the pepper on top – that’s still your favorite, right?  And you could maybe marry one of my brothers, since I’m only kind of adopted it wouldn’t be weird or anything, and most of them are less weird than that Demyx guy sounds like.  Except Hans; don’t let him fool you, he’s a mess on the inside.  But the point is, we’d be a family again.”  He finally took a breath, grinning.  “Doesn’t that sound perfect?”

My head spun.  I couldn’t focus on everything at once, so I picked the detail that jarred me the most.  “What… what makes you think I want to get married?”

“You’re what, nineteen now?  Everyone gets married around then these days.  Well, unless you’re just unlucky like me, but I’m sure me and Helene’ll get there eventually…”

I tuned him out.  He might as well have been speaking Southern Isle-ese or some other foreign language.  I brushed his hands off my shoulders.

“I can’t just drop everything for you,” I said, as calmly as I could.

“Why not?”  He asked, like it was a perfectly reasonable request.  “What’s so great about what you’ve got now?  Sounds like a lot of work to me.”

For that second, he sounded just like Demyx.  But he wasn’t.  Regardless, I couldn’t help pondering his question, if only for a moment.  What _was_ so great about what I had?

My friends, obviously.  It was hardly a question.  Demyx, R-2, even Axel, Roxas, and Xion – I cared about them, and I liked to think they cared about me, too.  But obviously my brother cared about me; he was family… I squeezed my eyes shut.  As much as I loved my brother, I couldn’t bring myself to think about leaving my friends, even disregarding the fact Saïx would hunt me down as a traitor if I deserted.

The Organization was dangerous, of course.  But that was just life; I was used to it. The idea that I could be safe and fed, without working for it, was completely crazy.  Impossible.

But did that mean I didn’t want it?

I shoved the thought away.  “Look, Henry – you were _dead._ I came to terms with that a long time ago, and yeah, it was hard.  But I have new responsibilities now.  Other people who need me.  I’ll come visit, but I’m okay with my life.”

Henry pouted, but his cold eyes didn’t draw my sympathy.  “So I’m still as good as dead to you, Annie?”

That nickname was starting to grate on my nerves again.  “That’s not what I meant.  And it’s Xenan, actually.”

He shook his head, turning away.  “You’re right.  You’re not Anne anymore…  Anne would still care about me.”

“What are you talking about?”  I balked.  “You have a new life too!  You could drop your ‘brothers’ and fancy clothes and that Helene girl and come live in _my_ castle.  You could fight Heartless like you used to, like the rest of us Nobodies.  But I’m sure that’s too much _work_ for you now, _Prince_ Henry.”  I couldn’t help the tinge of venom.  If he was going to show up and criticize my life, he’d get a taste of his own medicine.

“Don’t get mad just because I’m done risking my life.”  He glared, pulling up his gloves.  “And guess what?  I don’t have to.  The Southern Isles don’t have Heartless.  Another bonus.”

I shook my head.  “Good for you.  If you like your life now, great.  I’m okay with mine too.”  I calmed down a little, remembering what Xaldin said.  Control my emotions.  A little guilt stirred in my stomach.  “I’m sorry, Henry… I’ve grown up.”

That’s what it was, wasn’t it?  I was still his little sister.  He still wanted to protect me.  I couldn’t be mad at him for that, but I wasn’t a princess, and I didn’t need a knight in shining armor to drag me off to some other castle.

Henry’s frown softened, and he let out a long sigh.  “Then there’s no changing your mind?”

My throat tightened, but I replied, “No.  There isn’t.”

“I should’ve known.  A lot can change in five—”

“What did I ever do to you?!”  A girl’s outburst cut him off – was that the princess’ voice?  Anna, right?   What was going on?

“Enough, Anna.”  Queen Elsa turned away as the room went silent.

“No. Why? Why do you shut me out?!  Why do you shut the world out?!” Anna exclaimed, throwing up her arms.  I didn’t have a lot of experience with royalty, but something told me they weren’t supposed to be making a scene like this in the middle of a party. “What are you so afraid of?!”

“I said, _enough_!”

A jagged wall of ice sprouted from the floor at the sudden bellow.  Henry shoved me out of its way, diving to the side himself.  If I didn’t see Elsa cause it with my own eyes, I would’ve assumed it was a Heartless attack.  Even if it wasn’t, I still kept my mace that had reflexively appeared in my hand.

“How did you—?!”  Henry started to ask, but someone else interrupted.

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 scampered towards us, flopping on the floor too. “Where’s Dem-Dem?”

“Right here!”  Demyx dropped from the balcony, squeaking when he botched his landing and fell on his butt.  Thankfully, everyone was too busy staring in shock at the queen to pay attention.

“…Sorcery,” the Duke of Weselton accused, all of his former light-naturedness gone.  “I knew there was something dubious going on here.”

“Sheesh, sorcery?”  Demyx laughed to himself.  “Someone casts a little Blizzard magic and everyone thinks she’s a witch?”

Henry raised his eyebrows.  “What, you’re not even a _little_ surprised?”

“We kind of use magic every day,” I reminded him, holding out my mace as proof.  “We even used to have a guy with ice powers in the Organization.”

_“Vexen,”_ R-2 hissed.  “But he’s dead now, so it’s okay.”

For once, Henry didn’t have a comeback.  He just shook his head in disbelief.

The rest of the partygoers were flooding out of the room, out every exit except the one blocked by Elsa’s ice.  Soon we were the only four left in the room.

“…Is the party over?”  R-2 asked in disappointment.

“Looks like it,” I answered, dismissing my mace.  “Come on.  We’re not supposed to interfere with other worlds’ business.”

Henry’s head swiveled between me and the door.  “I… better go too.  I’m supposed to be watching over Hans…”

“Wait.”  Before he could leave, I pulled him into one last crushing hug.

“Urk—Xenan’s a bit stronger than Annie was, haha…”

I let go, grinning a little.  “I’ll come visit you.  I promise.”

He laughed and ruffled my hair.  “Good.  You need a vacation every once in a while.”

With that, he dashed towards the door, leaving me, Demyx, and R-2 alone in the empty, half-iced-over ballroom.

After an awkward moment of silence, Demyx asked, “So-ooooo… who’s your new boyfriend?”

As annoying as those sorts of comments were getting, I couldn’t help laughing; it was too ridiculous.  “That was my brother, genius.”

“Whaaaat?  Since when do you have a brother?!”

“Since forever, actually.  I just thought he was dead.”  With a flick of my wrist, I opened a dark corridor.  “I’ll explain later, preferably after I get a good night’s sleep.”

Demyx pocketed the camera he was holding in disappointment.  “Aww, that means I got all this blackmail of you guys dancing for nothing…!”

I laughed.  “Yep.  I won’t be doing your work anytime soon.”  No more than I already did, anyway…

“Do we really have to go?”  R-2 pouted, suit fading to a murky blue-grey.  “I was having fun dancing.  Dem-Dem was too, before he was filming you,” he added, tugging on Demyx’s coatsleeve.  “Tell her, Dem-Dem.”

“Ha ha, nice joke, R-2.  You’re funny.”  His high-pitched laugh gave him away, if his terrible lying skills didn’t already. 

I raised my eyebrows.  “Is that why you’re not already home taking a nap?”

Avoiding my question, he raided the snack table, stuffing his mouth with some sort of raspberry dessert bar.  Not a bad idea; I grabbed a plate of free food too.  But I was still curious.

“What, did _you_ find a girlfriend or something?”  I teased.  I was surprised when he slumped sadly.

He swallowed his food before he could reply.  “…I saw my friend Zel again.”  He said _friend,_ but I could tell he meant something a little more than that.  “She’s from a different world, but she made it here, like your brother I guess.  I used to skip missions and hang out with her all the time when she was stuck up in some old tower.  I even took her to the beach once.”  He smiled nostalgically, but it quickly faded.  “But she’s got some Flynn guy now, so whatever.”  He shoved another raspberry bar into his mouth, but that couldn’t mask the disappointment in his eyes.

“…Oh.  That’s too bad.”  I patted his shoulder with one hand, the other holding my plate of smoked fish bites, which were delicious.  Why didn’t I just stay by the refreshment table all night?

But that wasn’t important right now.  I was trying to comfort Demyx, not that I had any idea how to actually do that.  The only idea I had was to feed him sugar, and he was already doing that himself.

He sighed.  “It’s okay.  She cut off all her pretty blonde hair, and now it’s all short and brown and boring.  Like yours.”

I gave him a look, no longer feeling bad about my sad excuse for comforting.  “Why am I still friends with you?”

“Because I’m awesome?”  Demyx grinned, and I rolled my eyes.

“Dem-Dem is awesome, and Xen-Xen has nice hair,” R-2 declared, trying to end our argument.  “I can make it blonde if you want though.  Or purple.  Ooh, turquoise!  Wouldn’t she be so pretty with turquoise hair?”  He beamed at Demyx, who burst out in cackling laughter.

“Man, _that_ should’ve been our prank!”  He grinned.  “Heh, I guess there’s no rule against doing extra pranks…”

“Don’t even think about it.”

Grabbing one last plateful of fish, I walked into the dark corridor.  Finally, this exhausting, embarrassing vacation day was almost over…

But I smiled.  If it wasn’t for Demyx’s antics, I never would’ve found out my brother was still alive.  So what if he was a little prissier now; so what if he didn’t want to work for the Organization.  That was probably for the best.  As much as I’d like more able bodies around to do missions, I didn’t need another person I cared about within Xigbar, Luxord, and Xaldin’s reach.

After hiding away my fish snacks in the back of the refrigerator, I went back to my room and peeled off that dress as quickly as I could.  My pajamas felt so cozy in comparison, I almost fell asleep before my head even hit my pillow.

For the first night I remembered since becoming a Nobody, I had peaceful dreams.  Dreams of Anne, when she had a brother and a sister, a mom and a dad.

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face, a new set of coats in my closet…

And a turquoise mop of hair on my head.

_“DEMYX!”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously need to do so much fanart for this fic… R-2 in his suit, Xenan in a dress, Henry in general so I can actually get a good mental image of him… speaking of which, don’t worry if you didn’t like him, he shouldn’t show up again except maybe one or two times.
> 
> In my headcanon, times on worlds don’t match up. So even though it’s Valentine’s Day for TWTNW, here in Arendelle it’s the middle of summer. Some worlds are closer than others. (TWTNW basically synchronizes with the Halloween Town/Christmas Town/etc. holiday worlds, by the way.)
> 
> Next up is another pranking chapter; I won’t spoil who! (Because I’m still deciding, lol. xP)


	39. Hair with a Side of Bacon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my friend Xenon (with an O :P) for help with this prank!

Come on, _think._ How hard could it be to come up with a prank on Demyx?  He’d already pranked me twice with no problem… it was about time I got some payback.

Too bad my brain was apparently on vacation.

“Hey, I do plenty of thinking around here,” Axel had said when I’d asked him for help.  “It’s about time you kicked our brain into gear.  Besides, it’s just Demyx.  You could jump out and say ‘boo’ and it’d scare him.”

I didn’t want something as simple as a jump-scare, though.  Like Axel said, it was time to kick my brain into gear.  Ridiculous as it was, I felt this odd desire to… prove myself, I guess.  Demyx and Axel were the masterminds; compared to them, I was practically a grunt.

And according to Xigbar’s most recent letter, the eyepatched troll knew it.  That was my other motivation – Xigbar wanted to see me “pull my own weight,” or I’d lose my place in the “deal.”  Which likely meant saying goodbye to any protection for R-2.  I hated being blackmailed like that, but it could be worse.  At least he was asking me just to prank Demyx, not make out with him.

_Don’t think about Xigbar.  Focus.  How can I prank Demyx?_

Well… we usually pranked the other members by targeting something important to them.  So what was important to Demyx?

That was easy.  I could list the things he cared about on one hand:

  1.        His hair.
  2.        His sitar.
  3.        His candy stash.
  4.        Me and R-2… but I wasn’t going to base any prank around us.  I wasn’t _that_ mean.



Still, that gave me three whole ideas to work with.  Surely I could throw some prank together…

XXX

“Uh… what are you doing?”

I jumped at Roxas’s voice, almost spilling the bacon grease I was trying to save.  “Uh—um—just… trying something.”

Normally the other members stayed out of the kitchen while I cooked – probably because they were still distrustful of my cooking process.  Accidentally covering a whole wall in muffin batter will do that.  Anyway, I was surprised to see Roxas here, especially since I was up cooking earlier than usual.

“Trying what?”  He asked, his face hidden in the freezer.

“Have you ever had gravy?”  I asked back, remembering a recipe I’d found last week.  Which also reminded me, I actually needed to save some grease for that, too.  Maybe I’d still have some left over after this prank… 

“What’s gravy?”  He asked skeptically, digging out two ice cream bars and shutting the freezer

“Delicious,” I answered.  “And apparently you can make it out of bacon grease.  Who knew, right?” I finished with a cough, not sounding suspicious at all.  Nope.

Roxas just gave me a funny look, then shrugged.  Luckily he wasn’t one of the more suspicious members.  His shoulders fell back into a slump as he went to walk off, but I called out to him.

“Hey, isn’t it kind of early for ice cream?”

He paused at the entrance to the dining hall, staring at the two wrapped desserts in his hands.  “…I guess so… I thought it might help.”

I set my plastic container of bacon grease on the counter, drying my hands on a towel I’d left hanging from my pocket.  “Help with what?”

He stayed quiet for a while.  I couldn’t see his face; I reluctantly left the still-hot griddle to check on him.  “Roxas?  Is something wrong?”

He slowly shook his head.  “I don’t know.  Xenan… is something going on with Xion?”

“Xion?”  I gulped, remembering Axel’s letter.  “I-I’m not sure.  Why do you ask?”

When Roxas looked up at me, I finally saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes.  “I think she had a really hard mission and messed up… I don’t know, but Saix was really mad at her, and she hasn’t been the same since she came back.  I thought an ice cream for breakfast might cheer her up.”

“Oh.”  I tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.  This was normally Axel’s area; he knew Roxas and Xion much better than I did. Still, if I could help somehow… “Hey, what’s her favorite breakfast?”

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion.  “French toast, I think?”

I smiled.  “Then she can have ice cream and French toast for breakfast.”

Roxas still looked lost for a minute, but then he grinned.  “Really?”

“Sure.”  I ruffled his hair.  Huh, I could see why Axel liked to do that; his hair was so soft and fluffy, like a furry cat.  …I’d been hanging out with R-2 too much, thinking weird things like that.  I coughed.  “While I’m cooking, though, do you think you could do me a favor?”

He shrugged.  “After I give Xion her ice cream.  I don’t want it to melt.”

“Of course.”  I grabbed the container of bacon grease, a plastic tub about the size of Roxas’s head.  “So, I’m playing a prank on Demyx…”

XXX

Cooking three different breakfast entrees was a lot of work.  Blueberry pancakes for Demyx, French toast for Xion, and bacon and eggs (Friday’s specialty) for Xemnas and everyone else.

But it was definitely worth it when Demyx stormed into the Dining Hall of Non-Existence, his hair completely slicked back with grease.

“Who was it?!”  He demanded, pointing to his flat, shiny mop of hair.  Xion covered her mouth to hide a laugh, and Roxas shot me a thankful smile.

“Dem-Dem, something’s wrong with your hair,” R-2 stated the obvious with a giggle.

“I know that!”  He angrily pouted, running a hand through his mullet-like hairdo.  “I used the same hairgel I always use!  _Someone_ sabotaged it!”

“You cannot blame others for your own carelessness,” Saïx spoke up, surprising me.  Was that a tiny smirk on his face?  “In the future, you should inspect any product you intend to slather in your hair beforehand.”

Demyx gaped, sputtering like a fish out of water.  “B-but—but that’s not _fair!”_

“Stop complaining,” Xaldin ordered calmly, sliding a third fried egg onto his plate.  “Life isn’t fair.”

Demyx sulked to his seat between R-2 and me.  “Bunch of meanies…”

R-2 took a deep sniff.  “Hey Dem-Dem, you smell like bacon.  Is that a new coal-lone?”

My laugh nearly ejected chewed-up eggs onto the table.  I managed to hold it in, nearly choking instead.  “Demyx wears _cologne?”_

R-2 nodded eagerly.  “Uh-huh, he even let me smell some!  They smell good, but they have funny names.  Like ‘ _Raindance’_ and ‘ _Secret Seafoam’_ and ‘ _Bon Jov-”_

“Ha ha, that’s enough!”  Demyx covered R-2’s mouth, trying to shrink back from Xaldin’s and Saix’s amused stares.  “Wait, what do you mean I smell like bacon?”

“You can’t smell it?”  R-2 frowned.

“We’re eating bacon for breakfast,” Demyx replied, a little defensively.  “It just smells like bacon in here.”

R-2 shrugged.  “Well, you smell like bacon too.  Bacon’s good.”  He happily ate a piece to demonstrate.

Demyx just stared for a long moment, during which time I checked the camera I’d been hiding in my lap.  Yep, it looked like it had gotten a good shot of Demyx’s entrance from under the table.  Mission accomplished.

A lightbulb finally seemed to click in Demyx’s head, but at that moment, Axel exploded into the room.

“Okay, which one of you has a bone to pick with the Flurry of Dancing Flames?”

_‘Flames’_ was right.  He was literally blazing in fury – but that didn’t stop me from bursting out laughing at his hair.  Oh, this was even better than I’d planned for.

If Demyx’s hair resembled a mullet, Axel’s could only be described as a long, flowing cascade of red grease.  It was slicked back in one straight, solid formation, and shiny enough to immediately command R-2’s attention.

“Ooh, I want to touch it~!”  He bounced over to Axel, but received a wilting glare.  “Oh. O-okay, I won’t touch it…

“Come on, out with it!”  He looked to Demyx first, but seeing his equally embarrassing hairstyle, both of their glares turned to me.  I thought about trying to hide the camera, but the movement of putting it in my pocket would probably only attract more attention.

“Oh, come on, it’s just _hair!”_ I mean, it was hilarious to see them get worked up like this, but were they seriously _angry_ at me?

“ _Just_ hair?!”  Demyx exclaimed, like I’d committed blasphemy.  “This takes _two hours!_ It’s a work of _art!”_

It was at that moment that I heard a completely foreign sound.  At first I thought it was my imagination; it had to be… but it wasn’t.

_Saix_ was laughing.

“You too?!”  Axel looked betrayed.  “C’mon, Sai, I didn’t think you were _that_ heartless!”

Really, it was more like a low chuckle, but coming from Saix, it felt like an all-out cackle.  “Honestly, Lea.  You styled your own hair with bacon grease.  Do you expect me to have sympathy for you?”

“Wh-what?”  Axel balked.  The rest of us were balking too, but for a different reason.  Xion was the first to bring it up.

“Axel… why did Saix call you ‘Lea’?”

I could see the mental effort of rearranging letters on Demyx’s face before he finally burst out laughing.  “Axel had a girl’s name, Axel had a girl’s name~!”

Axel’s face turned as red as his greased hair.  Thank Kingdom Hearts I’d left the camera rolling.  “Sh-shut up!”

Xaldin chuckled, reminding me he was still there, and apparently getting a pretty big kick out of this too.  “You could have at least spelled it L-E-E.”

“Well I’m sorry my mom wanted to spell it like my great-grandmother!”  Axel huffed, which only brought on another round of laughter.  Even Roxas, who’d looked pale with terror at the thought of Axel being mad at him, now wore a wide grin.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?”  Axel said defiantly, crossing his arms.  “Saix’s name was Isa.”

Everyone went silent.  The blue-haired man sat frozen as a statue.  Then, finally, Demyx let out the cackle he’d been holding in his puffed cheeks.

“Isa~! Isa~! Saix’s name was Isa~!”  He chanted between cackles.  Of course, R-2 had to mimic him.  Amusing as it was, I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at the man who could still get R-2 taken away.

“Missions.  _Now._ All of you,” Saix ordered, rising from his chair and striding towards the Grey Area.

“Hey, wait!”  Demyx had the nerve to call out.  “What about our hair?!”

Saix turned around to shoot him with a yellow glare that could’ve paralyzed a Darkside.  “I suppose you will have to deal with it, won’t you?”

Demyx wilted.  “Aww…”

Everyone’s laughs and giggles finally faded to silence.  A smug smile on his face, Xaldin left the table, leaving his dishes for me to clean up.  Ugh, kitchen duty was so much more work than I’d expected…

Axel shook his head and attempted his trademark hair-ruffle, grimacing when his glove came back oily.  “Man, Sai was right…  I really must be an idiot.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Demyx admitted.

“Hold on, let’s not get mixed up here.  You were the idiot _waaay_ before I was.”

“Hey!”  Demyx shoved him, but he just laughed.

“Does this mean…”  Roxas gulped, you’re not mad at us?”

Axel raised an eyebrow.  “Why would I be mad at you, Rox?”

“Because I… um… put the bacon stuff in your hair gel.”  He stared at his feet.

“ _You_?!”  Demyx exclaimed.  “Really?!”

“It wasn’t Roxas’s fault,” I quickly intervened.  “It was my plan, I just needed his help.”

That brought on an immediate glare from Axel.  “So you manipulated him?”

“Of course not!”  I defended.  “I just asked him for help. I didn’t want to go in the guys’ bathroom to replace Demyx’s hairgel.”

“What about _my_ hairgel?”  Axel asked skeptically, and I shrugged.

“I wasn’t trying to prank _you_ …”  I looked towards Roxas, who shuffled his feet sheepishly.

“I didn’t know whose hairgel was whose…”  Roxas mumbled, scratching his arm.  “Sorry, Axel.”

Xion smiled.  “It was pretty funny though.  I’ve never seen your hair down before.”

Axel chuckled.  “Well take it in now, ‘cause it’s not gonna happen again.”

“Ooh, I should paint a picture!”  R-2 hopped happily.

I was going to suggest us all taking a picture with the camera, but I wasn’t about to crush his excitement.  “Go for it.”

“Yay~!”

“No!”  Demyx threw his arms over his head.  “This sight wasn’t meant for human eyes!”

Axel smirked.  “Good thing we’re Nobodies.”

“This sight wasn’t meant for Nobody eyes!”  He corrected.

R-2 flung his hand in the air, bracing it with his other arm.  “Oh!  What about replica eyes?”

“ _Or_ replica eyes,” Demyx added huffily.  “You know what I mean.”

I laughed, taking the camera out of my pocket and snapping a picture.  “There you go, R-2.  A reference for later.”

Axel sighed, muttering, “If we didn’t need proof for Xigbar, I’d burn that in a non-heartbeat.”

“Aww, man!  You guys are so mean…”  Demyx groaned.  “Whatever.  Cover for me, will ya?  I’ve gotta sneak off to the shower—”

_“MISSIONS,”_ Saïx’s voice boomed from the next room.  “Or would you prefer to have your hairgel replaced with bacon grease _permanently_?”

I’d never seen Demyx and Axel run so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! Two pranks for the price of one! :P
> 
> I didn’t actually plan on that Lea/Isa bit happening, but I accidentally wrote 'Lea' instead of 'Axel' in Saïx’s dialogue and decided to run with it. I like how it turned out. C:


	40. 333 Ways to Get Kicked out of Twi-Mart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! A 40th chapter special! 
> 
> Credit to 333 Ways to Get Kicked out of Walmart for… well, you’ll see.

“Really?  Is that it?”  Demyx asked, tossing a box of Twinkies into our shopping cart.

“I think so.”  I didn’t put the Twinkies back, but I did roll my eyes.  We had agreed to a ‘truce’ ever since our respective hair pranks, which basically meant we would try to be nicer to each other.  Maybe Xigbar was trying to pit us against other, but we didn’t have to be that petty.  Anyway, it would be best if I didn’t complain about every sugary snack cake Demyx wanted.

“So we did pranks on you, me, Axel, Xemnas, Luxord – did that one count?”  Demyx paused counting on his fingers to ask.

“Well, we got him exiled.”  I shrugged.  That was close enough even if messing up his bed wasn’t, right?

While I was picking out bread on the opposite side of the aisle, Demyx tried sneaking a few boxes of Zebra Cakes, Ding-Dongs, and Swiss Rolls into the cart.

“Come on, Demyx,” I called him out.  “You know Saïx only gives us so much munny.  We can’t afford all that.”

“Aww, why not?”  He whined.  “You can just put back the broccoli.”

“If you want to argue with Saïx’s diet rules, go for it,” I challenged, pulling the snacks out of his hands and putting them back on the shelf.  “But we’ve got more important things to deal with.”

He sighed.  “Like how to prank R-2…”

“Yeah.”  I pushed the shopping cart around the corner to the next aisle, Demyx still longingly gazing at the treats behind us.

“We’re going to make him so sad,” he mumbled.  “As sad as I am without Zebra Cakes.”

“Oh, give it a rest.”  I stocked the cart with frozen pizzas, trying not to picture R-2’s sad, watery puppy-eyed face.  “And we don’t have to necessarily do something _bad_ to him…”

“So what are we going to do?”  Demyx asked.  “Ooh, don’t forget the Hawaiian.”

“Got it,” I nodded, tossing in the Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza.  What did ‘Hawaiian’ and ‘Canadian’ mean anyway?  Were those worlds I hadn’t been to?  Oh well, my brain had more important thoughts to focus on.  “I don’t know about the prank, though.  I used up my one good idea on you.”

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t talk about that ever again,” he pouted.

I shrugged.  “I didn’t talk about how disgusting your hair was, or how it took you two days to wash it all out…”

“Xenan!”

I cracked a grin.  “Sorry, I’ll stop.  Really.”

He grumpily tossed in a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  “You better.  Or I’m sure R-2’d like to see your hair turquoise again.”

We finished up our grocery shopping, both still trying to think of a prank to play on R-2.  He was pretty easygoing, but there were still a few things that set him off… I wouldn’t want to accidentally do something that might make him hold a grudge.  For example, I didn’t dare take his markers.  Roxas had accidentally misplaced his purple one once, and R-2 had practically _turned_ purple.  I didn’t see why it was a big deal when he could color with magic, but there was something comforting to him about coloring with markers.

“…You got any coupons?”  The Twi-Mart cashier said, looking in slight confusion at the cart overflowing with groceries.  I did, actually; I handed him a big wad of clipped coupons that he started scanning.  “Big family, eh?”

Demyx and I looked at each other.

“…I guess you could say that,” I replied.  Thinking of Xaldin and Xemnas as _family_ was so hilarious I had to choke back a laugh.

“You got some sort of reunion?”  He asked, finishing off the coupons and starting on the groceries, scanning without even looking at his hands.  “My family’s been in town all week.  Twenty of us.  Gets pretty crazy.”

“Yeah?”  Demyx asked, effortlessly striking up a conversation.  Apparently our black coats didn’t bother this… ‘Frank,’ his nametag said.  “Like, I-need-personal-space crazy, or these-people-are-gonna-kill-me crazy?”

Frank laughed, a short, high-pitched sound that ended in a snort.  “Nah, man, it’s not that bad.  It’s just my cousins and their crazy pranks, but it’s all good.”  He grinned, expertly fitting all five pizzas in the same plastic sack.

“Pranks?”  I perked up.  “What kind of pranks?”

“Ah, just harmless stuff.  I got hit with the rubber-band-around-the-sink-sprayer trick this morning.”  He shook his head and laughed again.  “Little Ollie got a kick out of that.”

I didn’t really know what he was talking about, but Demyx laughed.

“That’s a classic!  You do any pranks yourself?”

While Demyx casually searched Frank for ideas, I scanned the aisles behind us.  Luckily it was late enough, and Twilight Town seemed to go to bed pretty early.  It was one of the easier worlds to shop in without arousing too much suspicion.  Still, that didn’t stop me from staying observant.

And for once, I actually found someone to observe.  He was heading across to the self-checkout section – wait, was that _R-2?_

I ducked back into our checkout line, shushing Demyx.

“Wha—?”

I jerked my head in the direction of R-2’s footsteps, which were oddly quiet.

Franks eyebrows creased in concern.  “Do you need something for your neck?  The pharmacy’s about to close, but—”

“Shh,” I told him.  He shrugged, looking at Demyx as if to ask if I was crazy.  But Demyx was busy peering over the top of the gum shelf that formed a wall between our aisle and the next.

“Is that R-2?”  He whispered down to me.  “Who’s that girl with him?”

_“What?”_ I forgot to be quiet.  Standing on the very tip-toes of my boots, I could still barely see over the shelf.  But I could see well enough to spot that back of a silver-haired head bent low, whispering to a blonde girl.

I could see the hood of his Organization coat, and from what I could hear, he wasn’t monologuing about Kingdom Hearts, so that ruled out the only other silver-haired guy in the Organization.  Who else could it be but R-2?

“That’ll be 4,792 munny,” Frank tapped my shoulder and said.  Ugh, that was 792 munny over our budget, but I wordlessly forked it over.  I was more concerned with what R-2 was doing here, with this girl _…_ and how in Kingdom Hearts was he being so _quiet?_ Did she have him under some sort of spell?

“Wait, she looks kind of familiar…”  Demyx squinted.

“Well, I’ll just go over there and find out _exactly_ who she is,” I replied.  It sounded much more threatening out loud than it did in my head.

“Whoa, hold on now,” Frank warned, holding out his hands like someone would do to appease a wild animal.  “Let’s not get all confrontational.  I don’t wanna kick anyone out.”

“Are you seri—?”

Demyx grabbed my arm.  “Xenan, chill out.  They’re leaving already.”

Sure enough, the two teenagers disappeared out the automatic doors, their hands full of grocery bags.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” I muttered.  “R-2’s supposed to be making s’mores with Axel, Roxas, and Xion tonight.”

“Hey, don’t ask me.”  Demyx held up his hands in innocence.  “Just ask him when we get home.  You know he hates secrets; I’m sure he’ll tell you.”

“That’s what I _thought…”_

“Uh, thanks for shopping at Twi-Mart?”  Frank awkwardly called as I wheeled the grocery cart away.

“You’re welcome,” Demyx waved back.  I was in no mood to be polite.

“Can’t believe he threatened to kick me out…”

 “An Organization member kicked out of a grocery store,” Demyx laughed, shaking his head.  “You’d never hear the end of it.”

The cart kept rolling a few more inches after I stopped.  “That’s it.”

“Uh, what’s it?”  He asked.  I grinned.

“I know how we can prank R-2.”

XXX

Saïx suspected nothing when I volunteered to take R-2 his mission brief.

“In the future, Number XVI should be fully awake and prepared by this time.  I trust he will not sleep in again.”

“Of course not,” I agreed just to appease him, and hopefully to skip out on a monologue.  The sooner I talked to R-2, the better – he’d already been asleep when I returned home last night.  So had Axel, Roxas, and Xion, but according to Axel this morning, it was because they’d all been tired after making s’mores.  I wasn’t sure what was exhausting about roasting a marshmallow and slapping it between chocolate and a graham cracker, but at least he could vouch for R-2’s whereabouts.  Not that it made any more sense.  I knew what I saw, and it definitely looked like R-2.

Before knocking on his door, I shoved the paper Saïx had given me into my pocket.  In its place I pulled out a professionally typed and printed (I could thank Demyx’s technology skills for that) imitation mission brief.

“Oh, hi, Xen-Xen!”  R-2 answered immediately this time.  “Did I miss breakfast?  Aww, I did, didn’t I?  Today was biscuits and gravy day…”

“It’s okay, I saved you some,” I assured him.

“Yay!  You’re the best, Xen-Xen!”  He hugged my arm, wrinkling the fake mission.  Gah, even if it wasn’t an awful prank, he was already making me feel guilty…

“Anyway,” I continued, “Saïx said not to sleep in again.  I’m not sure you should stay out so late with Axel and them next time.”

“Aww.”  R-2’s black coat faded to a murky, swirling blue.  “But s’mores are fun.  They’re gooey and chocolaty and crunchy—”

“Then you can make s’mores, just earlier next time.  Now go on, get your breakfast. You’ve got a long day ahead of you.”

“Okay Xen-Xen!”  He grinned and was about to dash down the hallway when I stopped him again.

“Hey, R-2?”

“Yeah?”  He turned back around.  “I’m getting breakfast, like you said.”

“I know, just… you _were_ with Roxas, Axel, and Xion last night, right?”

“Of course I was!”  He replied happily.  “Where else would I be?”

“…Yeah.  Of course.”  I shook my head.  “Nevermind.”

He ran off again.  I tried not to feel guilty as I dragged my feet towards Axel’s room and knocked on his door.

“Chill out, Sai, I’m up!”  Axel called before throwing open the door.  He relaxed when he saw me.  “Oh.  It’s just you.”

“Good to see you too.”  I rolled my eyes and thrust R-2’s real mission report into his hands.  “Doing a prank today.  Need you to cover for R-2.”

“Sheesh, snippy much?”  He glanced over the paper.  “Just some standard Pureblood population control, not too bad.  But you’ve gotta say ‘please.’”

I took a deep breath.  I really was being snippy; I was just taking out my confusion and vague frustration on him.  _“Please,”_ I tried to actually sound sincere.  Axel laughed.

“Man, you need to lighten up.  What’s the prank, anyway?”

“Demyx and I made him a fake mission,” I explained.  “He’s supposed to do ‘recon’ in Twilight Town by doing as many of the _333 Ways to Get Kicked out of Twi-Mart_ as he can before he actually gets kicked out.”

Axel raised an eyebrow.  “You’ve heard of that list?”

“Demyx knew about it.  I just had the idea to get him kicked out somehow,” I admitted.  “Oh, and I’ll need the camera again.”

I followed him into his room when he went to get it, pretending I didn’t notice him sweep a letter into his drawer.  I still hadn’t forgotten what he said about Xion, though I also hadn’t discovered any new information.  Questions nagged at the back of my mind, but now wasn’t the time to attempt another interrogation.  R-2 could be done inhaling his biscuits and gravy any time now.

“Thanks,” I told Axel when he tossed the camera.

“No problem.  You already get someone to cover your mission?”

  1.   Somehow I’d completely forgotten about that.  “…I’ll figure something out.”  I’d already been rude enough shoving R-2’s mission on him.



Axel shrugged.  “Suit yourself, but I’d be careful if I were you.  You’re not exactly in Saïx’s good graces.”

I winced.  “I know…”

“You’ll be fine,” he suddenly reassured me, placing a hand on my shoulder.  “And you’ll have plenty of time to kiss up after this is all over, right?”

I laughed, just a little.  “Yeah.  Right.”

It was hard to believe things could get better when Xigbar got back, but Axel’s reassuring confidence could be pretty convincing.  I let myself hope, just for a moment…

…And I wondered what exactly I was hoping for.  To be Saïx’s favorite?  To not have to worry about Xigbar?  To simply keep working for the Organization, day in and day out, fighting Heartless like I always have?  To get a ‘real heart,’ and go back to my old life?  I knew that last one was impossible.

For a second, everything seemed impossible, like I really was just a Nobody, nothing, fading already…

“Xenan?”  Axel’s voice swept away my thoughts, and I could breathe again.

“Thanks,” I said automatically, relieved that he had scared away that awful, unexpected feeling.

“For what?”  He asked, looking at me curiously.

“…For the camera,” I said, like it was obvious.

“O-kay, if you say so.”

Practically running away, I escaped to Twilight Town through a dark corridor.  I had a prank to film.

At least that was something I could understand.

XXX

“Three hundred and thirty-three.  Three-three-three.”  R-2 scrunched up his face at the mission papers.  “That’s a lot of threes.”

He had wandered into the Twi-Mart, gotten a smiley face sticker from the greeter, happily stuck it to his forehead, and set off wandering the isles.  There were lots of people here, and none of them in Organization coats.  Wasn’t he supposed to be secret on recon missions?  X-Face was confusing.

Oh well.  This was his mission, and he would complete it.  Maybe then Xen-Xen wouldn’t be mad at him for staying up too late.  She never said anything when he stayed up late before though, so maybe she was confusing, too.

While scanning the list attached to his mission report, he nearly walked straight into a shopping cart.

“Um… are you lost, dear?”  An older woman asked him.  She was pushing the shopping cart.

“Oh, I’m okay,” he told her brightly.  “What’s your name?”

“My name is Lillian,” she said nicely.  She also had nice gray hair, only it wasn’t as shiny and silky as his was.  “May I ask your name?”

“I’m not allowed to tell my name to strangers.”  He paced around her cart, peering at the items inside.  Number one on the list said to switch items from someone’s cart with a different person’s stuff.  “Do you like beans?”  He asked after counting the eleven cans stacked in the back of her cart.

“Um, well, they’re good for my health…”

He took one can of her beans and swapped it for a box of cornbread mix in an unoccupied cart.

“Beans are good with cornbread,” he told her.  Xen-Xen made good beans and cornbread.  Fuzzy Face made better beans and cornbread, but he wouldn’t say that.  It would make Xen-Xen sad.

The woman peered at him over her tiny glasses.  Could he get tiny glasses? They were cute.

“…Thank you?”

“You’re welcome~!”  R-2 waved and skipped away.

The Twi-Mart was big.  Not as big as the Castle That Never Was, but bigger than _Vexen’s_ old lab.  And it had so much _stuff_ in it!  No wonder X-Face needed someone to do recon in it.  But he still didn’t know why he had to do all these weird things.  Some of them looked pretty fun though, like number ten:  _“Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell ‘PICK ME.’”_ He had wandered near a circular rack of pajama pants, and they looked soft and fluffy.  He hardly needed the list to encourage him to hide in them.

“Ahh,” he mumbled to himself, squeezing into the clump of soft pants.  “I like these pants.  They are pink and fluffy.  I will buy some later.”

The sound of squeaky wheels interrupted his brilliant idea.

“PICK ME~!”  He yelled, leaping out of the pants.  The pink-shirted girl he’d jumped at merely blinked in surprise.

“…Are you trying to ask me to prom?  I mean, Olette _did_ get asked by getting a note burned onto a rotisserie chicken, so I guess this could be weirder.”  She had curly blonde hair; the curls bounced when she shrugged.  It reminded him of those curly noodles that tasted good with the buttery Alf-Ray-Doh sauce Xen-Xen cooked.  “And do I know you?”

“Um, what happens if I say yes?”  R-2 asked about both questions.  She gave him a funny look, but he was used to that.

“We go to prom, and you wear something fancy and dance with me.”

“Ooh, like in Arendelle!”  R-2 grinned and nodded eagerly.  “I love dancing and fancy things!”

She gave him an up-and-down glance, frowning a little.  “I wouldn’t have guessed.  But I’d better go with someone, or else I’ll have to dodge Rai all night… and you’re pretty cute.  Plus you’ve got some gorgeous hair.”

“Thank you,” R-2 curtsied at the compliment, like Princess Anna had when he’d danced with her.  That was a nice fancy thing to do, right?

The girl laughed at him.  “You’re weird.  I’m okay with that, still better than going with Rai…  Hey.  You never said your name.”

“Um…”  This girl was kind of weird too.  Was she still a stranger if he was going to dance with her?  “You never said your name,” he echoed.

“Aria,” she held out her hand.  What was he supposed to do with it?  It was too sideways for a normal hi-five, but he smacked it anyway, and she laughed again.  Her laugh was nice.  “You really are weird, Mr. Mysterious.”

“My name’s R-2,” he finally blurted.

“R2?  Like R2-D2?  Your parents big Star Wars fans or something?”

“Uh…”  He wanted to ask what an R2-D2 was.  Xen-Xen would probably know.  He wished she was here.  She would know how to talk to this weird girl too.

“Anyway, I’ll see you Saturday at eight.”  She waved and pushed her cart away, blonde curls bouncing behind her.  “Bye, Star Wars boy.”

R-2 was left mumbling to himself, “What’s Star Wars…?”

He’d ask Xen-Xen later.  Or maybe Dem-Dem.  Sometimes he knew stuff Xen-Xen didn’t, usually weird stuff, and Star Wars sounded weird.  Eventually he remembered he still had three hundred thirty-one things still on his list, and that was probably more important than Star Wars.  Probably.

_You can do it, R-2!_ He cheered himself on in his head to keep himself focused.  When he focused, he was pretty good at this, if he said so himself.  Lots of people looked confused or scared or angry when he did stuff like attempting to drown in a kiddie pool and putting cream cheese on his face while chanting about bagels.  When any employees tried to kick him out, though, he ran away and turned invisible.

“Hee,” he laughed to himself while hiding at the top of a toy aisle.  “It’s like tag and hide-and-go-seek at the same time.  X-Face gave me the best mission.”

There weren’t enough employees compared to the huge store, but most of them had devoted themselves to tracking him down.  Especially Deborah, who he’d asked why she needed a nametag.  And Eric.  Eric didn’t like having whipped cream sprayed on his bald head.

R-2 happily sang “We Will Rock You” (the words were included in his mission brief) to his Barbie doll as he threw bouncy balls into someone’s cart.  The guy shopping started yelling at him, something about him hurting the ponies.

“Sorry!”  R-2 called, tossing the guy a toy pony, which seemed to make him a little happier.  Then he leapt off across the tops of the aisles, switching his song to the My Little Pony theme.  Thanks to Xion, he actually knew how that one went.

“This is the best mission _ever~!”_ He announced loudly, spilling cooking oil down an uncrowded aisle and sliding in it.  It was slippery and fun, like being a fish.  Fish were fun, he’d talked to them earlier.  They even had their own secret code made entirely out of _glub_ sounds.

“Glub-glub, glub~” He sang, sliding on his belly since that was easier than sliding on his boot and prosthetic.  “That means _I love you_ in fish~”

He was having so much slidey fun, he almost didn’t see Eric sneaking around the corner towards him.

“Uh-oh.”  R-2 scrambled to his feet and spun around, but the slidey-ness wasn’t fun anymore.  When he tried to run away, he slipped and fell back onto his stomach.

“We’ve got him now!”  Deborah called triumphantly behind him.  He was trapped.

“Not yet!”  R-2 panicked.  “I’m only on number two hundred forty-two!”

Deborah and Eric charged him from the two opposite ends of the aisle.  But the oil was good again; it made them slip too.  R-2 laughed and opened a dark corridor, sliding into it.  He wasn’t supposed to do that in front of people, but it was better than failing the mission, right?

He came out in the toilet paper aisle, grinning in excitement.  Number two hundred eighty said to “wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra.”  He didn’t know who Cleopatra was, but toilet paper was soft and fluffy, like the pants he still needed to buy before he left.  Anyway, the toilet paper needed to be rainbow instead of white, of course, but he could take care of that.

He ripped open a package of toilet paper rolls and started twirling, wrapping himself in the long white strips.  As the encircled him, each square turned a different color of the rainbow, until he was like a pretty rainbow cocoon ready to hatch into a butterfly.

“Hee,” he hummed to himself, “maybe when I hatch I’ll have wings.  Then I could fly.  Flying would be fun; my legs would be sad though, I wouldn’t need them so much anymore – ack!”

Something suddenly tackled him to the floor.  Luckily his face was padded with toilet paper, so it didn’t hurt much.

“We’re clear!”  Eric’s voice called.  “Delinquent Number One has been detained; I repeat, Delinquent Number One has been detained.”

_“Calm down, Eric, we’re not Special Ops,”_ an answer came back on his walkie-talkie.  _“Randy will be there momentarily to help you escort him from the premises.”_

“Aww,” R-2 groaned, but he was wrapped too tightly in his toilet paper to wriggle free.  He couldn’t even wave his wrist to open a corridor.

“Roger that,” Eric replied.

R-2’s face was mostly covered, but he had enough of his nose and mouth free to ask, “Have you seen my wife Clee-oh-pat-ra?”

Eric sighed.  “You have some serious issues, kid.”

“Is that a good thing?”

Eric ignored his question and didn’t talk to him again until Randy arrived.  Randy’s laugh was loud and deep, almost like Scary Eyepatch Man’s, only nicer.

“What’ve we got here, a rainbow burrito?”

“Don’t laugh, this kid just destroyed over ten thousand munny’s worth of sellable products.”

“I’ll pay it back,” R-2 promised.

Randy laughed again.  “Good luck with that.  I hope your parents have some good insurance.”  He and Eric picked him up by his feet and shoulders and carried him towards the exit.

“I don’t need luck, or parents, or insurance,” R-2 replied simply, even though he wasn’t sure that that last one was.  “I already have it.  I was going to buy ice cream for my friends and fluffy pants for me, but it’s okay.”  He’d fight more Heartless and get the fluffy pants later.

They were both quiet; he couldn’t see what their faces were saying.  Maybe they didn’t believe him.  That was okay, he’d just give them the munny when they set him down.

When they did set him down, they weren’t very nice about it.  He landed uncomfortably on the asphalt, which scraped away a few layers of the rainbow toilet paper.

“Ow.”  He squirmed; the paper was loose enough for him to tear free now.  He scrambled up and looked himself over.  “Aww, I’m not a butterfly…”

“Sorry, small fry,” Randy said.  R-2 saw him for the first time.  He was really big, and his skin was really dark.  Like, the same color as his “Dark Umber” colored pencil.  He didn’t know people could have skin that color.  It was pretty.

“…I think he likes you,” Eric teased his coworker, seeing R-2’s fixated stare.

“How did your skin get that color?”  He asked.

Randy blinked, like he’d never been asked that before.  Which was weird, because the question made perfect sense.  “Both my parents were black.  Y’know, genetics?”

“So people can be all sorts of colors?  Ooh, are there purple people?”  R-2 grinned in excitement.

“…There is something seriously wrong with you,” Eric deadpanned.

“What is it?”  R-2 looked himself over, but he looked normal.  “Is it my leg?  ‘Cause Xen-Xen made it all better, I’m okay.”

Eric shook his head.  “Not your leg, your _brain.”_

Randy elbowed him.  “C’mon, man, be a little more sensitive.  I’m sure he can’t help it…”

“Help what?”  R-2 asked.  Randy smiled awkwardly.

“Nevermind, small fry.  What’s your parents’ number?  You got someone we can call for you?”

“Uh…”

Footsteps came running out of the store’s automatic doors.  His face lit up when he realized it was Xen-Xen, but it took him a while because she was wearing pants and a t-shirt.  Where was her Organization coat?  X-Face would be mad if he saw her out of uniform.

“Xen-Xen!”  He called, waving with all his might.  “Xen-Xen!  I got to number two hundred eighty!  Do I still get mission rewards?”

Eric and Randy’s attention immediately turned to her.

“Who are you, his sister?”  Eric asked.

“Um, yeah.”  Xen-Xen took R-2’s arm.  “I’m sorry, his, uh, brother was supposed to be watching him…”

“Do you mean Dem-Dem?  Is he my brother?”

“Yes,” she whispered to him.  “Now stay quiet, please.”

She said please, so it must be important.  He stayed quiet.

Eric scowled.  His angry eyebrows looked funny next to his bald head.  “Well, it better not happen again.  He cost us ten thousand munny, it’ll probably get taken out of my paycheck…”

“Oh yeah!”  R-2 pulled his munny pouch out of his pocket and shoved it into Eric’s hands.  “Here you go!”

“…What?”  He couldn’t count it all, but it was clearly a whole, whole lot of munny.  Those Heartless drops added up when you didn’t need to buy much.

“Have you been selling drugs?”  Randy asked seriously.

“Have  you been _doing_ drugs?”  Eric added.

“What?!  No, no,” Xen-Xen assured them.  “No, we come from a very wealthy family, uh, not from around here.  And we really should be going back now.  So uh, thanks, bye, won’t be back.”

Xen-Xen dragged R-2 away, even while he was asking her what drugs were and why they couldn’t come back.  It had been the funnest mission ever…

“Well, it’s definitely been enough fun for one day,” Xen-Xen said with an exhausted sigh once they were out of sight, tucked in a lonely alley.  “I could hardly keep up with you… what all did you do?”

R-2 scrunched up his face.  There was a lot to remember.  “I made a Barbie friend, wrapped myself in toilet paper, ate some pizza, drove a lawn mower, talked to fish, found out people can be different colors, built a model of the castle with Legos… oh and I told a girl I’d got to prom with her on Saturday.  I’m supposed to dress fancy and dance.  It sounds like fun… Xen-Xen?  Xen-Xen, are you okay?  Your face is green.”

She took a deep breath.  “I am perfectly fine, R-2.  We are just going to have a long, long talk about what you’re not allowed to agree to with strange girls…”

XXX

_One week later…_

The cashier actually squeaked in terror when Riku and Namine entered the Twi-Mart.

“Look, man, I’m sorry, but wearing a blindfold doesn’t get you off the blacklist,” he squeaked out.  “It’d be really great if you leave.  Y’know, before I have to get all, uh, confrontational.  Yeah.”

“…Excuse me?”  Namine asked, then whispered to Riku, “Did something happen?”

His blindfold covered his eyes, and his bangs hid his eyebrows, so it was difficult for her to tell if he was as confused as her.  But he certainly was, and pretty irritated, too.

“Go on, tell her,” the cashier said, pointing to Riku.  Not that Riku could actually see that gesture, but Namine was the only “her” to talk to, unless he wanted her to talk to herself.  Which made about as much sense as what he was actually saying.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Riku attempted to remain calm.  “We’re only here to buy groceries.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry.  You better find another store.”

“What did we do?”  Riku demanded, itching to summon Soul Eater out of habit, but that would _definitely_ get him kicked out.

“The blacklist says you did two hundred eighty out of the _333 Ways to Get Kicked out of Twi-Mart_.  I mean, I’m impressed, but that’s kind of against store policy.”

“What?  I didn’t—!”

“Come on, Riku.”  Namine gently held his elbow.  “We’ll just find another grocery store.”

“But—!”

“I know you sleepwalk sometimes, it’s alright.  I’m sure it was an accident.”

“Namine!  You don’t believe me?”

“…I just said it’s a possibility.”

Riku stormed back out of the store, taking a deep breath and pushing his darkness back down.  After all, it would be pretty ridiculous if Ansem took over as a result of something as stupid as getting kicked out of Twi-Mart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this is the last multiple-of-ten chapter special you’ll see. There’s only Xion and Xigbar left on the prank list, and a few other shenanigans that hopefully shouldn’t take 10 more chapters. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel~


	41. Under Where?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had a request or two for a chapter about R-2’s prom. I don’t have time to write it and it’s not really relevant to this story; if I do write it eventually I’ll post it separately. For those who are curious, Xenan did eventually let him go and chaperoned him. …I really do want to write it because it would probably be pretty funny, but I also really, really just want to finish this story. My goal of finishing it before I graduate probably won’t happen, but I’m at the very least shooting for before I go off to college.  
> As for this chapter, I’m not really sure how it’s going to go over…
> 
> WARNINGS for references to underwear and Monthly Fun Time. *sweatdrop*

“Hey… Xenan?”

Roxas’s voice wasn’t quite as unexpected this time.  It wasn’t the first time he’d come to talk to me while I was cooking breakfast.  He stopped by pretty often ever since I’d made that special French toast for Xion.  Still, he was uncannily quiet sometimes; his voice always startled me a little.

“Can I help you?”  I asked, flipping a pancake in the frying pan.  I was getting pretty good at that by now, after weeks of practice.  I tried not to think about that too much, though, since it reminded me how little time we had left to make a game plan for Xigbar’s return.  I think we were done with all the pranks, but I’d had to catch up on my missions and hadn’t had time lately to talk with Axel and Demyx about it.

“I hope so.”  I saw him take a seat at one of the tall bar stools out of the corner of my eye.  He sighed, resting his cheeks on his fists.  “Why do girls have buttons?”

I was glad I wasn’t drinking anything, because I would’ve spit-taked.  “You know I’ve been pranked already, right?”

“Huh?”  Roxas’s eyebrows rose.  “I know.  Xion’s the only one who hasn’t, and I can’t prank her because she’s mad at me, because I pushed the wrong ‘button.’”  He frowned.  Oh yeah, Xion.  I’d forgotten she hadn’t been pranked yet.  Add that to the list of things to try not to worry about…

I finished stacking the pancakes, turned off the griddle, and took a seat across from Roxas.  “Sooo… what in Kingdom Hearts are you talking about?”

He sighed again, like just thinking about it drained his energy.  “Axel told me girls have buttons, and I pressed the wrong one.  But I don’t really know what he’s talking about either.”

I didn’t really want to interfere with Axel’s “parenting,” but when it came to girls, I felt responsible for clearing up misconceptions.  Sure, Axel tried his best, but I wasn’t sure I’d call him a reliable source in this case.

“It’s a figure of speech,” I explained first, since the kids often had trouble understanding that.  “And honestly, it’s pretty rude… I think Axel just meant that there are some things that girls care about that guys don’t.”

Roxas frowned.  “Like what?”

“Well—um…”  What did I care about that, for example, Demyx didn’t?  But I wasn’t sure Demyx was a standard male example, anyway.  “Well… what did you do that upset her?”

“All I said was that Xigbar left me a note saying to keep up the good work, and that me and Xion are both special.  ‘Exceptional.’  I asked if she had any idea why he’d say that.”

I couldn’t help my scowl.  “Your first mistake is associating with Xigbar in the first place.” The thought left an awful feeling in my stomach… whatever Xigbar meant, I was sure it had to do with whatever was in Axel’s letters.  Maybe it wasn’t my business, but it wasn’t supposed to be Roxas’s either.  The kid had enough to deal with without being dragged into this mess.

“I didn’t ask Xigbar to leave the note,” Roxas defended, shifting uncomfortably.   “I just thought she might know what he was talking about, but I think it made her really upset… she said it’s because she’s a mistake, and we’re not the same.”  He frowned, deep in thought.  “I don’t know what she meant by that, either.  She’s _not_ a mistake.  I’m just so confused…”

Trying to be comforting, I reached across the narrow table and patted his shoulder.  I might not be very good at expressing sympathy, but I did feel bad for him.  Being left in the dark by his two best friends… even if he didn’t know about Axel’s secret, it was bound to come back to haunt him sooner or later.  If I’d learned anything from trying to hide R-2, it’s that secrets had a way of doing that.

“Maybe she meant…”  I tried to come up with some possible interpretation.  If only I knew Xion better… It had been fun to laugh at that cheesy “chick flick” Demyx had us watch, but I hadn’t really learned anything helpful from that except that she was kind of a sucker for sappy romance.  I should do more stuff with her; maybe we could petition for our own bathroom… but that wasn’t important right now.  What _was_ important was the idea I suddenly had.  “Honestly, I don’t have a clue what she meant.  But I might be able to help.”

“Huh?  How?”  Roxas asked, perking up. 

“Well, according to _Axel,_ girls have buttons,” I snorted.  “If that’s true, maybe I’m the best one to find out what you did to push hers.  Since I’m a girl too.”  It was kind of a stretch, but I was willing to try.  If anything, I might just be a little more observant than Roxas.  Plus, if I was lucky, I might even be able to puzzle out what was going on between Axel, Xion, and Xigbar.

“That’s a great idea!”  Roxas cheered.  “You can come eat ice cream with us and—”

“Not like that, Roxas,” I backpedaled.  “She might still need space.  You can do something with Demyx and R-2 tonight; let us have some girl time.”

“Oh…”  He hung his head in disappointment.  “You’re right.  Axel said I should give her some time…  I just want her to feel better.”

I smiled and got up, heading back to the counter to get the pancakes.  “Axel’s right sometimes.  Be patient with her.  She’s still your best friend.”

Roxas smiled a little.  “Thanks, Xenan.  You’re a good friend too.”

Honestly, I was surprised my comforting skills were working.  Maybe this practice was paying off.  “You’re welcome, Roxas.”

Now I just hoped I could follow through.

XXX

“You, um… what do you want to do?”  Xion asked when I went to talk to her after dinner.

“It’s a surprise.”  I grinned.  I’d spent most of my mental energy during my mission today thinking of what we could do together, and I’d stumbled across the perfect idea by accident.  “I can’t tell you in front of the boys.”

I think Roxas heard me across the dining hall, because he pouted.  I knew R-2 heard me, because he bounced over.

“Ooh, a surprise?  What is it?  Is it ice cream?  Ice cream is a good surprise.”

“No, R-2.”  I laughed.  “ _Your_ surprise is that you get to play Rock Band with Demyx, Axel, and Roxas tonight.”

“Yay~!”  R-2 cheered, his coat lighting up bright pink.  “I get to stay up late again!  Ooh, and I hope I get to sing~!  Dem-Dem likes to keep singing and not share, but maybe I will get a turn.”

“Um… yeah.  Maybe.”  He still didn’t understand just how painful his singing voice was.  But hey, that was Demyx’s problem tonight.

“Maybe~!”  He repeated hopefully.  “Bye, Xen-Xen!  Bye Xion!”

“Bye, R-2,” Xion giggled, then asked me, “Why does he always call you Xen-Xen?”

“You know, I honestly can’t remember…”

As we walked down the hall towards the bedrooms, I suggested my ‘girl bonding’ idea.

“Do you want to prank Axel?”

“Axel?”  She blinked.  “Why?  You already pranked him.”

“That was kind of an accident,” I answered, already starting down his hall.  “Besides, I thought it might be fun.  You haven’t gotten to help with a prank in a while, have you?”

She still looked skeptical.  “Well… not since Xemnas, I guess…”

“I know Xigbar wants all of us to participate.  It might give us bonus points for that, too.”  It wasn’t my main motivation, but it wouldn’t hurt.

“Xigbar,” she muttered.  “Why does he care what we do?  I never bothered him.”

I grimaced.  “You know it was never your fault.  It was me and Demyx… being stupid,” I admitted.  If I wanted to be a good friend, I’d better start by being honest. 

She didn’t look convinced.  “Then why would he tell Roxas that the two of us are ‘special’?”

“…Because you wield the keyblade?”  I threw out a guess.  She shook her head.

“It’s not that simple.  Everyone else thinks I’m…”  I waited for her to finish, but she turned away.  “Nevermind.  Let’s go prank Axel.”

I’d been so close to finding out something important, but I didn’t want to push her.  For now, I would just follow her and hope she would decide to trust me.

XXX

“What do we do now?”  Xion asked once I’d picked Axel’s door lock.  Why did the doors even have locks?  Pretty much any member could still get in, and even the lesser Nobodies could phase through doors.

Speaking of lesser Nobodies, a few of Axel’s Assassins appeared at the sound of Xion’s voice.  Startled, I summoned my mace and swung at them.  One vanished on contact, and the others fled.

“Whoops…”  Hopefully Axel wouldn’t be too upset when he found out about that.  I didn’t have lesser Nobodies under my command, so I had no idea what sort of connection he had with them.

“Oh, they show up sometimes if Roxas and I come in and forget to knock,” Xion explained.  “They’re pretty nice though.”

“Oh... well sorry I, uh, destroyed one…”

We couldn’t do anything about that now, though.  I still had to actually come up with an idea for a prank, which I somehow had neglected to think through today.

“I wish Demyx were here.  He could just flood it,” I mused.

“He wouldn’t need our help with that, though,” Xion replied thoughtfully.  “It needs to be something _we_ can do, right?”

“Right…”  My eyes wandered to Axel’s dresser.  Deep down I knew why I wanted to come here:  I wanted to read that letter, the one that might still be sitting in that drawer.  But thinking about it now, I felt a twinge of guilt.  He really thought he was doing what was right by hiding it…

“We could switch his clothes,” Xion suggested.  “Kind of like what he did for your prank.  Only we don’t have to give him dresses, so it won’t be exactly the same.”

Just the mental picture of Axel in a dress was enough to distract me and set me laughing.  I had no problem doing the same thing back to him, but then I had another idea.

“Do you think we could replace his underwear with girl underwear?”  It was kind of an awkward idea to suggest, but I could imagine just how hilarious _his_ awkwardness would be when he eventually had to confront us about it.

Xion blushed.  “Whose, um, underwear?”

Good question… “I wonder if Larxene’s room still has some.”

Xion reluctantly followed me to the end of the hall to check.  It was eerily quiet with all of the members either dead, exiled, or playing Rock Band in a different wing of the castle.  Well, Saïx might be in his room, but he was silent enough anyway.

I picked the lock on Larxene’s door, transforming my mace into that knife-like shape that brought back too many memories.  The room itself was just as nostalgic; I was almost afraid I’d see Larxene asleep in her bed, just like my first group prank all those months ago.  The room was laid out just like before, not that I’d seen much of it the first time.  Our prank had been mostly confined to the bathroom.

“What’s this?”  Xion asked, picking a black book with an apple on the cover off of one of Larxene’s shelves.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t touch more of Larxene’s stuff than we need to.”  I didn’t know if Nobodies could have ghosts, but the thought of Larxene coming back to haunt me made me shiver.  Plus, I didn’t trust anything she read to be Xion-appropriate.

“Okay.”  She put the book back.

I started opening drawers, and was surprised to find her diary.  I mean, I knew Saïx wanted all of us to keep one, but it was hard to picture Larxene of all people writing her inner feelings.  But she had been a Nobody too, must have gone through some of the same terrible things we did…

“I thought we weren’t supposed to touch stuff.”  Xion frowned in confusion.  I sheepishly put the diary back.

“Yeah…”  My curiosity still tugged at me.  I pushed it back, focusing on the prank at hand.

It didn’t take long to find her underwear, but once we did, I kind of wished we hadn’t.

_“_ Seriously?” I gagged, holding up a lacy pink bra.

“Why is it colorful?”  Xion asked.  “No one would see it.”

“I sure hope not…”  I shoved aside the mental image of Larxene in frilly underwear and wrapped the clothes in one of her old coats.

“What was Larxene like?”  Xion asked.  I raised my eyebrows.

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember much from before you guys went to Castle Oblivion.”  She scanned the room again, especially the mirror, which most of our rooms didn’t have.  “Larxene was the only girl besides the two of us.  I just kind of wish I’d met her.”

The thought of this innocent little girl trying to make friends with _Larxene_ of all people made me laugh out loud.  “Believe me, you didn’t miss anything.  She tried to kill us once for stealing her hairdryer.”

“Really?”  Xion’s eyes grew wide.

“Yep.  Right there, in that bathroom.”  I pointed to the closed door.  She frowned.

“She has – um, had – her own bathroom?”

“I know, right?  I wish we didn’t have to share one with the guys…”

“What, um…” she hesitated, “I hope this isn’t a dumb question, I mean, I don’t know a lot of things, but…”

“As long as it’s not where babies come from, ask away.”  I’d already explained what love is; how much worse could this be?

She still looked sheepish, but she stared up at me innocently.  “…How are boys and girls different?”

That actually was a difficult question.  There were the obvious anatomical differences, but I wasn’t sure if that was what she meant.

“Well… we’re built differently,” I explained carefully.  “Our bodies are different, and, uh…”  The main difference I could think of was that girls can have kids, but that led to the ‘where do babies come from’ question that I didn’t want to get into.

Actually, there was also a pretty important thing I realized she might not know about.  Ugh, I hated to explain it… but she didn’t have a mom to tell her.  Just like I hadn’t, when I’d been old enough.  I didn’t have to image how she’d react if she found out on her own; when it first happened to me, I’d thought I was dying.

“…Xion, have you ever had, um, blood, suddenly…”  I explained the monthly female occurrence as gently as I could. That didn’t stop Xion from staring in horror, like she’d just watched something die.

“You mean girls _bleed_ like that, every _month?”_

“It’s not as awful as it sounds…”

It still took a long time to calm her down.  Once she finally stopped shaking, I stole some of Larxene’s feminine hygiene products for her to keep.

“You know, we could probably get away with just using this bathroom,” I realized.  Especially since leaving girl stuff in the other bathroom was always really, really awkward.

“Okay.”  Xion looked relieved that she didn’t need to take the box outside of this room.  “Thanks, Xenan.  I’m glad I’m not the only girl in the Organization.”

“Me too.”  I smiled.  _Though I could’ve lived without ever having to explain_ that _._ “Now come on, we’re still going to prank Axel, right?”

“Right.”  She grinned.

Annoyingly enough, the Assassins had returned to Axel’s room already.  They fled immediately this time, though.

“Those things are so weird…”  I muttered.

“Is having lesser Nobodies only for boys too?”  Xion asked.  “Axel has those Assassins, and Roxas has the Samurai, and Demyx has his Dancers…”

I wouldn’t have been surprised if the Organization was that sexist, but I remembered something that made that less likely.  “R-2 doesn’t have any lesser Nobodies either.  They probably just ran out or something.”  Which was weird, since each Nobody class seemed to reflect their member’s traits:  Xigbar’s Snipers, Luxord’s Gamblers… If I did have lesser Nobodies, what would they even be like?  Smiths?  The whole idea was pretty silly to me.

While I unwrapped Larxene’s underwear from the coat on the floor, Xion started looking through Axel’s drawers.  Before I could think of any excuse to stop her, she pulled open the drawer with the letter.

“Hey—” I jumped up, trying to intercept her.

“What?” She blinked innocently.

I looked down into the drawer, but to my surprise, it was empty except for one thing.  “I just… wanted to film this,” I covered, taking out the camera.  Where Axel had moved the letters, I had no idea, but it was probably for the best.  Now I couldn’t be tempted.

She shrugged.  “Okay.  Do you want me to film?”

“If you’d rather not touch Larxene’s underwear.”

She chose the camera; I didn’t blame her.  But at least that way she wouldn’t be looking through any more of Axel’s things.  Of course, it also meant that there would be a record of anything I found or did…

But right now Xion was filming Larxene’s underwear, spreading it out with the toe of her boot.  I took the moment to search through the rest of Axel’s drawers, not to look for Xigbar’s letter (even though it was tempting), but to find which one had his underwear.  Socks, old ice cream sticks, his handheld video game – there it was.  I didn’t particularly want to touch Axel’s boxers, either, but at least I was wearing gloves.

Xion’s eyebrows creased.  “What’s wrong with Axel’s underwear?”

I was holding two pairs of red boxers, one pinched delicately in each hand.  “I’d just rather not touch it any more than I have to.”

“No, I mean, why’s it so different from ours?”  She restated.

I set the boxers on the laid-out coat next to Larxene’s underwear.  “Oh, guys just have different underwear from girls.”

“Oh,” she replied sheepishly.  I was just thankful she didn’t ask why.

Once I’d emptied Axel’s boxer drawer, I gingerly picked up a few of Larxene’s bras and panties, transporting them to the same drawer.  When I saw what I’d missed, though, I accidentally dropped them on the floor.

“Xenan?”  Xion asked, lowering the camera.  “What is it?”

“Nothing.”  I picked up the lacy underwear and stuffed it on top of Xigbar’s letter.  Axel must have known I would come looking for it, tried to hide it in a place he thought I wouldn’t look.  Well, that backfired.

I still didn’t have to read it.  I could just let it lie there, buried in bras and panties, and forget about it.  But Axel would still know we were here; he’d think I read it anyway…

Who was I kidding?  Like I could really restrain my curiosity.

“Xenan, I hear some—” Xion tried to warn me.  Too late.  An Assassin phased through the door.

“—Look, you already cried wolf once—” Axel ranted at his minion as he opened the door.

Catching me with the letter clutched in my right hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun...


	42. Broken

If I could have buried myself in the floor right then, I would’ve done it.  Axel slowly shook his head, his eyes glinting as hard and cold as ice.

“So much for trust, huh?”

My face burned hot and red.  Xion tried to catch my eyes, but I turned away.

“It’s just a prank,” she said in confusion.  “We weren’t going to keep your underwear forever.”

Axel didn’t look at her.  His eyes never left my lowered head.  “I’m not worried about my underwear, Xi.”

I would’ve laughed , if the guilt wasn’t burning me up inside.  “…I didn’t read it,” I murmured.

“Of course not,” Axel replied sarcastically.  “You only—”

“Axel?”  Roxas poked his head around the door, startling the Assassin, who disappeared into the floor.  Why couldn’t I be an Assassin?  “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Roxas.”  Axel’s voice was calm – calm as the eye of a hurricane.  “Go back with Demyx and R-2.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wait, what are Xion and Xenan doing in here?”  His eyes widened at the pile of Larxene’s underwear that I hadn’t finished moving off of the floor.  “What’s _that?”_

“Um, I think you should listen to Axel,” I told him.  It was bad enough I’d been busted; Axel might literally kill me if I caused Roxas to ask him the same questions Xion had.

“Yeah,” the redhead’s gaze still bored into me.  “Couldn’t be bothered to take your own advice, could you?”

The trio stared at me, pinned me down like an experiment on a lab table.  I couldn’t stand still.  The letter shook when my hands trembled.

“…Xenan?”  Xion asked.  “Are you okay?”

I finally met her gaze.  Her eyes were wide, not accusing, only concerned.  What could this letter say about her?  She was my friend too, not just Axel’s.  What gave him the right to decide what she could and couldn’t know about herself?

“I’m fine.”  I stood up straighter.  “I just found something Axel doesn’t want you to see.”

His eyes widened in shock, then narrowed to slits.  “I told you, it’s _not your business.”_

“But it is _hers!”_ I held out my arm, extending the letter to Xion.  She looked between me and Axel, her eyes wide and scared.  Tentatively, she reached for the paper—

—Only for Axel to snap his fingers, engulfing it in a quick burst of flame.

_“Axel!”_ Roxas cried out.  “What are you _doing?!”_

His best friend turned away.  “Forget about it.  It’s not important.”

“It was important enough for you to burn!”  Roxas yelled, angry and confused and probably a little scared.  That poor kid… if I thought more, I would’ve spared him from seeing this blow up…

Xion’s blue eyes began to water.  “Axel… what do you know about me?”

Now it was the redhead pinned between the accusing, betrayed stares.  If he felt as guilty, though, he hid it better than I had.  “Xion, have I ever tried to hurt you?  Can you not trust me?”

I crossed my arms.  It wasn’t my place, but I shot back anyway, “Like you trusted us, you mean?”

His gaze flitted away again.

“Axel, please,” Xion begged him.  “I know I’m different.  Maybe there’s even something wrong with me… Please, just tell me why.”  I don’t know how he could ignore the pain in her voice, the pleading of her eyes.

But he stayed silent.

“…Okay.”  Xion lifted her hood, hiding the water on her face.  A dark corridor swirled into existence at the wave of her hand.  “I’m sorry, Roxas.  I’ll come back when I find out who I am.”

“Xion—!”  Axel was too slow to stop her.  She dashed through the corridor; it vanished without a trace.  Like no one had ever been there.  “Xion… I didn’t…”

Roxas stared, jaw open, shocked silent… until he finally made eye contact with his best friend.  “You’re awful, Axel.”

“Rox—” Axel reached out vaguely, but didn’t stop the blond from racing out the door.  His shoulders slumped with the weight of rejection.  “Not you too…”

“What did you expect?”  I said without thinking.  It was stupid of me, rubbing salt in the wound.  I bit my tongue, but it was too late to stop Axel from flaring up, looming over me like a fiery spectral of destruction.

“What were youthinking?!”  He raged.  “Breaking into my room, turning my two best friends against me—dragging in Larxene’s underwear—!”

“How do you know it’s Larxene’s?”  I asked as I flinched away.  It was enough of a distraction to ease some of the flames.

“It’s a long story.”  Axel’s face reddened even deeper than his anger had already turned it.  “Which is _also_ none of your business.”

“Okay, I get you’re mad,” I understated, holding out my arms while trying to back around him, towards the door.  It felt like trying to escape a lion’s den.  “But really, is this really _that_ important to you to keep a secret?  Even if it means losing them?”

In the shadows of his dying fire, pain burned across his face.  “…No.”  The last of his flames flickered out.  “This is what I was trying to stop…”  He sighed, kicking Larxene’s underwear out of the way and taking a seat on the edge of his bed.  “I might as well tell you now.  So you can see just how badly you’ve screwed everyone over.”

I swallowed, feeling another twinge of guilt.  But really, how bad could it be?  Had she been a murderer in a past life or something?

Axel took a deep breath.  Seriously, did he have to kill me with all this suspense?

“Xion… is a replica,” he finally got out.

I blinked.  “Seriously?!  All this drama over—!”

“Shut up, I’m not done!”  Axel snapped with a glare that outranked Saïx’s.  “She’s not just any replica.  She’s different from R-2; she was created from memories.”

“…So?”  I still didn’t get it.  Was Xigbar threatening to expose her, too?  But none of us brought her into the Organization, and besides, she had a keyblade.  They wouldn’t even think of getting rid of her, right?

He let out an irritated sigh.  “A boy’s memories.”  He paused when I still didn’t react.  “ _Sora’s_ memories.”

My brain kind of fizzled.  Xion was a boy’s replica?  It was completely insane.  I vaguely wondered if that made our whole conversation earlier irrelevant… and where had I heard that name?  Sora, Sora…

It clicked.

_“Sora?!_ You mean that homicidal keyblade-wielding maniac who killed Larxene?!”

“Bingo.”  He nodded.  “I mean, Larxene and Marluxia were asking for it, but you get the picture.”

“But—but—” Forget fizzling, my brain was reading _ERROR 404,_ like the Organization’s computer had when I’d accidentally broken it before.  “But _how?”_

Axel shrugged.  “I’d say ask Vexen, but I killed him.”

I had to sit down, right there on the floor, next to the lacy lump of Larxene’s underwear.  I dropped my head into my hands.  “You’ve been sitting on this… ever since C.O… and you still expected me to _trust_ you?”

“I’m not proud of what I did,” he replied, voice low.  “I’ve made more mistakes than you know.  But believe me, I care about Roxas and Xion.  More than I have about anyone.”  He let out a deep breath.  “And now, thanks to _you,_ I’m going to lose both of them.”

“I…”  My voice wavered.  I shouldn’t let someone who’d _killed_ a man guilt me… but I couldn’t deny that he loved those kids, like a brother-slash-awkward-momma-bear.  “But if you care about them, why couldn’t you—”

“Xenan, just shut up.”  Axel dropped his head in his hands.  He didn’t have the strength to yell this time.  His voice was hollow, like a Nobody’s was supposed to be.  “Just shut up.  You always think you’re right…”

My stomach churned at the comment.  I pulled my knees to my chest.  I should leave him alone, but I didn’t have the strength to move.

Xion was Sora’s replica, somehow.  Maybe she wasn’t even a real girl.  She must have known something… did it have anything to do with calling herself a mistake?  It was just too insane to comprehend.

Axel suddenly let out a weak, hysterical burst of laughter.  “Oh, and I haven’t even told you the best part.  Roxas is Sora’s Nobody.  Xion’s slowly sapping his strength, and if I can’t figure something out, one of them is going to die.”  He dropped the news like a bombshell.  “There.  How’s _that_ for the truth?”

I couldn’t take it anymore.  Tears streaming down my face, I bolted from his room.

_Axel… Roxas… Xion…_ I didn’t know where I was running.  Grey walls, twisting halls, it didn’t matter.  Maybe I could lose myself forever, and I wouldn’t have to admit how badly I’d ruined everything. 

_I’m so sorry… I was so, so wrong…  Axel, how could you live with this?_ It was going to destroy me, and now Xion was gone, he couldn’t find out how to save her if she ran away…  _And if she finds this out on her own… oh, Kingdom Hearts…_

My legs finally lost their strength, buckled underneath me.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out, eyes squeezed shut.  I didn’t want to look around.  If I stayed oblivious to where I was, maybe I could just pretend I was nowhere, that I didn’t exist…

…That was stupid.  I was a Nobody; I already didn’t exist.  And wishing to exist even less wasn’t going to help anyone.

When I finally studied the ground through tear-clouded eyes, I saw glowing red and blue tiles with… were those weapons?  Under my splayed fingers, a blue tile glowed with a picture of my very own mace.  I summoned the real one to my hand, feeling its familiar weight.

“What good are you, huh?”  I muttered bitterly.  “All you do is break things, can’t help me fix any of this…”  My fist clutched it like it could save me, because I didn’t know what else to do.  My mace was just like me.  Good for nothing, except smashing things to pieces.

Shouting wordlessly, I chunked the hunk of metal across the room.

“Stop it!”  Another voice suddenly yelled.  When I looked up, I saw Roxas across the hall, on his knees over his own tile.  “Just go away!”

I flinched back from his voice.  “Roxas—I didn’t know you were there—”

_“No!”_   He pounded the ground with his fist, choking back a sob.  “You said you were going to _help_ Xion!  Not make her run away!”

“It’s… it’s not like that,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.  But it _was_ like that.  If I’d just left the three of them alone… surely it would’ve been better than this.  I shattered their friendship today.  How could I expect them to forgive me?

“I don’t know who’s worse, you or Axel,” Roxas replied bitterly.  “He’s hiding something; you’re scaring her away—”

“What did you want us to do?”  I suddenly burst out.  “I tried to make him tell the truth, but he’s right.  Some things really _are_ better left unsaid.  You’d never see her the same—”

Roxas suddenly stormed to his feet.  “You mean you _know?!”_

The color drained from my face.

“I _trusted_ you!”  His voice cracked.  “I… I trusted you, and Axel, and Xion, and _none_ of you cared.”

If Axel’s anger stung, Roxas’s broken disappointment was like a keyblade to the heart.

“We… we do care,” I whispered, pleading with my eyes for him to stop.

“Then why won’t any of you tell me what’s – _going_ – _ON!”_ A burst of light pulsed from him, burning through me like white fire.  My mace automatically returned to my hand.

“You want to know?”  I finally yelled, staggering to my feet.  Rage swept over me, compounded by pain, fear, failure; it shoved everything else out of my mind.

“That’s what I’ve been _telling_ you!”  Roxas summoned his keyblade in a flash of light.

“And you want to fight for it?”  The hurt itched to escape me, inflict itself on someone else, didn’t matter who.  My mace vibrated with eager energy.

“If I have to!”  Roxas shot back.

With hardly any mental input, my mace shaft lengthened out as I took up a battle stance.

“Then bring it!”

He rushed me at nearly the same speed as the light he wielded.  Only my adrenaline gave me the reflex to block his horizontal slice.

From that point on, I might have been as berserk as Saïx under the full moon.  My emotions completely took over, pushing me forward, but stripping the skill, the precision from my strikes.  It would have cost me, if Roxas hadn’t fought nearly the same way.  His ferocity scared me; his combos struck like lightning.  But I bounced back; parried; threw everything in my heart into each block and strike.

“Why won’t you quit?”  Roxas shouted, bracing his keyblade against my mace.  The sound of grating metal assaulted my ears.

“Why… won’t… _you_?”I countered, trying to push him back.  He had a surprising amount of strength in those thin arms.  Enough to make my own tremble, but I wasn’t giving up yet, not while there was any strength left in me.

“Because I have the right to know!”

He slipped his blade around mine, thrusting the blunt point into my stomach.  I doubled over, stumbling back, but he didn’t stop there.  With one last pulse of light, he blasted me backwards.  My head thunked against the wall.

Spots swam in my vision, but I could still make out Roxas’s blurred outline.  “Unnnghhh…”

My mace slipped from my grip.  Echoed hollowly against the floor.  Vanished into metallic sparks.

“You—” Roxas huffed, catching his breath, “—had enough?”

That blast of light had torn through me, on the inside more than out.  My stomach might as well have been boiling.  Still, I tried to stand, out of sheer stubbornness, because if I stopped fighting I’d have to finally think about what I’d done.  My mace again materialized in my hand.

“Not yet,” I answered.

He was prepared for my charge.  His anger burned brighter than mine, but it didn’t blind him the way mine did.  His eyes narrowed in on my every move, my every weakness.

It wasn’t long before another raging combo sent me flying backwards again.

“How about now?”  His chest rose and fell heavily, his breathing as loud as his words.

“Not… yet…”

“I’m not going to quit!”  He stood over me, bracing himself with his Kingdom Key like it was a walking stick.  “Just give up already!”

My exhausted limbs shook.  For all my bravado, I was clearly drained of every drop of strength.  What did I expect?  Roxas was fighting to know the truth, because he cared about his friends.  I was just fighting out of confusion, stubbornness, anger, guilt.  With no strength left to fight, I finally had to face the truth.

“You’re a good kid,” I muttered.  “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I started this mess.  I’m sorry I made Xion run away.  And… I’m sorry I can’t tell you why.”

_“What?!”_ Roxas stabbed his keyblade into the ground, cracking one of the tiles.  Not one that represented any Organization member, at least.  “You said if I beat you, you’d tell me!  We had a deal!”

I winced.  “Roxas… can we please just get Xion back first?  It would be better for everyone if we can all talk about it together…”  It really wasn’t my place to tell, regardless.  That right belonged to Axel.  But I needed to buy some time, any time was better than telling Roxas now, when he was already in raging against all of us.

“Maybe you and Axel should have thought about that before you made her _run away,”_ Roxas growled.

“That wasn’t my fault!”  I tried to defend myself.  “I didn’t know then!  Axel only told me after!”

“Why would he tell _you_ and not us _?_ We’re his _best friends!”_ He spun around, clutching at his head, like a sudden headache had clamped down on his brain.  “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore…”

“Roxas…”  I searched for any words that could soothe him, but no sound came out of my open mouth.

He spared me one last ice-cold glare. 

“I must have a heart.  Because I hate all of you.”

Those were the last words I heard him speak before he took off, out of the Proof of Existence, most likely out of the Castle altogether. 

I slumped against the wall like a ragdoll.  Getting up would be pointless.  How would I tell Axel I had just driven away _both_ of his best friends?  And they were R-2’s friends, too; how would I explain all this to him?  I couldn’t.  I couldn’t tell them…

Eventually I fell asleep to the circling of my miserable thoughts.


	43. Follow Your Nose

When I awoke, I felt unusually warm.  I was wrapped in something soft, but… I wasn’t in my bed…?

My eyes fluttered open.  I screamed.

“Ack!”  Demyx jumped back, away from me, but tripped over the pile of blankets we’d apparently been cocooned in.  “Sheesh, you almost gave me a heart attack!  I mean, if we can have those – whatever, you could warn a guy before you scream in his ear, y’know.”

“You could warn _me_ before you decide you want to spend the night—!”

R-2’s loud yawn interrupted me.  I turned to my left, where he was wrapped in blankets too.  “Hi, Xen-Xen.  Did you have good dreams?”

I kicked away the blankets and stood up, relieved to see that they were both in full uniform, coats and all.  But what were they doing here?  Where were we—?

The memory hit me like a freight train.  Fighting Roxas.  Him running away.  Falling asleep on the Proof of Existence’s cold tile floor.

“…No,” I answered R-2.  “I didn’t.”

Demyx stood again, this time not tripping over the blankets.  “R-2 tracked your, uh, smell.”

“Yep~!”  He interjected, wriggling out of his blankets to sniff my hand.  “Metal and dirt and cinnamon and warm.  I could smell you anywhere, only—” he frowned, “—you smell sad, too, like mud puddles I’m not allowed to jump in.”

“Er, anyway,” Demyx coughed, “when we found you you were already asleep, but… we thought we’d keep you company.”  He smiled awkwardly, but I could tell it was sincere.

“…Thanks,” I swallowed, knowing what question would inevitably come next.  “But I’m fine, really, I was just out for a walk and—”

“Xenan.”  Demyx’s voice turned serious.  “We know Roxas and Xion are gone.”

R-2 nodded sadly, looking up at me with hurt puppy eyes, but for once he had nothing else to say.

I dodged their gazes.  If I was a good friend, I’d explain what happened.  But I was becoming more and more convinced I wasn’t the friend I’d thought I was.

“…I’m sorry,” I told R-2.

“It’s okay,” he replied even as his coat turned a deeper shade of indigo.  “It’s not your fault.”

The tears sprang back to my eyes.  I wanted to hide again, melt into the floor like the metal I controlled.  But his sadness finally dug the truth out of my heart.

“…Actually, R-2… it kind of is…”

I still didn’t tell them everything. Especially not the parts about who Roxas and Xion really were.  I couldn’t; I choked over the words as it was.  But I explained why they ran away, with enough detail for them to know it was my fault.

R-2 stared, water clinging to the corners of his aqua eyes.  “Why did you fight Rox…?”

I turned away.  “It was – kind of like sparring.  I just had to fight someone, I couldn’t think anymore…”

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.  Turning back around, I saw Demyx’s weak smile. 

“I gotta get you a hobby,” he teased.  “There’s other ways to deal with your feelings besides beating people up, silly.”

I winced, suddenly remembering something Xaldin told me.  About keeping my emotions in check… for once, I should have listened to him.  But it was too late for that now.

“Actually, he beat _me_ up,” I admitted.

Demyx laughedat me.  “You let one of the kids beat you?  I mean, I know he’s pretty tough – more cut out for combat than me, anyway…”

“Yeah, you’re one to talk.”  I rolled my eyes, but his teasing actually made me feel better.  At least I knew he wasn’t mad at me.  Of course, he wasn’t the one I’d hurt, either. 

R-2’s coat wavered between dark and light blue, like he still wasn’t sure what to think.  “So… where are Rox and Xion now?  Are they okay?”

“…I don’t know.”  I sighed.  “Xion’s probably trying to figure out what’s wrong with her… I don’t know what Roxas will do, but they could be anywhere.”

“We have to find them!”  R-2 tugged at my sleeve, dragging me towards the exit.  “They could be in trouble!”

“R-2, wait—we don’t have a clue—”

He couldn’t drag me far, anyway.  Saïx entered the room, blocking his path.

“You three.”  His eyes narrowed.  “Exactly who I wanted to see.”

Without any other explanations, he presented me a mission brief.  Was it tomorrow already?  I knew I’d slept, but I could never tell when morning was since the World That Never Was didn’t have a sunrise.  There weren’t windows in the Proof, anyway.

“Ugh, work.”  Demyx sighed, putting up the lazy-boy front he always did for the Luna Diviner.  “When are we gonna get a vacation?”

“Never, with that attitude.”  The blue-haired man scowled.

I took the mission brief; if there was only one for all three of us, it must be something important.  Could he be sending us to look for Roxas and Xion?  The Organization needed its keyblade wielders, that much I knew.

Sticking his head in my way, R-2 read the brief upside-down.  “Ooh!  We get to track down the impostor?  Really?”  I was surprised the mission had distracted him from Roxas and Xion so easily.  I mean, I knew he was easily distracted, but he’d seemed pretty set on looking for them…

“No way!”  Demyx snatched the brief next, also before I could read it.  “Isn’t there some calm, peaceful, non-combat mission I could do instead?  Seriously, I’m not cut out for—”

“I have noticed Xenan has a way of motivating you,” Saïx interrupted his complaint.  “Remain alert.  The impostor may have been related to our keyblade wielders’ disappearance; see that you do not allow him to plant any seeds of dissention in your malleable minds.”

He did us the ‘favor’ of opening a dark corridor.

“Can’t we get breakfast first?”  I asked.  Speaking of which, I hadn’t actually cooked breakfast… but Xemnas hadn’t thrown me in the Void yet, so maybe Xaldin filled in for me.

“There is no time.  Our Dusks sighted the impostor in Twilight Town, but he could disappear again at a moment’s notice.” 

Guess we weren’t getting any more time to prepare.  I downed a potion to wash away the leftover aches from my fight with Roxas (and from sleeping against the wall), but unfortunately I couldn’t wash away the grime still stuck to me, or the hunger in my stomach.

“Come on, Xen-Xen!  Dem-Dem!  Ooh, this might be better than Twi-Mart!”  R-2 bounced through the corridor.  Demyx sighed and trudged after him.

So Saïx didn’tknow the real reason Roxas and Xion had left.  Of course, Axel would want to keep it under wraps as much as possible, but I didn’t know how long it could last… I just hoped we could find the keyblade wielders before the truth had to come out.

We stepped out of the dark corridor in Twilight Town.  What would the Organization impostor be doing _here,_ of all places?

“Sooo, how about we ditch the mission and get some ice cream instead?”  Demyx proposed with a grin.  “Roxas and Xion like ice cream.  Maybe we’d find them there.”

“Nice try,” I replied, even as my stomach growled in agreement.  If Saïx was right, though, I really did want to catch this impostor.  Maybe he was wrong about the real reason Roxas and Xion left, but if there was any connection there at all, maybe he could help us find answers.

“So where do we look first?”  R-2 asked eagerly.  I was glad he was excited; maybe the mission was helping him push away his sadness over his missing friends.

“How about—” Huh.  I had no idea.  We had arrived on a side street that led up to Station Heights, but I didn’t know if Saïx put us here on purpose or if he just wanted us to search all of Twilight Town.

“I still think the ice cream shop’s worth of a shot,” Demyx tried again.  I wanted to object, but it wasn’t like I had any better ideas.  Tram Common would be as good a place to start as any.

“Have you ever seen the impostor?”  R-2 asked.

“No, but honestly, I don’t think there _is_ an impostor.”  Demyx shrugged.  “I bet Xig and Lux are just trolling us while they can.”

I paled at the thought.  “Really?”

“Why not?”

R-2 frowned.  “’Cause Xion saw him.  She would have recognized Pokerface or Scary Eyepatch Man.”

“Wait… so Xion _did_ meet the impostor?”  I asked.  Saïx sent her on a really hard mission before she started worrying about being a mistake… did he send _her_ to take on the Organization impostor all by herself?

R-2 nodded, looking thoughtful.  “She told me.  He made her really sad, and she was crying.  I heard her and wanted to make her feel better but she said I couldn’t do anything.  She said he looked kind of like me.”  Pouting, he picked at the drawstrings on his coat.  “That’s why I want to find the impostor.  So I can find out who he is, and make him pay for hurting my friend.”

I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard R-2 sound so serious before.  But at least now his eagerness to find the impostor made some sense.

“We will,” I promised him.  My stomach growled, as if to agree with me.  “…But maybe Demyx is right.  I’m not sure I can do any more fighting on an empty stomach.”

“Yes!”  Demyx fist-pumped the air.  “Ice cream it is!”

It probably wasn’t the best food for an empty stomach, but the Twi-Mart had put R-2 on their blacklist, and the little ice cream shop was the only other food vendor in Twilight Town that I knew how to get to.  Plus, our feet had already carried us there.

A bell jingled when Demyx pushed open the door.  “Ah, I love the smell of dessert in the morning.”

R-2’s nose twitched.  “I don’t smell dessert.  I smell me.”

“Ew, man, you could’ve taken a shower last night,” Demyx’s own nose wrinkled.

“No, not _me_ me.  Someone else has my smell.”

It didn’t take a hypersensitive nose for me to guess what it was.  It looked like our stomachs had led us to the right place – across the small store, someone in a black coat with long silver hair was in a heated conversation with the cashier.

“Look, I just need this ice cream!  It’s none of your business!”

“Oh, hey, are those your friends?  You guys going to a convention or something?”  The cheery cashier stood on her tiptoes, peeking over the top of the impostor’s head.

“What-?”  The impostor turned around.

At least I could safely say it wasn’t Xigbar or Luxord being trolls, but… he _did_ look just like R-2.  Well, except for the fact that his black coat actually stayed black, both of his legs were fully functional, and a blindfold was tied over his eyes.  But even without seeing his eyes, the silky silver hair was a dead giveaway.

_“You’re_ the one I saw at Twi-Mart!”  I suddenly realized, at the same time R-2 shouted, “The impostor is _you?!”_

The impostor took a deep sniff, muttering, “Two Nobodies, and… oh, no.”

Demyx shouted as he barreled through us, dashing out of the ice cream shop.

“Hey!  Blindfold guy!  You forgot your ice cream!”  The cashier shouted after him.  “Ah, oh well.  What can I do for you three?”

I didn’t bother answering her; we were already pushing the door open, chasing down the impostor.

My brain was whirring as fast as my feet.  This ‘blindfold guy’ shared R-2’s scent, looked like an exact replica of him… but _R-2_ was the replica.  Why hadn’t I thought of it earlier?

“Is that the _real_ Riku?”  I asked, skirting the corner of a brick building.  The impostor’s trail wound haphazardly through Tram Common, but I wasn’t about to let a little zig-zagging keep me from catching him.

R-2 nodded frantically, struggling to keep up on his prosthetic leg.  “It’s him.  He’s going around and having my smell and my face and doing mean things with them, like making Xion cry.”  His expression hardened with determination.  It wasn’t a look he wore often, but when he did, it scared me a little.  “I’m glad he has a blindfold.  I don’t want him to look at her with my eyes.”

I didn’t mention that maybe the real Riku wouldn’t be ecstatic at having a clone running around in the Organization.  “And you’re sure it’s him?  Not, like, R-3 or something?”

I could tell it was hurting him, but R-2 kept up with sheer determination (unlike Demyx, who was keeping up by having a few of his water clones drag him).  “It has to be Riku.  He doesn’t smell like a replica, like me or R-3 or Xion.”

“So you can smell— _what_?”  When I processed his statement, I looked back at him, losing my focus.  I tripped on the steps we were running up.  My knees hit the brick ground, soon followed by my elbows.  “Ow… Don’t let him get away…”

But by the time I looked up again, Riku was already gone.

“Awesome, you guys waited for me to catch up.”  Demyx stumbled up the steps, then plopped down beside me with an exhausted sigh.  His water clones bubbled into nonexistence.  “Thanks for that.”

I shook my head, beating myself up inside.  But I still couldn’t help asking, “You mean you know Xion’s a replica?”

R-2 gave me a funny look, sitting down and rubbing his leg where it connected to the prosthetic.  “Yeah.  You didn’t?”

“Whoa, Xion’s a replica?”  Demyx’s eyes bulged.

“Of course she’s a replica,” R-2 said again.  “You’ve never smelled her?”

“R-2, most of us don’t have the super-nose you do.”  I thought I’d explained this, but apparently he needed to hear it again.

“Oh.”  R-2 shrugged.  “Well, she’s a replica.  So?”

“So?”  Demyx asked.  “That’s like… huge!  I mean, we knew you were a replica, but Xion?  She’s just so normal, I never would’ve guessed… what?”  He finally noticed R-2’s pout.

“What’s wrong with being a replica?”

I winced.  Demyx didn’t exactly have tact.  Ever.

“Nothing!”  He replied too quickly.  “You’re just not exactly—”

I elbowed Demyx in the side.  “It’s not important.  You two are still people, just like the rest of us.”  I shot Demyx a glare, even as I thought about Xion.  _Only some of us don’t accidentally drain energy from our best friends…_ It wasn’t her fault.  I had to remember that; she was still my friend, too.  But she wasn’t exactly the same as R-2, even if he didn’t realize it.

“Of course we’re people!  What else would we be?”  R-2 looked confused.  “I guess I could be a bird replica.  Birds are cool, they have wings and get to fly everywhere and don’t even have to use Glide.”

I let out a small, relieved sigh.  Good thing he was so good at distracting himself.  Unfortunately, Demyx had to bring up the subject again.

“So, we know you’re Riku’s replica, but who’s Xion a replica of?”

R-2 shrugged.  “I don’t know.  She smells like Roxas, but she’s not Roxas’s replica.  That would be weird.  Then there would be two Roxas, and I’d have to smell them to tell them apart, and Skinny Flaming Pyro Man says it’s not nice to sniff people.”

I was pretty sure I’d told him not to sniff people, too.  “Maybe it’s because they both have keyblades,” I wrote it off, hoping they wouldn’t dig any deeper.  R-2 and Demyx had both met Sora – it didn’t seem like R-2 recognized his scent, but if he did, Xion’s secret might be in big trouble.

“Maybe,” R-2 replied thoughtfully.  I cut him off before he could offer any other suggestions.

“Forget about Xion.  What are we going to do about the impostor?”  If all three of us failed at this one mission, Saïx might just turn us into Dusks and be done with it.

“That’s easy!”  R-2 jumped up, shaking out the stiffness in his stubbed leg.  “I know what he smells like now!  I can track him!”

“Really?”  Demyx grinned.  “Man, I knew you had a pretty great nose, but that’s like a superpower!”

I grinned in relief too.  “Guess Saïx won’t have to turn us into Dusks after all.  Lead the way, R-2.”


	44. Halves and Wholes

“…You’re sure he’s in there?”  I stared up at the looming mansion.  It wasn’t that it was _creepy,_ I guess, it just didn’t look like a place any sane person would choose to live.  Of course, if Riku was R-2’s original, he probably didn’t count as “any sane person.”

“My nose says so,” R-2 replied.

“…How about I stay back and keep watch?”  Demyx volunteered with a shudder.  “Man, this place gives me the creeps…”

I shook my head.  “We’re going to need all three of us.  The real Riku took out both Lexaeus and Zexion back at C.O., remember?”

“Are you even listening to yourself?!”  Demyx threw his hands in the air.  “You’re asking us to go in there and get ourselves killed!”

“It’s not for Xen-Xen,” R-2 said firmly.  “Rox and Xion need our help.  Riku might have answers.”

“What if he doesn’t, huh?  What then?”

R-2’s eyes narrowed, and his coat sleeves turned a dark red.  “Then I still get to make him pay for hurting her.”

All his talk about revenge scared me.  I didn’t want to see what would happen when he met the real Riku, but we did need answers.  Hesitantly, I approached the gate and tugged on the iron bars.

 “Oh well, looks like it’s locked, better head back-!”

R-2 grabbed his arm and tugged him through a dark corridor, appearing inside the gate.

“…Oh.”  Demyx chuckled sheepishly.  “Heh, guess you can do that…”

I corridored through beside them.  “Demyx, we really don’t have time for this.  We have a mission to complete.”

He sighed heavily.  “Yeah, and Saïx’ll Dusk us if we don’t… fine, whatever.  If we all end up dead, don’t blame me.”

Grunting with effort, R-2 shoved open the mansion’s front doors.  If I thought the place looked abandoned on the outside, the inside looked like it should be condemned.  Broken furniture littered the floor of the foyer, where twin staircases led up to the higher level.  I couldn’t imagine what Riku would be doing in a place like this… unless it was some sort of trap.

I didn’t voice that concern, but I did stay alert as R-2 recklessly kicked aside debris, like the real Riku would be hiding under a broken table leg.

“Doesn’t look like anyone’s here,” Demyx said with a shrug.

“He _is,”_ R-2 insisted.  The closer we got to Riku, the darker his voice seemed.  He inhaled deeply.  “Everything smells like mold and gross and death… it’s hard to smell him anymore… but he’s _here.”_

Demyx’s eyes widened.  “You can smell the death!?  And everyone says _I’m_ the crazy one-!”

R-2 threw open a door on the left wall, before I could warn him to be careful.  But there was nothing there, except a table that had been smashed in half.  What could’ve torn this mansion apart, anyway?  A giant Heartless?

“…Maybe you should wait down here,” I told R-2, looking towards the upper level.  Demyx’s nervous whistling made it hard to tell, but I thought I heard something up there…

“No!”  R-2 yelled defiantly, shocking me.  Seeing the look on my face, though, he calmed down a little.  “Xen-Xen, you don’t get it.  He’s my other half.  I always hoped my other half was good, even though he killed Zexion and Lexaeus.  They weren’t nice anyway.  But Xion _is_ nice, and I don’t know why he would hurt her.”  His aqua green eyes watered.  “I know he’s not me… but he’s still a part of me.  And I’m not about to let any part of me hurt my friends.”

…Maybe I really couldn’t understand.  I didn’t have an “other half.”  But I could understand him wanting to protect his friends, and that was enough.  Besides, it wasn’t like I could really stop him from coming if he’d made up his mind.

“Alright.”  I sighed.  “But don’t just jump into a fight.  I want answers first.”

“Hey, if R-2 doesn’t want to wait down here, I’ll— ow!”

I grabbed Demyx by the ear and dragged him towards the left set of stairs.  He eventually just sighed and trudged after me, muttering about how we were all going to die.

“We’re not going to die,” R-2 said calmly, carefully keeping his prosthetic from catching on the creaky steps as he ascended the stairs.

“Oh yeah?  How do you know?”

“’Cause Riku’s scared of us.  He knows we’re stronger than him.”

I wasn’t sure that was why Riku had fled, but I wasn’t going to ruin R-2’s confidence.  Besides, I was busy concentrating, trying to tell if the whispers I thought I could hear were coming from inside or outside of my head.  The mansion was eerily quiet except for the creaking floor, but Demyx and R-2’s footsteps weren’t exactly quiet.

“Shh,” I finally hushed them, standing still, staring at the door nestled by the left wall.

“What?”  Demyx asked.

“You know what _shh_ means!”  I yell-whispered.  But it was too late – the voices had gone silent…

Regardless of my earlier warning, R-2 went ahead and yanked open the door.

The whiteness was blinding after the mansion’s earlier dingy darkness.  For a moment I thought we’d somehow been transported to C.O.  When I recognized one of the people in the room, I was even more convinced.

“ _Naminé!?”_ The girl was sitting at one end of a long white table.  “What are _you_ doing here!?”

As she cringed back from my voice, the real Riku stepped between us.  “I’ll ask you the same question.”

It was disconcerting to hear R-2’s voice in such a low monotone, lacking any hint of my friend’s energy.  But what was even weirder was that Riku and Naminé weren’t the only two people in the room I recognized.

“Rox!  Xion!”  R-2 broke into a huge grin, running towards his friends, who were huddled nervously in the back corner of the room.  “You’re okay!  Riku didn’t hurt you!”

“Not yet, anyway…”  Roxas muttered, but Xion squeezed his hand.

“I told you, he’s not going to hurt us.  He and Naminé are going to help.”

I couldn’t quite process everyone at once.  Since R-2 was focused on Roxas and Xion (and thankfully not on attacking Riku), I directed my attention towards the blindfolded man.

“We’re here for answers,” I stated simply.  I couldn’t ask about Xion’s condition with Roxas, R-2, and Demyx in the room, but I had plenty of other questions now.  “What are Roxas and Xion doing here?”

Riku was surprisingly calm for someone who had just been burst in on by two Nobodies and his replica.  Or maybe that was because the blindfold hid most of his emotions.  “They were also looking for answers.  It doesn’t sound like the Organization hands out much information.”

True as that was, I didn’t have time to bash on the Organization.  “Oh yeah?  Well what kind of information did you give them?”

Naminé and Riku shared a look – well, if Riku could share a look under his blindfold.  This time it was the blonde girl who softly answered, “We explained how they are connected to Sora.  And that Sora needs his memories back.”

I was surprised to hear Xion speak up afterwards, “And if I don’t give them back…” her voice shook, “they’ll overflow.  I won’t be me anymore.”

“I still think it’s stupid,” Roxas interjected.  “You’ll _always_ be you, Xion.”

She shook her head.  “You still don’t understand, Roxas…”

Suddenly R-2 strode over to Riku.  His back was straight; his coat burned a bright red-orange.  It was odd to see their similarities up close and personal, how if Riku’s face hadn’t been covered, they would have been near-perfect reflections.

“You _are_ hurting them,” R-2 accused, voice deeper, matching his other half’s.  “Why are you hurting them?”

Riku sniffed, nostrils flaring slightly.  “I thought I… how did you make it out of Castle Oblivion?”

“Answer me first!  Why are you hurting them!?”  In a cloud of darkness, Soul Eater appeared in his hand.

Xion stepped forward, eyes wide.  “R-2, stop!  I told you, he’s not hurting us!”

“He made you cry, Xion!  And now he’s telling you you’re going to overflow and not be you anymore!”  R-2 jumped back, baring his sword in a battle stance.  “No half of me is going to make my friends cry!”

“R-2, no!”  I summoned my mace, jumping between the two Rikus.  “He’s right!  If we don’t do something, Xion’s going to—” I closed my mouth before I could let Xion’s secret slip out.  Maybe she already knew, but if I told R-2 that Xion was going to drain Roxas, he would only fly into more of a fit.

Roxas scowled.  “Go on.  Say it.  I bet it doesn’t even matter anymore… Riku thinks we both have to die anyway…”

R-2’s coat glowed bright, burning red.  Roxas’s words had confirmed his hate.  What could I do to stop him now?

Yelling in rage, R-2 flew towards Riku in a frenzied combo.  His other half blocked, jumped back, and launched a slicing combo of his own.

“Why don’t you learn?”  Riku called.  “You’ve fought me plenty of times before, and you’ve never won!”

“You’re wrong!  I’ve never fought you, but I _am_ going to win!”

“Riku, he’s not-!”  Naminé had to dive out of her seat to avoid being collateral damage.  Xion rushed forward to help her up, and together with Roxas, they took her to the safety of the hallway.

“Man, I should’ve brought popcorn,” Demyx spoke up for the first time since we’d entered the white room.

I smacked him.  “How can you think about food at a time like this!?”

My stomach growled that I should be thinking about food too, but I didn’t have time to listen to it.  I had to help R-2.

He was a good fighter, but Riku was his original.  Though the real Riku’s style was a little less twirly, their moves were nearly identical.  And they both had handicaps – Riku with his blindfold; R-2 with his prosthetic leg.  It shouldn’t have been surprising that it was an even match.

“How did you find me?”  Riku asked again as he clashed swords with R-2.

“My nose knows,” he snapped back, then spun and landed a hit on Riku’s shoulder.  My throat constricted when blood trickled out – yes, Riku wasn’t my R-2, but the similarities, it was hard for my subconscious to handle them hurting each other…

Hissing, Riku threw up a magical barrier and jumped back, towards the window-covered wall.  “But you _died!”_

“Shut up!”  R-2 shot forward, stabbing the barrier, shattering it into a shower of glittering shards.  The magical backlash threw the real Riku backwards—

–And glass shattered as he crashed through the window.

“Riku!”  Xion yelled, pushing past Demyx and back into the room.

R-2 panted, hands on his knees.  “It’s okay, Xion.  He can’t hurt you now.”

“No!  He wasn’t going to hurt me, R-2!”  She repeated, shaking his shoulders, yelling into his face.  “He was going to find a way to transfer my memories back into Sora, so I won’t _die!”_

“Huh…?”  He looked dazed.

I skirted around them, staring down through the broken window.  Sure enough, Riku lay on the grass far below, arms and legs spread like he was in the middle of making a snow angel.  Only if you were making a snow angel, you had to be moving.

Naminé gasped when she saw him as well.  “No… Riku …”

I rushed out of the room, down the groaning stairs, outside of the mansion.  If Xion was right, if Riku knew how to save her and Roxas… I couldn’t let their last hope die right in front of their eyes.

I couldn’t tell if his eyes were closed, but there was no noticeable rise and fall of his chest.  No pulse, either, and as far as I knew he was a Somebody, he should have a pulse… I cast Cure while I searched my panels for a potion.  Scratch that, I had to have an elixir around here somewhere…

“Here.”  I hadn’t realized Demyx was at my side, but he handed me one of the glowing yellow items.

“Thanks,” I breathed in relief.  As I forced Riku’s mouth open and poured in the healing golden liquid, the others trickled out of the mansion, watching me with mixtures of hope and doubt.

Seconds ticked by.  I expected him to take a deep breath any moment.  It was just a two-story fall; we made jumps like that all the time… but we didn’t usually land flat on our backs, either.  I even went as far as to peek under his blindfold; his eyes were closed.  And he still didn’t move.

“I’m sorry,” R-2 murmured, the red in his coat draining, replaced by its original dark black.  “It’s all my fault…  I… I should have listened to you…”

Naminé slowly walked towards me, kneeling at Riku’s side.  “Is he… is he really gone?”

“…I don’t know.”  I’d never watched a real person die of anything other than a Heartless attack.  His body was still here, so I didn’t lose hope just yet.

“…He was my only friend,” she confided in a low mumble.  “The only real one, anyway… I manipulated Sora’s memories to make him like me… and the other Riku replica, too…  But Riku, he was my friend even after all of that…”  Tears leaked from her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”  My comfort felt fake, especially since I hadn’t stepped in to stop Riku and R-2’s fight.  I could have prevented this…

Suddenly Demyx shot a blast of water at Riku’s face. 

Had he lost it? “What in Kingdom Hearts are you-!?”

But Riku sputtered up to a sitting position, shaking his head.  “Nngh… That was uncalled for.  I was blasted out of a two-story building, give me some more time to shake it off…”

“Riku!”  Naminé hugged him tightly.

“Nngh-Nami-can’t-breathe-!”

I laughed in relief as Naminé let go, blushing brightly.  R-2 ran forward as well, plopping down at his other half’s side.

“I’m so sorry!”  He practically cried, radiating a bright cerulean blue.  “You were going to help Rox and Xion and I wouldn’t listen and I killed you and—”

“ _Almost_ killed me,” Riku corrected.  “I blame it on the blindfold… you never would’ve beaten me before.”

“Riku,” Naminé spoke up, “he’s not your replica – not the same one you fought in Castle Oblivion, anyway.  This replica was one of Vexen’s earlier attempts-”

“My name’s R-2.” He held out his hand for a hi-five as he introduced himself.  “It stands for Riku Replica Number 2.  You probably met R-3.  He was _Vexen’s_ favorite.  Did you say you were the one who made him dead?”

“Uh…”  He eyed his replica’s hand warily.  Maybe he was just exhausted, or maybe he thought answering that question would set R-2 off again, but R-2 kept talking anyway.

“’Cause that would be really great.  R-3 was mean and dumb and did what _Vexen_ wanted him to.”

“Um… yeah.”  He swallowed.  “I’m not proud of it, but I did.”

“Then you _are_ a good guy!”  R-2 hugged his original, sending him choking and gagging again.

“Whew.”  I sighed in relief, looking up at Demyx.  “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Nothing like some ice-cold water to the face to wake you up.”  He grinned.  “So, does this mean we can get ice cream now?”

I looked over to Roxas and Xion, who were still anxiously hovering at the edge of the old mansion’s steps.

“I think we still have something important to take care of.”

XXX

“Whoa.”  I gently placed my palms on the outside of the white pod.  Inside its translucent egg-shaped walls, I could see the silhouette of Sora.  “So that’s what happened to him…”

“He’s been asleep ever since the Organization left Castle Oblivion,” Riku confirmed.  “Naminé’s been trying to fix the damage she caused, but some of his memories were missing.  It’s only recently that we found out where those memories went.”  He turned his head in the direction of Roxas and Xion.

“It all makes sense now,” Xion said calmly, like she’d come to accept her identity already.  How had Riku broken the news to her to make her accept it so easily?  Axel had seemed convinced she’d fall apart if she knew… but granted, Riku also had a solution for it.  “Why we can use the keyblade, why we’ve had dreams about him…”

“All of us are lucky you came to Riku for answers.” Naminé stepped forwards.  “The memories haven’t fully bonded to you yet.  If you’d waited much longer, it may have been impossible to remove them without…”

“Without killing us,” Roxas finished bluntly.  Naminé nodded with a little hesitation.

“But you can, right?”  R-2 asked anxiously.

“I believe so,” she said.  “But it may take time.  It’s not easy to rearrange memories, especially without causing damage.  Roxas and Xion will have to stay here for a while.”

“Oh…”  R-2 slumped, fading to a sad indigo.

“I’m fine with that,” Roxas said.  “That means I don’t have to see Axel yet.”

I winced at his lingering venom.  “He was just trying to help.  He didn’t want to be the one to tell you you were both dying.  At least not until he knew how to save you.”

He looked away.  “I guess…”

“I get it,” Xion agreed with me.  “I knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t want to tell you, Roxas.  I didn’t want you to worry about me.  Axel just didn’t want either of us to worry.”

The blond boy stayed silent, but at least he didn’t argue about it.

Demyx shook his head.  “Saïx isn’t gonna like this.  What are we going to tell him?”

“Well, not that we found Roxas and Xion, that’s for sure.”  I paced back and forth.  “But about this mission… I don’t know.”  We could say we’d found out that the impostor was Riku, but beyond that, we hadn’t done much.  Well, we’d almost killed him – and Saïx probably would’ve preferred if we had – but an ‘almost’ probably wouldn’t cut it.

“You guys are caught up with the wrong crowd.”  Riku shook his head.  “I’m surprised you two are all right, but the rest of them are bad news.”

“Why?”  I asked.  “We’re just trying to get rid of Heartless and get hearts back for ourselves.  What’s so bad about that?”

Riku frowned.  “You really don’t know, do you.”

“I know X-Face is a jerk, and Xaldin’s mean, and Xemmy’s a crazy fangirl,” Demyx said, fixing a few strands of hair that had come out of their place.  “But what are we gonna do about it?  They’ve got a strict ‘No Resignations’ policy.  You think I’d still be stuck there doing missions if I could get out of it?”

“Well, I’ll just warn you, whatever you think about getting your hearts back… it’s a ploy.  DiZ knows Xemnas.  When he gets Kingdom Hearts, he’s not about to share it with any of you.”

“DiZ?”  I asked.  “Who’s he?  And why would he know about Xemnas?”

“…It’s a long story.”  Riku sighed.  “But believe me.  If you _can_ get out, do it.”

It was a lot to take in at once.  I’d thought about what I was doing in the Organization before, if it was worth it.  But I hadn’t ever thought it was honestly _bad._ But Riku was trying to save Roxas and Xion… that was more than Saïx, or Xemnas, or anyone else was doing.  I filed the thoughts away for later, when I had more time to process them.

“I’ll think about it,” I told Riku.  “But for now, Demyx, R-2, and I need to go.  We haven’t eaten anything yet today.”  My stomach gurgled in agreement.

“Yes!  Finally, we get ice cream!”  Demyx fist-pumped.

“But we should probably eat something else first, if we don’t want to be sick later,” I told him.  It was past breakfast time, but some biscuits and gravy sounded really, really good right about now.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

R-2 gave Roxas and Xion each a lung-crushing hug before we had to leave.  “Are you sure you guys can’t come back with us?”

“Sorry, R-2,” Roxas said with a sigh.  “I don’t like it, but if everyone’s right and we _do_ have too many of Sora’s memories, we have to let Naminé get them out.”

“We’ll come home as soon as we can.”  Xion smiled.

R-2 sighed.  “Okay.  I just hope it’s really, really, _really_ soon.” 

Naminé patted his shoulder.  “Don’t worry.  We’ll take good care of them.”  She seemed different from when we were in C.O., more confident.  Being out from under the Organization’s shadow must have been good for her.  I wondered if it would be just as good for the rest of us…

We waved goodbye, and after promising not to tell the Organization of Riku and Naminé’s location, we left the old mansion.

“Pretty crazy, huh?”  Demyx shook his head as we headed back to the center of Twilight Town.  “How do you think Roxas and Xion ended up with Sora’s memories stuck inside of them?”

“Beats me,” I lied with a shrug.  “Sounds like a lot went down at C.O. that we don’t know about.”

“Ah, oh well.  They’re fixing it, so it doesn’t really matter.”  He shrugged too.  “Okay, here’s a more important question: which one of you’s paying for ice cream?”

I rolled my eyes.  “How about the laziest one?”

“Hey!”

R-2 grinned.  “Race you for it!  Last one there has to pay!”

Sharing his grin, I took off after him.  Demyx called after us as we left him in the dust.

“Guys, come on!  I’m not fast… aww, man…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaannnnd that should pretty much wrap up that mini-plot. Hope none of you are too upset with how much canon got bent; I just couldn’t let this story end with Roxas and Xion ending up like they did in 358. *sweatdrop*
> 
> Guess what? I think the next chapter might be the beginning of the end! :O


	45. Homecoming

Three days.  Three days left of our thirty-day allotment.  Three days until Xigbar and Luxord returned.

“What did Riku say this time?”  I asked R-2 when he returned, flying through a dark corridor on his windsail.

“He says to stop interrupting Naminé when she’s working.  But I can’t help it, her hair’s so light and fluffy, I have to touch it—”

“About Roxas and Xion, R-2,” I cut to the chase, pacing back and forth.  I was going to wear a trench in my bedroom floor, but I couldn’t help it, either.  R-2 had been checking on them every day since we’d found them four days ago, but they didn’t seem any closer to coming home.

And we still hadn’t pranked Xion.  If Xigbar came back to the castle before we finished our pranking “hit list”…  Well, I didn’t want to think about it.  It seemed ridiculous to think he’d spill R-2’s secret over something as dumb as a prank war, but it _was_ Xigbar.  I wouldn’t bet on what was too ridiculous for him to do.

“Oh, right.”  R-2 hopped off the windsail without bothering to lower it to the ground first.  “Riku says the memory transfer is working now, but Naminé still has to untangle a lot of stuff.  Like when I have to brush my hair and it’s all knotty, only I can use conditioner.”  He frowned.  “Naminé says there’s no conditioner for memories.”

I sighed.  We could really use some memory-conditioner right now…  But just like the last few days, there was nothing we could do.  I couldn’t risk Xion’s health, and possibly life, just to have her come home so we could prank her.

“Alright.  Guess we better go get our missions, then…”

“Ooh!  What do you think we’re gonna do today?”  R-2 asked, bouncing along behind me.  “I hope it’s not recon again.  Ooh, maybe we could find some Shadow Globs.  Those are fun.”

“Well, until Roxas and Xion come home, we can’t collect any hearts.  So I bet we’ll still be looking for them.”

“Aww… so we have to pretend again?”

“Probably so.”

As much as Saïx scorned them, Roxas and Xion were the two most important members of the Organization.  Every member had been ordered to do recon in every world until we found them.  Of course, we couldn’t actually bring them home until their memories had been sorted out, so we just had to act as diligent as everyone else.  It kind of felt like being Demyx for once.  Speaking of Demyx, he was perfectly happy to have “blow-off” missions for as long as possible.  It was killing me to be essentially useless, though I still got to kill Heartless whenever I ran into them.

But every time I fought the Heartless, Riku’s words echoed in my mind.  _“You guys are caught up with the wrong crowd… if you_ can _get out, do it.”_ And hearing Saïx talk about Roxas and Xion like they were tools, only needed for their keyblades… well, even after Riku and Naminé sorted out their memories, I wasn’t sure I’d want to bring them back.

“What happens if someone finds them?”  R-2 asked me.

I frowned, snapped out of my thoughts.  “Well, Riku’s pretty smart, I’m sure he’ll—”

A floor-shaking _BOOM_ knocked R-2 off his feet.  I struggled to stay standing myself, my ears ringing from the echoing explosion.

“Nngh… did that come from the Grey Area?”  I asked.  R-2 almost got up, only for another explosion to make him lose his balance again.

“Come here, windsail!”  He clapped his hands and whistled, like he was calling a puppy, and the silver sailboat-like object came flying out from around the corner.  “Good girl.”  He stepped on when it landed and tapped the back with his foot to send it hovering again.

We took off towards the Grey Area at a faster pace, my mind racing even quicker than my feet.  What was going on?  Were we being attacked?  …Had I messed up Xemnas’s breakfast this morning?

A cloud of thick black smoke shrouded the Grey Area entrance.  R-2 and I tugged up the zippers of our coats so they covered our noses, but it didn’t keep us from hacking and coughing for long. 

_“Axel!”_ Was that Saïx’s voice shouting through the smoke?  It was hard to hear through the explosions and… lasers? “ _Stop this at once!”_

_“Yeah, Flamsilocks.  Be a good little Nobody and listen to the Werewolf here.”_

My eyes widened.  Explosions or not, I’d recognize that voice anywhere.  After fumbling to swap out a Fira for an Aerora in my panel grid, I cleared the room with a wooshing gust of wind magic.

As couches and tables burned all around, a glowing-eyed Saïx fought to keep Axel from shredding Xigbar with his chakrams.  In a few seconds, he’d have to try to stop me from bashing the eyepatched man over the head with my mace, too.

“About time you showed up,” Axel snapped in my general direction.  “You gonna come help me beat this traitor to the Void and back or what?”

I summoned my mace, and Saïx growled like the werewolf everyone says he is.

“Xigbar is here on _Xemnas’s orders,”_ he boomed.  “The next person to attack him will be branded a traitor and dealt with accordingly.”

I weighed my options.  Was bashing Xigbar’s face in worth being turned into a faceless Dusk?  Probably for about ten seconds, before reality would catch up with me.  It was still tempting.

Hissing, Axel reluctantly dismissed his chakrams.  “So suddenly _we’re_ the traitors.  Did you forget why he was exiled in the first place?”

“Because his and Luxord’s foolish activities endangered the existence of our keyblade wielders,” Saïx replied, keeping surprisingly calm.  “However, said keyblade wielders are not currently present, and we need every able-bodied Nobody to return at least one to our ranks.  Understaffed as we are, it was necessary to call Numbers II and X back from their exile earlier than planned.”

…I really hated Saïx’s logic.  Even Axel couldn’t think of any way to dispute it.  Xigbar’s cocky grin still made my insides boil, but I forced myself to dismiss my mace.  After I did, his arrowguns disappeared as well.

Under the heat of my and Axel’s glares, Xigbar chuckled.  “Heh, good to see you too.  So when’s the welcome home party?”

“ _After your missions_.”  Saïx’s glare outranked all of ours combined.  “I suggest you follow Luxord’s example and leave without complaint.”

He practically shoved our mission briefs into our hands – all except for R-2.  I wondered why, until I turned behind me and saw that he was gone. 

“Don’t forget, my favorite kind of cake’s red velvet.”  Xigbar called to me as he opened a dark corridor.  “You’re the new cooking expert, right?  I’ll judge how good you are at my homecoming party tonight.”

“You’re not having a party,” I snapped back, but he just laughed.

“As if.  I’ve got a feeling we’ve got some good stories to swap, and I want cake.”  With that, he left.

I punched the couch, just to release some of the violent urges I’d pent up towards the Freeshooter.  Which turned out to be very, very stupid, because the fire hadn’t completely burned out yet, and even through my flame-resistant glove I could feel the heat.  “Oww…”

“Phew.”  A relieved sigh came from behind me.  Looking back, I saw R-2 fade back into visibility.  “That was scary…  I thought Scary Eyepatch Man wasn’t supposed to be here for three more days?”

I glanced over towards Saïx, who was now in another heated argument with Axel.  “Well, it looks like plans changed.  We might only have one more day to get ready for… whatever he has planned for us.”  I couldn’t meet R-2’s eyes.  If I couldn’t stop Xigbar from spilling his secret, this could be my last day with him…

I glanced down at my mission brief.  Recon in Atlantica, of all places?  Forget that.

I knew what we had to do.  It was going to be a stretch, but we could still finish this.  Today.

“Come on,” I whispered to R-2, taking off back towards the bedrooms.

“Xen-Xen!”  He floated along behind me.  “Wait!  What about our missions?  What are we doing?”

Our missions were a sham anyway.  For once, I had no regrets blowing them off.  And if Riku was right, maybe I shouldn’t regret it, anyway… especially in an Organization where people like Xigbar could run free…  I didn’t have time for those thoughts, though.  I had to make a plan.

“We’re going to find out what ‘Sniper’s Honor’ is worth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short prelude to the final chapters~ Here’s where things should get interesting!


	46. Bad Timing

“I told you already, we still need more time to—” Riku stopped when he smelled me and Demyx in addition to R-2.  “What’s going on?”

“Xigbar’s back.”  I didn’t have time for a full explanation.  I thought I saw something shift under his blindfold, like he was raising his eyebrows.

“Xigbar is the Organization’s Number II, also known as the Freeshooter, controls the element of space,” Riku rattled off, like he stalked the guy or something.  Well, he did say it was his job to keep tabs on the Organization; maybe it wasn’t that weird for him to know.  “Originally known as Braig, recently exiled for an unknown reason.  What does that have to do with us?”

Braig?  Demyx giggled at that; I filed it away for later.  “You see R-2’s leg?” 

Riku frowned.  “Blindfold, remember?”

“Oh, right.  Sorry.”  Normally he could smell anything important; it was easy to forget.  “It’s a prosthetic.  He lost it from the knee down in an accident in Xigbar and Luxord’s Void.”

“And Roxas and Xion could’ve died in there,” Demyx chimed in.  “That’s all X-Face and Xemnas care about.  Forget what the rest of had to go through…”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.”  Riku shook his head.  “So what do you need me for?”

“We need Xion,” R-2 said.  “We have to prank her so Scary Eyepatch Man will leave us alone.”

For once, he was better at getting to the point than I was.  Riku tilted his head in confusion at his replica.

“…Excuse me?”

“Look, we don’t have time to explain everything,” I huffed.

“Yeah, that would take, like, forty-six chapters or something,” Demyx agreed.  “Who has time for that?”

Riku shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  Naminé’s working with her right now; if we interrupt, it could cause severe damage.”

“Man…”  Demyx ruffled his hair.  “How are we supposed to prank Xion if we can’t even see her?”

I had no idea.  I actually didn’t have a prank in mind in the first place; I figured I’d cross that bridge when I came to it.  Or more likely, get Demyx to come up with an idea.

“You can wait here, if you can spare the time,” Riku told us.  “Naminé will have to take a break eventually.  When she does, I’ll try to help you guys out.”

“Thanks,” Demyx said with a smile.  “We can wait.”

Demyx may have been fine with lazing around until we could prank Xion, but I didn’t know how much time we could afford to waste.  The idea of pranking Xigbar after this still loomed over my head…

Riku was about to take us to a less-demolished room to wait on Xion, when a dark corridor opened in front of us.

“Riku, they’ve found us!  That blasted puppet and Nobody led them straight to—”

The man paused to stare at the three of us.  The stare was mutual; I mean, the man’s face was wrapped in some weird mummy-bandage looking stuff, like something off of one of Demyx’s zombie movies.

“Uh… who are you?”  Demyx asked.

The man ignored him, instead speaking to Riku.  “What are these Nobodies doing here!?  Are you in league with-!”

“DiZ, these three are fine,” Riku attempted to calm him.  “They’re…” He frowned.  I guess he didn’t have a good explanation for us, and I doubted the fact that we were in an intense prank war would be enough to satisfy this ‘DiZ’ person.

“We’re spies,” I told him calmly.  My lying was getting a lot better; was that something I should be happy about?  …Actually, at this point, maybe it wasn’t lying… we _were_ technically consorting with the impostor, and lying on our mission reports about Roxas and Xion’s location…

If Saïx found out about this, we were going to be in big trouble, very, very fast.

“Spies?”  DiZ squinted through the one hole in his mummified face.  “And why should we believe that?”

“Because we didn’t tell the Org that you have Roxas and Xion, duh,” Demyx said.

R-2 tugged on my sleeve.  “We’re spies now?  Is that a good thing?”

“…I don’t know yet,” I admitted.

“Hmm,” DiZ still seemed suspicious.  I didn’t blame him; it wasn’t like I really knew what ‘side’ I was on, either.  I was just a Nobody.  Nobodies belonged in the Organization; that’s all there was to it, right?

Well, what I did know was that Roxas and Xion were our friends.  I was on whichever side would help them the most, and right now, that looked like Riku and DiZ’s side.

“If you truly are spies, you will be able to give us valuable information,” DiZ said, circling around the three of us, like he was getting ready to eat our brains.  Or maybe that was just the zombie movie Demyx had me watch a week ago getting to my head.  “What can you tell us about Organization XIII?”

“Ooh!”  R-2 flailed his arm in the air, bracing it with his other hand.  “I know!  I know!  Pick me!”

Riku sighed.  “I will never get used to him…”

“It takes a while, but you do.”  Demyx shrugged.  “The weirder thing is knowing him, and then getting used to _you.”_

“Yes, R-2, you can go first,” I told him, since apparently no one else would.  Plus I was rather curious what he would say about the Organization.

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before rambling, “Organization XIII has thirteen Nobodies and two replicas.  Well it _had_ thirteen Nobodies, but now there’s only—” he counted on his fingers, “—one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.  Skinny Flaming Pyro man is a good Nobody, and Xen-Xen and Dem-Dem are good Nobodies, and Rox is a good Nobody, and I think X-Face is a good Nobody but nobody likes him.  With a lowercase N,” he clarified.  “Heart Man is funny, but he’s picky about his food.  Fuzzy Face is mean, and Scary Eyepatch Man is scary—”

“Okay, R-2,” I patted his back, stifling a laugh.  “I think they get it.”

DiZ and Riku stared at us blankly.  Demyx didn’t bother to hide his laugh.

“I asked for _valuable_ information about Organization XIII,” DiZ clarified, not sounding amused.

“What, you didn’t need to know that Xemnas is picky?”  Demyx laughed at his own joke, but DiZ just rolled his singular eye.  I cleared my throat.

“Okay, so maybe you didn’t.  But we _do_ know some useful stuff,” I said, sharing a look with Demyx.  What could we say to make this guy believe us?

“Uh, yeah,” he coughed.  “Like… uh, well…”

Could we seriously not know _anything_ useful about the Organization?  It seemed like they knew plenty already; what else did they need to know?  I searched my mind for answers…

“They’re desperate to get Roxas and Xion back,” I finally blurted.  Maybe they already knew that, but at least it was something.

“One of them, anyway,” Demyx added.  “I kinda get the vibe that X-Face doesn’t want them both…”

DiZ and Riku were actually paying attention now.  I rambled on, throwing together the facts in my head as quickly as they came out of my mouth.

“Xemnas wants Kingdom Hearts, right?  Without their keyblade wielders, they can’t collect any hearts, and that means no Kingdom Hearts.  Without Roxas and Xion, the whole Organization is basically useless.”

“Yeah,” Demyx agreed with a grin.  “All we’ve been doing are easy recon missions looking for them.  Pretty sweet, right?”

Riku frowned thoughtfully.  “So as long as Roxas and Xion are with us, the Organization is powerless?”

The calculated smile growing on DiZ’s face made my stomach turn.  “It-it’s not that simple…”  I tried to backpedal.  It was all too easy to guess what he was thinking.

“Huh, it kind of is though, right?”  Demyx asked obliviously.  I elbowed him in the ribs, but it was too late.

“I do believe it is,” DiZ agreed.  “The young Nobody and replica will stay with us, where they can do no more harm.”

“No!”  R-2 shouted in horror.  “You can’t keep them!  They’re our friends; they’re not hurting anyone!”

“Maybe not directly, however—”

“No,” I cut DiZ off firmly, mind whirling to think of an argument.  “Tons of worlds are still under attack by the Heartless.  If Roxas and Xion can’t destroy them for good, they’ll be overrun with darkness, just like my world was.”  I gulped at the thought – that was more than an argument to save Roxas and Xion, it was the truth.  Maybe Xemnas was evil; I didn’t care.  Our work was still good – we were _saving the worlds_ , for Kingdom Heart’s sake.  …Pun not intended.

“…She has a point,” Riku reluctantly agreed, pacing back and forth while somehow avoiding the debris littering the floor.  “And waking up Sora gives us another keyblade wielder.  I know him; he won’t rest until he gets rid of every Heartless he sees.  Meanwhile, Xemnas will be collecting their hearts for something even worse than all of the Heartless combined.”

I still wasn’t so sure Riku was right about that.  I mean, I’d seen Xemnas declare his undying love for Kingdom Hearts; it was kind of hard to be afraid of the guy after that.  But then again, he’d created the original Void… I guess I didn’t really know what he was capable of.  But I _did_ know that we needed Roxas and Xion back, no matter what the cost.

It was time I figured out how far DiZ and Riku were willing to go for their own goals.  “If he’s so evil, then take him out.”

R-2 and Demyx gaped.

“Heart Man?  What did he do?”

“Are you crazy!?  Do you _want_ to go back to the Void!?”

I crossed my arms.  “Hey, I didn’t say _I_ was going to do it.  But if Riku and DiZ think he’s so terrible, they can stop trying to mess with our friends and take care of the problem.”

“Easy for you to say,” Riku deadpanned.  “We would have to storm The Castle That Never Was, in the middle of a world filled with Nobodies under his command.  We might as well carve our tombstones first.”

“What’s a tombstone?”  R-2 asked me, but I just shook my head.

“You seem pretty smart, I’m sure you can figure it out,” I told Riku.  I didn’t expect he would, but I wasn’t about to be _that_ much of a traitor… not that it would matter, not if Saïx ever found out any part of what I’d just suggested.  “But that can wait.  You said Xigbar’s Somebody’s name was Braig.  Do you know anything else about him that could help us?”

“Heh, Braig.”  Demyx giggled again, like it was any sillier than ‘Myde.’

“Why do you need to know about Braig?”  DiZ raised his one visible eyebrow.

“We’re in a prank war with him,” Demyx summed up.  “We need to prank him and Xion so he doesn’t turn in our little buddy here.”  He put an arm around R-2.

Riku frowned, then hit me with a piece of logic I had no answer for.  “If you’ve turned on the Organization, why does it matter if they’re against R-2?”

…He was right.  If we could leave the Organization, we would be safe.  Right?  It had taken me a long time to see it, but it was the Organization that was at the heart of all our problems, wasn’t it?  The only problem was that Demyx was right too:  the Organization didn’t accept resignations.  And there was just the _tiny_ problem that Xemnas could turn us into Dusks.

“We haven’t exactly deserted yet,” I said carefully.

“’Cause I’d kinda like to live!” Demyx added, voice rising in pitch with his fear.  “And not as a Dusk, those things don’t even have _faces,_ much less hair!  How could I live like that!?”

R-2 shrugged, looking between the two of us in confusion.  “I like the Organization.  We get to go on fun missions and do pranks and have a real bed that’s not a cage.”

“…You know that was Vexen that did that to you, right?”  Demyx told him.  “And he was in the Organization too.”

“…Oh.”  R-2 frowned, and Riku sighed.

“They’re helping us,” he said to DiZ.  “It can’t hurt to help them with Xigbar.”

Still, DiZ scowled.  “He is not a topic I would wish to discuss.”

My hope fell a little, but I didn’t give up.  “Not even if it would help fight the Organization?”

“Yeah,” Demyx interjected, “we’re keeping them distracted and, uh, weak and stuff.”

Well, the distraction part wasn’t actually a bad point.  Surprisingly, DiZ considered it. 

“…Follow me,” he suddenly said, turning his back to us.  “Riku, remain here with the replica and alert me when Naminé is finished.”

“Aww…”  R-2 pouted as Demyx and I gave a short wave goodbye.

“We’ll be right back,” I told him.

“I hope so,” Riku muttered.  Guess it wasn’t too surprising that he didn’t want to be stuck alone with a bored R-2 for any longer than he had to.  But if DiZ really knew about Xigbar, we could have hit the jackpot.

As the mummy-wrapped man led us up the stairs and to the right, the opposite side from the white room, Demyx asked, “Sooo… how do you know about Xiggy?”

DiZ snorted.  “Drop such infantile nicknames.  Braig was… a close acquaintance,” he snipped.

“Wait, you mean you guys were friends?”  Demyx prodded even more, despite my warning look.  I still didn’t have a clue who this guy was, much less how far he could be pushed.  “Did you lose an eye too?  Is that why your head’s wrapped up like a mummy?”

Sheesh, I would’ve thought he was R-2 with all those questions.  DiZ had less patience than Demyx had hoped.  “Cease your useless questions.  I will provide the information helpful to our cause, no more.”

“…Party pooper,” Demyx still muttered.  I elbowed him, and he pouted at me.  “ _Two_ party poopers.”

“Come on, you know we need to find some way to get to Xigbar.  We can’t blow this.”

“Aww, fine…”

Through a library, down a secret set of stairs, DiZ led us to an underground computer room.  I didn’t expect the dilapidated mansion to house the futuristic-looking technology, the same kind we had at the castle, but I guess that only made this an even better hiding place.

“All of my research on the Organization can be found here.”  DiZ typed in a password, too fast for me to see.  With a few quick clicks, he pulled up a digital file folder labeled _BRAIG_.  “Here.  You may read, but I will be watching.  One false click, any information you attempt to send to the Organization, and I can assure you you will regret your pathetic non-existences.”

…Well, so much for him trusting us.  Oh well; it wasn’t like we trusted him, either.  As soon as we got the information we needed and got Roxas and Xion safely out of here, I’d be perfectly happy to get far, far away from the guy.

“I’ll take it from here,” Demyx said, taking over the computer.  Fine by me; even after over half a year in the Organization, I’d never bothered to learn how to use that kind of technology.  That was Demyx’s job.

A few clicks later, the large monitor was filled with words.  A report, it looked like, titled “ _Strangers.”_

_“Two men arrived at the castle gates today.  One was carrying the other, who currently remains unconscious.  The older man, Braig, I have seen in the city before, but the other is a complete stranger.  However, I do not recall noticing Braig is missing an eye.  Our city is so peaceful; it is an odd characteristic.  These two men have clearly been through trials I have yet to understand.  I will lend my home to them until the younger man can heal.  As Radiant Garden’s leader, it is my duty to protect my citizens.  However, whether these men are to be protected or something to be protected from, I am not yet certain.”_

“…Huh.”  Demyx scratched the back of his head.  “You get anything out of that?”

“Nothing I know how to use.”  I shook my head.  “Let’s keep looking.”

“Ooh, what about this one?  Looks interesting to me.”  He pulled up a report titled _“New Apprentices.”_

_“After weeks of allowing Xehanort and Braig to reside in the castle, I cannot deny that they have both connected well with my other apprentices and have both shown surprising aptitude for research and scientific experimentation.  Their minds seem enlightened, as if they have studied the heart in a previous life.  As Xehanort has no memories from before his time here, it could quite possibly be the case.  In order to study them more thoroughly as well as to have them assist me in my studies, I have made the decision to accept them as apprentices.”_

I nodded.  “Now we’re getting somewhere.  So Xigbar was this guy’s apprentice…”

“The leader of Radiant Garden,” Demyx said, suddenly putting two and two together.  “That’s where I was born, remember?  Wait – so Xigbar lived in the same world as me!  And he was one of Ansem the Wise’s apprentices?  No way!”

DiZ suddenly swooped between us and the computer, looming over Demyx and startling him into jumping back.  “You were a citizen of Radiant Garden?”

“Y-yeah?  So what?”  Demyx asked back.

The man shook his head, almost like he was trying to shake off the mummy wrap.  “I have changed my mind.  This sensitive information should not fall into—”

Movement on one of the computer’s protruding monitors distracted him.  It showed the outside of the Old Mansion, and more importantly, an approaching figure who could only be—

“Axel!”  Demyx exclaimed.  Definitely too excitedly for DiZ’s taste. 

“You’ve led them here!?”  The man angrily threw open a dark corridor.  “This is what I get for trusting Nobodies!”

“Uh-oh.”  Wide-eyed, I threw open a corridor of my own before I could find out what DiZ had planned for us.

“Eep!”  Demyx squeaked as I pulled him through.  We emerged in front of the mansion, not as far away as I would’ve liked, but I had to talk to Axel.

The redhead jumped back in surprise when we stumbled out, directly in front of him.  “Wha—oh.  Xenan.”  His green eyes glowed with a deadly fire I hadn’t seen before. 

“And Demyx!”  Demyx waved from where he’d fallen onto the ground, but Axel ignored him.  Lucky for him; it wasn’t like I wanted to be under Axel’s furious attention.

“I’ve searched every other world they know of.  Roxas and Xion have to be here.”  He took a step closer, so I had to look up to maintain eye contact.  Not that I really wanted to look into his burning glare… “Now the question is, are you here to help me bring them back, or to stop me?”

I winced.  I still hadn’t told Axel what happened with Roxas and Xion, that Riku and Naminé were taking care of them.  It wasn’t like he was in the mood to listen to me about it, not after I’d spurred them to leave in the first place.  He had a right to know what was going on… but then he’d barge into the mansion.  Sure, he could take care of himself, but if he fought DiZ and Riku there’d be no way they would finish fixing Roxas and Xion’s memories.

“Actually… I’m here for both.” I tried not to let my voice waver.

“Wrong answer.”  In a whirl of fire, Axel summoned his chakrams.  I gulped as my mace sprung to my hand.  When I’d fought Xaldin, I’d thought he was the scariest member of the Organization.  But I’d never expected Axel’s raging fire would be turned against me.

“H-hey, we don’t need to fight!”  Demyx scrambled to his feet.  “Your kids are safe!”

“So you’re in on it too?”  Axel turned on him, and he squeaked and jumped back.

“Eep!  No, Axel-!”

The sound of a dark corridor opening snapped Axel and Demyx’s attention.

“Axel!”  Xion appeared out of the dark corridor.  “Stop!”

“Xion—!?”  Axel left a trail of charred grass as he ran to her.  “Are you okay?  What are you doing here?”

She stepped back, shaking her head.  “Demyx… Xenan… You go take care of Roxas and R-2, okay?  I… I need to talk to Axel.  Alone.”

“Great thanks bye!”  Demyx practically dove into a dark corridor to get away.  I was a little more hesitant.

“Xion… did Naminé finish-?”

She shook her head quickly.  “Almost.”

Axel’s fire had subsided a little with Xion’s appearance, but it flared up with his confusion.  “Xion… what are you gonna do?”

Xion gave me one last pleading look, urging me towards the dark corridor.  I needed to shove my eavesdropping impulses aside.

Still, as I was leaving, I heard her say, “Axel… I don’t think I’m coming back.”

XXX

“Xen-Xen!”  R-2 rushed to cling to my arm.  “Mummy Man’s gone crazy!  He’s making Riku chase me!”

Sure enough, the real Riku leapt from the balcony onto the floor of the foyer.  “Sorry, R-2.  But I can’t let you take Roxas and Xion back.”

“We’re not!”  I yelled.  “We didn’t lead Axel here, I promise-!”

But Riku wasn’t listening.  His sword was bared, flying towards R-2 again.  I couldn’t let this end up like last time; we had to get out of here—

Demyx was a step ahead of me, already fleeing through a new dark corridor.

“Wait!” R-2 yelled as I pulled him through with me.  “What about—”

We tumbled out in my bedroom, where he finished his question.   “—Rox and Xion?”

What about…?  Oh.  We’d left them there.  Who knew what Riku and DiZ would do with them now that the Organization knew where they were?  They couldn’t be safe there…

“We can’t go back,” Demyx said, shaking his head.  “They’ll kill us!  I heard that DiZ guy, he thinks us Nobodies are dirt.  I bet after they get Sora woken up—”

“—They won’t need Roxas and Xion anymore.”  My eyes widened.  Was anywhere safe for them?  All anyone wanted them for was their keyblades, their memories… but they were still kids.  Of course, we didn’t know what DiZ and Riku would do for sure, but I didn’t want to wait around to find out.

“But what can we do?”  Demyx asked.  “Naminé still has to fix them, right?  We can’t just kidnap them back.”

I rubbed my head, flopping back on my bed.  We needed to rescue two kids, prank one of them, and confront Xigbar, all in one night…?  It was impossible… Man, I wished Axel didn’t hate me, I could really use one of his plans right now…

I paced back and forth, but all I could think about was how drained I was.  How useless I felt.

At least Xion was with Axel; together I knew they could protect themselves from DiZ and Riku.  It was a stretch, but maybe she could even explain that we’d only been trying to help...  Even if she didn’t, with all three of us, surely we could change his mind, convince him we had to work together again— that was it, we had to go back—

A dull _thud_ sounded from outside the room.

“Did you hear that?”  Demyx asked, but I was already opening the door.  I didn’t see anything…

At the end of the hall… two people lay passed out on the floor.

“Xion!  Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!”  R-2 ran to them, knelt over their unconscious forms.  “Xen-Xen, help me pick them up!”

I hefted Xion over my shoulder, while he scooped up Axel princess-style.  Normally I would’ve laughed, but under the circumstances, I could barely manage a snort.

“Whoa, what happened?”  Demyx’s eyes widened.

“I don’t know.  But at least they made it back safe… well, safe enough.”  We took them both back to Xion’s room, since Axel’s was in the other hallway.  I gently set Xion on her bed, while R-2 dropped Axel on the floor.  Demyx laughed a little at that, until he saw the look on my face.

The three of us dribbled potions on their wounds, but they remained unconscious.  Or sleeping… they both looked rough, but they weren’t fading, so they couldn’t be too bad.

“Well, now we only have to rescue one kid,” Demyx said optimistically.

“Yeah, I guess—wait, what are you doing!?”

He’d pulled a Sharpie from his pocket, and then proceeded to scribble a squiggly mustache on Xion’s face.  “Pranking Xion, duh.  You still wanna get Xiggy off our backs, right?”

Well… that would be one less thing to worry about.  R-2 happily joined in finger-painting seashells across Xion’s cheeks and forehead.  Meanwhile, I retrieved the camera and filmed it.

So with Xion’s sleeping, graffitied face, we were done.  All living members of the Organization had been pranked… except one.  Xigbar.

“Okay.”  I took a deep breath, sitting on the floor next to the unconscious Axel.  “We only have the rest of the day to rescue Roxas and prank Xigbar, and we haven’t even eaten lunch yet.  It’s time we made a plan.”

Demyx raised his hand.  “Can we order pizza first?”

I sighed as my stomach grumbled.  “Fine.  Pizza Planning Party it is.”

“Yay!”  R-2 cheered.  “I love parties!”

…This was going to be even harder than I thought.


	47. Completing the Chain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order for me to write the ending and this make sense, I needed to figure out what Roxas is doing. So enjoy what should be the only chapter that actually doesn’t involve Xenan at all. ^^;

“…Alright.”  Naminé let out a deep breath, staring blankly at the picture of Sora and Kairi sitting together on the curved paopu tree that was now recorded in her sketchbook.  The hardest part was finally done:  Sora’s memories of Kairi should finally be restored.  The biggest missing piece.

She opened the white, bud-shaped pod that had held Xion during the memory-transfer process.  A black-haired girl blinked open her eyes – it startled her to see a completely new person come out, but that was good.  Xion no longer looked identical to Kairi; Naminé sighed in relief.  It had worked.

“Nngh…”  Xion clutched her head, swaying dizzily.

“Here, let me help you.”  Naminé held out her hand, which the other girl accepted.

“I feel so… so light…” With Naminé’s assistance, she practically floated out of the pod.  “Am I… am I free?  Are Sora’s memories gone…?”

“Yes.”  Naminé smiled, brighter than she ever had before.  “You’re free, Xion.”

She still looked a little unsure, worried.  “Even though… I was created from those memories… I’ll be safe without them?  I won’t… disappear?”

Naminé repeated the theory she had formed from sorting through the girl’s memories.  “You won’t disappear.  The Organization created you from memories, but you also made memories of your own.  And…”  She hesitated.  DiZ wouldn’t agree with her.  He still believed replicas and Nobodies shared one fate:  to return to nothingness.  But after going through Xion’s memories, and the emotions bound with them, she knew that couldn’t be entirely true.  “…there’s something growing inside you, and I think… well… it seems like a heart.”

Xion stepped back, stunned.  “You’re sure?  You mean—”

“Yes, Xion.”  Naminé closed her sketchbook.  “I wouldn’t tell DiZ, and I definitely wouldn’t tell the Organization… but it’s there.  I’m sure of it.”  It contradicted everything she had ever been told, but the evidence was there.  She couldn’t deny that.

A frown formed on Xion’s face.  “Naminé, about the Organization – DiZ won’t let me go back, will he?”

Sighing, she shook her head.  “He’ll be furious if you do, and he’ll likely take it out on me and Riku… but you do have the corridors.  I doubt he can really stop you.”

“No, Naminé – I don’t _want_ to go back.  The Organization created me as a puppet, just to control the keyblade… I can’t be happy there, knowing I was just a tool to them.”  She shook her head.  “But my friends… Axel and R-2, and Xenan and Demyx… they’re still there.  I can’t just leave them…”

She leaned against the outside of her pod, looking down at her gloved hands.  Her blue eyes held a deep sadness, frosted over with confusion – Naminé knew she was right.  A Nobody couldn’t pretend to have that sincere of emotions.

“Xion…”  Naminé put her hand on the other girl’s shoulder.  “If they’re really your friends, they’ll want what’s best for you.  And I promise, being under the Organization’s control is _not_ what’s best for you.”

Xion stayed silent while the words sunk in.  “The Organization controlled you before, too, right?”

Naminé nodded.  “I’ll tell you about it sometime, but right now I should start on Roxas’s memory transfer.”  Her powers were running low, but after having such a breakthrough, she felt a renewed determination to keep pressing forward.

Xion nodded in agreement.  “You’re right.  I think I’ll feel a lot better once I know he’s alright too.”

They didn’t have to look far to find him – Roxas came barreling out of a dark corridor into the pod room.

“Roxas!”  Xion rushed to him.  “Didn’t you listen to Naminé?  If you’d come in while she was working on my memories, you could have—!”

“I know, I know!”  Roxas interrupted her, gasping in panicked breaths.  “But Axel’s here!  Riku’s going to fight him and—”

That was all he needed to say.  Xion flew through a different dark corridor like she’d been shot from a cannon.

“Xion, wait—!”  Naminé’s outstretched arm was useless.  “Oh no…”

“He won’t take her back,” Roxas said firmly.  “I’m going to make sure.  Between me and Riku—”

“No!”  She shook her head frantically, grasping his arm.  “I don’t want her to go back any more than you do, but I’ve already fixed her memories.  If the Organization takes you, before I can sort yours out too—”

“But I can’t just let Axel take her back!  They’ll turn her into a Dusk!”  Roxas exclaimed.  His wide blue eyes pled with her, but she still had to convince him to stay.

“She’s not a normal Nobody.  I’m not sure they can even do that.”

“Then they’ll kill her!  Saïx always hated her, now he has an excuse-!”

“Roxas, calm down!”  Naminé finally had to raise her voice.  “The Organization needs a keyblade, right?  They won’t do that.  And we don’t know for sure that Axel will take her back, either.  Xenan and Demyx didn’t.”

Roxas finally took a moment to breathe, but he still didn’t look convinced.  “Maybe he won’t, but I didn’t think he would hide things from us, either…”

Naminé sighed.  She couldn’t vouch for Xion’s safety, but it was too late to do anything about that now.  Her driving goal still remained:  undo the damage she’d done by restoring Sora’s memories.  And for that, she needed Roxas.

“There’s no time to argue about this.  If Axel’s found this place, the rest of the Organization could too.  We have to move.”

“Move?  Move where?”  Roxas asked.  “We can’t just leave her behind!”

She set her face emotionlessly, like a true Nobody.  This was what was best for Roxas. This was what was best for everyone.  “Roxas.  The Organization only needs one keyblade.  If you’re captured, one of you _will_ die.”

The young Nobody gulped.  “Naminé…”

“I’m sorry.  But we have to go.”  After a few failed flicks of the wrist, Naminé successfully opened a dark corridor.  She hated those creepy things… but it was the only way to get herself and Roxas safely out of the mansion.

“Al…alright.”  He finally complied.  Maybe it was for the best… but watching him hunch through the corridor, the water clinging to the corners of his closed eyes… she couldn’t help a phantom twinge of guilt.

“…Thank you,” she murmured quietly.

Now, forcing herself to walk through the corridor was almost as difficult, and for more reasons than the suffocating darkness.  She had to go back there, to the one other place she knew would have the memory pods she needed to finish this task.

She was going back to Castle Oblivion.


	48. Traps and Blackmail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn’t clear before, Xion was lying about her memories not being all the way fixed so that Xenan and Demyx wouldn’t try to help Axel bring her back. She’s been fixed completely, but Roxas hasn’t yet.

“You mean to tell me, in the two hours I’ve been unconscious, all you’ve come up with is that you want to cut Xigbar’s hair,” Axel deadpanned, staring at me blankly.

“That’s not _all_ we came up with,” Demyx countered.  “We also came up with some delicious pizza.  So hah.”

Axel rolled his eyes, but he took a bite out of our Hawaiian pizza anyway.  “Okay, Xenan, I’m not saying I forgive you or anything, but you’re right.  You guys really are hopeless without me.”

“Hey, I didn’t say _that.”_ I frowned.  Maybe I thought it, just a little, but I definitely didn’t say it.

“Eh, close enough.  Anyway, I want revenge on Xigbar just as much as you do.  More, actually.”  Fair enough; it _was_ Xigbar’s fault, indirectly, that Roxas and Xion ran away.  Good to see that Axel might not be shoving all the blame on me now.  “And you’re not going to get nearly enough revenge just by chopping off his ponytail.”

“But I’ve wanted to do this for months!”  Demyx protested.  “That’s what we were trying to do when we got exiled in the first place.”

Axel facepalmed.  “Are you even listening to yourself?”

“We’re going to be sneakier this time!  It’ll totally work!”

“I thought it would be fitting too,” I argued.  Sure, it was risky, but it wasn’t like we’d had any better ideas.  “Since our first prank was shaving Xaldin’s sideburns, I thought another hair-related prank—”

“Sheesh, Xenan.”  He rolled his eyes again, shoving the last of his pizza in his mouth.  “It’s not all about you, y’know.  The rest of us started pranking years before you ever showed up.”

…That was a fair point too, I guess.  But I still thought it would be pretty funny to cut off Xigbar’s ponytail.

“Ooh, what kind of pranks did you do?”  R-2 stopped inhaling pizza to ask.

“All sorts of stuff,” Demyx reminisced.  “Buckets of water balloons, whoopee cushions in the middle of meetings… man, those were the good old days.”  He sighed nostalgically, then caught my eyes.  “Um, not that we don’t like having you here, of course—”

“Don’t worry about it.”  I shoved my irritation aside; now wasn’t the time to act hurt.  “I know things were easier when Xigbar was on your side.  That means you never pranked him before though, right?”

Demyx laughed.  “We’ve tried, but nobody’s ever succeeded and lived to talk about it.”

Well, _that_ was motivational.  “Then we’ll have to be the first.  Someone has to show him he can’t get away with whatever he wants.”

Axel sighed, then cleared his plate away to make room for a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket.  “I know we need to finish this, but we also need a plan.  A _real_ plan.  And it needs to be so crazy, so over-the-top that Xigbar would never expect it.”

“Easier said than done…”  I muttered.  “Too bad we didn’t get to finish reading DiZ’s files, there might’ve been something we could use in there…”

“Who’s DiZ?”  Axel asked skeptically.

“A weird Mummy Man who knows about Scary Eyepatch Man when his name was ‘Braig,’” R-2 answered.

“Braig?”  The redhead looked startled to hear the name.  “Sheesh, how did I forget?  You should’ve come to me instead of some weird mummy guy.  Do you know how many time me and-” he stopped himself, “how many times I broke into the castle?  Braig kicked me out hundreds of times.  That’s why Xigbar let me prank with him, back when I first joined the Organization.  He knew I was good at sneaking around.”

“Great!”  I grinned.  “So do you know anything about Xigbar, or Braig or whatever, that could help us prank him?”

Axel frowned, deep in thought.  “Hmm… even when he was Braig, he wasn’t one to give up his secrets... I asked him how he got that eyepatch and scar once.”

“Really?”  Demyx asked.  “I did too, but he just said he’d show me if I asked again.”  He shuddered.

“Well, I didn’t exactly get a clear answer either,” Axel admitted, ruffling his hair.  “He told me everything worth getting comes with a price.  That was when he was still Braig.”

“So he didn’t get them when he became a Nobody…” I thought out loud.  Still, I wasn’t sure that would help us any more than knowing he was Ansem the Wise’s apprentice would.  Now, if we could figure out _how_ he got them, that might give us something… but who else would know other than Xigbar himself?  No one.

No _person…_ but maybe…

“What if we steal his diary?”  I grinned at the idea.  “Everyone in the Organization has one, right?”

“Yeah!”  Demyx agreed.  “Ooh, or even better, we could steal his blackmail!  Then he can’t get back at us!”

Axel snorted.  “Yeah, that’d be a great idea, if it wasn’t completely impossible.  He’s not just going to leave his diary and blackmail lying around.”

“Ooh!  Ooh!  I’m good at finding things!”  R-2 waved his hand in the air.  “Let me try!”

“R-2, I’m not sure this is something you can sniff out,” I told him.  “If it’s in Xigbar’s room, everything will smell like him.  You won’t be able to tell where his diary is.”

“Well… maybe it’s not in his room,” R-2 suggested.  “Maybe he’s hiding it somewhere even secreter.”

I wasn’t sure about that, but if we were going to do this before Xigbar got back from his mission, we had to act soon.  I glanced up at where Xion was laying on her bed, her face grafitiied but still unconscious – well, more like sleeping peacefully now, thank Kingdom Hearts.  That made it a little bit easier to forgive Axel for practically kidnapping her.  Anyway, I just hoped she’d be safe if we left her here… and I hoped she wouldn’t wake up and run back to the mansion.  I doubted DiZ would show mercy to any Nobody or replica at this point…

Which was why we also needed to be focusing on rescuing Roxas as much as pranking Xigbar.

“Look, we don’t have time for a wild goose chase,” Axel suddenly snapped at R-2.  “Until you come up with a plan that doesn’t fall apart if you squint at it, I’m going to find my other best friend.”

He grimaced as he shoved himself to his feet – his strength couldn’t have fully returned yet.  Xion must have put up a pretty good fight.

“Wait,” I said, coming up with an idea.  “R-2 might not be able to find Xigbar’s blackmail, but I know he can help you track Roxas.”  And even if Roxas was still at the mansion, Axel could use at least a little bit of backup.  Not that I would ever suggest that to him.  “Take him with you.  Me and Demyx will figure out what to do about Xigbar.”

“Uh, we will?”  Demyx whispered to me.  I nodded, trying to look confident, but I could tell he didn’t buy it.

“Fine, the kid can come with me,” Axel agreed quickly.  I think he was just relieved we weren’t trying to stop him this time.  “Who knows, maybe we’ll find Roxas so quick we’ll be back in time to save your butts.”

R-2 laughed at that, then hugged me and Demyx goodbye.  “Good luck pranking Scary Eyepatch Man!”

“Yeah.”  My grin looked more like a grimace as he and Axel left through a corridor.  “We’re going to need it…”

XXX

As we snuck through the castle halls to Xigbar’s room, Demyx hummed the Mission Impossible theme song.  Normally I would’ve been annoyed, or concerned that he would give us away, but it brought back memories of our former pranking adventures.  For some reason, that was comforting.

It was also comforting that unlike last time we’d tried to prank Xigbar, there were no sentry Dusks.  Either it was too early for them to be out, or Xemnas and Saïx had finally decided it wasn’t worth it to try and keep us from pranking when the Organization had bigger problems to worry about.

Demyx’s humming grew more nervous as we approached Xigbar’s bedroom door.  I tried my best to ignore him and did the honors of picking the useless lock.

“What do you think’s in there?”  Demyx whispered.  I raised my eyebrows.

“I don’t know, a bed?  What, do you think he’s keeping some scary monster in there?”

“Maybe,” he replied defensively.  “I bet he booby trapped it somehow.”

Well, even Axel had kept some Assassins as an alert system… it definitely wouldn’t hurt to be careful.

I creaked the door open just enough to peak inside.  Through the narrow opening, all I could see was a sliver of a dresser and bed, standard Organization issue.  Nothing exciting.  No one had been here in too long; the door squeaked painfully as I pulled it open further.

“…I don’t see any traps,” I said, peering around suspiciously without entering the room.

“Well duh, he wouldn’t let you _see_ them,” Demyx said like it was obvious.

Hands on my hips, I asked, “Okay, then how do you expect us to check for traps?”

“Like this.”  He sprayed a soft, nearly invisible mist of water from his palm.  To my surprise, a few beams of red light faded into existence just above the floor.  “Ha!  I knew it!”

I stared in disbelief.  “…And _how_ exactly did you know that?”

“’Cause Xigbar likes old spy movies too.”

Well, I’d take it.  We tiptoed in between the thin red beams, Demyx spraying the rest of the floor as we went, and safely made it to Xigbar’s dresser.

“Man, Xiggy doesn’t decorate much,” Demyx commented while I searched the drawers.  “It’s almost as bad as your room.”

I rolled my eyes, but Demyx was right: for having lived here longer than me and Demyx (however long that was), Xigbar’s room didn’t seem to have a trace of him.  Maybe he’d taken everything with him during his exile?

Even his dresser drawers were empty, except for a few scattered Potion panels.  “Well, this is useless.”

Demyx scratched his head.  “Xiggy’s tricky.  Maybe R-2 was right, and he didn’t hide anything in here?”

“Maybe…”  This might be our only chance to search Xigbar’s room, though.  I wasn’t going to give up until I was sure there was nothing to be found.

Man, these boots were hard to tiptoe in.  Still, we carefully made our way away from the dresser and towards the closet, and Demyx peeked inside.

“Whoa.  Xenan, you’ve gotta see this.”

“What?”  I scooted around him, narrowly dodging a red beam.  How did Xigbar live in here with all those?  I guess he had some secret way to turn them off.  “…Oh.”

There was nothing inside – nothing except for a swirling, green-and-black portal.

“What do you think it is?”  I asked.

“Well… Xigbar controls space, right?  Maybe it’s some sort of… hammerspace hole,” he guessed.  “Like a closet inside a closet?  Or like a dark corridor, only you just put stuff in it and take it out when you need it?”

Seemed like a decent enough guess to me.  “So… should we try looking inside it?”

“Pfft, no way!”  Demyx shook his head.  “You couldn’t give me enough candy to stick my head in there!”

“You could just reach in with your hand, not your head,” I suggested.  Not that I wanted to do that, either.

“Or _you_ could.” He backed away.  “What if it, like, tries to suck us in or something?”

I shuddered.  I just hoped it wasn’t like the Void… but he’d needed Luxord’s help to do something on that scale, right?

Well, the only way to find out was to test the eerie portal.  R-2 and Xion were counting on us finding that blackmail and pranking Xigbar, and this might be exactly what we needed.

“Okay…”  I gulped, “I’ll do it.  But I need you to make sure it doesn’t pull me in.”  I held out my hand.

“Aww, it’s okay if you want to hold my hand ‘cause you’re scared,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes.  “Come on, Demyx, we don’t have time.”

“Aww, fine.”  He took my hand.  “Funsucker.”

Taking a deep breath, I plunged my hand into the swirling portal.  Cold engulfed my arm, like I’d submerged it in ice water, but the space felt pretty small – all I could feel in it was a slip of paper.

“Got it,” I breathed in relief as I pulled my arm out.

“Phew,” Demyx sighed.  “What’s it say?”

As I unfolded the paper, dread rose in my chest.

_NICE TRY, GIRLIE._

A gang of Sniper Nobodies suddenly appeared from thin air, encircling us.  Demyx barely had time to squeal before I tugged him through a dark corridor to the first safe place I could think of.  Which, ironically, was the place Xigbar had brought me when my first prank on Xaldin had gone wrong.

Demyx’s squeal morphed into a hacking cough when we stumbled out of the corridor.  “Man, what’s that smell?  Are we dead or something?”

“Nope.”  I pulled my coat up over my nose as my eyes adjusted to the dim, flickering lighting.  “But a lot of stuff in here probably is…”

Demyx’s eyes widened.  “Wait, I know where we are – you took us to the _Basement!?_ Are you _crazy!?”_

“It was reflex, okay!”  I snapped back.  “What’s so awful about the Basement anyway?  Besides the smell.”

He shivered.  “Xigbar and Axel used to tell me some scary stories about this place…”

“They were the ones who took me here in the first place, to hide from Xaldin after I shaved his sideburns,” I explained.

“That was your second day.  I bet they didn’t really care if some scary Basement monsters got to you.”

That might be true, but I still figured it was safer down here than upstairs where Xigbar would be looking for us.  And even if he did check down here, the Basement seemed to sprawl out forever, under the whole castle.  We should be able to escape again before he could track us down.

“Forget about Basement monsters.  We need to find out how to deal with the monsters up there.”  I pointed to the ceiling.

Demyx sighed, shaking his head.  “I’m all out of ideas.  Xiggy’s too smart.”

What, was he going to give up just like that?  We still had so much to prank for…

“No he’s not.”  I grinned, trying to restore his confidence.  “If he was, he wouldn’t have messed with us.”

He laughed a little at that, but he still slumped hopelessly.  “But we still can’t do anything.  We can’t find his blackmail, and he’s going to be prepared for us to prank him now.”

“Hmm…”  There had to be an answer, didn’t there?  We couldn’t just let Xigbar win…

A soft rumbling found its way to my ears.   From the sound of Demyx’s yelp, he heard it too.

“What’s that?  Is this place going to cave in!?”  He wrapped his arms over his head, like that would help if it did.

I strained my ears to hear it more clearly – only to see a pair of bright yellow eyes approaching us from the darkness.

“Heartless!”  I summoned my mace.  Could Heartless get in here?  I thought the castle was protected, but who knew with the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be?

In the flash of my mace appearing, though, the silhouette of the creature looked much too small for a Heartless.

“What are you waiting for?”  Demyx hid behind me.  “Whack it already!”

“Wait a second…”

The eyes grew closer – close enough for me to make out their owner’s feline body.

“Mrow.”  The black cat rubbed against my leg and started to purr, which must have been the noise I thought was rumbling earlier.

“It’s probably a Heartless cat, trying to trick you into letting it eat your soul.”  Demyx peered from behind my shoulder.

“One, Heartless eat hearts, not souls,” I corrected.  “And two… I think I know what this cat is.”  I picked it – her, if I remembered correctly – up in my arms.

“Don’t touch it!”  Demyx warned, jumping back.

“No, Demyx, this is the cat Saïx rescued!  The one that was one of Vexen’s experiments!”

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as I scratched her between the ears.  “Vexen’s experiment?  I don’t think that makes it better.  And how do you know it’s the same one?”

“R-2 was Vexen’s experiment, and we kept him,” I countered.  “And I know she’s the same one.  How many cats have you ever seen in the castle?”

“But I thought Xemnas made Saïx get rid of it,” Demyx still argued.

“Saïx must have hid her down here.  It makes sense; this is the perfect hiding place.  No one would bother to look down here with all this junk…”  Something clicked.  “That’s it!  Demyx, what if Xigbar hid his blackmail here, in the Basement?  No one would ever look down here!”

His eyes lit up again, and a grin sprang to his face.  “You’re right!  You’d have to be crazy to look down here… wait, I just called us crazy…”

I shrugged, cradling the cat in my arms as she purred contentedly. “I’m pretty sure we established that already.”

“Okay… but how are we going to find his blackmail if it’s down here?”

I hadn’t thought that far yet.  “Good question…”

The boxes around us were labeled _SPARE COATS, MICROWAVE REPAIR KIT,_ and _TWISTER MATS._ The same part of the Basement I’d hid in before.  Even if we looked around though, I doubted Xigbar would label a box _BLACKMAIL…_

“Let’s try going deeper,” I suggested.  If Xigbar was going to hide something here, it would probably be in the least-used part of the Basement, right?

“Urk… I was afraid you’d say that…”

Demyx kept nearly stepping on the heels of my boots as he tried to stay close to me.  I wondered what Axel and Xigbar had said to make him so afraid of this place, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.  Fear would only get in the way right now.

“Would holding the cat make you feel better?”  I asked him, but he shook his head quickly.

“I still bet it’s a werecat or something.”

First Heartless cat, now werecat?  I looked down at the black cat in my arms, who had lifted her head up to stare at me with her big yellow eyes.  Sure, Heartless had yellow eyes, but that was normal for cats too.  Personally, I thought she was pretty…  With us needing to conserve resources for the war back in the Wayward Burrows, I’d never gotten to have a pet.  Except for that hedgehog that had tumbled down from our chimney-hole one day.  Dad had let Elizabeth nurse it back to health, but we’d had to release it as soon as it was better.  Anyway, I guess I’d always wanted a pet… I hoped that wasn’t making me trust this cat more than I should.

Still, I scratched her behind the ears while we scanned the cardboard boxes piled on shelves lining the aisles, like some sort of smelly grocery store from the apocalypse.  _DUSK FOOD, HAIR GEL, ROOM NAME GENERATOR—_

“So that’s where Xemnas gets the room names from!”  At least, that was my guess.

“I didn’t know Dusks needed to eat.”  Demyx frowned.  “Wonder if it’s any good…”

“Well, we’re not going to find out.”  I pulled him along.

The aisles twisted at random, like some sort of maze.  I hoped we were going deeper, but I couldn’t tell for sure…  I wished we could use R-2 to scent-track any trace of Xigbar, but with the overpowering stench, he might just keel over if I brought him down here.  Besides, he was with Axel.  I hoped they were having more luck than we were.

Maybe it wouldn’t work for Demyx, but petting the cat did help me stay calm.  I should probably give her a name, so I didn’t have to keep calling her ‘the cat’…

“Hey Demyx, what should I name her?”  I asked.

“What?  No!  If you name it, you’ll get attached to it!”  Demyx burst out.  “You should just leave it here while you still can.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like she’s hurting anyone.”  I held her up under her front legs.

“Mrow.”  She twitched her ears at Demyx, who frowned.

 “Stop trying to win me over with cuteness.  It’s not going to work.”

“Are you sure?”  I teased, holding her out closer to his face.  Her tail twitched, brushing against his neck.

He suddenly started hacking, coughing right into the cat’s face.  “Xenan, stop it—” He stumbled back as the startled cat squirmed from my arms and jumped onto me, clinging to my coat with its claws.  “Okay, I admit it!  I’m allergic to cats, alright?”

I didn’t have time to respond, because the cat had suddenly fallen into my pocket, and was clearly not happy about it.  “Ack—Cobalt, calm down, I’ll get you out—!”

“You named the cat _Cobalt?”_

“It’s a good, strong name!”  I managed to argue as Cobalt finally leapt out of my pocket, holding something in its mouth.  “Cobalt!  Come back!”

Demyx laughed.  “I don’t think she likes the name.”

“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled as I took off after the cat.

“Just let it run away!”  Demyx called. 

“She took something from my pocket!  I need to find out what it is!”  With the coat pockets being black hole-sized as they were, I kind of lost track of what I put in them.  But it could be something important… and I wanted to prove Cobalt had only run off because Demyx scared her, not because she didn’t like me.

After running for a few minutes though, I remembered I had more important things to deal with.  What would I say to R-2 if I let Xigbar win because I was too busy looking for a cat to find his blackmail?

I was about to turn and go back to Demyx, when I heard a “mrow” just around the corner.

Cobalt was perched on a shelf at my eyelevel, looking rather pleased with herself as she dropped a scrap of paper at my feet.

_NICE TRY, GIRLIE._

For a second I thought it might be another one of Xigbar’s tricks – but no, that was the same paper we’d found in the hammerspace hole.  I must have stuck it in my pocket without thinking, and Cobalt had taken it, but why had she stopped here…?

With more strength than a regular cat could ever have, Cobalt nudged a cardboard box off the shelf.  I jumped back as it landed where I’d been standing.

“ _VOID…?”_ I turned my head sideways to read the label on the box, shuffling back from it.  I would have been terrified to touch it, but the top had already busted open from the fall.  “Hey Demyx, come on!  Hurry!”

“I’m coming!  Hold on, Xenan, I’ll… save you…!  …Phew…”  He panted as he came stumbling around the corner.  “Man, I hate running…”

I laughed as Cobalt rubbed her face against my leg. “I’m not in trouble, Demyx.  We found it!”

“Wait… found what?”  He stared down at the box I was kneeling beside, and his eyes widened.  “Void!?”

“No, it’s Xigbar’s blackmail!”  I held up a copy of the photo of us kissing.  It was actually kind of funny that Xigbar had bothered to keep it.  “He must have labeled it _VOID_ to scare people off if they found it.”

Demyx sat down beside me, rummaging through the papers that had fallen out.  Among random semi-embarrassing photos were Marluxia taking a bubble bath, Larxene hugging some guy I didn’t recognize, and Zexion reading _Twilight._ But more importantly, there were the reports that documented R-2 and Xion as replicas.

“But I don’t get it… how did you know where it was?”

“I didn’t,” I replied simply, scratching Cobalt behind the ears as she purred happily.  “Cobalt did.  Vexen must have created her to be some sort of tracking cat.  She found this box after stealing the paper Xigbar left in his trap.”

“Huh.  Okay, maybe she’s not completely useless… but I’m still not going to pet her.”

I laughed.  “Allergic to cats, huh?”

“Yeah… please don’t do that again.”  He frowned.  “My throat gets all itchy and it hurts, and I start sneezing and can’t breathe right…”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.”  I pulled Cobalt back when she tried to rub up against him.

“I know you didn’t know.  I’m just glad I don’t break out in hives or anything.”

“Yeah, that would’ve been bad.”  Could potions help against allergies, or was that only for direct damage?  It would be interesting to know, but I wasn’t going to test it on Demyx.  “So now we just need to find out where to put this blackmail.”

“Put it?”  Demyx raised his eyebrows.  “Don’t we need to burn it or something?”

“Not yet.”  I grinned as my idea finally came together.  “We’ll need it to prank Xigbar.  And we need one other thing too.”

“What’s that?”

I took the camera out of my pocket.  “We need to get ready to give Xigbar a show.”


	49. Friendship and Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol jk one more chapter without Xenan. ^^;; Also sorry for the long break, I was on vacation and then had some “Cast a Shadow” chapters I needed to type up.

When Riku appeared from a dark corridor, Naminé let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.  Her worry returned when she realized his coat lay askew across his shoulders, but to her relief, it wasn’t a mark of battle.  The darkness-resistant clothing was positioned to cover both Riku and the unconscious brunette he was supporting.

“Man, Sora, I know you’re hibernating, but you didn’t need to put on _this_ much weight…”  He groaned with the effort of keeping his deadweight friend from flopping face-first on the floor.

“Whoa,” Roxas gasped at his first sight of his other without a translucent pod wall between them.  “He looks just like he did in my dreams…”

Riku laughed a little, hefting Sora up higher on his shoulder.  “Heh, wait ‘til you see him awake.  He’ll talk your ears off.”

Roxas’s eyes widened in surprise.  “You mean I get to see him wake up?”

“That’s why all of us are here, Roxas,” Naminé reminded him, puzzled.  “That’s why we needed you and Xion.  So Sora can regain his memories and wake up.”

The blond boy shuffled his feet on the marble floor, staring at his reflection in it.  “I know that, I mean… I thought after Axel showing up and taking Xion back, you wouldn’t…”  A light pink tinged his face. “…you wouldn’t let me stick around.  Because I’m a Nobody.”

Naminé winced.  That was half of the reason they’d fled to Castle Oblivion rather than staying at the Old Mansion.  “Well, if it were up to DiZ…”

“It’s not up to DiZ.”  Riku carefully placed Sora in an open memory pod.  “I only worked with him because I didn’t have a better choice.  If we can finish this without him, then I see no reason to keep holding his grudges.”

Naminé smiled at the relief evident on Roxas’s face.  He wasn’t the only one; none of them had ever thought DiZ was the most hospitable man.  Like Riku had said, working with him had been necessary to learn about the Organization and how to restore Sora’s memories.  Something felt cruel about abandoning DiZ the moment he was no longer needed, but at the same time, Naminé and Riku couldn’t risk him endangering Roxas and threatening Sora’s chances of waking up.

“So you still trust me?  Even after the Organization found us?”  Roxas asked them, though his eyes stayed focused on Sora’s sleeping form inside the pod.

“You could have gone back with Axel if you wanted, but you chose not to.  I think you’ve proven we can trust you.  And besides,” Riku added with a grin, “What would Sora say if I didn’t let him meet his other?”

Naminé giggled behind a loosely-closed hand.  “I’m sure he’d never let you hear the end of it.  He’d probably ask you all sorts of questions about Roxas.”

_“Ooh, does he like the same ice cream as me?”_ Riku imitated his best friend’s voice, barely restraining a laugh.   _“I bet we’d be best friends!”_

She laughed along at the charade.  “Sora can become best friends with anyone.”

Roxas even cracked a smile.  “Sounds like a pretty nice guy… I hope Xion gets to meet him too.”

Naminé watched his smile slowly fade as he thought of his best friend.

“I’m sure she’s alright,” She assured him, her hand light on his shoulder.  During her first stay at Castle Oblivion, Axel had let her go, in spite of the Organization’s wishes.  She doubted the man would hurt his best friend for them now.

Riku snorted, not needing his eyes to show his irritation.  “If my replica hadn’t led Axel straight to us…”

“You don’t know that that’s what happened,” Naminé repeated what she’d already told him.  “He only seems to care about Xenan and Demyx.  I don’t think he would try to help the Organization—”

“But he does want his friends back.”  Riku shook his head.  “You didn’t see how he reacted when DiZ suggested Roxas and Xion stay out of the Organization for good.”

“Guys,” Roxas stepped between them, “I don’t think any of them have anything to do with it.  Axel’s my… Axel _was_ my best friend.  He’d do anything to find us, and I think he’s mad at Xenan for almost telling me and Xion the truth about who we are.  They wouldn’t be working together.”

Riku mulled it over.  “…I suppose it could be a coincidence… if Axel really has been searching for you two since you joined us…”

“After everything that happened, he’d work alone,” Roxas replied more confidently.  “I’m sure of it.”

“There’s no reason to spread blame, anyway,” Naminé finally said.  “The important thing is that I finish what we’ve started.”

Regardless of what happened with Xion, she still wanted to believe that Axel and R-2 weren’t entirely guilty.  The other replica reminded her of Repliku, made her feel like she’d had a second chance somehow, even if they acted completely different.  If she had to blame someone, she hoped it could somehow be Xenan.  Maybe she wasn’t bad if R-2 trusted her so much, but it was hard to forgive the female Organization member for taking her hostage before.

Riku nodded.  “Alright.  I don’t know if this place is as abandoned as it looks.  I’ll keep guard outside.”

“Good idea,” She agreed with a smile before flipping open her sketchbook and turning to the blond.  “Alright, Roxas.  It’s almost time to meet your other.”

XXX

“Roxas, where are you…?”  Axel sighed, staring out over the fields of the Pridelands.  He wasn’t sure if his friend had ever even heard of this world, but he was checking every world he could get to.  The Worlds were a big place, and Riku could have taken him anywhere…

R-2 took a big whiff of savannah air.  “Nope.  No Rox here.  Just a big, big rock – ooh, look!  Lions!  Like the little fire ones you can make!”

Axel shook his head, ignoring the kid’s excitement.  “I didn’t think so.”

“Where do we get to go next?”  The silverette bounced eagerly.  “Ooh, can we go to Atlantica?  Do we get to go swimming?”

Axel hated Atlantica with a burning passion, but at this rate, he was running out of options.  Roxas had to be _somewhere…_ He wouldn’t have gone back to the Organization by now, would he?  Maybe after realizing Xion went back, he decided he didn’t want to run away by himself…

R-2 frowned, coat suddenly flashing a dull forest green.  “Oh.  Do we have to look at Castle Oblivion?  That place isn’t nice…  I wonder if it still smells like Xen-Xen’s stew…”

Castle Oblivion.  Why hadn’t Axel thought of it before?  It was an Organization stronghold – or at least, it had been – so Riku was probably crazy if he took him there… but then again, that was the first place Axel had met him, and no one in the Organization besides himself had visited since the incidents with Sora.

Axel allowed himself a flicker of hope.  “Yeah, R-2.  I think we’d better check C.O.”

XXX

Riku jolted at the _whoosh_ of an incoming dark corridor; Soul Eater flashed to his hand.  The portal of darkness was easy to hear against the silence of the room, empty except for a glass orb in its center (Riku had nearly tripped over it on his way in).  Of all the figures he expected to hear emerge from the darkness, his happily bouncing replica wasn’t one of them.

“Yep!  Rox’s here, Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!”

“What, really-!?”  Axel rushed out behind him, his black coat billowing like the sound of a loose sail.

Riku bared his sword, stopping the two Organization members in their tracks.  “Looks like Roxas doesn’t know you as well as he thought.  You two were working together all along.”

“Oh, hi Riku!”  R-2 waved like he hadn’t heard his original’s comment at all.  “You don’t still want to fight me, do you?  DiZ was just making you be mean, right?”

He snorted, keeping his battle stance in spite of his replica’s oddly cheerful voice.  “I thought _I_ was the blind one…”

Axel’s footsteps echoed towards him; his chakrams appeared in a fiery swirl.  “Look, I don’t have time for punny comments.  You kidnapped my best friend—”

“ _You’re_ the one trying to kidnap him,” Riku retorted.  “He chose to come with us.”

R-2 tapped the toe of his prosthetic absently.  “Yep.  He wanted Riku and Naminé to fix his head.  He wouldn’t come home even when I asked nicely.”

“Whose side are you on!?”  Axel turned on him.

“Um… Rox’s?”  He replied uncertainly.

“So am I!”  Riku and Axel exclaimed in unison, then shared a surprised “hunh!?”  Riku’s sword even dropped a little.

“You honestly think returning to the Organization is what’s best for him?”  Riku challenged.  Even with the blindfold, he could almost feel the fiery glare Axel aimed at him.

“I think being his own person is what’s best for him.”  He spun a flaming chakram in his hand impatiently.  “I don’t care if he’s Sora’s Nobody.  He’s _my_ friend.”

“What are you talking about?  We’re only taking out Sora’s memories – we’re helping him.”

“ _Sure_.”  Axel’s eyes narrowed.  “I’m sure the others were gullible enough to believe that, but you can’t lie to me.  A Nobody and his Somebody can’t coexist, and you know it.  Sooner or later, you’ll take him away from me for good.”

That’s what this was about:  Axel was afraid.  To him, this had stopped being about the Organization.  He just wanted his friends back.  Riku knew from experience that that would only make him more dangerous – if the Nobody was willing to go to the same lengths for his friends as he would for Kairi and Sora,  he had tread very carefully.

“That’s not—” Riku tried to interrupt, but the redhead was past listening.

“Well, who says Somebodies should get everything they want, just because they’re _real!”_

Axel spread his arms wide, and flames encircled him and Riku.  R-2 yelped and jumped back, trying to keep his remaining leg away from the ring of fire.  Red and orange shadows danced around the once-white room, entrancing him and distracting him from breaking up the fight.

“Hot colors…  Pretty colors… No, don’t touch them, touching fire colors is _bad_ …”  The replica muttered to himself.

“You’re wrong, Axel!”  Riku yelled, baring his sword over his head.  “We can both get our friends back!  Naminé found a way!”

“You’re just stalling me!”  Axel shook his head, rustling his spikes of red hair.  Even through his blindfold, Riku thought he could see his flaming silhouette.  “I’ve eliminated enough people in this castle.  One more won’t keep me up at night.”

“Skinny Flaming Pyro Man!”  R-2 finally snapped out of his fire-gazing trance.  “The real Riku is _good!_ Please, don’t hurt him!”

Now, whose side was that replica on?  Riku couldn’t puzzle it out, but he still had a different battle to fight.

R-2 couldn’t make it through the flames, and Axel and Riku were already locked in combat, sword clashing against chakrams.  Riku wove through the flames, the patterns of heat playing across his skin to guide him away from the more dangerous areas of the battlefield.  Still, it was clear that Axel had the upper hand, his deck of fighting cards more fine-tuned than Riku’s, which had last been used against Ansem a little over half a year ago.  He was just lucky he hadn’t trashed them after leaving Castle Oblivion the first time.

“Too hot for you yet?”  Axel taunted, panting.

Riku straightened up, glad that his blindfold hid the nervousness in his eyes.  Sweat poured down his neck and arms, doubled by the oven-like material of his coat.  Still, he would rather feel like he was burning than have the fire reach his unprotected skin.  “What kind of question is that?”

He slid forward, cards ready to perform a sleight, when he remembered the cost.  All of his sleights would draw off of his dark power, and with only his blindfold already holding that darkness at bay …

But this was what he signed up for.  To protect Sora, no matter what the cost.  Even if that cost was his own heart… he couldn’t let Axel win.

He held the cards in the air—

“ _RIKU!”_

Naminé dove through the flames, tackling him to the ground.  The cards floated down, turning to ash as they blew into the fire.

“Axel!?”  Roxas called from the doorway.  “What are you doing here!?”

“Roxas?”  Axel’s gaze flitted between him and Naminé before he snapped his fingers, putting out the flames in a gust of smoke.

“Naminé…”  Riku sat up, holding the small girl.  Her dress was singed at the edges; he took off one glove and felt the soot staining her face and hair.  “Naminé, why did you…?”

She coughed, accepting the potion she handed him.  “Riku, you couldn’t… your darkness…”

He shook his head.  She signed up for this too; she knew what his plan was.  Why would she try to stop him? “I know.  But I had to.  I couldn’t let Axel…”

“Why did you come looking for me?”  Roxas demanded of the redhead.  “You already kidnapped Xion!  Riku said you had to knock her unconscious to bring her back!  Were you going to do the same thing to me, huh!?”

“R-Roxas…”   Axel reached out, startled to see water at the corners of his friend’s eyes.  “You don’t get it… they’re going to destroy you.  And if by some miracle they don’t, if I don’t bring you back, the Organization will.”

Roxas shook his head, clenching his fists.  “What are you saying?  I’m just gonna die either way?”

“No!  If you come back now, I can make Saïx drop all this.  He has to.”  He banished his chakrams, hoping this wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened with Xion.  If he had to fight Roxas too… he wasn’t sure his non-existent heart could take more of that.

“You already have Xion,” the blond said coldly.  “You don’t need another keyblade wielder.”

“Another keyblade-!?  Come on, Roxas!  That’s not what this is about!”  Axel started to heat up, involuntary flames dancing around his fingers.  “You’re my _best friend!”_

_“Best friends_ don’t keep secrets from each other!”  He yelled, Oathkeeper flashing to his hand.

Axel swallowed, steeling himself for what had to happen.  If Roxas wanted a fight, a fight he would get.  Even if his best friend hated him… if that was what it took to save him…

“Roxas.  Axel.”  For the first time, R-2 used their real names.  He stared at the two Nobodies, his coat its normal shade of deep, dark black.  Tears dripped down his face as well.  “Why are you fighting?  I thought… I thought all of us were friends… please, don’t fight…”

Roxas was caught off guard by the replica’s plea, but Axel hardly spared him a glance before summoning his chakrams again.

“Wait!”  Naminé called.  “Listen!  I hear something!”

“What—?“ Axel was about to ignore her warning when he heard it too – Heartless.

And the distinct sound of energy bullets disintegrating those Heartless.

“Go!”  Axel ordered, pointing to the door the others had come from.  “You too, R-2!”

“What?  Why?”  The silver-haired replica asked, not yet grasping the urgency of the situation.

“Let’s just call it flexible thinking, alright?”  Axel replied, sharing a glance with Roxas, who quickly looked away.

Luckily, R-2 couldn’t argue much more, because Riku pulled him into the other room where Roxas and Naminé had already hidden themselves.

It really was a matter of flexible thinking – Axel had about fifteen seconds before Xigbar burst through the door on the other side of the room.

“Just when I thought today couldn’t get any worse,” the redhead muttered, spinning a chakram on one finger.  Xigbar just chuckled.

“What’s with the mess, Flamsilocks?  Have another temper tantrum?”  He kicked up a patch of ash, scattering it into the air like dirty snow.

Axel’s pride wanted to deny it, but there were worse explanations.  He decided to run with it.

“Saïx isn’t here to pull me off of your carcass this time.”  He didn’t try to quell the flames instinctively circling around his arms.  “If I were you, I wouldn’t risk putting any more firewood on my temper.”

“Heh, well, it’s a good thing I’m not you.”  Xigbar rested one arrowgun on his shoulder.  “And as much as I’d love to stick around and hear about how much you ‘hate’ me, I’m actually here on business.”

“Oh, really?”  He glared for lack of a better comeback.  He knew exactly why the Freeshooter was here; every Organization member had the same mission today.  Find Roxas and Xion.

“Yeah, really,” Xigbar deadpanned, but followed it up with a half-grin.  “In case you hadn’t noticed, our little keybladers flew the coop.  Looks like someone failed Babysitting 101.”

Every instinct, every emotion, screamed at Axel to stop putting up with the banter and just attack.  But somehow he knew that was exactly what Xigbar wanted.  All the Freeshooter was doing was trying to push his buttons – but why?

“Xion’s back at the Castle now,” he said evenly.  “I brought her back.  In case _you_ hadn’t noticed.”

Xigbar shrugged.  “Still got Kiddo to worry about.  Moony might not think we need both, but you’re not going to give up on him that easily, are you?”

Axel bristled like an aggravated hedgehog.  “What do you think?  I’m searching every world until I find him.  Just got done with this one.”  He stared around at the blackened marble floor, as if to imply that his “tantrum” was a result of not finding Roxas.  Xigbar seemed to accept the half-lie.

“Heh.  You and those kids really are something special, aren’t you?”  Xigbar paced around him, making Axel feel oddly trapped in the spacious room.  “The Little Nobodies Who Cared.  Like some motivational kiddie book.”

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were jealous,” Axel tried to regain control of the conversation.  If only he could just impale him, like he had Vexen… but no, regardless of his threat to Riku, his days of assassinating anyone who became a liability were over.  Besides, Roxas was just in the other room; he couldn’t risk his friend hearing that.

“Jealous?  As if.”  Xigbar shook off the comment, holding Axel’s eye contact.  It made him shudder instinctively, like there was something different in that one yellow eye… “But if you _did_ get yourself a new heart, it seems pretty traitorous to keep that secret all to yourself.”

Axel snorted, gaze fleeing to the soot-scarred ground. “I don’t know about all _that_.  You’ve been listening to Demyx too much if you think we really have hearts.”

“I’ve been listening to all of you,” he retorted.  “The way you talk is too human for your own good.”

“So?  It beats being a boring zombie all the time,” Axel dismissed.  For once, he didn’t really know if he was lying or not.  Sure, something was different about being around Roxas and Xion, but a whole new heart?  It seemed a little too good to be true.

“Playing dumb doesn’t suit you, Flamsilocks.  I don’t know about Kiddo and Poppet, but you, Waterboy, and Girlie were never the same after – well, after this place.”  Xigbar gestured with an arrowgun, his voice growing steadily louder, until it suddenly dropped dangerously soft.  “Now, ‘cause I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you one more shot.  Tell me how you got your heart back.”

“Or what?”  He challenged, wondering if all that time in exile had actually made Xigbar lose it.  Where _had_ he been exiled to, anyway?  Saïx had never found it important enough to tell him.  “Roxas is already gone.  Xion’s the only keyblade wielder right now.  Good luck trying to convince anyone she’s expendable.”

“Ah, but you’re forgetting someone.”  He grinned.  “Guess you didn’t get Kirux memorized, huh?”

Axel scoffed.  “If you think you can even go _near_ him without Xenan tearing you apart, you really have lost it.”

He laughed loudly.  “Maybe I have, Flamsilocks.  But how’s that saying go?  To find is to lose, and to lose is to find?  Yeah, I think Moony said something like that when he left us here…”

“Wait – you’ve been trapped _here_ this whole time?”  His eyes widened, then narrowed to suspicious slits.  “And you didn’t just corridor back?”

“As if it’s that simple.  Since we didn’t have any babysitters like the last kiddos to get exiled, Xemnas used his Nothingness powers to lock all of ours.  So no corridors or space-time shenanigans.  Basically just poker games, over and over again… even Pokerface eventually got sick of it…”

The eyepatched man started muttering to himself, not seeming to notice Axel’s presence anymore.  He knew Castle Oblivion could mess with your mind if you weren’t careful, but he had always had goals to keep him focused: thwart Marluxia’s plot, find the Chamber of Waking, et cetera.  If Xigbar was trapped here with nothing to keep him sane but Luxord’s card games… He wondered if this new Xigbar could be even more dangerous than the old one.

“Sounds great,” Axel said shortly, clapping his hands together.  “Well, I better get going.  Got worlds to search, people to see—”

Xigbar pointed both arrowguns straight at him.

“Not before I get my answer.  Or will I just have to take that heart out of you?”

Axel’s eyes widened.  The straight-up threat wasn’t Xigbar’s usual approach, but he wasn’t going to bet on it being a bluff.  But how could he give an answer he didn’t have himself?  Even trying to think flexibly, he could only come up with one way out of this.

“And ruin the surprise?”  Axel forced a grin.  “Nah, you better wait ‘til the party tonight.”

He opened a corridor, fading backwards into it.  Surely Xigbar wouldn’t keep searching the castle after that… right?  Roxas would be safe…  If Roxas was right, and Riku and Naminé weren’t getting rid of him…

For once, he decided to trust his best friend’s judgement, and he disappeared.

Once he was gone, Xigbar laughed, a borderline-hysterical outburst.  “Flamsilocks is trying to steal my style now… Heh, a party.  Gotta be some kind of trap.  But I bet I can at least get some food out of them first…  Man, I haven’t had any good cooking in a month…”

When Roxas heard the sound of another dark corridor opening and closing in the adjacent room, he peeked around the door.  The coast was clear again.

“Axel…  He stopped Xigbar from bringing me back?”  He looked to R-2 for answers, but the replica shrugged.

“Skinny Flaming Pyro Man is your friend.  He wouldn’t let Scary Eyepatch Man take you.”

“But he wanted me to come back…”

Riku put a hand on Roxas’s shoulder.  “You can worry about it later.  We need to get this done before any more surprises show up.”

“I’m almost done,” Naminé said.  “Roxas doesn’t have as many of Sora’s memories as Xion did.  I think I can finish this soon.”

“And then…”  Roxas swallowed, “I’m going back.  To Axel and Xion.  They… they’re my best friends.”

Naminé smiled sadly.  “I thought you might say that.  If that’s what you decide is best…”

Riku frowned in obvious disapproval.  “We’ll talk about that after this is finished.”

“Right.”  The girl nodded.

“I’ll go away now,” R-2 said after patting a strand of her hair.  “Your hair is pretty, but I won’t touch it and make you mess up Rox’s memories.  Bye-bye Naminé.”

She laughed, slightly embarrassed at the compliment and awkward touch.  “Goodbye, R-2.”

As he left, Roxas stepped up into the open memory pod.  If Naminé was right, this would be it… when he stepped out, he could be meeting his other half.  And then… and then he could go back to his friends.

_Xion… Axel…_ He smiled as Riku pressed the controls to close the pod. 

_I promise, I’ll come back…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! And a whole ton of stuff yet to happen in it. And about 20 days left before I go to college… *pressure intensifies* There may or may not be an epilogue after that, but I do at least have the next chapter planned out and am very excited to write it! And then the 200 review special that I still haven’t gotten around to yet. xP I’m never going to get out of this universe, am I? ^^;;


	50. Will Prank For Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow… it’s really almost over… I’m getting a little emotional… *sniff*

“You think Xiggy’s onto us yet?”  Demyx asked, clicking away at the Organization’s shared computer.

“I don’t know.”  I kept watch by the door, never letting my guard down.  Surely Xigbar knew we were up to something by now, right?  We’d triggered his trap; we’d alerted his Snipers.  Was he trying to lull us into a false sense of security?  Or maybe he was curious to see what ridiculous prank we would come up with.

“Are you almost done yet?”  I tapped my fingers on Xigbar’s blackmail box.

“You can’t rush this much awesome,” he replied, then burst out laughing.  “Man, you’ve got to watch this!  That cake made you guys crazier than R-2!”

I rolled my eyes; I’d put enough effort into forgetting all about that incident.  “I’ll watch it when we play it for Xigbar.  Just worry about getting it all put together before he decides to come looking for us.”

“Aww, fine…”

In between staring at the door, I rifled through the box of blackmail.  The plan was to destroy it in front of him and see his reaction, but until then, I might as well see what he’d collected on the other members.

“Huh…?”  I went back to a photograph I’d flipped past too quickly.  Two kids were sprawled out in a blanket fort, one with red hair, and one with blue.  “Hey Demyx, come look at this!”

“You mean I can take a break?”  He grinned, jumping out of the spinney chair.

“Just for a second.”  I couldn’t resist; I had to show him.  “Who does this look like?”

Demyx squinted.  The picture was in good condition, but it was obviously old, and it wasn’t taken at the clearest angle.  “No way… Axel and Saïx!?  They’re so _little_!  Aww, look at little Saïx – who’s a good little Berserker~?”  He cooed like someone would talk to a puppy.  “Wait, Axel and Saïx were that young when they joined the Organization?  They’re like Roxas and Xion.”

“And they were _friends.”_ Which I guess made sense…  Guess it explained how Axel got away with so much more than everyone else.

“Whoa.  Saïx had a friend?”  Demyx’s eyes widened.  “He wasn’t always a scary werewolf?”

“I guess not…  Too bad we can’t find anything like this about Xigbar.”  I sighed, pocketing the picture of young Axel and Saïx in their blanket fort. 

“Yeah…”  Demyx agreed.

Our prank still felt pretty lackluster.  Sure, we were going to show off our pranking adventures, burn Xigbar’s blackmail, and cut off his ponytail, but that was about all we had.  We still hadn’t actually found out how to get the eyepatched man to stay still and let us do half of those things…  I had to hope that our usual method of ‘winging it’ wouldn’t let us down.

Demyx hopped back onto the chair, spinning around to face the computer.  “Let’s see, I’ll just trim out some of this part...”

When someone flung the door open, I thought for sure we were done for.  Demyx actually screamed; I summoned my mace.

“Normally I’d tell you to stop attacking anything that moves, but we’ve got more important things to talk about,” Axel said, casting a sideways glance at my mace.

“Oh.  It’s just you.”  I dismissed it, glad I’d pocketed the picture already.  Demyx still stifled a giggle, but at least he didn’t bring up his and Saïx’s slumber party (yet, anyway).  “Wait, where’s R-2?”

“Safe.  With Riku, Naminé, and Roxas.”

“You found them?”  Demyx asked, spinning back around in his chair.

“Yeah, tell you about that later,” Axel waved him off.  “I also happened to run into our unfriendly neighborhood troll.  And I might’ve promised him a homecoming party tonight.”

“You _what_?”  I asked as he brushed ashes off of his coat.

“It was flexible thinking!”  He defended.  “He asked for a welcome home party, right?  I told him that’s where he’d get his answers about how – or _if_ – we have hearts.”

“Aww, we do too have hearts.”  Demyx smiled, staring at the ceiling while spinning absently.  The redhead gave him an exasperated stare.

“Yeah, excuse me if I don’t take your word for it.” 

I stood, pushing the box of blackmail against the wall with my foot.  “You know… a party isn’t such a bad idea,” I said after thinking for a moment.  “That will get him to come to us.  It’s the perfect trap.”

“See?  I told you flexible thinking was a great idea.”  He grinned back, like he’d had that planned the whole time.  “So what’s your plan, roll the prank reel during the party?  I still don’t see how you’re going to actually prank him.”

“I’ve been kind of stalling on that part,” I admitted, staring down at the cardboard box.  It would be easy enough to have Axel set it on fire during the party, but it wasn’t enough.  We needed something crazier… something like…

My gaze strayed to the giant computer monitor, which was paused on the footage of our sugar-induced antics at C.O.

“Cake!”  I suddenly burst out. 

“What?”  Demyx and Axel asked in unison, staring at me like I was crazy.  I pulled Demyx out of the spinney chair with one arm.

“Axel, you know how do computer stuff, right?”

He raised an eyebrow.  “I wouldn’t say I’m great, but I’m better than your average Dusk.”

“Great!  Can you finish up that video while I borrow Demyx?”  I didn’t wait for his reply.  “Great thanks bye!”

As I dragged Demyx through a corridor, Axel looked at the screen and mutterd, “Man, we looked _this_ stupid…?”

XXX

Thirty minutes, a pound of sugar, and one Fire spell later, Demyx and I were staring at a delicious-looking red velvet cake.  _Looking_ being the key word.

“You think this will work like the last one?”  I asked.  We’d tried to basically recreate our horrible failure from last time, but I didn’t entirely trust my memory.

“We dumped in a ton of sugar and killed it with Fire.”  He shrugged, brushing white powdered sugar debris from his coat.  “What could go wrong?”

The better question was what could go _right._ The more wrong it went, the better.

I carried the cake as we went to Axel’s room – it _had_ been Axel’s idea to throw this party in the first place.  We couldn’t use Xigbar’s room because of the traps, and I sure wasn’t going to have my room become collateral damage (especially not with Cobalt hidden in there).  Plus, unlike Demyx’s room, Axel’s was actually clean.

“Sooo… now what?”  I asked after shooing off the Assassins and setting the dangerous cake on Axel’s dresser.

“What do you mean, now what?”  Demyx asked like it was obvious.  “We get to decorate!”

“Decorate?”  I blinked.  I’d expect that kind of enthusiasm from R-2, but not Demyx. 

“Yeah!  You can’t have a party without decorations!”  He grinned, opening the biggest dark corridor I’d ever seen.  Honeslty, I hadn’t known the portals could come in different sizes.  Face scrunched with effort, he tried to push Axel’s bed towards it, barely shifting it an inch.

I raised my eyebrows.  “Uh… Demyx?  What in the name of Kingdom Hearts are you doing?”

“Moving—Axel’s—bed.”  He grunted, panting and slouching against its side.  “Man, I should’ve put the corridor closer…”

Bracing my boots in the corner by the wall, I pushed it the remaining few feet into the corridor.  “So… where did we just put that?”

He grinned.  “The Hall of Empty Melodies.  Don’t worry, I bet the Dusks won’t have enough time to break it.”  I raised my eyebrows, but he just laughed.  “It’s just like the last time we had a party.  Good times…”

“When was that?”

“Before you got here.  It was for my birthday, actually – well, it wasn’t _really_ my birthday, but everyone needed a party to stop being such boring workaholics, so I pretended it was so we could have a party.”  He smiled at the memory, but it turned into a slight pout.  “Axel moved my bed, and his Assassins were mean and ripped holes in my Power Rangers sheets.  Those were limited edition, too…”

…I wasn’t even going to ask.

“So what do we decorate with?”  I tried to get him focused again.

“Hmm… I think Axel got everything from the Basement last time.”  His shoulders slumped.  “Man, we’ve gotta go back to that smelly place… and it’s dark down there…”

“We went through it once.  We can do it again,” I assured him.  Of course, last time, we’d only found what we were looking for because of Cobalt.  If only we had some sort of party decoration for her to track…  “Hey, do you still have any decorations left in your room?  From your birthday?”

“Huh?  Well, I think I kept some balloons, in case I ever wanted to fill them with water for a prank…”

“Perfect.”  I grinned.  “You grab those, and I’ll handle the rest.”

XXX

It had taken a few tries, but I finally got Cobalt to stop pawing at the uninflated balloon and sniff it.  Her superpowered nose led her through the twisting Basement aisles to a box labeled _PARTY SUPPLIES._

“Good girl,” I cooed, scratching her behind the ears.  She let out a rumbling purr, rubbing against my legs.  “Aww, I can see why Saïx disobeyed Xemnas’s orders… even a guy as heartless as him couldn’t get rid of you~”

As much as I wanted to stay and play with my new pet, I needed to get back and help Demyx.  Dropping Cobalt off back at my room, I returned with the box of party supplies.

_“-CHICKETY CHINA, THE CHINESE CHICKEN, YA HAVE A DRUMSTICK AND YOUR BRAIN STOPS TICKIN’—”_

“ _Demyx!_ ”  I covered my ears, calling out over the blasting ‘music.’  “Turn that down!  Do you _want_ Xigbar to find us!?”

He cranked down the volume until it was barely a whisper, but his own voice was still obnoxiously loud.  “WHAT WAS THAT?”

I dropped the box near his feet.  “You didn’t make yourself deaf, did you?”

He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Just making sure all my amps still work…”

“Well, I’m pretty sure they do.”  I massaged my forehead, trying to rub the headache away.  That music had been like a blow to the skull.  “Anyway, what do I do with all this?”  I sat down next to the box, rifling through it with my left hand.  Pointy paper hats, a bunch of tiny lightbulbs on a string, more of those “balloon” things… were parties on this world a place to throw away useless junk?

“Now you can leave _that_ to me.”  He grinned, taking out some small, weird tank and attaching it to the open end of a balloon.  When he turned a knob, the limp plastic inflated, rising into the air.

“Whoa!”  I couldn’t help grabbing it out of Demyx’s hands, but as soon as it was disconnected, all the air rushed out in a loud _whoosh –_ and the balloon went flying around the room until it flopped pitifully on top of my head.

Demyx let out a loud cackle, rolling back on the floor.

“What?”  I asked defensively.  “Did I mess up the magic?”

That only made him laugh louder.  “Magic?  It’s just helium.  Like, a floaty gas or something sciency like that.”  He sat up.  “Have you never—?  Wait, do they not have balloons on your world?”

I sighed.  “Lived under a rock, remember?”  I thought I was done with incidents like this by now… but I guess I’d never know everything about these crazy foreign worlds.

“Man,” he shook his head in disappointment, “you guys are so uncultured…”

He proceeded to show me how to blow up balloons, string party lights, and strap a cone-shaped hat to my head.  It all seemed pretty ridiculous.  Were parties supposed to have this much useless stuff, or was it just part of the prank?  Either way, with a “disco ball” hanging from Axel’s ceiling and throwing shards of light across the floor, we were definitely getting the over-the-top atmosphere we were going for.

“Too bad R-2’s not here,” Demyx commented as we wrote “ _WELCOME HOME XIGBAR_ ” in bold sharpie across a white paper banner.  “I bet he’d appreciate party decorations.”

“Well, he’d at least make the banner a little more colorful.”  And probably spell it entirely wrong… or write _Scary Eyepatch Man_ instead of _Xigbar._ “Axel said he was still with Roxas… I wonder when he’ll come home?”

Demyx shrugged, adding _“+Luxord”_ in tiny print at the bottom right corner of the banner.  “When he feels like it, I guess.  He’s a big kid, I’m sure he’s fine.”

I sighed.  “I know… it’s just that Xigbar’s out there…”

“Axel took care of him, remember?”  He capped the sharpie.  “You worry too much.  We’re going to prank him, and everything’s going to be fine.”

His grin showed no sign of doubt.  Where did all his confidence come from?  Our plan seemed good – certainly not foolproof, but not bad by our standards – but I still couldn’t help the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach…

Naturally, I jumped when Axel appeared out of a dark corridor.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” I muttered, dismissing my mace again.

“Stop what, walking into my own room?”  He rolled his eyes.  “I see you’ve got the place all– wait, where’s my bed?”

“You’ll never guess~”  Demyx sing-songed.  Judging by Axel’s flat expression, he wasn’t in the mood.

“Hall of Empty Melodies.”

“Aww, come on!”  He pouted.

Axel pinched the bridge of his nose with a deep sigh, before suddenly looking surprised.  “Sheesh, you’re making me act like Saï now.  This prank better start soon, before I lose all my dignity.”

“What dignity?”  I asked, blinking innocently, and he chuckled.

“Heh, at least you guys are trying to lighten the mood… Maybe I should actually sit this one out.”  He leaned against his windowsill, staring at the heart-shaped moon over his shoulder.

“Why?”  Demyx asked.  “Don’t you want to prank Xiggy?”

“See, that’s just it.”  He lurched upright and began pacing around the room.  “To be honest, I don’t think I can be in the same room with him again and not take out his other eye.”

For someone who supposedly wasn’t supposed to have feelings, Axel practically had anger visibly rolling off of him.  Xigbar had, in a roundabout way, taken his two best friends from him.  Plus there was whatever happened to him in the Void.

“He’s got a point,” I agreed.  My own memories of the Void were still too fuzzy to make out… but I did remember when I first saw R-2’s missing leg.  The thought still made me feel as hot as Axel.  “For this to work, we have to fake that we don’t completely hate his guts.”

I frowned – I knew I couldn’t do that.  Sometimes I wished I could be a better Nobody.

“Axel, you’re good at lying,” Demyx said while leaning against the wall.  “And Xenan, you’ll do anything to get back at him for R-2, right?”

“Well… yeah,” Axel and I said at the same time, him a little sheepishly.

“Then you’ll be able to do it.”  He smiled confidently.  “Just think about how silly he’ll look when eats that cake.  Then you can laugh instead of… well, instead of taking his eye out.”

I raised my eyebrows.  “How are you so sure this is going to work?” 

He caught Axel mid-pace and dragged him towards me, throwing his arms around both of our shoulders in an uncomfortable group hug.  “Because I believe in us!”

His cheesy grin made Axel actually burst out laughing, and I couldn’t help joining in.

“That’s the most ridiculous heart-crap I’ve ever heard,” Axel told him.  He pouted, letting us go to cross his arms.

“I bet if any of the kids said it, you’d think it was the cutest thing you’ve ever heard,” he countered.  “Besides, I needed to practice my lying too.”

“Hey!”  I flicked him lightly upside the head.  Of course, he jumped back like I’d tried to hit him with my mace.

“Come on, it was a joke!  You guys are no fun anymore.”  He shook his head in disappointment.  “What’s the point of doing a prank if it’s no fun?  That’s why I’m so confident – ‘cause worrying only makes sucks out all the fun.  So stop fun-sucking.”

I was about to argue, but I actually took a moment to think about it.  As ridiculous as he sounded, he (sort of) had a point.  Worrying wasn’t going to make our plan any more likely to work.  And this could be our last prank – it could even be our _best_ prank, if everything went according to plan.  As much as I hated Xigbar, I could still find a way to enjoy this.

“Maybe I really am turning into Saïx.  Thinking about going berserk and everything.  Next thing you know, I’ll be stripping naked and hunting rabbits with my bare hands.”  Axel shook his head with a half-smile.  “I’ve got the prank reel put together in the computer room.  You think you can get Xigbar there after he has some cake?”

“No problem,” I tried to borrow some of Demyx’s confidence.  After the sugar high ran off, everyone went unconscious anyway.  We might have to wait it out, but I was pretty sure we could get Xigbar where he needed to be.

“Yeah!  There we go!”  Demyx held his hand up for a high-five, which I slapped.  “Operation _The Cake Is a Lie_ is ready!”

“Sheesh, way to pick something subtle…”  Axel shook his head with a laugh.  “I’m going to see if R-2 or Xigbar have made it back yet.  And probably move my bed somewhere safer than the Hall of Empty Melodies.”

That made me feel a little better; I still wasn’t comfortable with the fact that R-2 was out there by himself… well, by himself with Roxas and Riku and Naminé… maybe I _was_ just overprotective.

I took a deep breath, fidgeting with my panel arrangement while Demyx fiddled with the light arrangements.  It was almost time.  All our pranks had finally led to this, the one prank that would either mark us as legends, or send us down in flames.

_No, don’t think about that.  Try to be like Demyx.  Everything’s going to be fine…_

XXX

This time, I actually expected Axel at the door.  Naturally, I was completely wrong.

“Hello, Girlie!  Surprised?  Or just too smitten with my stunning figure for words?”  Xigbar laughed, flipping his ponytail melodramatically as he strolled into the room.  My jaw dropped in disbelief, which only made him laugh.

Now, if it was just Xigbar, maybe I wouldn’t be so surprised.  Honestly, I should have expected that much.  What I didn’t expect was the entire rest of the Organization trailing behind him into Axel’s room.

“Wh-what’s everyone doing here?”  I asked, staring as _Xemnas_ of all Nobodies floated past me without sparing a second glance.

“More players make a game more interesting, wouldn’t you say?” Luxord asked while shuffling his cards in one hand, the other holding a folded Twister mat.

“Uh…”  Demyx gulped.  We shared a panicked glance.

“Xigbar rather rudely demanded our presence,” Saïx bothered to tell me.  “I would have declined, but I do recall the last time I left a certain fire-wielder unsupervised at a social gathering.”

“Heh…”  Axel ruffled his hair sheepishly, avoiding my eye contact.

“There’s a reason we don’t have a third floor,” Demyx whispered to me.  But Axel burning down the castle was the least of my worries now.  How were we supposed to prank Xigbar with the _entire Organization_ watching?  Well, the entire Organization minus the kids – R-2, Roxas, and Xion were still nowhere to be found.  Hopefully that was a good thing.

I backed towards the wall, trying to avoid notice.  That didn’t stop Xaldin from staring at me with a smug expression as he leaned against the windowsill, sharpening one of his spears.

I took it back.  I didn’t want things to go _this_ wrong.

Xemnas shooed Xaldin aside with a wave of his hand, taking his rightful place in the light of Kingdom Hearts.

“Good tidings, friends,” he announced in his deep voice, which echoed a little in the small room.  “Today is a momentous day.  The second member among our ranks has returned.”  He held out at arm, gesturing to Xigbar, who took an elaborate bow.  As ridiculous as our Superior sounded, I didn’t dare make a sound during his speech.  “Oh, and the tenth as well.”

Luxord stood up a little straighter upon being mentioned.

“Their errors may have been foolish, but I trust that they have had time to reflect and learn from their mistakes, and I hope that we will all welcome them home as comrades under Kingdom Hearts’ great light.”  Xemnas smiled at Xigbar and Luxord, who gave nervous half-smiles back.  Wait, _Xigbar_ was nervous?  Well, the Superior could seem completely insane sometimes, but he _did_ have the power to take away our abilities… and banish us to the Void… and turn us into Dusks…

I swallowed, glancing at the cake.  If Xemnas ate a piece… we might very well be doomed.  For the first time, I took Riku’s suggestion to get the heck out of the Organization seriously.

“I would also like to extend my appreciation to members VIII, IX, and XV,” Xemnas startled me by calling us out.  A shard of light from the disco ball seemed to beam down on each of us.  “They have shown great friendship and forgiveness in hosting this gathering for our returning members.  Let us learn from them in our goal to regain our hearts and become one with the greatest heart of all.”

The three of us shared a relieved glance, but we weren’t out of the fire yet.

“Now, our number II has requested that I turn the time over to him for a few remarks before our gathering commences.”  Xemnas floated aside, leaving room for Xigbar to be silhouetted in front of the window.

“Thank you, honorable Superior.”  Too bad Xemnas couldn’t comprehend the sarcasm in Xigbar’s voice.  “Y’know, all that stuff you said about working together to get our hearts back – it really hit me.  Right here,” he put his hand over the left half of his chest, “in that empty void where my heart used to be.”

“I am pleased to hear that you are in touch with your inner Void,” Xemnas replied seriously.

“Yep.  Can’t do without that Void,” Xigbar mimicked the Superior’s serious tone, turning his yellow eye on me, Demyx, and Axel.  “Isn’t that right, kiddos?”

“Uh… right?”  Demyx gulped.

“Look, are we going to stand here and listen to you ramble all night, or are we going to party?”  Axel asked, unintimidated.  Though I could see his fist clenching and unclenching, he remained calmer than I expected.  No flames flickered around his fingers.

“Rambling?  As if.”  Xigbar tossed his head, making his ponytail swish.  “I just thought now might be a good time to tell our beloved Superior how you three got—”

“Such awesome baking skills, right?”  Demyx interrupted in the nick of time, running to cut the cake on Axel’s dresser.  “I mean, look at this cake!  You said red velvet’s your favorite, right?”

Luxord ambled over, frowning slightly.  “German chocolate is my favorite flavor, but no one bothers to ask those of us at the bottom rungs…”

“Red velvet?”  Xigbar perked up in spite of himself.  “Heh, you kiddos really do pay attention.  I’m so flattered.”

“That’s my line…” Axel muttered under his breath.  Meanwhile, I just tried to keep my mouth shut, hoping Xigbar would fall for the distraction…

“Hmm.  Pie would be preferable, but cake will suffice,” Xemnas ruled for everyone.  “We will celebrate the return of two members to our ranks, and pray that Kingdom Hearts’ light will lead our other comrades safely home.”

With that, Xemnas abandoned the window “spotlight” and floated over to get cake.

“…He doesn’t walk?”  I asked Axel, watching Demyx grin nervously as he served the Superior a slice of red velvet insanity.

Axel shrugged.  “Probably just wants to feel closer to his Beloved or something.  The more important question is how we’re going to keep everyone distracted until that cake kicks in.”

“What was that?”  Saïx asked, appearing silently behind me.  Thankfully, by now I’d been startled enough that my mace didn’t jump to my hand.

“Uh—” I turned around – only to see that he held a plate of cake in his hands as well.

“I thought you were more of a boring white cake type of guy,” Axel commented, staring at Saïx’s cake like it was a time bomb.  Which wasn’t far from the truth, actually.

“I do prefer vanilla cake,” he replied, taking a dainty bite, “but if I must attend unwarranted social gatherings, I may as well take part in dessert.  And I am truly impressed, Xenan,” he turned to me, “your cooking and baking skills have improved greatly.  If you had a heart, I suppose you would be quite proud of your accomplishment.”

“Uh, well… you were a better teacher than Zexion,” I tried to keep my voice natural.  Saïx raised his eyebrows.

“Did Zexion attempt to teach you to cook at C.O.?”

I laughed shakily.  “Yeah.  It ended badly.”  Just like tonight was about to.  In about seventy-four seconds, if this cake worked as well as our last one.  “Well, uh, I think Luxord was supposed to teach me how to play chess.  Thanks, Saïx.”

I darted off as quickly as I could.  I’d hate to be close to the berserker when the insanity hit…

As I glanced around the room, dread filled my stomach.  Xemnas, Xaldin, and Saïx had all begun to eat slices of cake, and Xigbar was now cutting his second piece, unsatisfied with the helping Demyx had served him.  Besides myself, Axel, and Demyx, Luxord was the only one who hadn’t gotten a slice.

“You didn’t want any cake?”  I asked him casually.

“I mean no offense to your baking, but red velvet isn’t a particularly enjoyable flavor,” he replied, shuffling his cards idly.  “It was quite civil of you to throw us a party after the pain we caused you… I would like to extend my formal apologies for that.  Even a good game can be taken too far.”

Somehow I tended to forget that Luxord was Xigbar’s accomplice, probably because I tended to forget about Luxord in general ever since he stopped signing at the bottom of Xigbar’s letters.  I hadn’t thought about that shift much before, but could it have been because he’d stopped supporting Xigbar’s blackmail plans? 

For a Nobody, his apology sounded pretty sincere... it was easier than I expected to be sincere in return.  “Um… thanks, Luxord.”

He dipped his head respectfully.  “Good luck on your next round.  I believe the deck is stacked in your favor, Xenan.”

Before I could reply, he wandered towards Xaldin, who had finished his cake and was now in a loud discussion with Xigbar that I couldn’t quite make out over the blaring of Demyx’s music.  Axel was still daring to talk with Saïx, and Xemnas had Demyx trapped in a monologue about why Kingdom Hearts was the fairest of them all.  Seventy-four seconds were definitely up – so why hadn’t the insanity kicked in yet?  Had we somehow messed up at messing up?

“Behold how her fair light rests upon our dark city… is it not glorious?”  Xemnas sighed as he stared out the window, while Demyx tried to discreetly back away.  “How could Numbers XIII and XIV abandon her noble purposes?”

“Um, excuse me,” I interrupted Xemnas as politely as I possibly could.  “I need to borrow Demyx.  To, uh, show him just how awesome Kingdom Hearts is.”

“Very well.”  He nodded.  “If only more appreciated her as I do…”

I pulled Demyx away quickly, over to the corner by the cake.  Other members must have brought food when I wasn’t paying attention, because there was a plate of burritos, a bowl of punch, and a platter of crumpets squished together with the cake on the dresser.  “What are we going to do?”  I whispered, panic building.  “The cake isn’t working!  Xigbar’s going to rat us out any time now.  And if the cake _does_ start working, who knows what they’ll all do – Xemnas might start throwing people in the Void and not even know it—!”

“Come on, Xenan, calm down.”  Demyx put his hands on my shoulders.  “I handled you and the other members at C.O. when you went insane.  They couldn’t remember how to use their weapons or powers.  And when they woke up, they didn’t have any memories of what happened.  They’ll just think Xigbar spiked the punch or something.”

From how casually he said it, I got the feeling it had happened before.  “Not if Luxord’s still conscious to tell everyone what happened,” I pointed out.  “He hasn’t eaten any cake.”

Demyx was silent for a while, looking around the room.  Xigbar and Xaldin’s conversation grew more heated; did I hear one of them shout “burritos”?

“Well?”  I asked.  “You have anything optimistic to say now?”

“Sheesh, you can’t expect me to think of everything!” He complained.  “Besides, maybe no one will go crazy—”

He grimaced at the sound of one of his amps being shoved over, followed by a terrifyingly low-pitched giggle.  So much for that theory.

Axel ran over to me and Demyx, still staring over his shoulder at Saïx’s eerie grin as the berserker spread out the Twister mat Luxord had brought.  “I know I watched what we did on video, but I’m not sure I’m prepared for this.”

“Join the club,” I replied, watching Xaldin swing from the hanging party lights, then yelp when he crashed down on another one of Demyx’s amps.

“Haha, look at Xemnas!”  Demyx pointed to where the Superior was floating in the air, levitating the burritos to form the shape of a heart.  Sure, the cake was intended for Xigbar, but maybe pranking the other members wouldn’t be so bad after all—

“That cake was tampered with, wasn’t it?”  Luxord asked calmly, cutting my good mood short.

“It was just a joke!”  Demyx said, immediately dropping to his knees and begging.  “Please don’t tell them!  Please!”

Luxord smirked.  “Never let it be said that I interrupted a good game.  I suppose I can vow that much, after the damage I helped cause you.”

“Phew!  Thank you!”  Demyx practically glomped him, as Xigbar glomped Saïx onto the Twister mat.

“Really?”  I asked, raising my eyebrows.  “You’re just going to let us get away with pranking them?”

“I enjoy betting on the underdog.  No one has ever pranked the Freeshooter before.  It will be a most entertaining game to watch.”

Axel shrugged.  “It’s not like we can do anything if he’s lying, anyway.  Might as well take his word.”

More crashes followed by silence signaled Xaldin toppling the rest of Demyx’s amps.

“Aww, man!”  He ran to try and catch one, but was way too late.  “There goes, like, two years of munny…”

“Forget your amps, look what they’re doing to my room!”  Axel yelled, narrowly dodging Xaldin’s next Tarzan impression as he swung and fell from the disco ball.

We’d only been prepared to deal with a crazy Xigbar; not half the Organization.  The space was too small for the four affected members’ spastic antics.

Saïx reached to put his right hand on green, struggling under the weight of Xigbar sitting on his back, until the Freeshooter leapt up with the excitement of a new game idea.

“Yarr harr!  I’m a space pirate!”  He yelled, pulling out Axel’s sock drawer and trying to sit in it.  Even though it was only about a foot wide, he managed to balance in it and make it levitate with his space powers.  “All your burritos will be mine!  Mwahaha~!”

“Nooooo!”  Xemnas called dramatically, throwing himself in front of his floating burrito-heart.  “Kingdom Hearts shall not fall to a mere space pirate!”

“As if!”  Xigbar’s “pirate ship” rammed Xemnas in the stomach, throwing him backwards through his heart of burritos and scattering them across the floor, along with most of Axel’s socks.

“Man, my feet are going to smell like burritos for days…”  Axel muttered.  “How long does this cake stuff last?”

“…About five hours,” I answered sheepishly.

“Five hours!?  Why didn’t you tell me that _before_ you stole my room for the party!?”

“Because then you wouldn’t let us use it?”  Demyx forced a grin.  Axel looked about ready to set him on fire.

“Hey, it’s okay!”  I stepped between them.  “We’ll just move them somewhere else!  There’s four of them and four of us, right?”  I looked to Luxord, who nodded.

“I would be pleased to even up our deck,” he volunteered.

“Great,” Axel said in relief, then saw Saïx dump out his underwear drawer on his head.  “Hey!  C’mon, I’ve already had too many people going through my underwear—”

Demyx let out a loud cackle.  “Hold that thought,, I’ve gotta grab the camera for this!”

He opened a corridor to go find it – but of course, Xigbar took that moment to sail his sock drawer into the darkness.

“I bet there be treasure in these waters!   Yarr harr!”

“No, wait—!”  Demyx rushed in after him.  Where did that corridor lead to?  We last left the camera in—

Oh.  The computer room.

“Come on!”  I called to Axel.  “We can’t let Xigbar erase our prank videos!”

The redhead ducked as Xaldin went flying over his head, roaring and pretending to shoot fire like a dragon as Xemnas rode on his back.  “Then who’s going to make sure these guys don’t burn down my room?”

I guessed Demyx and I would have to handle Xigbar; Axel and Luxord definitely had their hands full here.  Saïx, wearing a pair of boxers like a hat, bit through the string of party lights and hissed like a frightened cat when it electrocuted him.

“Looks like you will.” I sighed.  “Good luck.”

“May the odds be in your favor as well,” Luxord replied as I opened a new corridor.

Axel rolled his eyes.  “Sheesh, someone’s been reading too much Hunger Games…”

XXX

“I’m a—” Xigbar spluttered as Demyx shot him in the face with a jet of water, “—space pirate!  There’s no water in space!”

“Xenan!”  Demyx called to me.  “Do I really have to put up with this for _five hours!?_ I can’t even go on missions for that long!”

I stood in front of the main computer, guarding it with my body as Xigbar laughed and pelted socks at me.  “It was a different cake this time, and it didn’t kick in as quickly—will you quit it!”  I yelled at Xigbar, swatting a sock away from my face.

“Not until you go to Davy Jones’ locker!  Or Uranus!  Yarr harr harr!”

“Ugh, and I thought he was annoying before…”  I had only survived last time because I’d been insane too.  How could I keep Xigbar from destroying everything for five hours?

Demyx opened a dark corridor, crouching and calling to Xigbar like he was a puppy.  “Hey, who wants to go explore the space-ocean now~?  Doesn’t it look fun~?”

“As if!  You’re trying to steal my treasure!”  He suddenly crashed his sock drawer-slash-pirate ship into the blinking lights on the side of the computer.  “This be _my_ booty!  Yarr harr harr!”

The monitor fizzled with static, distorting the frozen image of Xion’s graffitied face, our last prank.  I lunged towards the eyepatched man in desperation, but he flew away in the sock drawer and started pelting me with cotton projectiles as I rammed full-force into the computer tower.

“Uh-oh.”  I winced, but surprisingly, it seemed fine.

That was, until Xigbar slid his “pirate ship” over the keyboard, slamming down on half the buttons at once.

“Xiggy!  Bad space pirate!”  Demyx yelled as pop-ups filled the screen.

“Yarr harr!  I will sink your ship!”  Xigbar cackled, jumping from his sock drawer onto the keyboard with enough force to snap it in half.  Surprisingly, that didn’t completely delete all our work – it was the punch straight through the monitor that did that.

“No!”  I yelled uselessly.  All our hard work, all the pranks we’d recorded—

“Don’t worry!”  Demyx called from across the room, waving the camera.  “We’ve still got all the original footage right—!”

 Xigbar swiped it out of his hands, cackling and leaping back into his sock drawer.

“—here…”

I leapt into the air, trying to reach the eyepatched man, but he flew out of reach.  This stupid castle and its stupid tall ceilings…

 “Yarr harr!  I’ve got ye treasure!  I’ll bury it where ye won’t ever find it!”

“Oh no, you won’t!”  I summoned my mace, lobbing it towards his “ship.”  Unfortunately, my aim was as bad as ever, and it just came crashing back down, almost on top of Demyx’s head.

“Eep!”  He squeaked.  “Would you stop trying to throw?”

As if I couldn’t fail any harder, my mace landed in the box with Xigbar’s blackmail.  Maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t gotten his attention.  He swept down and scooped up the cardboard box in the arm that wasn’t holding our camera.

“Sorry, but I don’t see you having any better ideas!”  I snapped back, trying to hit him with a Blizzaga spell as he retreated back into the air with our “treasure.”

“How about this?”  Demyx opened a dark corridor in front of Xigbar, and he went flying in, sock drawer, camera, blackmail, and all.

“Huh.  That really was a better idea,” I said, slightly surprised.  I needed to stop doubting him all the time.  “Now, where did that corridor go?”

“The place I go to hide when I really want to get out of work.”  He grinned proudly.  “Atlantica!”

I slapped my forehead – okay, I _did_ need to doubt him.  It still took him about five seconds to realize his failure.

“…Oops.”

“ _Oops_ is right!  Out of all the Worlds, you just had to pick _Atlantica_!?  Our camera’s going to be ruined!”  I yelled, opening a corridor at ground level. Of course, since we were going to Atlantica, we fell into the ocean from the air as soon as we reached the other side.

_Oh Kingdom Hearts no not this again why can’t breathe can’t BREATHE—_

Demyx quickly encased us a floating air bubble, and I gasped to refill my lungs.

“Thanks,” I said quickly, my relief making me forget that I was mad at him.  “Now, where’s Xigbar?”

“Uh…”  He looked down, where pieces of sock drawer debris and soggy photos were rising towards the surface.  A few black socks floated in the briny water… and down below, a black-coated figure sank deeper and deeper by the second…

_We don’t have to save him._ I’m not proud to admit it, but the thought crossed my mind.  Then the memory of Larxene’s fading hit me.  It was that Sora kid, the one they were trying to wake up – he killed her, without a second of remorse.  Did I want to be like that?  Yeah, Xigbar was a terrible person, but he was still a _person…_ And if I did have any piece of a heart inside of me, I couldn’t let him die like this.  No one deserved to drown to death.

Demyx didn’t have to think as long as me – he was already sending our little bubble downwards, towards Xigbar’s limp body.  Since he was focused on keeping the ocean from caving in, I did him the favor of scooping the Freeshooter out of the water.

“Nngh, for someone living in exile, I don’t think he’s lost any weight…”  It was a good thing Demyx could magically make us float, or Xigbar would have dragged me down with him.

Demyx rocketed us back up to the surface, finding a rock outcropping to form a dark corridor on.  I stumbled onshore and through it into the Grey Area, dragging Xigbar like a sack of potatoes.  We left a long stream of saltwater on the floor, but as it turned out, that was the least of the damage.

“Thou shalt not disrespect my Beloved!”  Xemnas cried out, flipping a table as Xaldin threw burritos at him.  Saïx’s underwear-hat had slipped down over his eyes, and he ran around frantically and slammed himself into the glass walls.

“Don’t diss my cooking, bro!”  Xaldin hurled another burrito, managing to hit the Superior right in the face.  I had to admit, his aim was impressive.

Axel panted, probably exhausted from chasing Saïx and trying to get back his underwear.  “Whoa, what happened to you three?”

“Atlantica happened.”  I dropped Xigbar with a _thud._ He was still unconscious, so he probably didn’t feel it anyway.  Not that I would mind if he did.

Axel shook his head.  “Not even gonna ask.  Glad you showed up though, I think Xaldin and Xemnas might be about to start a boss battle.”

Luxord strode towards us, not even flinching as a burrito flew right in front of his face.  “At least they seem to be too preoccupied with their own games to challenge another player.”

I sighed, wringing saltwater out of my hair.  “Luxord, I’m going to be honest, I didn’t understand a word of that.”

“He means at least they’re fighting each other and not us,” Demyx translated while using his magic to extract the water inside of Xigbar.  Thank Kingdom Hearts none of us had to do mouth-to-mouth.

“Oh.  Yeah, that’s better than when everyone ganged up on me and Demyx at C.O.”

Luxord raised an eyebrow.  “You have played this game before?”

“It was an accident that time,” I replied, and Demyx laughed.

“Yeah, she thought she could bake our cake faster with magic, and it was a pretty awesome cake, only it made all of them go insane.  I have it all on video, too!”  He grinned, only to remember that that video was on the camera clenched in Xigbar’s soggy hand.  “Well, I did…”

“Xigbar broke the computer,” I broke the news to Axel, who just sighed and shook his head.

“You know what, I’m not even surprised.  At least he’s out now.”  He nudged the unconscious Nobody with his boot.  “Was it the water, or did you find some way to knock all these crazy people out?”

“The water,” I answered.  “The insanity takes about five hours to wear off, if this is like the last cake we made.”

Luxord smiled knowingly.  “If time is the only element you lack, I may be your ace in the hole.”

“Wait, you mean we can time travel!?”  Demyx jumped up in excitement.

“For a short distance, yes.”  He nodded.  “Normally only enough for a quick re-roll of the dice or to choose a new card, but I may have enough magic in me for this.”

“I knew it!” Demyx burst out, turning to Axel.  “He _does_ cheat!  I told you I should’ve won Crazy Eights that time I bet half my candy stash!”

Axel rolled his eyes.  “Sure, Demyx.”

“Cheating ruins the fun of an honest game.  However, a Nobody’s supposedly emotionless reaction to losing can be more amusing than the game itself.”  Luxord smirked.

From across the Grey Area, Xemnas rose into the air, beginning to glow with an eerie light. _“Kingdom Hearts, lend me your power!  I will crush this pathetic fool who refuses to bow before you!”_

“Uh, can we argue about games later?”  I asked, hiding behind Axel.  “Let’s get to the part where we time-travel now.”

“Alright, I suppose we’ve had too many formalities already.  Stay close now.”  Luxord held out his arms, and the four of us huddled together like some sort of awkward group hug. 

I wasn’t sure what I expected time travel to feel like.  Whatever I’d expected, though, this wasn’t it.  The grey walls brightened and blurred, stretching out into thin lines spinning around us, like we’d been flung into the castle’s washing machine.  It was more nausea-inducing than being tossed by waves in the ocean.  Thankfully I hadn’t eaten anything since our Pizza Planning Party, or I might’ve ruined Luxord’s coat.

Was time travel supposed to take time?  It felt like at least three minutes passed before the room stopped spinning, leaving me with spots dancing in my eyes.

“Nngh…”  I stumbled, almost tripping over Xigbar’s stirring form.

“That was quite the gamble…”  Luxord winced, rubbing his forehead.  “I think I’ll take a time-out…”

As he collapsed on one of the couches, I tried to get my bearings.  The Grey Area was a mess of splattered burritos and laser burns, and the far right couch was still on fire, but Xemnas, Xaldin, and Saïx were all unconscious.  Hopefully they would stay that way.

“I thought time travel would be more fun,” Demyx said, sitting down next to me, and Axel joined us as well.

“Got the job done, at least,” he said, ruffling his hair.  “Man, Luxord’s got the right idea.  I think I could sleep for a week…”

Unfortunately, we wouldn’t even have time for a catnap.  Xigbar was groaning and trying to roll over – and I still needed to cut his ponytail.

My brain still hadn’t caught up from the time-jump, but I forced my body to obey me.  Crouching next to Xigbar, I summoned my mace, forming it into a stubby axe with a flat, thin blade.

I’d pictured this moment before.  Finally getting my revenge on Xigbar, bragging about my glorious victory.  His face, stunned that someone had finally beaten him at his own game.

Instead, I just felt tired, and a little disappointed.  He wasn’t even conscious enough to realize what I was doing yet.  Maybe cutting his hair wasn’t good enough revenge…

Still, I followed through with my plan.  Just as the Xigbar’s yellow eye began to open, I made a clean slice just above his ponytail holder.

He woke up fast enough after that – fast enough to jerk up and grab my mace arm.  “No one sneaks up on me, Girlie.  I sleep with one eye open.”

I grinned, holding up his severed hair. “You sure about that?” 

“What the—!?”  _That_ was more like it.  His eye widened as he grasped at his hair, feeling for the black-and-grey bundle of hair he wouldn’t find.  “You—as if you could—”

Demyx slid down off the couch, sitting next to me.  “We did it, Xiggy.  We did your challenge.”

“Pranked every member in the Organization.  Including you.”  I corridored away the ponytail for safekeeping and took the waterlogged camera from his hand.  “The evidence was right here, but you kind of took it to Atlantica and almost drowned.”

“You took your blackmail too,” Demyx added.  “Xenan has the only picture left in her pocket.”

“My blackmail?”  He laughed.  “As if.”

Thankfully, the Organization coats’ magically-deep pockets were also magically waterproof.  I pulled out the photo of Axel and Saïx in their blanket fort.  “Does this look familiar?”

He took it from my hands, laughing slightly.  “Man, this was ages ago.  Back when old X-Face used to throw Flamsilocks there a bone every once in a while.”  That got Axel’s attention, but the redhead was too tired from the time-lag to get up and look at the picture himself.  “How did you find this?  I didn’t leave it lying around where any old dude could find it.”

“We’re smarter than we look,” Demyx bragged, puffing out his chest proudly.

“We’re lucky,” I admitted at the same time.

“So you’re telling me my blackmail’s swimming with the fishes now, huh?” Xigbar’s expression stayed unreadable as he stared down at his soaked coat, then scanned the room.  For all I knew, he was checking to see how many witnesses there’d be if he killed us right now.  Instead he just asked in a slightly bemused tone, “What did you do, drug me?”

“Pretty much,” Demyx admitted sheepishly.  “It was a magic cake…”

Even though he’d gotten rid of most of the water already, Xigbar coughed up a little bit of brine.  “Heh.  Don’t know if I’ll take your word about pranking the rest of the Org, but you sure got me.  Color me impressed.”

“Did someone say color?”  An excited voice called from the doorway.  I looked up and saw R-2 skipping towards us, followed by Roxas and a graffiti-free Xion.

“R-2!  You’re alright!”  I held my arms out wide for him to plow into me.  For once, I didn’t mind my lungs being crushed.

Axel perked up again at the sight of his best friends.  “Roxas!  You came back?”

The blond approached more slowly than R-2, his head hung low.  “…Hey, Axel.”

“Roxas… Xion…”  Was that real water in Axel’s eyes?  He stood, meeting his friends in the center of the room.  “I’m sorry.  Really, I am.  I wanted to tell you everything, but I knew… I knew if I did, you’d never be happy here.”  He shook his head.  “And I thought Riku would force you to go back to Sora, and I… I just couldn’t bear to lose either of you…”

Xion suddenly ran up, hugging Axel around his middle.  “I know, Axel.  I forgive you.”

“You do?”  He looked down at her in surprise.  “But I – Xion, I just fought you, I _kidnapped_ you for Kingdom Hearts’ sake – you’re going to forgive me just like that?”

She smiled, looking between him and Roxas.  “You’re my best friend, Axel.  I know you were doing what you thought was best, and you’ve said you’re sorry.  I could stay mad at you, but it wouldn’t help anyone.”

Wow.  Technically she was only about a year old, right?  She still sounded ten times more mature than I think I could ever be, if I were in her place.

Roxas sighed and stepped forwards.  “She’s right.  Plus I heard you talk to Xigbar at Castle Oblivion… you could’ve let him take me back, but you didn’t.  You protected me long enough for Naminé to take Sora’s memories out of me.  Thanks, Axel.”

The redhead grinned in relief.  I smiled myself, relieved that I hadn’t ruined their friendship forever.

“Heh, so you kiddos pulled the wool over my eyes again.  You know what they say – fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” Xigbar chuckled, running one hand through his shortened hair.  “But you’ve gotta give me a little credit.  It was my letter that told you the truth.”

Axel and I shared a glance.  He was right… the letters were the only reason I knew how Xion and Roxas were connected to Sora, and the only way they found out was because I told them… which led them to run away and find more answers… which allowed Naminé and Riku to fix their memories and basically save their lives.  It was a pretty big stretch, but in a way, Xigbar had saved their lives.

“What do you mean?”  Xion asked, gaze directed at Axel, who had pieced together about the same conclusion I had.

“…Xigbar gave Xenan the idea to tell you about who you really are,” he summarized in simpler terms.  “If she hadn’t done it, you might not still be alive now.  Or at least not the same.”

R-2’s coat turned a confused shade of periwinkle.  “You mean Scary Eyepatch Man helped Xion and Rox?  He’s not bad and mean?”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to help them.”  I mean, how could he have possibly known how everything would turn out?  I wouldn’t let one good accident make up for the all the pain he put us through.

“You don’t know what I meant, Girlie.”  Xigbar grinned, though with more sincerity than I expected.  “So basically, you kiddos owe me.  You know what I want, Flamsilocks.”

Axel sighed heavily, crossing his arms as the rest of us turned our eyes to him.  “And you know I can’t tell you.  I don’t know if we even have hearts.”

Demyx laughed.  “Of course we have hearts!  Don’t be mad.”

“Is this another case of you just trying to be optimistic?”  I asked.  “Because I know we can feel things, but whole hearts?  Are you sure?”

“Dem-Dem’s right,” R-2 said definitely, burning a warm sunset orange.  “We do too have hearts.  How else could I love you guys?”

Well, I couldn’t argue with that in good conscious.  But still, how could we have gotten our hearts back?  We hadn’t completed Kingdom Hearts.  I’d never seen a pink light float back into my body, like the one the Heartless had eaten.

“Um…”  Xion spoke up softly.  “I don’t know if I should say, but…”

Axel talked over her like he hadn’t heard.  “Why do you want to know how we can feel, anyway?”

Xigbar laughed.  “You really don’t get it, do you!  Why do you think?”

“Uh…”  Roxas’s face scrunched in confusion, “because you don’t know?”

Rolling his eye, Xigbar replied, “Well, you’re not wrong, Kiddo.  Honestly, I thought you kiddos would have to be brighter than this.”  He shook his head.  “I’m a Nobody too, y’know.  Did it ever occur to you that maybe I’d like a heart too?”

The rest of us shared a look of surprise.  This whole mess… because Xigbar just wanted a heart too?  It didn’t make any sense.

“Well… no,” I finally answered for everyone.  “It didn’t.”

“Sheesh, then why didn’t you just say so?”  Axel asked, throwing his arms wide in exasperation.  “Why’d you blackmail us and make us prank each other for it?”

Xigbar actually grinned at that.  “Think about it.  How fun is it to prank someone who actually acts heartless?  Pranks are only fun when people really throw themselves into it.  Watching you kiddos get riled up – that was the most fun I’ve had in years.”  He sighed nostalgically.  “Until me and Pokerface stepped a little over the line…”

I looked at R-2’s prosthetic leg, and anger gripped me again.  Maybe Xigbar had saved Roxas and Xion, but he’d cost my friend a part of himself that he could never give back.  “Maybe you should have thought about that before you made a whole pocket dimension,” I snapped coldly.

“Things were getting too boring again.”  He shrugged.  “We’d never actually done a test-run of the Void before.  We thought it would just kick you back into the real world when our powers ran out.  How were we supposed to know the whole thing would collapse in on itself?”

“Well, you could think it might be just a _little_ dangerous to play games with the space-time continuum.”  I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily.

“Hey, I get it. We went too far.”  He shook his head.  “But it wasn’t until then I knew you had hearts.  When you cried over your little Arty – when Flamsilocks had to watch his kiddos fight to the death – when our Waterboy… heh…”  Demyx shot him a surprisingly fiery glare, but the Freeshooter kept talking after a glance at the younger kids.  “His nightmare was, let’s just say, forcing himself on you.  With your little kid watching.”

Thankfully he was keeping his language clean for the kids, but was he implying what I thought he was?  I looked to Demyx, who was on the verge of tears.

“It was a _nightmare_ , okay, I promise I would never, _ever_ do anything like that!  I felt guilty from when I kissed you the second time, in front of Saïx… I think that’s why, I didn’t really have to do that, and it’s haunted me ever since then…”  Demyx rambled.

“Hey Dem-Dem, I didn’t know you could change colors too!”  R-2 bounced excitedly, poking Demyx’s face.  “You’re all red!  When did you learn how to do that?”

I couldn’t help laughing, even though I felt a little guilty.  “Demyx, really, don’t worry about that.  I know you didn’t pick your nightmare.”

“See what I mean?”  Xigbar laughed.  “This is why people with hearts are so interesting!”

I finally processed something he’d said earlier, about me.  My nightmare had to do with an… Arty?  R-T?  Almost sounded like R-2…  When I tried to remember, the pain in my head came back.  I’d ask about that later, when I didn’t have so much else to worry about.  “You said you didn’t know we had hearts until the Void incident.  So you asked in the letters…but we didn’t want to talk to you after that…”

“So rude.”  He shook his head, _tsk tsk_ ing.

“You didn’t have to blackmail us over it, though.”  Demyx frowned.  “We’re friends.  I’m sure we would’ve told you if you asked nicely.”

Xigbar let out another laugh, more hollow this time.  “Friends?  As if.  You heard the Girlie; I threw you all into a pocket-Void.  Showed you your worst nightmares.  Would everything really be better if I just ‘asked nicely’?”

“Well… it wouldn’t have made it worse,” he pointed out, staring at the floor.  “What happened, Xiggy?  We used to prank together; you really were our friend.  Wasn’t that fun enough for you?”

That was the first question that finally seemed to get under Xigbar’s skin.  “Maybe it was.  Maybe it wasn’t.  It’s too late now, Waterboy.”

For the first time, I felt a twinge of sympathy for the Freeshooter.  Soaked to the skin, shoulders slumped, hair no longer kept neatly back… He looked pretty pathetic.  Why couldn’t I just enjoy it?  This was the guy who hurt me and friends, who could’ve gotten us all turned into Dusks if he’d talked to the right people.  I shouldn’t feel sorry for him…

But he really was alone now.  Even Luxord had deserted him.  The rest of us had each other, but Xigbar had no one… how was he supposed to get his heart back like that?

That’s when it clicked.

“I know how we got our hearts back,” I blurted out.

“You do?”  Axel asked, all eyes turning to me.  Suddenly I felt ridiculous; my answer sounded like something R-2 would say.  Only I wasn’t cute enough to say sappy crap and not get laughed at for it.

“…It’s our friendship,” I tried to sound confident in spite of Axel and Xigbar’s disbelieving stares.  “Think about it.  Xigbar, you didn’t know for sure we had hearts until after the Void.  Because that’s when we proved how much we care about our friends.”

I stared around our circle – Demyx next to me, then R-2, Roxas, Xion, Axel.  Smiles grew on each of their faces, some more quickly than others.  I smiled back, my own faith in my words steadily growing as well.

“We’re afraid of losing each other – but even more than that, we know that it’s only with them that we feel like we have hearts.”  I put an arm around Demyx, who in turn threw an arm around R-2.  He pulled Roxas close for a hug, and pretty soon there all six of us were, linked together in a semicircle around the lonely eyepatched Nobody.  “I think that’s how it works, Xigbar.  We _are_ each other’s hearts.”

His face was blank for the longest time, I couldn’t tell if he believed me, or if he thought I was the biggest idiot in the Worlds.  I guess it didn’t matter, did it?  I knew I was right.  I could feel it, right in the heart I knew I had.

Then Xigbar finally cracked a grin.  “As if it’s really that simple…”

“It is!”  Demyx insisted, holding out a hand.  “Come on, Xiggy.  Let us show you.  Be our friend again.”

Could I really forgive Xigbar that quickly?  My instincts told me it was impossible. Then I thought of Xion, who forgave Axel in a heartbeat… She forgave him because they were friends.  At most, Xigbar had only ever been my acquaintance.  Still, if what I said about having a heart was right, wasn’t it my responsibility to try and share that with him?  Maybe if he had a heart, he wouldn’t feel like he had to start crazy prank wars to have a fulfilling non-existence.  That would certainly help all of us.

“Heh… you kiddos really are something special…”

“Indeed they are.”

I jumped at the deep voice behind me, adrenaline shooting through my veins.  How had I not noticed that Saïx regained consciousness?  And not just him – Xaldin and Xemnas himself had gotten to their feet as well.

Roxas and Xion huddled closer to Axel; R-2 started to hold his breath.  But turning invisible wouldn’t save us now.

“It would take something _truly_ special to cause this much destruction over the course of one night.”  Saïx loomed over us, his golden eyes burning dangerously.  “Who will step forwards to explain why a whole room is in tatters, three of you are soaking wet, and four of us were unconscious?”

Thankfully, Xigbar wasn’t intimidated as easily as the rest of us. “We decided to go for a swim.  Looks to me like you and the Superior had a little too much fun sleepwalking.”

Saïx scowled, but it was Xaldin who spoke up this time.  “Cease your games, Xigbar.  This is another case of collateral damage in your infantile prank war.”

“Prank war?  With who?”  He asked ‘innocently,’ throwing an arm loosely over my shoulder.  I tried not to flinch away at the contact.  “These kiddos are my friends.”

Xaldin snorted, wiping burrito remnants from his coat.  “The last thing I remember is your party.  If that is a coincidence, I’ll eat my spears.”

“Heh, I look forward to seeing that.”

Saïx went for a different tactic.  “Axel, I trust you can give me a more accurate explanation?”

The redhead spared a glance at the rest of us before his flexible thinking kicked in.  “Alright, fine.  I admit it.”

“What!?”  That was the last thing I expected to come out of Axel’s mouth.  “Do you _want_ us to get turned into—!?”

“Xigbar spiked the punch again,” he finished, smirking slightly at me.  “Man, if only those idiots hadn’t ruined the camera when they went swimming.  We had the best blackmail on you three.  Well, and Luxord, but he’s still out cold.”

…Okay, so that was a little better.  At least Demyx and I weren’t directly implicated…

“So soon after his return?”  Saïx raised his eyebrows, obviously not trusting that story.  “I expected our Number II would be more cautious than that.”

“What, and miss making a grand comeback?”  Xigbar grinned, clapping Roxas and Xion on the shoulders.  “Besides, what are you gonna do, exile me again?  Even after I brought back our little keybladers?”

“Huh?”  Roxas frowned, but Axel thumped his leg, and he stayed quiet.

Apparently Saïx had been so distracted by the destruction, he hadn’t even noticed Roxas and Xion.  Xemnas floated towards them after finally combing all of the burrito debris out of his silky hair.

“The keyblade’s chosen have returned.”  He smiled down at them.  “Kingdom Hearts has answered our pleas.  May her light shine ever brighter for it.”

“Xemnas—” Saïx interrupted, “You do realize that at least one of them is responsible for this mess—?”

“It is of no importance.”  With a wave of his hand, he put out the fire that had still been burning on one of the couches.  “The cause of Kingdom Hearts carries on.  No plots of foolish unbelievers will hinder us.”  He snapped his fingers, and a group of about ten Dusks appeared with mops and rags already in their hands.  They hissed as they spread out around the room, attacking the scorch marks and food debris with Windex and soapy water.

Saïx sighed, shaking his head.  “There’s certainly _something_ special about how you can all get out of trouble so easily…”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Axel replied with a teasing grin, but Saïx stayed stoic.

“I have warned you on several occasions that your petty prank wars will not be tolerated.  The Superior may be pacified for now, but your luck cannot hold forever,” he warned.

“Don’t worry,” I assured him.  “It’s over.  No more pranks for a long, long time.”

Maybe that wasn’t the best wording.  His glare focused in on me.  “’A long, long time’ had best mean ‘forever.’  Now if you will excuse me, it’s three o’clock in the morning.  I plan to salvage what sleep I still can, and I suggest you do the same.”

Spinning around, he strode out of the Grey Area.  Xaldin followed, but not before casting a threatening glance back at us.  Finally Xemnas floated out as well.

I breathed a sigh of relief.  “Finally.  No more pranks…”

“Hey, speak for yourself.”  Xigbar laughed.  “I’m just getting started!  If you don’t want me stealing your food, I’ve gotta get my kicks somewhere.”

As much as I dreaded the thought of getting on Saïx’s bad side yet again, I caught some good news in that.  “Wait, you mean you’re really going to stop stealing our food?”

“You pranked me, fair and square.  You’ve earned the right to eat.”  He punched me lightly.  “And I gave my Sniper’s Honor.  Nothing’s more important to a Sniper than his honor, you know.”

“I didn’t know, actually.”  I rubbed my arm, still kind of confused at Xigbar actually acting like a decent human being towards me.  I supposed I could get used to that.  “But I do know I’m going to sleep like a rock tonight.  Pranking you was exhausting.”

“Heh, I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t.”  He winked (or maybe blinked).  “Well, I’m gonna enjoy sleeping in my own bed.  See you kiddos at breakfast.”

And with that, my enemy-turned-sort-of-friend pushed himself to his feet, opened a dark corridor, and walked away.

I realized that in spite of how tired and hungry I was, I still had a smile on my face.  “Hey, Demyx, guess what?”

“What?”  He asked curiously.

“We did it!”  I held up my hand for a high five, which R-2 intercepted.

“Yay!  We did it!  …What did we do?”  His face scrunched in confusion.

“We pranked everyone in the Organization,” Axel said, ruffling the kid’s hair.  “We’ll be pranking legends now.”

“Or we would be… if we still had the videos,” I said in disappointment.

“I might still be able to get them off of the computer.”  Demyx didn’t lose hope.  “Xigbar just broke the monitor and keyboard.  If we get new ones, I bet I can find them again.”

“Sounds like a plan.”  Axel smiled and opened a corridor.  “But a plan for later.  Right now, I’m with Xigbar.  ‘Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Axel,” Roxas and Xion said before leaving as well.

“…I wonder if he ever got his bed back?”  Demyx asked.

“Ha, I don’t know…”  I looked around the room.  The Dusks were cleaning vigorously, one even vacuuming the couch around Luxord, who was completely out.  That time travel must have really drained him.  “…Guess I better get some sleep too.  I just can’t believe we’re finally done… I feel like we should be celebrating or something…”

“We will.”  Demyx smiled.  “We’ll have a party.  With regular cake, not insanity cake.”

R-2 shuddered, eyes widening in fear.  “You made cake again?”

“Oh yeah, you missed it.  That was how we pranked Xigbar.  Where were you for all that, anyway?”

“Well, first I was with Rox and Naminé and Riku, and then I came back and sat with Xion until she woke up, so she wouldn’t be all alone.”

“Oh.”  I guess he wouldn’t know it was weird to watch a girl sleep.  He just thought he was being a good friend.  I didn’t have the energy to give him a Life Lesson about it this late at night.  “Well, I’m glad all of you guys are safe.  Did you get to see Sora wake up?”

He shook his head.  “Rox said he and Xion are going back tomorrow.  Naminé still has to put all the memories back together inside him.”  He yawned loudly.  “Can I go to sleep now, Xen-Xen?”

“Yeah, R-2.”  I ruffled his hair.  “You can go to sleep.”

“Yay.”  He yawned again, smiling sleepily.  “I’m happy, Xen-Xen.  Skinny Flaming Pyro Man has his friends again, and Scary Eyepatch Man has friends, and I have my friends too.”

He put his arms around both of us, pulling us into a tight group hug, and I felt his happiness.  It physically washed over me, the warm pinks and oranges from his coat blending into Demyx’s and mine, like we were part of them same sunset.  At that moment, I felt such a strong but soft peace, I could have fallen asleep right there on the burrito-littered Grey Area floor.

I had my friends—but they were more than that.  They were my family, and my heart.

And if I had to, I would prank every day of the week to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Cross-posted on FFN)
> 
> Guys, I can’t tell you how happy I am. This story is a journey I started over four years ago, and it’s finally coming to an end. Clocking in at over 150,000 words, I really feel like I’ve written a novel. A novel I could never publish or sell, but whatever. *smile/sweatdrop* 
> 
> Thanks to every one of you who read this story all the way to the end. I know if I saw this summary on FFN, I would’ve thought, “Oh, another stupid Org member OC fic? Just stop now.” So thanks for giving Xenan a chance, and R-2 too. This has been my first time creating OCs who (I hope) aren’t completely terrible Mary Sues.  
> Special thanks to everyone who’s left reviews! I read and appreciate all of them! On that note, even though this story’s over, I’m still doing the 200 review special. Based on the poll, I’ve decided to write the Roxas, Axel, Demyx, and R-2 playing Rock Band idea. I’ll post it separately from this story, so look for it as “WPFF: Rock Band.” Such an original name, I know :P
> 
> Now, for a sort of “credits list” on this chapter – I made quite a few references that might seem really random if you haven’t read some of my one-shots. Xemnas having an affinity for pie came from my old crackfic “Talent Show.” Axel and Saïx building a blanket fort was in “Life’s Work,” which could technically take place in this same universe, I guess. The references to Demyx’s birthday party were from, literally, “Demyx’s Birthday Party.” In that fic Demyx found a cat named Mr./Mrs. Fluffykins, which was also an experiment of Vexen’s; however, that cat is not the same as Cobalt, and Demyx wasn’t allergic to cats in that story, so they’re not technically in the same universe.  
> I’m pretty sure I referenced Raberba girl’s “Christmas at the Castle” at some point, and possibly more than once. ^^;; The song Demyx had blasting was “One Week” by Bare Naked Ladies (which isn’t at all what it sounds like).
> 
> Fun fact for anyone who’s bothered to read to the end of this ridiculously long author’s note – I originally had two very different ideas for how this story would end. The one you just read is one of them, the other actually had Xenan, Demyx, and R-2 leave the Organization. Xemnas would have had to be much darker and actually invoke his Dusk-ing abilities, and Xigbar wouldn’t have had any chance at redemption. In all, I thought it was a little too dark and didn’t fit the mood of the rest of the story very well, so I chose this ending instead, which I feel like stayed truer to the idea I had planned near the beginning. I’ve decided I won’t be adding an epilogue, so this is it. Other than the bonus story, anyway. Stay tuned, and thank you again for reading!


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